Casper Jordan "CJ" Aris
Their hero name is Stardust, which has nothing to do with their powers, but they thought it sounded cool so it doesn't matter.
From Q&A: Why is your hero name Stardust?
A: I picked Stardust because I couldn't think of any good names that matched my powers! It's kinda dumb, but I thought Stardust sounded much cooler than like…Animal Whisperer or something.
While CJ is a nickname on its own, they'll also go by Cas.
Simon, Dean, and Henry all have their different pet names for them. Simon's is Angel, Dean simply calls them Jordan, and Henry's is the very excessive "my shining star".
They're actually a story behind Dean calling them Jordan, which involves Simon. CJ once tried on Dean's old leather jacket that he'd stolen from his dad when he left and with their pilot background, Simon joked that they're just like Hal Jordan, Green Lantern. Dean absolutely loved this, especially because Hal was one of his favorite comic book characters, so he just calls them Jordan now to commemorate.
short but sits right by their ears and tends to curl at the ends because of their naturally wavy hair
dyed black with silver undersides (natural ginger)
freckles across their cheeks & their prosthetic arm
They have a ton of ear piercings in both ears (industrial, 2 helixes, orbital conch, daith, upper lobe, & lobe) and a few little tattoos. They have an elaborate cool sleeve on their left arm and three dragons on their collarbone. They also have three rings around their arm to represent their grandfathers and brother.
tall and slim but still with some meat on their bones
pale with some blush tones
Metahuman - mostly human species born with a recessive gene that, when activated, gives them superpowers in their adolescence. People may be carriers of the metahuman gene without it being active, but for this case, CJ has an active metahuman gene that activated when they were 15.
They're anti-racism, anti-misogyny, and anti-queerphobia. They also have an extreme bias against unsupportive parents, especially those who kick their kids out for being queer. They're working on putting together a League-funded community center for homeless queer youth.
They have ADHD, anxiety, and insomnia.
From Q&A: Who is generally there for CJ when and if they have anxiety attacks?
A: Usually Henry and Simon are there first because they've known me longer, but I think Dean is starting to figure out my tells too. I've only had two anxiety attacks in the field, but it was absolutely terrifying both times. Henry noticed immediately and had Simon basically yeet us somewhere that didn't involve fighting for my life so that he could help calm me down. They're all really helpful though! Thanks for asking.
They talk with their hands excessively and have many a time accidentally smacked someone because they were really into whatever they were talking about.
Their team, especially Simon, Dean, and Henry.
They can shapeshift into most any animal, but they've had to see it before.
They were raised by very conservative parents and they spent time in a very close knit military environment, so they do have some conservative values ingrained in them that they're trying to learn how to adjust.
They can't stay in animal form for very long, as the longer that they are, the quicker they lose their humanity and rational thinking. There's always the lingering possibility that they'll get stuck as whatever animal they've shifted into, complete with their own mindset.
They like to write and sing.
ENFP & Chaotic Good
Millie (Helluva Boss), Robin Buckley (Stranger Things), Jim Jimenez (Our Flag Means Death), Anthony J. Crowley (Good Omens)
They discovered their powers when they were in high school at 15. They unfortunately lost their brother when he was kidnapped in an attempt to lure them out and kill them.
They have a high-school education, and while they had planned on going to go to college, they instead joined the Air Force.
They haven't talked with their family since their brother died. They're pretty sure their parents think they're dead, and they'd like to keep it that way. They have recently connected with their cousins, Adam & Noah.
From Q&A: Do you miss your brother?
A: Yes, absolutely I miss him. I have nightmares about his death and when I have panic attacks his death kinda plays on repeat in my head. I may not have liked my parents much, but I was pretty close with him.
From Q&A: Do you have any pets?
A: I have a crow, his name is Philza. I've always wanted a dog, so we might get one, but most of our team is cat people and Dean's allergic to cats. We're a contradictory bunch!
They joined the League in late 2019.
Most of their heroic acts take place during league battles, but they tend to do little things for people outside of costume
The public isn't entirely fond of them after the coming-out press conference, but they're trying to mend that.
They have a preference for layers, especially hoodies and jackets. They also like bold jewelry, like detailed earrings and necklaces, and graphic t-shirts.
They like bold colors and glitter, so their formal wear tends to including brights blues, silvers, and golds. They also are very tall and tend not to wear heels.
Fuck Up by Sarah Shook & the Disarmers
Their playlist covers when their brother died to the present day.
Edge of Seventeen through Local Honey covers them right after their brother's death and the immediate panic that shot through them as they figured out what they could possibly do on their own. Silhouette into Numb follows them as they start their journey, learning how to use their powers as a survival tactic and eventually joining the Air Force.
Rotary Phone begins their relationship with Henry and their slow trusting in him since he's been the closest person to them since Ian. He does his best to accent that slow trust (Chasing Cars through Twinkling Lights) and the two of them grow extremely close (Nancy Mulligan through Perfect/Can't Help Falling in Love).
Chiquitita marks their entry into the League, where they meet Simon & Dean. They immediately feel that spark with Simon (Sweater Weather & To Fall in Love With You), but Dean takes a bit longer (Co-Pilot & Say You Won't Let Go). It helps once the two of them realize they have a history, as he helped them escape after their brother was killed. Being with the League allowed them to learn and grow into their queer identity and finally, it felt like they had a family again (This Promise through Louder than Words).
Edge of Seventeen by Stevie Nicks
“He was no more than a baby then. Well, he seemed broken-hearted, something within him. But the moment that I first laid eyes on him, all alone on the edge of seventeen.”
I Wish I Was the Moon by Neko Case
“Last night I dreamt I'd forgotten my name 'cause I sold my soul, but I woke just the same. I'm so lonely. I wish I was the moon tonight. God blessed me, I'm a free man with no place free to go. Paralyzed and collared-tight. No pills for what I fear. This is crazy. I wish I was the moon tonight.”
Local Honey by Al Riggs
“Paid the fee for talking to you, now you’re washed up on Jordan Lake. Neck ripped open, eyeshadow smudged. Stubble so precise, it’ll never break. Nothing sweeter than local honey. Nothing sadder than a local death.”
Silhouette by Owl City
“The fire I began is burning me alive, but I know better than to leave and let it die. I'm a silhouette asking every now and then. Is it over yet? Will I ever feel again? I'm a silhouette chasing rainbows on my own, but the more I try to move on the more I feel alone, so I watch the summer stars to lead me home.”
Change My Clothes by Dream, Alec Benjamin
“I really wanna change the world, but can’t change my clothes. Wanna find a girl, but can't find my phone. I just lie in bed ‘til the afternoon, dreaming about the things that I wanna do. If I wanna change the world, I should change myself. I should make my bed, I should dust the shelf. Shouldn’t lie in bed ‘til the afternoon, dreaming about the things that I wanna do.”
Something Wicked by Jessye DeSilva
“Ain't no use running, just stay one step ahead. Moving slow and steady 'til the comfort of your bed. It rises in your throat and your feet feel light as lead. All that waits behind you is regret. Now is not the time to beg forgiveness or weep and wail for things that you have done. It seeps into your daydreams and it wraps around your lungs. Something wicked this way comes.”
One Day by Lovejoy
“One day, I know that you will be there, one day I’ll focus on the future. Maybe one day day, oh baby isn't life so fucking inconsistent. So let’s talk about what I want to do, cause all I want to do is turn back time. At least a couple Tuesdays, to before I found one life turn two. I said it last time, I’m not afraid of empty rooms, I’m not afraid of new perfumes, and in fact my dear I’m fucking terrified.”
Numb by David Archuleta
“Everybody needs time away to wake up with the sun on their face. I'm not there yet but I know I don't wanna feel numb. Falling over all of my shadows. Yeah, I'm all done, 'cause none of that ever really mattered. It hurts to live so wide awake, oh, but it's a chance I can take. I won't run, run, run.”
Misery Without Company by Sarah Shook & the Disarmers
“This old world ain’t been kind to me, and no matter how I try I can’t seem to change my stars. And though they shine bright, they only bring me misery. Misery without company. I’m fixin’ to dry out tomorrow. I’m fixin’ to dry out tomorrow, but for now the only thing keepin’ my chin up is this bottle.”
Tomorrow by Set It Off
“Eyes open wide, daydream at night. My thoughts collide. One day they’ll see behind the scenes, me shining bright. They’re gonna try and clip your wings, lock you up and make you sing, but they’ll never cage your dreams so fly away.”
Since I Saw Vienna by Wilbur Soot
“The cute bomber jacket you've had since sixth form adorned with patches of places you've been is nothing on my khaki coat I got from a roadside when I was sixteen. My boots are from airports, my backpack's from friends. I'm not a man of substance and so I'll pretend to be a wanderer, wandering, leaving ascetic belongings in hotels and restaurant bins.”
Rotary Phone by Moira Smiley
“One more ring around the old oak tree, go where you’re gotta go. And it’s one more ring around the old oak tree, oh, will you watch it grow with me, watch it grow with me? Will I settle down one day? I really can’t say. I’ve got a mind like a rotary phone – slow it goes up, it’s slow coming down. Listen for some polyphonic dial-tone when you call on me, call on me. Will I settle down one day? I really can’t say. I’ve got a mind like a rotary phone – slow it goes up, it’s slow coming down, but I’ll listen when you call me, call me, call me.”
Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol
“We'll do it all, everything, on our own. We don't need anything or anyone. If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?”
Rewrite the Stars from The Greatest Showman
“What if we rewrite the stars? Say you were made to be mine. Nothing could keep us apart. You'd be the one I was meant to find. It's up to you, and it's up to me, no one can say what we get to be. So why don't we rewrite the stars? Maybe the world could be ours tonight.”
Twinkling Lights by Annalise Emerick
“And the days were only measured by the sun's rise and fall, and we spent our nights out searching for the meaning of it all. Falling deep in love, sneaking out at night. Somehow it just felt right. And oh, when the fire burns out and the embers all die. We still have all our stories, like stars in the sky. And we will always remember how we lit up the night, oh, summers by the lake, like a million twinkling lights, twinkling lights.”
Nancy Mulligan by Ed Sheeran
“On the summer day when I proposed, I made that wedding ring from dentist gold. And I asked her father, but her daddy said, no. You can't marry my daughter. She and I went on the run. Don't care about religion. I'm gonna marry the woman I love down by the Wexford border. She was Nancy Mulligan, and I was William Sheeran. She took my name and then we were one down by the Wexford border.”
Stardust by Gemini Syndrome
“Look at the wake from the stardust pouring from your eyes. It’s no mistake. You are perfect, you are perfect in my mind. And you won’t fade away.”
Love You Like the Movies by Anthem Lights
“I'll grab your hand, ask you to dance in the middle of the street. Learn to sign cheesy lines like ‘Baby, you complete me’. And in case you forget where we've been and what we did, I'll write it all down, read it out loud again and again. I promise if you let me, I'll love you like the movies.”
Ho Hey by The Lumineers
“So show me family, all the blood that I will bleed. I don't know where I belong, I don't know where I went wrong, but I can write a song. I belong with you, you belong with me, you're my sweetheart. I belong with you, you belong with me, you're my sweet.”
Setting the World On Fire by Kenny Chesney, P!nk
“We were laughin' until we were breathless. Never felt anything so reckless, we were all lit up and restless, and coming alive and we were up all night and we were feelin' so good. Yeah, we got a little higher than we probably should. We were in a hotel singin' in the hallway lights. We were strikin' the matches right down to the ashes. Setting the world on fire, setting the world on fire.”
Stars in the City by Old Dominion, Little Big Town
“I don't know how she does it, but she could see the stars in the city. She sees a diamond when the world sees dust. Finds the glitter in the gritty. I know I ain't much but that girl sees something nobody else can see when she sees something in me.”
Still Into You by Gareth Bush
“I should be over all the butterflies, but I'm into you, I'm into you. And baby, even on our worst nights, I’m into you. Let 'em wonder how we got this far, ‘cause I don't really need to wonder at all, but after all this time, I'm still into you.”
Star Of The Show by Thomas Rhett
“'Cause everywhere we go girl, you're the star of the show, and everybody's wondering and wanting to know: What's your name, who's that girl with the prettiest smile in the world? Oh, what gets me the most is you don't even know that you are, you are, you are the star of the show. The star of the show, baby.”
Obvious (Bonus Track) from Dear Evan Hansen
“When you get bored you draw stars on the cuffs of your jeans. You still fill out the quizzes you find in those teen magazines. And you dance like nobody's there; awkward and perfect, you don't even care. Something courageous, amazing, contagious and kind, all combined. Why go stating the obvious? It's so painfully obvious. How could you miss something that's this plain to see? When it's glaring, and staring right at you so obviously.”
Perfect / Can’t Help Falling In Love by Btwn Us
“Baby, I'm dancing in the dark with you between my arms. Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song. When you said you looked a mess, I whispered underneath my breath, but you heard it, ‘Darling, you look perfect tonight.’ Take my hand, take my whole life too. For I can't help falling in love with you.”
Chiquitita by ABBA
“Chiquitita, you and I know how the heartaches come and they go and the scars they're leaving. You'll be dancing once again and the pain will end, you will have no time for grieving. Chiquitita, you and I cry, but the sun is still in the sky and shining above you. Let me hear you sing once more like you did before. Sing a new song, Chiquitita.”
Sweater Weather by The Neighborhood
“And if I may just take your breath away, I don't mind if there's not much to say. Sometimes the silence guides a mind to move to a place so far away. The goosebumps start to raise the minute that my left hand meets your waist, and then I watch your face. Put my finger on your tongue 'cause you love to taste, yeah. These hearts adore, everyone the other beats hardest for. Inside this place is warm, outside it starts to pour.”
To Fall In Love With You by Old Daisy
“To fall in love with you, baby, it's an uphill ride. To fall in love with you, watching how our lives collide. To fall in love is a battle, almost every other night, but I fall in love with you all the time.”
Co-Pilot by Andy Grammar
“You're my co-pilot, always by my side, looking so fly. Baby, you got this. Come to the sky. I know that I'm never flying in the lightning alone.”
Say You Won’t Let Go by James Arthur
“I knew I loved you then, but you'd never know, 'cause I played it cool when I was scared of letting go. I know I needed you, but I never showed, but I wanna stay with you until we're gray and old. Just say you won't let go.”
I Love You by Alex & Sierra
“'Cause I love you more than you think I do. And I love you now you don't want me to.”
Once In A Lifetime by Landon Austin
“I'm under your skies, I'm caught in your eyes? Don't you know you stop the room and all that I can see is you? I'm standing where the lightning strikes. I know this doesn't happen twice. You must be my once in a lifetime, in a lifetime. You must be my once in a lifetime.”
This Promise by Sam Tsui, Casey Breves
“Cause I swear that when ‘forever’ fades into a memory, nothing will ever take, take you away from me. This promise of mine is a promise in time. And as we're looking back on who we used to be with everything I am, I swear you'll always see this promise of mine is a promise in time.”
I Lived by OneRepublic
“Hope when you take that jump, you don't fear the fall. Hope when the water rises, you built a wall. Hope when the crowd screams out, it's screaming your name. Hope if everybody runs, you choose to stay. [...] I, I did it all. I, I did it all. I owned every second that this world could give. I saw so many places, the things that I did. Yeah, with every broken bone I swear I lived.”
Louder than Words from tick, tick… BOOM!
“Cages or wings? Which do you prefer? Ask the birds. Fear or love, baby? Don't say the answer. Actions speak louder than words.”
Dean: Oh god, did you put glitter in our laundry detergent?
CJ: Oh yeah. I’m experimenting with some new entrepreneurial ideas. That one's called sparkle suds. Dress loud.
Dean: Will you stop putting glitter in everything? This morning you put glitter in the butter.
CJ: Disco Dairy. Spread the party.
Henry: I’m not dramatic
CJ: I smiled at you yesterday and you fell out of a window
CJ: What happened to my carefree, relaxed partner?
Simon: I was never carefree or relaxed, you take that back.
CJ: Y’all, where the fuck is the peanut butter?
Sarah: Language, Cas, could you say it a little nicer?
CJ: May I ascertain the whereabouts of the fucking peanut butter?
Simon: it’s kinda cold
Dean, handing them his flannel: here
Henry: it’s kinda cold
CJ: well DAMMIT HENRY I CAN'T CONTROL THE WEATHER
Sarah: It’s kinda cold
Chloe: Do you want me to set you on fire?
Henry: Remember that time you dared me to lick the swing set?
CJ: no, I said “Henry don’t lick the swing set” and you said “don’t tell me what to do” and licked the swing set.
CJ: I had three rice krispie treats and a tic tac for breakfast
Simon: in no way is that healthy
Simon: We should stop worrying about Logan and let him lead his own life
CJ: Do you want to follow him or should I?
Simon: Let’s both do it
Marie: So lemme get this straight
Sarah: more like let me run this bi you
CJ: Let’s just see how this pans out
Ava: Let’s ace-ess the situation
Simon: In fluid motions
Peter: I’m gay
Jack: unintelligible screaming
Simon: Are you alright? You didn’t sleep at all last night.
CJ: I got a solid eight minutes.
CJ: Not consecutively, but it’s fine. You’re not even that blurry.
CJ: I turned out perfectly fine!
Henry: Just this morning you thought a ghost made your toast.
CJ: I DIDN’T PUT THE BREAD IN, AND YOU DIDN’T PUT THE BREAD IN!
CJ: Are you a big spoon or a little spoon?
Simon: I’m a knife.
Dean from across the room: He’s a little spoon.
Chloe: If Pinocchio said “my nose will grow right now”, what would happen?
Sarah: The word “nun” is just the letter n doing a cartwheel
Lucas: Surgery is just stabbing someone into life instead of death
Simon: If you sweat in a sweater, aren’t you the sweater?
CJ: If you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?
Dean: I hate all of you
Simon: I wish I could block people in real life.
CJ: A restraining order.
Henry: quietly to CJ I’m going to kill you
Henry: Isn’t that what people say when they care about each other?
CJ: No! Who showed you that?
Henry: Well, I-
Simon: randomly running in WHERE’S DEAN!? I'M GONNA KILL HIM
Henry: I just wish they knew I loved them!
CJ: Well then tell them!
Henry: Hey Cas, I love you
CJ: See! Just do that and you’re golden! And if it flies over their head, than maybe they’re too dumb for you.
Henry: ARE YOU SERIOUS
CJ: Not usually
Henry: Oh my god kisses CJ
CJ: oh. OHHHHH
Sarah: You know what I need?
Simon: To be accepted
Chloe: To be listened too
CJ: To be allowed to be sad
Sarah: I was gonna say a back massage and maybe a nap. Are you guys ok?
Simon: You were hurt, what do you remember?
Dean: Just the ambulance ride.
Simon: We didn’t take an ambulance, Sarah drove us.
Dean: But I heard a siren.
Sarah: That was Cas.
CJ: I was panICKING.
Simon: Going to Plan B?
CJ: Technically, that would be Plan G.
Sarah: How many plans do we have? Is there like, Plan M?
Dean: Yeah, but Lucas dies in Plan M.
CJ: I like Plan M.
Simon: CJ has zero self-preservation or survival skills. Sometimes I think they were just born without them.
Sarah: I’m sure that’s not true everyone ha-
Simon: Watch this. Hey Casper I’ll race you downstairs!
CJ: jumps out a two-story window
CJ: Henry and I do not have nicknames for each other.
Simon: Uh huh...hey, you know what bees make, right?
Henry, from the other room: Yes darling?
Simon: Don’t lie to my face ever again.
Henry: CJ, I’m so happy. I could kiss you!
CJ: I can’t believe I said neat.
Simon: Don’t beat yourself up. Everyone gets nervous sometimes.
Simon: Remember what happened when Dean first said he loved me?
CJ: Didn’t you thank him?
Simon: I thanked him.
Lucas: Someone will die.
CJ: Of fun!
CJ: Hey Simon? Can I get some dating advice?
Simon: Just ‘cause I’m with Dean doesn’t mean I know how I did it.
Sarah: Where’s Chloe?
CJ: Doing stuff.
Sarah: I don’t like the sound of that. Where’s Dean?
CJ: Trying to stop Chloe from doing the stuff.
CJ: Trying to stop Dean from stopping Chloe from doing the stuff.
Sarah: I see. And what are you doing here?
CJ: I’m supposed to stop you from stopping Simon from stopping Dean from stopping Chloe from doing the stuff.
CJ, to the tune of The Final Countdown: It’s a mental breakdown!
Entire League: off-key kazoo
Simon and CJ: watching the neighborhood kids play
CJ: Look at them having fun, they’re so happy.
Simon: How long until they lose the will to live?
CJ: I don’t remember ever having one
Simon: Me neither, those kids are doomed
CJ: Bless you
CJ: Simon? Are you sick? Let me wrap you in blankets and give you warm soup!
CJ: Oh my god shut the fuck up
CJ: falls down the stairs
Henry: catches them I think you just
Henry: Fell for me
CJ: Put me down
CJ: Date someone who will drag you outside at 3 am to look at the stars
Simon: If anyone, and I mean ANYONE, wakes me up at 3 am to look at the damn sky they will be removed indefinitely from my life
CJ: Are you awake?
Simon: Yeah what’s up
Asia: You guys! Shhh!
Simon: What is the meaning of life
Chloe: Dude shut up!
Sarah: Quiet guys my mums gonna hear us!
Xavier: from the shadows you kids wanna buy some drugs?
Henry: I’m gonna win you a million teddy bears
CJ: What if I want a billion teddy bears
Henry: Well that's a little unrealistic
[two kinds of couples]
CJ: Hey you awake?
Henry: rolls over and grins yea
CJ and Henry: cuddle
Dean: Hey Simon you awake?
Simon: violent flop turn bitch the fuck you want
Cj: I can transform into a snake
Julianna: gasp it’s a danger noodle
Simon: crying while watching a movie
CJ: yeets the tv out the window
CJ: do you feel better
Simon: Hey CJ, when was the last time you slept?
CJ: Sometime in Decembruary.
Simon, extremely concerned: what
CJ: The Legion can be really aggressive so it’s important to take all necessary precautions when approaching.
Chloe in the background: beeps air horn at the Legion GET FUCKED
CJ: “Ladies and gentlemen” is unnecessarily gendered, overly formal, lengthy, and honestly I’m falling asleep already.
CJ: “Cowards”, on the other hand, is inclusive of all genders, to the point, and dramatic.
CJ: Why are you lying on the floor?
Lucas: I have depression.
Lucas: Also I was stabbed six or seven times, can you get Sarah?
CJ: It’s a little muggy today…
Henry: I swear if all the mugs are outside I’m leaving you
Simon: sips coffee out of a bowl
Sarah: You know that could kill you right?
Cj: high as a kite that’s the point
Simon and Dean: Drunk as fuck we’re trying to speed things up
Henry: eating raw cookie dough and nodding
Jack: Must you always attack me with words
CJ: Would you prefer I use rocks?
CJ: Did...did you just flirt with me?
Henry: Have been for the past year, but thanks for noticing.
CJ: What’s the worst decision you’ve ever made?
Simon, extremely seriously: Putting my earbuds in my pocket.
CJ: Wait really? That’s it?
Simon: Nah, it was ever caring about Peter. That guy’s a piece of shit.
CJ: Guys we have to get through this locked door. Jack gimme your credit card.
Jack: ok hands them the credit card
CJ: pockets it Dean kick down the door
CJ: The real treasure was the memories we made along the way.
Jack: I almost died.
CJ: That was my fondest memory.
CJ: Listen...the day you came to us was the happiest day of our lives.
Logan: You guys know I’m not actually your child, right?
Simon: What? That’s a horrible thing to say.
Logan: The truth?
CJ: Just because you’re adopted doesn’t mean you’re anything less than a son to us.
Logan: You didn’t adopt me. We met a few weeks ago. I’m 24 years old.
Sarah: Logan, don’t talk to your parent like that.
Henry, sharing a bottle of whiskey with CJ
CJ, drunk: I know what you’re trying to do! You’re trying to get me drunk so I’ll tell you I love you!
Henry: You...you love me?
CJ: gasp Who told you?!
Henry: I want to kiss you
Henry: I SAID IF YOU DIED I WOULDN’T MISS YOU
Simon: I have an emotional problem
CJ: sticks a bandaid on their head
CJ: Let’s do something social!
Simon: as long as it doesn’t involve other people, sure
CJ: This is my boyfriend Henry, he’s so strong and lovely and I love him so much
Simon: This is my spectacular boyfriend Dean, he’s my hunter and he keeps me going through the day
Madeline: This is Peter and he has rabies
CJ: You’re always so calm no matter what happens. How do you do it?
Dean: Eh it’s easy. You just gotta make yourself dead inside. Then it doesn’t matter what happens, good, bad, nothing gets through so nothing bothers you, easy
CJ, to Dean: Look at my Simon, they’re a secret sunshine
CJ: So don’t you dare hurt them
CJ, buried in the sand: I am the Simon guardian, guardian of the Simon
Asia: Poseidon quivers before them!
CJ, to Jack: Fuck off!
Simon: Tell them the definition of burgeoning
CJ: Burgeoning. One who burgeons in a field. One who likes to burgeon themselves
Simon: So glad I paid for all your improv lessons
Simon: Isn’t fall a great season?
CJ: Because you slowly start to wear more clothes
Jack: Why are you looking at me through a fork?
CJ: I’m pretending you’re in jail
CJ: I’m spiritually healing
CJ: Tell me Deano, what do you fear?
Dean: I have lived through too much to be afraid of anything. I fear nothing
CJ: What if you woke up one day and you were smaller than Simon?
Dean: I have one fear
CJ: We should appreciate the small things in life
CJ: hugs Simon
Simon: I’m going to kill you
CJ: Close your eyes
CJ: What do you see?
CJ: That’s how much you mean to me
CJ: You need them to think you’re stronger than you actually are
Henry: Is that what you do?
CJ: Me? Oh no. My power is no illusion. I can fucking demolish you
CJ: What are you doing on the kitchen floor
CJ: Yeah well can you cry somewhere else? I can’t get to the fridge
CJ: Can I sit here?
Dean: That’s my lap
CJ: Is that a yes?
CJ: You’re surprisingly mature for your age
Dean: Thanks it’s the trauma
Chloe: If you took a shot every time you made a bad decision, how drunk would you be?
CJ: Maybe a bit tipsy?
Dean: That’s not a word
CJ: Sometimes the one who denies the “Chillax”, needs to chillax the most
[someone flirts with Simon or Henry]
Asia: ...You two are really quiet today
Dean: No one plans murder out loud
CJ: I’m going to sing a song for you all
CJ: It's called, “My life so far.”
CJ: Inhales and strums a cord
CJ: I hate you guys, I'm never talking to a single one of you again.
Also CJ that night, visiting each league members room: Night Si, night deano, night my prince, night Lo, night chloe, night Noah, night mom, goodnight Asia, night Adam
Ava: To thank you for the many books you’ve given me, you may hug me for 4-5 seconds
CJ: GASP forty-five seconds!
Ava: NO. Four to five seconds
Henry: Looking up at the night sky
CJ: Whatcha doin?
Henry: naming stars after people I love
CJ: Do I get a star?
Henry: You get the sun
Sarah: What state do you live in?
Simon: Constant anxiety
Julianna: New York!
Henry: I have a crush on someone and I don’t know how to handle it so i filled their car with heart shaped confetti
CJ: THAT WAS YOU???
Henry: Who added you back to the group. Whoever it was, is dead.
Simon: quietly chucks their phone out the window
Madeline: Give me Logan back
CJ: Hold up lemme hold a meeting
Madeline: It’s not a choi-
CJ: The council has decided.
Simon and Sarah hugging Logan: Fuck you
CJ: Why do they say justice is a dish best served cold?
CJ: Because otherwise it would be justWATER!
Henry, suddenly appearing with a broom: That’s it. That’s fucking it. You either marry me on the spot or you run for your life
Henry: Has anyone told you that you’re really annoying babe?
CJ, a little hurt: N-no…
Henry: Good because I really didn’t want to fight anyone today
Henry, kissing CJ: Did you miss me?
CJ: Sure did!
Lucas: He just went out for groceries...
Simon, to Henry: I dare you--
CJ: Henry’s not allowed to accept dares.
Simon: Why not?
Henry with his head down: I have no regard for my own personal safety.
Simon: Can you recommend any books that made you cry?
CJ: General Mathematics 6th Edition
CJ: I'm feeling homicidal.
Simon: Did you say homicidal or suicidal?
Simon: Good. Keep it that way.
Henry: carrying all the groceries on both arms
CJ: reaches out to help
Henry: switches all groceries to one arm to hold CJ’s hand
CJ: That’s not what I–
Henry, panicking: I have a crush on Dean.
CJ: Congratulations, you’re officially the last to know.
CJ: I am gonna say it. Public school is kind of a letdown.
Dean: Not a fan of the classes?
Chloe: Homework got you down?
Sarah: The early wake-up?
CJ: The lack of spontaneous singing and dancing.
Dean, Chloe, and Sarah: …
Henry and Simon: I know, right?!
CJ, bad at flirting: I really like your name.
Henry, equally bad at flirting: Thanks, I got it for my birthday.
CJ: Some guy is fistfighting a vending machine.
Simon: Haha, what an idiot.
CJ: He keeps screaming that he needs that Snickers.
Simon: Wait, I told Dean to...oh god it’s my idiot.
Simon: I guess you could say I’ve...fallen for you. winks
CJ: You literally just rolled down an entire flight of stairs, how are you even alive?
CJ: Lucas are you ok?
Lucas, vibrating on the spot: I must join my comrades in the area 51 raid. Join me, Casper, and together we will unearth the aliens.
CJ, scared shitless: Are you fucking okay
CJ: I have a headcanon!
Dean: Ah, a theory you mean.
CJ: No I literally have a headcanon
Dean, looking up: I know we-
Dean: It seems you have a small cannon taped to your head
CJ: And its functional
Dean: The lengths in which you go to make a pun are admirable but-
CJ: WANNA SEE ME SHOOT IT OFF?
Dean: NOT PARTICULARLY
Chloe: Imagine with me
Chloe: the YMCA but instead of young man they say Comrade and YMCA is USSR
CJ, on two hours of sleep: Comrade, steel production is down. I said comrade, you must sleep on the ground
CJ: What did you do in school today?
Ian: Learned about dragons
CJ: That’s fun, the class learned about dragons?
Ian: I learned about dragons
Ian: I dunno what everyone else was doing
at Simon and Dean’s wedding
Sarah: If anyone has a reason that these two should not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace.
CJ: bursts through the double doors I’m in love with Simon!
Henry: slides in through fire exit I’m in love with Dean!
Sarah: sprints in through the room behind the altar I never signed the divorce papers! I’m still married to Simon!
Chloe: yeets in through window Freeze! You’re all under arrest!
Becky: shouts casually from the congregation That suit is too hideous to get married in.
Simon: presses palms together, fingertips to lips First off: Becky, fuck you.
CJ: I sent good vibes your way.
CJ: They’re coming.
CJ: There’s nothing you can do to stop them.
Simon: ...this is the most threatening way I’ve ever been cheered up.
Teacher: You-you can’t bring…that…in here.
CJ: But the teacher said it was bring your pet to school day.
Teacher: Yes but…that’s a hellhound.
CJ: Yeah, so?
Teacher: This is a Catholic school.
Dean: What the fuck are you doing?
CJ: I’m building a pillow fort.
Dean: Isn’t that a little childish?
CJ: Does that mean you don’t want to join me?
Dean: ...Move over.
Simon: Would you be mad if I told you that I sold my soul for a chocolate cake?
CJ: ...How good was the cake?
CJ: I love fall. It’s the perfect sweater weather season
Henry: Isn’t that my sweater?
CJ: I think you mean
CJ: Our sweater
CJ: DIDNT YOU HAVE A PLAN?
Henry: I THOUGHT ADRENALINE WOULD TAKE OVER BUT IT DID NOT
Sarah: I hope you two have an explanation for this.
Simon: Actually, we have three.
CJ: Pick your favorite.
CJ: I drink to forget...but I always remember
Simon: That’s apple juice bro
Jack: Marie’s death wasn’t natural
CJ: Where are you going with this?
Dean: Isn’t it obvious, Cas? He thinks one of us killed her.
CJ: You do!
Sarah: How could you think that?
Jack: Guys come on
Simon: Great job Jack. Way to lead. Leaves
Jack: That’s not what I‘m-
CJ: You’re crazy. You’re crazy man
Jack: I’m not finished
CJ: Sorry I’m just gonna go murder Lucas be right back Leaves
Jack: I didn’t. Sarah-
Jack: Well...that went well
Simon: Settle in.
CJ: I'm settled.
Simon: The other day.
CJ: Uh huh.
Simon: I coughed, but it sounded like a sneeze.
Simon: So someone turned to me and said “bless you.”
Simon: Then I turned to them, and I said…
Dean: Lemme guess. You said, “you too.”
Simon: I said: “Oil me up daddy, it's dinner time, and I'm a little soup boy, chompa chompa.”
CJ: If you do the thing
CJ: And you do it well
CJ: And you dont fuck it up
CJ: It works. It just works.
CJ: August, September, Halloween, November, December.
Simon: I think you mean August, September, Halloween, Turkey, Christmas.
Dean: I believe it's spelled Hot As Balls, Fuck It's School Again, Halloween, Turkey, Christmas.
Lucas: Don't forget New Years, Forever Alone, Windy As Fuck, Shit It's Raining, Allergies, Hey It's Decent Oh Wait Nevermind
Chloe: And a partridge in a pear tree!
Simon: I don’t even know how I’m feeling right now
CJ: Try describing it
Simon: high pitched screaming
CJ: Ah Simon there you are. You speak Spanish right?
Simon: A little ? ...Why
CJ: Splendid! It’s Shakira night and Henry and I are tired of coming in second.
Simon: I’ll get my keys
Simon: What if I’m not actually bi? What if I’ve been faking it for attention this whole time?
CJ: … We’ve been married for two years
CJ: We own two cats and a dog
CJ: We live together
CJ: And we were literally in the middle of making out before you interrupted with that thought
CJ: So I think it might just be your anxiety talking, babe
Simon: I was the only person at Peter's side when he fell off that ladder and lost his life. And I will never forget his last haunting words
CJ: What did he say?
Simon: “Stop shaking the fucking ladder, you piece of shit.”
CJ: Henry, you have to pick your battles. Pick...pick fewer battles than that. Henry, put some battles back, that’s too many
CJ: I didn’t know you liked biking. I’ve only seen you ride a bike once
Henry: I existed before we met you know
CJ: I have one more teeny tiny request…
Henry: saying no to you causes me actual physical pain but go on
CJ: What’s the first thing you notice when a man approaches you?
Henry: the audacity
CJ: Fight me
CJ: gets on one knee and pulls out ring
CJ: Fight me for the rest of our lives
CJ: I’d kill for you. Please. Ask me to kill for you.
CJ: Hi, I'm CJ! And you are?
Simon, deadpan: Gay.
Henry, texting: You
Henry: I’m taking you on a date when I get home
CJ: Where and why?
Henry: The city and because I want to
Henry: I haven’t been in a while
CJ: But I’m poor
Henry: It’s called a fucking date babe. I pay for you
CJ: I’m really good at hiding my feelings
CJ: I need to gay
CJ: I mean go
Dean: Synchronize your watches.
Henry: I don’t know how to do that.
CJ: I don’t have a watch.
Simon: Time is a construct.
Asia: In French, you don’t say “i miss you”, you say “tu me manques”, which means “you are missing from me”, and I think that’s beautiful.
CJ: Here, you don’t say “you all”, you say “y’all” which means you all, unless there’s more people, then you say “all y’all”, which means “all you all” and I think that’s beautiful.
Dean: Helpful grammar tip: “Farther” is for physical distance, “further” is for metaphorical distance, and “father” is for emotional distance.
CJ: …who hurt you?
Dean: My father. Were you not paying attention?
Sarah: What’s the hardest thing to say?
Simon: I was wrong.
Dean: I need help.
Lucas: I’m sorry.
Noah: Worcestershire sauce.
CJ: Hey Simon, you look good today.
Simon, thinking: Oh god, they just complimented me. What do I do? Do I say you too? No, that’s desperate. You’re not too bad yourself? No, too harsh. Think fast, Simon, think fast!
Simon: ...Merry Christmas! finger guns
Henry: I only got five hours of sleep last night.
Simon: Ha, I only got three.
CJ: I didn't sleep at all.
Dean: stumbles into the kitchen, wearing stained sweatpants
Dean: pours coffee on the bottom of a mug
Dean: What day is it?
Henry: Cas what did you do?!?
CJ: my best
Xavier: The League? You're alive?
CJ: Yup! Thanks to Simon’s fancy driving! As soon as they saw your ray, they rolled the car over, dumping us all into the water, saving our lives.
Simon: Actually, that was totally an accident! I am not a great driver!
Henry: I'm sad:(
CJ: aw why?
Henry: I dunno, I just am.
CJ: say no more i'm on my way.
Henry: i love you🥺
Simon: I'm sad:(
Dean: don’t be sad. bc sad backwards is das. and das not good.
Simon: can you like, shut the fuck up. please, that hurt. like a buttcheck on a stick kinda hurt.
Dean: shit that bad, I'm sorry babe.
CJ and Asia: sneaking a life size cardboard cutout of a angel dust from Hazbin Hotel into the base
Sarah: What’cha got there?
Asia: …..a smoothie
CJ: I’m like a transformer, only I turn into an anxious disaster instead of a car.
Simon: But are you an autobot or a decepticon
CJ: A decepticon, I refuse to deal with the US government
Henry: Who needs drugs? I'm high on life.
Lucas: Who needs life? I'm high on drugs.
CJ: Who needs high? I'm drug on life.
Asia: Who drugs high? I'm life on needs!
Chloe: Hi, I'm drugs, who— bursts out laughing
Simon with their finger guns: Life on needs.
Jason in the corner: Who needs drugs? Me.
Henry: I guess you could say I fell for you.
CJ: You fell down seven flights of stairs, how are you even alive?
CJ: This is a catastrophe!
Faith: No, a catastrophe is the Legion being left alone for a day. This is merely an inconvenience.
CJ: visible horror
Dean: If you found out you only had one day left to live, what would you do with it?
Sarah: Say goodbye and mend my relationships.
CJ: Something illegal.
Lucas: Accept my fate.
Simon: I would message ten people saying that if they didn’t forward the message to ten other people, I would die tomorrow.
CJ: That’s freaking awesome. Can I change my answer?
CJ: Okay, well, we’ll log into Lucas’s computer, hit ‘forgot password’, and just answer his security questions.
Simon: Question 1: ‘What is God?’
CJ: Oh no.
Simon: favorite horror movie?
Dean: The Shining.
CJ: After watching High School Musical I spent all my middle school years terrified that the entire school would start singing something and I'd be the only one who didn’t know the lyrics.
Sarah: I hope you’re not doing anything foolish guys
CJ, about to throw a shuriken at Henry who has an apple on his head:
CJ: I hope you’re not hoping too hard
CJ: I don’t play hard to get, I play hard to get rid of
CJ: Thanks for dinner
Henry I thought you paid
Henry: Guess we won’t be going back there
Sarah: It’s unhealthy to eat cake after 7pm
CJ, eating cake at 3am: Well fortunately, time is an illusion
CJ: It’s pride month, you know what that means?
Henry: I get to eat as many skittles as I want?
Simon: What? No. What has Dean been telling you?
Dean, walking in, pouring skittles in his mouth: Taste the rainbow, bitch.
Chloe: I’m sorry, I know you’re crying but where did you get your eyeliner? It hasn’t smudged at all
CJ: It’s sharpie
CJ: I don’t like assignments that are like “tell us at least 5 things about yourself”, like bruh, my interests are art, cartoons, and girls. That’s literally it.
Dean: Yeah. I’m stuck at the part where you have to make and answer questions about yourself or use a quote.
Dean: Like, bitch, I don’t know.
Simon: I hate those assignments. I have no sense of self, my personality traits include gay, trauma, and, if I’m feeling quirky, unchecked rage.
Henry: CJ, come cuddle
CJ, disposing of a rude person: Give me a few minutes to finish this
CJ, notification goes off: Why does this notification say ‘Henry Morgan is single’?
Henry: you know why
CJ: give someone fire and they’ll be warm for a day
Chloe: set someone on fire and they’ll be warm for the rest of their life
Dean: That’s...thats not how that works
CJ: The quickest way to a guy's heart is through the fourth and fifth rib.
Henry: slowly backs away
Simon: You are now one day closer to eating your next plate of nachos.
CJ: That's the most hopeful thing I've ever heard.
Dean: But what if I die tomorrow and never eat any nachos?
Henry: Then tomorrow is nacho lucky day
Dean: I think Henry was right.
CJ: I'm surprised he hasn’t marched in here to say 'I told you so.'
CJ: He wouldn't do that.
Henry: You're right, CJ. For once in your life, you're 100% right. I would never say that.
Henry: turns around, the shirt he’s wearing says ‘Henry Told You So' on the back
Henry : Wake me up…
CJ: Before you go-go!
Dean : When September ends…
Simon: WAKE ME UP INSIDE-
Dean: screams louder to establish dominance
CJ: Should we do something?
Simon: No, I want to see who wins.
Simon, setting down a card: Ace of spades
CJ, pulling out an Uno card: +4
Henry, pulling out a Pokémon card: Jolteon, I choose you
Dean, trembling: What are we playing
Dean: Can I be frank with you guys?
CJ: Sure, but I don’t see how changing your name is gonna help.
Simon: Can I still be Simon?
Henry: Shh, let Frank speak.
Simon: Self care is actually getting into fights with randoms in dark alleys.
CJ: No, self care is stuff like taking a bubble bath, or putting on a lot of makeup if you like it, or taking a nice warm nap!
Dean : Self care is the burning heat when rage washes over you!! Self care is when you feel the bones crack under your powerful fists!! Self care is the fear in your enemies’ eyes!!!
Henry: Lmao self care is taking your birthday cake just so I can eat the frosting.
Simon: If you touch my birthday cake I’ll make you eat your hands.
CJ: This was a 100% successful mission.
Chloe: Lucas is dead
CJ: ...This was a 100% successful trip.
CJ, referring to the ending of the Princess & the Frog: We didn’t have to have the firefly funeral, but we NEEDED it.
CJ: That was a fever dream and a half.
CJ, trying to find their meds: Give me meds to make me stop cry!
CJ: I got blood and/or chocolate on my knee again!
CJ, trying to name the -stan countries: I know! Sebastian Stan!
CJ: oh man, this cake of secrets is going deeper and deeper
Simon: I don’t sleep
CJ: Well, we should cuddle. Maybe if we cuddled, PEMDAS would kick in and we would both sleep.
Simon: did you just reference PEMDAS
CJ: I did
CJ: I don’t like mustard…the color throws me off
CJ: that’s a three oof moment
CJ: imagine how easy my life would’ve been if I wasn’t born
CJ and Simon: I lost my gender
Lucas, trying: So you’re asexual?
Henry about CJ: baby girl. No. Baby they. Non-binary infant.
Cj, talking about Henry’s outfit on the way to the grocery store: On a scale of 1-10, how necessary is this
Cj: I have many accents and straight is one of them.
Henry: These dumplings are better than sex.
Cj: I wouldn’t know.
Henry: I can prove it to you.
Peter to southern born and raised Cj: Deep down You’re a conservative but you don’t want to admit it.
Cj: No, I kinda like gay rights.
Cj: Ooo crystals
Adam: Wow you really are gay
Cj: We’ll be smoking all the beers
Cj, opens soda can with their teeth and pockets the tab
Chloe: you’re such a dyke
CJ: You want to get dinner? I thought you hated me
Dean: I don’t hate you, I just think you’re a moron. Get in the car.
CJ: Caffeine no longer keeps me awake while I work so I asked Henry to periodically send me messages saying “We need to talk”
CJ: It gives me the right amount of adrenaline and fear I need to keep going.
CJ: We call that a “traumatic event”
CJ, turning to Logan: Not a “bruh moment”
CJ, turning to Dean: Not a “major L”
CJ, turning to Simon: And definitely not an “oof lmao”
Cj: When I go out, I hope I’ll go just as beautifully
Dean, laughing a bit: I’d really prefer it if you didn’t go at all!
Dean: Please don’t say stuff like that, even as a joke
Cj: nothing like a close call slip in the shower to remind you that you are just a jenga tower of blood
Sarah: Cas hasn’t been answering their phone all morning
Adam: let me try
Sarah: we’ve been trying all morning what makes—
Cj, on the phone: hey, whats up?
Henry: We dream of summertime in the winter. We yearn for winter in the summer. What fatal flaw have the gods injected into the human psyche? Why must we always strive for the things furthest from us?
CJ: …are you okay?
Henry: My feet are cold.
Jack: But were you born as a boy or a girl?
Simon: Bold of you to assume I was born at all.
Logan: Personally, I was created in a lab.
Samantha: I just straight up spawned.
CJ: Our lord and savior Anubis just threw me up.
Becky: My existence is a figment of your imagination.
Dean: I was born at the age of four, my mother being dead at the time.
Chloe: I’m just a rock that grew legs.
Henry, pulling Cj out of battle: It’s not your time to die yet, Cas.
Cj: It’s never my time to die.
Cj: Officer, I drop kicked that child in self defense
Cj: I was willing to fight the world for you
Cj: A villain is just a hero you haven’t convinced yet
Cj: The only thing that works in this world is treating others as they treat you
Cj: Those who have treated me with kindness? I will repay that kindness tenfold.
Cj: And those that treat me with injustice? That use me, that hunt me down, that hurt my friends? I shall repay that injustice a thousand times over.
Cj: So, Simon, are you down for all four of us to go, like, beat up Madeline and rescue a baby?
Cj: if it pleases the court I would like to say that my opponent is talking shiiiit
Cj: sometimes, in order to be comfortable and safe, you have to be willing to give up the things that you’re worried you might lose
Cj: I thought I wanted to die but now I’ve seen what hell is
CJ: My life is a little too much Panic and not enough Disco.
Simon: My life is a little too much Fall and not enough Boy.
Logan: My life is a little too much Chemical and not enough Romance.
Asia: My life is a little too much Imagination and not nearly enough Dragons.
CJ: How high are you?
Simon, who got the rest of Crayon Box high: Yes.
Henry: I’m great! How are you?
CJ: Adam, your boyfriend wants to talk to you!
Adam: For fuck’s sake, Malcolm’s not my boyfriend.
Adam, taking the phone: Hi babe.
Cj: Kicks the door down looking panicked
Simon: What did you do?
Cj: Nobody died.
Simon: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!
Sarah: Dandelions symbolize everything I want to be in life
Cj: Fluffy and dead with a gust of wind?
Henry: Unapologetic. Hard to kill. Feral, filled with sunlight, bright, beautiful in a way that the conventional and controlling hate but cannot ever fully destroy. Stubborn. Happy. Bastardous. Friends with bees. Highly disapproving of lawns. Full of wishes that will be carried far after I die.
They lost their arm in the air force. A fighter jet they were flying was shot down and the damage to their whole arm was futile so their arm had to be amputated. They now have a prosthetic arm that has a detachable hand that can change to their gauntlet.
Their Speed Dial:
1. Simon; they're the fastest and if it's a real emergency, they can get there first.
2. Dean; he's the heavy hitter and freaks out when he doesn't know things, so after they call Simon, they call Dean.
3. Sarah; she's the mom, she needs to know things
4. Saundra; she's CJ's best friend and she's also a heavy hitter
5. Henry; he's important but he's generally unhelpful in most emergencies