forum Need Help With Anything? (Open)

Started October 21, 2020 by ☁ 𝙲𝚕𝚘𝚞𝚍𝚒

tune

The story's great! I did find some mistakes and areas that could be improved, but other than that, it was a good story.
First off, I apologize for replying a day late. Now for the good stuff:
The beginning was great. It wasn't overwhelming and trying too hard like most. You introduced the characters well and showed themselves to the story without writing two hundred pages on a character's backstory. The story was also interesting and has this nice flow to it; it wasn't dry and had actions intertwined with thoughts without overbearing it. The way you also showed a few of the characters' personalities and traits was amazing; most writers can't do that within a chapter.
So overall, your first chapter's amazing! But I did find a few grammar mistakes and whatnot, which of course, can be fixed:

Standing there, facing the room that haunted her nightmares, every instinct in her told her to run. Instead, she stood there, transfixed, terrified, and anxious. The only thing she knew without a doubt was that she refused to sit in that chair, regardless of what Samantha said. All she wanted to do is rid herself of her pounding headache and leave that dreadful house in peace.
“Sit down,” Samantha directed, motioning towards the bench. Ally did as instructed. Meanwhile, Samantha kneeled in front of her.

It says that she "knew without a doubt was that she refused to sit in that chair, regardless of what Samantha said."
But then, "Sit down,” Samantha directed, motioning towards the bench. Ally did as instructed."
It doesn't make much sense to say in a sentence that Ally will refuse to sit in that chair no matter what, but then does so as soon as Samantha instructs her to. This part does make more sense regarding the following action: "All she wanted to do is rid herself of her pounding headache and leave that dreadful house in peace."
UNLESS you meant that she didn't want to sit in that chair when her mother was torturing (from my inferences) Ally years (or months/weeks/days) ago.
But if you meant that she refused to sit in the chair currently then maybe you could try to build up to that sentence. Maybe something like this:
"The only thing she knew was that she'd refuse to sit in that chair, regardless of what Samantha said. But the pounding headache overwhelmed her feelings, and she surrendered to her pain, the chilling thoughts of the chair still flashing down her spine."
That was pretty bad, and I'm sure you could write a better sentence(s), but if you meant that the thought was happening currently, •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

“I guess so,” she said: shrugging.
It should be "I guess so," she said, shrugging.

'"I got banned from their house over twenty years ago,” She said as if…'
It should be: '"…ago,” she said as if…'
You don't capitalize pronouns after a line of dialougue.

' Unlike Ally and Samantha, Tommy and Elena Denuna didn’t look much alike. Apart from their short, wavy, milk chocolate hair, the pair looked nothing alike.'
You repeated the fact that they don't look alike twice. Try to change it to something like:
Unlike Ally and Samantha, Tommy and Elena Benuna didn't look much alike apart from their short, wavy, milk chocolate hair.

“Ally, would you please explain what is going on,” Elena asked Ally once the room was quiet once more.
It should be: '"…is going on?” Elena asked…'
Since she is asking a question, you should put a question mark instead of a comma.

I hope this helped!

Yes, this was helpful! However, regarding your first comment. I meant to imply they were sitting on the bench in the room. Was that not clear? Thanks. I'll add Chapter 2 now so you can read it too.

Here's Chapter 2. By the way, I'm considering adding to it. Is that a good idea? Should I show you what I have for Chapter 3 first? Thanks!
2
Ally was no stranger to a fitful sleep. For years, she couldn’t go one week without terror-induced visions of her past. Often, Ally woke up in a puddle of cold sweat, and that night was no different. That night she had been plagued with the image of her cousins bleeding and bruised in her mother’s basement. Oh, how she hated that place. It had only caused her pain. Even so, she understood now that her mother wasn’t all bad, morally grey perhaps, but not the epitome of evil. Yes, Ally wasn’t able to forgive Samantha for everything she’s done, but maybe one day.
It was eight a.m. when she decided she couldn’t sleep any longer. So, she sat at the edge of her bed, braiding her long mane of black hair, wondering what was her new normal? Was it being a constant reminder of her mother to her family? Was it endlessly needing to keep her abilities in check? She didn’t know for sure. Ally only knew that her life was far from ordinary, and it was going to stay that way. She sat contently, braiding her hair for a few minutes until there was a knock on her door.
“Whatever the emergency, can it wait five minutes?” She asked the person on the opposite end of the door. “Tammi,” she finished, puzzled by her innate ability to identify who had knocked. Once she finished speaking, the door swung open, revealing one Tammi Denuna, fully dressed in a T-shirt and leggings, her hair in a ponytail. Her mouth was hanging open in surprise.
“Meet me in the Gym in ten minutes,” Tammi instructed, half mesmerized, barely shaking off her surprise, then walked back into the kitchen. Ally realized that it might take a while for her family to become accustomed to her new abilities. She may have trained with her mother on controlling her powers the whole day prior, but she had gotten nowhere close to having full control.
Ally picked out a mauve T-shirt and black knee-length leggings and began dressing up. After she finished, Ally walked into the kitchen and served herself a small stack of pancakes that Elena had made. Ally always enjoyed the taste of her Aunt’s homemade food because it was a gesture unfamiliar to her that did not go unappreciated. As Ally ate, she couldn’t help but notice the eerie silence in the room. Usually, Tommy would have been watching TV or playing video games, but he was nowhere in sight. He must still be asleep. Ally reassured herself.
The Gym was less of a gym and more of a sleek, modern, black box, the size of an average one-story house. The building had hardwood floors and black, metallic walls designed to contain and withstand powers. Ally had been in that building countless times, but given the events of the day before, she felt like that day was going to be different.
Tammi was waiting for Ally when she arrived in their private room, sitting patiently on a bench, her hands sagging between her legs.
“You’re late,” Tammi said disapprovingly, and, as she said it, Ally could see the eerie resemblance between her cousin and mother.
“You sound like Samantha,” Ally said bitterly, as she took a seat next to Tammi.
"I prefer not to. No one should ever compare me to her," Tammi said, resuming her usual state of calm. And Ally couldn’t help but agree.
“Why are we here?” Ally asked.
“I know you trained yesterday, but I would still like you to show me what you can do,” Tammi said gently.
“You already know what I am capable of,” Ally scoffed.
“You are not your mother,” Tammi said.
“I don’t want anyone to get hurt, all right?” Ally replied, timidly. Then Ally stood up, overwhelmed, turned toward the door, and ran out. She wanted to be alone, not to deal with the situation at hand. Meanwhile, a small part of her told her not to run. To tell Tammi how she felt. She knew that she had to train, but she feared that someone would get hurt in the process.
Upon nearing her house, Ally spotted Samantha standing in front of it. She faced Ally as if she had been waiting for Ally. Ally kept running toward the house, ignoring her mother’s presence, until Samantha stepped to Ally’s left and grabbed her arm.
“Let go of me!” Ally said, outraged, struggling to escape her mother’s grasp.
“You’ve never run from your problems. Why start today?” Samantha said coolly, as she let go of Ally and moved to look her in the eyes. They bore into her like a silent challenge. Any other day, Ally would have protested or left the conversation, but that day was not any other day. She was no longer ordinary.
“I’m not running away from anything,” Ally lied, holding her chin up in a stubborn challenge. It was a simple lie, and if she hadn’t been lying to her mother, she could have gotten away with it.
“Stop lying,” Samantha said, an amused smile on her face.
“Tammi wants to train me,” Ally confessed.
“And you don’t want anyone to get hurt,” Samantha said, finishing the sentiment. Ally nodded. “You still need to train,” Samantha said.
“I know that!” Ally said, throwing her hands up in exasperation.
“How about this? One week with me at my house. I can help you train. I hoped that after yesterday, we might want to get to know each other some more,” Samantha suggested. Initially, Ally hated the idea, but she had to admit the idea of getting to know her mother better, of possibly regaining a positive relationship with her, was appealing.
“What do you get out of it?” Ally asked warily.
“Who said my interests don’t align with yours,” Samantha said, smirking.
“How do I know that this isn’t some ploy to get me in there?” Ally asked, gesturing towards Samantha’s house.
“It’s not,” she said coolly. “Anyway, I know how much you value Elena’s opinion. Ask her.”
“Yeah, if she tells me not to go, I won’t,” Ally said, cheerily. She turned around and headed inside. Elena was in her bedroom, folding clothes when Ally found her.
“Hey, Elena, can I talk to you?” Ally asked solemnly.
“Sure. What’s up?” Elena asked, placing the T-shirt she was folding back on her bed.
“Samantha gave me a proposition; spend a week there, train, get to know each other. What do you say? Should I go?” Ally asked, her heart racing in anticipation.
“Honestly, part of me is uncomfortable with the idea. You’re not Samantha, but….” Elena confessed, her voice trailing off.
“You still believe that one week alone with her will turn me into her,” Ally said in outrage and disbelief. Ally couldn't help but be offended. In all the years that Ally knew her, Elena hadn't doubted that Ally intended to be a better person than Samantha.
“It’s not that I don’t trust you. It’s that I don’t trust Samantha,” Elena said in a small voice. Ally understood why Elena had said what she did. Thus, she stood there, at a loss for words. Neither of them spoke for a couple of minutes, and to Ally, it might as well have been an hour.
“Go,” Elena said decisively.
“What?” Ally asked, shocked.
“Go. Do what you always do and prove me wrong. I’d love to be wrong.”
“She let you come,” Samantha said. She stood in the door frame of her house, leaning on the wall as she said it. After years of living with Samantha, it still shocked Ally how much her mother knew about her and Elena.
“What makes you think that?” Ally asked.
“You wouldn’t be here otherwise. You care about what Elena thinks. You wouldn’t go behind her back like that,” Samantha said, and for the millionth time in her life, Ally felt like Samantha knew her better than she knew herself.
“You're not wrong, but not right either. She didn’t want me to come. Some part of her believed that this was a bad idea. She doesn’t trust you, and frankly, I don’t quite either, but I won’t let it go badly. I’m here because she wanted me to prove her wrong, and that’s what I’m going to do,” Ally said, determinedly, now standing in the entrance of Samantha’s house.
As Ally walked into the main room of the house, a tide of anguish, anger, and sorrow engulfed her until she was no longer staring at an empty dining area. She was suddenly three years old again: hopelessly wailing in protest as her mother dragged her friend, bruised and crying, out of the house. Ally would never forget that day. That was the day that left her in shambles. It had led to the whirlwind of the following decade.
There was a hand on her shoulder and a familiar voice saying, “Ally, what’s wrong?” It was her mother’s voice. At that moment, a million thoughts raced through Ally’s head, most of them bitter and full of hatred. The most prominent of which was that it had all been Samantha’s fault. An instant later, Samantha had removed her hand from Ally’s shoulder as if it had caught fire. Ally had been kneeling on the ground, her eyes wet with tears, and as she lifted her gaze to meet her mother’s, all she saw was a blank look staring back at her.
“I-” Samantha started, as Ally rose to face her mother.
“You’re not sorry,” Ally interrupted bitterly. A second later, Ally grimaced at the painful realization that her statement had little to do with what she already knew about her mother. Her abilities had led her to this conclusion.
“There’s no need to feel guilty. It doesn’t bother me,” Samantha said, stepping so close to Ally that she had to look up to meet her mother’s gaze. Then Samantha moved her hand to rest on Ally’s arm. When Ally tensed, Samantha moved back to her original position.
“But it bothers me,” Ally whispered.

Wow, this was amazing! I do have just two things, and a question.
The bench thing was clear. I just wanted to make sure :) Also, you're welcome!

“I don’t want anyone to get hurt, all right?” Ally replied, timidly. Then Ally stood up, overwhelmed, turned toward the door, and ran out. She wanted to be alone, not to deal with the situation at hand. Meanwhile, a small part of her told her not to run. To tell Tammi how she felt. She knew that she had to train, but she feared that someone would get hurt in the process.
Maybe take away this sentence: "She knew that she had to train, but she feared that someone would get hurt in the process."
You show that she doesn't want anyone to get hurt with this: “I don’t want anyone to get hurt, all right?” Ally replied, timidly.' and that she has to train throughout the chapter. You're retelling it in the end. It's better to show than tell (as you did), so try to take that last sentence out.

"She faced Ally as if she had been waiting for Ally."
It could be: She faced Ally as if she had been waiting for her.
It would make it clearer.

For your second question, it depends on what you want to add, although it's also good to end there. Is it a part from the 3rd chapter?
And yes, you should also put chapter 3!

I may not be done with Chapter 3, but here's what I have:

“Ally! Ally, wake up!” Samantha said. Instantly, Ally’s eyes shot open.
“I hate it when you do that! You didn’t have to do that. I was fine!” Ally said. In the twelve years, Ally lived in her mother’s home, there wasn’t one day when Samantha hadn’t manipulated her.
Samantha gave Ally a knowing look. “No, you weren’t. You were screaming and thrashing,” Ally looked around. Her pale pink comforter was half off of her, and her socks had fallen on the floor. “Plus, it’s nine o’clock. Get up.”
Ally felt the effect of Samantha’s words before they took hold of her, but she knew she stood no chance at a fight. Like a puppet, Ally shot to her feet. “Stop! Doing! That!” Ally said, gritting her teeth.
Samantha smirked. “You could stop me if you tried,” Samantha was right. Since she was five years old, Ally could resist Samantha’s ability to force people to do something against their will. Ally’s unique ability was the predecessor to her full set of powers.
“Yesterday, you told me you were trying to be different. If you truly wanted to change, you wouldn’t have done that. You know that it is unnecessary and cruel, and yet, you did it anyway!” Ally scowled. “Oh, and don’t you dare tell me you’re sorry! Based on the look on your face, you’re not sorry!” she added bitterly.
“Whatever happened to “uncomfortable and guilty”?” Samantha asked.
“Shut up!” Ally shouted. The second the words escaped her mouth, Ally knew they were a mistake because Samantha’s mouth slammed shut. Panic rose from Ally’s chest. What had she done? Had she done anything?
Samantha smiled. “You didn’t mean to do that, did you?” When Ally didn’t respond, Samantha added, “It’s ok if you don’t answer. I already know that I’m right. You wouldn't do that of your own volition.” Once again, Samantha was right. After thirteen years, Samantha didn’t need telepathy; she knew Ally to a tee. That infuriated Ally, but not as much as the calm look on her mother’s face. Samantha had been unusually calm for the past two days. It didn’t matter how angry Ally got; Samantha still stayed calm. Ally wasn’t sure how Samantha did it. In all her experience in dealing with her mother, Ally hadn’t seen Samantha so calm or understanding. In that way, Samantha had changed.
“We need to talk about what happened back there,” Samantha said ten minutes later. They sat at Samantha’s small, wooden dining room table. Samantha sat across from Ally, arms crossed, while Ally ate a piece of toast.
“What is there to talk about?” Ally asked.
“You did that on accident. What happens if I’m not the one on the other end? Do you really want to risk that?” Samantha asked. When Ally didn’t respond, she added, “What’s so bad about admitting it? I know you won’t risk it. I care enough not to let you risk it. We are doing this, whether you like it or not.”
“That is not how this works. You don’t get to just demand things from me. I’ll give you this: I see your point but that does not mean I like it. You can’t force me to do it and you know that. So, what exactly was your plan?”
“I’ve got some ideas,” Samantha said. There was a look in her eyes that Ally always dreaded. The look that meant she was planning something, something that Ally wouldn’t like. Samantha wasn’t going to let this go, but Ally wasn’t about to do something that went against everything she believed in. But then again, what had been doing the past three days? Using and controlling the very abilities that she had hated most of her life.
“No. You know what you are, Samantha? A manipulative, cruel liar. That is what you are. That is what you’ve always been, and I was a fool trusting you,” Ally said as she pushed her chair back and stood up.
“None of what I said was a lie. Not one word. You’re right too, you know. That is who I’ve always been, at least in your lifetime. I meant what I said. I do want to change; I am trying to change,” Samantha said.
“Then stop giving yourself permission to be that person. You want me to trust you; to — to listen to you then give me a reason to. I am not going along with any plan of yours as long as it has anything to do with what happened ten minutes ago!” Ally said.
“What will it take?” Samantha asked.
“Did you not hear me! I’m not putting a price or a – a something on that because it won’t happen. I am not going to do it.”
“You came here because you didn’t want anyone to get hurt. You asked for a reason to listen to me. Here’s one: there is more harm in not controlling it – in not training than there is if you trust me. I don’t want to force you to do it, Ally. It’s a part of you, and you know that!” Samantha said, as seemingly, her calm expression gave out to one of desperation. Ally couldn’t believe her eyes. For the first time in Ally’s life, she truly felt as though her mother was telling the truth.
Even though it had come after much reluctance and uneasiness for the past few days, Ally had given in to her mother’s wishes when it came to her powers. So, it was no wonder that considering the gravity at hand, that Samantha had reacted the way she had.
“I’ve never seen you so desperate. You have changed. Not much, but I can tell. The old you wouldn’t’ve cared if I listened or trusted you. You would’ve been content with me hating your guts. I’ve been meaning to ask you: what’s changed? Why do you care now when you didn’t five days ago?” Ally asked.
“I have cared for your whole life. Only I didn’t know how to show it. Think about it, Ally. You needed permission to go to the Academy. Do you genuinely believe that if I didn’t care, I would’ve allowed you to go? Or to my sister’s? Think about it. You understand better than anyone that if I had a problem with any of it, you wouldn’t have access to it. What changed? I know how people look at you. I didn’t — I don’t want to be responsible for turning you into the monster people believe you already are. These powers turned me into something short of a monster. I will not let that happen to you. You are lucky. You are not alone; I was,” Samantha said.
“I didn’t expect you to just tell me. What are you trying to prove?” Ally asked.
“We haven’t discussed much in the last two days. You wanted an explanation. I gave you one.”
“I don’t owe you anything in return,” Ally said.
“Yes, you do. Tell me, why are you so violently opposed to controlling it? You know it’s more dangerous if you don’t. Look at me. I’m the prime example,” Samantha said.
Ally lip twitched, “If you really don’t know, I’m not telling.”
“Do you really hate me that much, or do you not trust me?” Samantha asked.
“So, you just wanted to hear it from me. It’s not you that I hate, not right now, and yes, I don’t know if I could trust you with this. You’re too prone to lying and trickery. Plus, just because I’m capable of something doesn’t mean I have to do it.”
“You told me that there was no price or thing it would take. Believe it or not, you gave me an idea. You want to make sure that I won’t lie to you, correct?” Samantha asked. Ally didn’t respond. She didn’t like where Samantha was heading.
A second later, Ally felt a presence in her mind. One that was all too familiar. Less than a second later, Ally heard her mother’s disjointed thoughts swimming through her mind.
“Get out of my head!” she told them. To her amazement, they receded.

Sophia, not to bug you, but can you please read my chapter 3?

Sorry, Tati, I was waiting for the rest of the chapter; thank you for reminding me

And no, you're not bugging me. Please tell me if I don't respond!

This was great! You showed which abilities Samantha has (and which Ally might) and developed the relationship between the two. There's only one small thing:

In the twelve years, Ally lived in her mother’s home, there wasn’t one day when Samantha hadn’t manipulated her.
The first comma shouldn't be there:
In the twelve years Ally lived in her mother’s home, there wasn’t one day when Samantha hadn’t manipulated her.

Yesterday, I wrote some more. It is supposed to be at the end of chapter 3. Does it fit.

“What’s wrong with this solution? As I understand it, you want proof that I’m not lying. What further proof do you need?” Samantha asked.
“You’re not going to give up, are you?” she asked.
“Come on. Let’s get this over with.”
“No. Not now. Not ever.” Ally was rigid now. Her arms were firmly pressed against the sides of her legs. She felt Samantha’s presence once more.
“I’m not going to hurt you. Alright.” came Samantha’s voice. “What else are you so afraid of?” Samantha asked aloud.
“You’re wasting your energy because every promise you make, you break.”
“I don’t intend to break it. If I do, you will have every right to be angry. You were right: you don’t owe me anything. You owe it to yourself.”
“I want to believe in you. I want to trust you. But, how can I when the second I do, you pull a stunt that shatters it?”
“Please, just give me a chance,” Samantha said.

Also, I'm trying to figure out a way to write telepathy. Have I done an ok job at it? Is this section good to add at the end of chapter 3? Is it ok to end the chapter there, or do I have to add more after this? Thanks!

You have done a pretty good job with it so far, but if you feel stuck on something or need a second opinion, you can ask. I think you can add a bit more to the chapter, probably about Ally considering the last line:

“Please, just give me a chance,” Samantha said.'

I added a bit to the chapter.

“Please, just give me a chance,” Samantha said. Bitterness and hope, polar opposites, festered a war inside Ally. She so desperately wanted things to change, but how could they? There was too much hate there. It resonated in the air, in every word that either of them spoke, but if the past three days had taught Ally anything, it was that she was the one holding onto hate. Time, and time again, Samantha had tried to build a bridge, but all Ally did was burn it to ashes.
“Let’s get this over with,” And with that, they descended into the basement.

How to get a villain? I'm having trouble with motivations and everything. Also, should a villain be likeable and supportable or not?

I'm not very good at describing fighting or action scenes

How to get a villain? I'm having trouble with motivations and everything. Also, should a villain be likeable and supportable or not?

First off, it depends on what role your villain plays in the story. Most of the time, the villain is the "bad guy", but of course, you could have a villain as your main character (it would be cool to read and would be very unique). The protagonist's enemy. Your story should have your readers rooting for the protagonist (the main character), not the antagonist, so try to make the villain less likable, but still realistic.
But if you want, you can make your villain likable or unlikeable. It's up to you. But you probably don't want your readers ending up liking your villain more than your main character (with some exceptions).
First, you have to figure out your villain's goals before you think about their motivations. What are they trying to accomplish? Then think about what motivates them to that goal. Do they want to kill the king because they're power-hungry? Did the king ruin his life, and now he wants revenge? Is the villains' goal differing from the protagonist's?

If you have any more questions, you can ask. Hope this helped! :3

I'm not very good at describing fighting or action scenes

Is there a specific part of scenes like that that you can't describe? Do you feel you need more detail? Do you have trouble adding in detail?

I'll write a quick example of a fight scene. So…we have two characters. Let's name them…Anna and Olivia. They're fighting each other, and Anna wields a sword, while Olivia holds a glaive.
Anna swung her sword above her head, bringing it down, but Olivia had slipped away from underneath her, reaching for the glaive that flew out of her hand. She ran to the wall for a moment to catch her breath and survey the area for a second, but Anna was too quick and she ran over, swishing the sword around with little mercy and trapped Olivia to the wall with the blade at her neck. She reached for the glaive with her other hand, and with little struggle, pulled the weapon out of Olivia's grip.
Now I can't say how good or bad my own writing was, but when I read it over again, it forms a picture in my mind.
If you read over your scene again and you can't imagine what's happening, then you have to add in more detail. Or try to put that scene away for a bit, and then read it over again, so you can see it with new lens. You could also get feedback from others, and see if the scene makes sense.

Everyone's writing is different, and saying you're not good at describing a type of scene is kinda vague. If you put a scene in your story here that's a fight scene (or try to make one up) I could look at that and help you where you need it (this would help a lot).
Hope this helped! :3

Thanks, my main problem with writing fighting scene is that they can be boring and dragged out

I added a bit to the chapter.

“Please, just give me a chance,” Samantha said. Bitterness and hope, polar opposites, festered a war inside Ally. She so desperately wanted things to change, but how could they? There was too much hate there. It resonated in the air, in every word that either of them spoke, but if the past three days had taught Ally anything, it was that she was the one holding onto hate. Time, and time again, Samantha had tried to build a bridge, but all Ally did was burn it to ashes.
“Let’s get this over with,” And with that, they descended into the basement.

This was great! It would make a good ending, but if you want to add more, you can. The paragraph was amazing and explained the hate Ally was holding onto in great detail. There is only one tiny thing:

There should be a period instead of a comma after 'get this over with.': “
Let’s get this over with.” And with that, they descended into the basement.

I was really impressed with the amount of characterization there was in the Hunger Games and the way Suzzanne Collins wrote Katniss as such a deep rich character. And not only Katniss, but all the characters. So I was wondering, do you have any tips for characterization? And also, how did Suzanne Collins write her characters so well?

I was really impressed with the amount of characterization there was in the Hunger Games and the way Suzanne Collins wrote Katniss as such a deep rich character. And not only Katniss, but all the characters. So I was wondering, do you have any tips for characterization? And also, how did Suzanne Collins write her characters so well?

So…I'm sorry to say that I have not yet read the Hunger Games, so I cannot answer that part of your question
But, I do have a few tips on characterization! :3

1. Give Them Flaws
Nobody likes to read about a character who has no flaws (seriously)! There are three types and some examples:
Minor Flaws: These are flaws that make the character different. They don't affect the story.
Major Flaws: These are actual flaws, such as someone being greedy. They are more important in the character and the story
Fatal Flaws: These types of flaws are the worst type. They are so bad, that the flaw could lead your character to their death (hence the name "fatal flaw")

And here are some examples:
• Ignorant
• Sadistic
• Lazy
• Nosey
• Spoiled Brat
• Vain
• Racist
• Addiction
• Thirst for Power
• Sexist
• Pride

2. Create your character
Your character is a person, too (or animal, alien, or some creature or plant, or anything else)! Try to avoid strereotypes, especially when writing a diverse story, a character of a different ethnicity than you (particularly one who is strict about their culture and upholds their traditions and such), or a religious character (or one who doesn't believe in God at all). All in all, you should avoid stereotypes for everything.

List their character traits. What do they look for in a friend? How do they react in certain situations? What are their goals? Do they achieve it/them? What do they do to achieve the goal(s)? What are their pronouns? What is their sexuality? Did they undergo anything traumatic in their lives? Did it happen before/currently/after the story? What is their favorite music genre? What about movie and literature genre?
Notebook.ai has you answer some of these questions in the character-building section, and they are pretty essential (but don't be afraid to add some of your own!)

3. Break Away From Tropes!!
Your readers most likely do not want to read another story with a special "chosen one".
You can use around 1-3 cliches, but…try to keep that number as low as possible. Some cliches/tropes to avoid along with which character they are usually associated with are:
• The Chosen One- Protagonist
• The Orphan- Protagonist
• The Love Triangle- Mostly the protagonist, along with two other characters, commonly the deuteragonist/deuteragonist or deuteragonist/tritagonist
• Bland Bad Guy- Antagonist (Villains are character too!!)
• Old Guy is the Mentor- Side Character
• Characters who have been training/practicing magic or whatever for two nanoseconds and are able to save the world or do something "amazing" (or fight the bad guys better than those who have trained for decades)
• Insta Love (le no)

4. Create. Actual. Characters.
It really depends on the setting and time period your story takes place in, but don't have a Black, Asian, Native American, or White character that's mentioned twice and has no personality, and a lesbian character who is mentioned that is lesbian once and then not seen for the rest of the story, just for DiVeRsItY. And Caucasian characters can come from different places, too. Have a few from France, and others from the Netherlands, and some from Greece, or wherever because people can come from anywhere on Earth (although, again, it depends. Earth may not exist in your story and it's on this planet called Blob) They have different cultures.
Again, these things depend on the setting and time period. But what I'm trying to say is don't introduce a couple of Asian, White, Black, LGBTQAI+, foreigners, disabled characters, mental illnesses, etc, etc, who appear in a line just for dIvErSiTy.

These are just a few, as I had more but didn't want to keep you waiting for 80 years, or save it on a doc and then come back 24+ hours later.
I'll add more tips tomorrow!
I know that these tips are "over-heard", so I promise to come up with some good ones next time, but I hope they were helpful! :3

Can you tell me if i did anything wrong with this one?

Can you tell me if i did anything wrong with this one?

Um…
Well, she doesn't have any goals or motivations. She seems to just…exist.
She seems pretty bland and doesn't have a personality.
Try to do some research on what characters are. Good characters have a goal and a motivation behind it. They have a personality and fears. They have connections with other characters. Strengths, flaws, backgrounds, roles in the story, a voice, desires, and much more.

And your character doesn't seem to belong to a story. It's like she was just made…for fun (?)

Hope this helped :)

Is his personality okay and structured well? I wrote down many of his emotional struggles for now. There's still many traits I still have to write about, but I need some feedback to know if I need to change anything. Jaxon

Is his personality okay and structured well? I wrote down many of his emotional struggles for now. There's still many traits I still have to write about, but I need some feedback to know if I need to change anything. Jaxon

Wow, this is outstanding! The character and his personality is amazing, and you did really well with it. He's a really well-developed character, and is definitely structured well.

I have one question: Do people become demons when they die? Or do demons just reproduce within their own species?

One thing I would suggest is to write more about his personality. While you did do a good job explaining it, we don't know if he's intelligent, ambitious, or if he's brave or has any grit, or anything like that. You did describe his personality well, but he is more than his fears, and should have different traits among that (such as him bottling up his emotions, and such). Are there any instruments he likes to play? Any sports? Does he like to read? To write? Maybe he doesn't spend his time on these activities, but these are a few other hobbies he might have.

Hope this helped!
You did a fantastic job! :3

I kind of need help on my magic system? I feel there's still questions that aren't aren't really answered!
There are Tribes and each one represents a form of Power (it's called power not magic in the universe, magic is a different definition)
Like Fire, Time, Electricity, Earth, Ice, Water, Space, Sun, Moon, Wind, Love, Hate, Art, and Music. Each are represented with a certain color.
But I just feel like some Tribes don't have enough restrictions or like bad things that can happen? Sorry if that doesn't make since oof

I kind of need help on my magic system? I feel there's still questions that aren't aren't really answered!
There are Tribes and each one represents a form of Power (it's called power not magic in the universe, magic is a different definition)
Like Fire, Time, Electricity, Earth, Ice, Water, Space, Sun, Moon, Wind, Love, Hate, Art, and Music. Each are represented with a certain color.
But I just feel like some Tribes don't have enough restrictions or like bad things that can happen? Sorry if that doesn't make since oof

No, no, it makes sense, don't worry
It depends on how the powers are…taken out. So do they characters shoot the stuff out of their hands or do they have wands, or something else…? And it also depends on what abilities each of the powers have
I'll give you a few ideas (I'm so sorry but I have to cut it short and I'll be back tomorrow with much more)

Fire
Flaws:
• Can burn things if they suddenly "turn on" their power and aren't paying attention (similar to electricity)
Restrictions:
• Cannot work underwater
• Can be stopped with water (depending on the size of the fire)

Electricity
Flaws:
• Can be shocked (no, not like "wow, that is amazing! owo!", but "aarraeeeigh!!! o20") when this power is used
• Can burn things if they suddenly "turn on" (pun intended) their power (2nd pun intended) and aren't paying attention (similar to fire)

Ice
Flaws:
• Sometimes the user can't handle the cold
• Can cause frostbite

Restrictions
• Cannot be used around fire, or else it will melt

Earth
Flaws:
• Sometimes that dirt just don't wanna move
• Can be burnt be fire
• Can be shocked by electricity

Sun
Flaws:
• The light will weaken if the moon power is being used against it
• If the light is way too bright, they could damage someone's eyesight :(

Moon
Flaws:
• The dark will weaken if the sun power is being used against it
• If they darken the area too much, they can't see
Something cool I though of:
• Can affect people's moods depending on which phase of the moon is in the sky

Water
Flaws:
• If there is a little bit of water, and a lot of fire, the fire will evaporate the water

Restrictions:
• Can be controlled by the moon. So if the tide is low, they might have trouble using their power to manipulate the oceans and/or other bodies of water. Although if they can sprout it out of their hands, then that's good.
• Can't be used in a very hot room (such as one on fire).

Wind
Flaws:
• They have to be careful if they use this, as if they give wind to fire, the flames with get bigger (of course they might want to do this intentionally, but say they're trying to save someone in a building).

Restrictions:
This power doesn't have restrictions (as long as there's air in the area)

Just a little something:
So in my world, air is sort of like an enhancer. For example, when fire and air are used together, they can make the area hot, and/or they can make the flames bigger.

I'm sorry I had to make it short but I have an essay and a letter to write as an assignment due at 11:59 p.m., and it is 11:30 (procrastination 101)

Hope this bit helped, though! :3

Thank you for helping!! Some of those I actually having thought of like the earth getting shocked easy (lol, my electricity power character and earth power character are sister and either that's something I'll legit use!)
But I counteract and give YOU ideas now that I gave implemented. Fire Tribers (Tribers are people with powers in my story) have an oil in their skin that prevent as burning! They ARE very "allergic" to the cold tho and get frost bitten in 40° weather :(
Ice Tribers have a similar coating that prevents frost bite. They are allergic to heat and will have a heat stroke in like 80° weather Oof.
NOT LIKE MY CHARACTERS WITH THOSE ABILITIES ARE DATING OR ANYTHING THO W H A T
Good luck on your assignment, I look forward to what you have tmr! Merry Christmas :3

Wow, this is outstanding! The character and his personality is amazing, and you did really well with it. He's a really well-developed character, and is definitely structured well.

I have one question: Do people become demons when they die? Or do demons just reproduce within their own species?

One thing I would suggest is to write more about his personality. While you did do a good job explaining it, we don't know if he's intelligent, ambitious, or if he's brave or has any grit, or anything like that. You did describe his personality well, but he is more than his fears, and should have different traits among that (such as him bottling up his emotions, and such). Are there any instruments he likes to play? Any sports? Does he like to read? To write? Maybe he doesn't spend his time on these activities, but these are a few other hobbies he might have.

Hope this helped!
You did a fantastic job! :3

Yes, this was quite helpful. I kind of forgot intelligence existed. I do have flaws and some of his good trait/ values written out. I also forgot grit is a thing too.

Regarding your question— both! Though demonic couple can produce a child, however it is harder and uncommon a child will be conceived. The worst the person is and crimes committed, the higher the chance they'll be reborn as a demon that's physical looks is based off the persons darkest times. Fallen souls are like low level demons sort of. It all kind of depends what part of Hell you end up in. A person who turns into a demon eternal punishment is becoming the thing they couldn't reject and have to take up a role (Mostly a soldier in the legions).

Thank you for the help :)

Thank you for helping!! Some of those I actually having thought of like the earth getting shocked easy (lol, my electricity power character and earth power character are sister and either that's something I'll legit use!)
But I counteract and give YOU ideas now that I gave implemented. Fire Tribers (Tribers are people with powers in my story) have an oil in their skin that prevent as burning! They ARE very "allergic" to the cold tho and get frost bitten in 40° weather :(
Ice Tribers have a similar coating that prevents frost bite. They are allergic to heat and will have a heat stroke in like 80° weather Oof.
NOT LIKE MY CHARACTERS WITH THOSE ABILITIES ARE DATING OR ANYTHING THO W H A T
Good luck on your assignment, I look forward to what you have tmr! Merry Christmas :3

You're welcome and thank you so much!!! The information will be helpful and I'll keep it in mind as I finish it up.
Thank you, again!
Happy Holidays! :3

Wow, this is outstanding! The character and his personality is amazing, and you did really well with it. He's a really well-developed character, and is definitely structured well.

I have one question: Do people become demons when they die? Or do demons just reproduce within their own species?

One thing I would suggest is to write more about his personality. While you did do a good job explaining it, we don't know if he's intelligent, ambitious, or if he's brave or has any grit, or anything like that. You did describe his personality well, but he is more than his fears, and should have different traits among that (such as him bottling up his emotions, and such). Are there any instruments he likes to play? Any sports? Does he like to read? To write? Maybe he doesn't spend his time on these activities, but these are a few other hobbies he might have.

Hope this helped!
You did a fantastic job! :3

Yes, this was quite helpful. I kind of forgot intelligence existed. I do have flaws and some of his good trait/ values written out. I also forgot grit is a thing too.

Regarding your question— both! Though demonic couple can produce a child, however it is harder and uncommon a child will be conceived. The worst the person is and crimes committed, the higher the chance they'll be reborn as a demon that's physical looks is based off the persons darkest times. Fallen souls are like low level demons sort of. It all kind of depends what part of Hell you end up in. A person who turns into a demon eternal punishment is becoming the thing they couldn't reject and have to take up a role (Mostly a soldier in the legions).

Thank you for the help :)

You're welcome and thank you for answering the question (your world seems pretty cool)!

Happy Holidays! :3