forum Need Help With Anything? (Open)

Started October 21, 2020 by ☁ 𝙲𝚕𝚘𝚞𝚍𝚒

tune

I'm not very good at describing fighting or action scenes

Is there a specific part of scenes like that that you can't describe? Do you feel you need more detail? Do you have trouble adding in detail?

I'll write a quick example of a fight scene. So…we have two characters. Let's name them…Anna and Olivia. They're fighting each other, and Anna wields a sword, while Olivia holds a glaive.
Anna swung her sword above her head, bringing it down, but Olivia had slipped away from underneath her, reaching for the glaive that flew out of her hand. She ran to the wall for a moment to catch her breath and survey the area for a second, but Anna was too quick and she ran over, swishing the sword around with little mercy and trapped Olivia to the wall with the blade at her neck. She reached for the glaive with her other hand, and with little struggle, pulled the weapon out of Olivia's grip.
Now I can't say how good or bad my own writing was, but when I read it over again, it forms a picture in my mind.
If you read over your scene again and you can't imagine what's happening, then you have to add in more detail. Or try to put that scene away for a bit, and then read it over again, so you can see it with new lens. You could also get feedback from others, and see if the scene makes sense.

Everyone's writing is different, and saying you're not good at describing a type of scene is kinda vague. If you put a scene in your story here that's a fight scene (or try to make one up) I could look at that and help you where you need it (this would help a lot).
Hope this helped! :3

Thanks, my main problem with writing fighting scene is that they can be boring and dragged out

I added a bit to the chapter.

“Please, just give me a chance,” Samantha said. Bitterness and hope, polar opposites, festered a war inside Ally. She so desperately wanted things to change, but how could they? There was too much hate there. It resonated in the air, in every word that either of them spoke, but if the past three days had taught Ally anything, it was that she was the one holding onto hate. Time, and time again, Samantha had tried to build a bridge, but all Ally did was burn it to ashes.
“Let’s get this over with,” And with that, they descended into the basement.

This was great! It would make a good ending, but if you want to add more, you can. The paragraph was amazing and explained the hate Ally was holding onto in great detail. There is only one tiny thing:

There should be a period instead of a comma after 'get this over with.': “
Let’s get this over with.” And with that, they descended into the basement.

I was really impressed with the amount of characterization there was in the Hunger Games and the way Suzzanne Collins wrote Katniss as such a deep rich character. And not only Katniss, but all the characters. So I was wondering, do you have any tips for characterization? And also, how did Suzanne Collins write her characters so well?

I was really impressed with the amount of characterization there was in the Hunger Games and the way Suzanne Collins wrote Katniss as such a deep rich character. And not only Katniss, but all the characters. So I was wondering, do you have any tips for characterization? And also, how did Suzanne Collins write her characters so well?

So…I'm sorry to say that I have not yet read the Hunger Games, so I cannot answer that part of your question
But, I do have a few tips on characterization! :3

1. Give Them Flaws
Nobody likes to read about a character who has no flaws (seriously)! There are three types and some examples:
Minor Flaws: These are flaws that make the character different. They don't affect the story.
Major Flaws: These are actual flaws, such as someone being greedy. They are more important in the character and the story
Fatal Flaws: These types of flaws are the worst type. They are so bad, that the flaw could lead your character to their death (hence the name "fatal flaw")

And here are some examples:
• Ignorant
• Sadistic
• Lazy
• Nosey
• Spoiled Brat
• Vain
• Racist
• Addiction
• Thirst for Power
• Sexist
• Pride

2. Create your character
Your character is a person, too (or animal, alien, or some creature or plant, or anything else)! Try to avoid strereotypes, especially when writing a diverse story, a character of a different ethnicity than you (particularly one who is strict about their culture and upholds their traditions and such), or a religious character (or one who doesn't believe in God at all). All in all, you should avoid stereotypes for everything.

List their character traits. What do they look for in a friend? How do they react in certain situations? What are their goals? Do they achieve it/them? What do they do to achieve the goal(s)? What are their pronouns? What is their sexuality? Did they undergo anything traumatic in their lives? Did it happen before/currently/after the story? What is their favorite music genre? What about movie and literature genre?
Notebook.ai has you answer some of these questions in the character-building section, and they are pretty essential (but don't be afraid to add some of your own!)

3. Break Away From Tropes!!
Your readers most likely do not want to read another story with a special "chosen one".
You can use around 1-3 cliches, but…try to keep that number as low as possible. Some cliches/tropes to avoid along with which character they are usually associated with are:
• The Chosen One- Protagonist
• The Orphan- Protagonist
• The Love Triangle- Mostly the protagonist, along with two other characters, commonly the deuteragonist/deuteragonist or deuteragonist/tritagonist
• Bland Bad Guy- Antagonist (Villains are character too!!)
• Old Guy is the Mentor- Side Character
• Characters who have been training/practicing magic or whatever for two nanoseconds and are able to save the world or do something "amazing" (or fight the bad guys better than those who have trained for decades)
• Insta Love (le no)

4. Create. Actual. Characters.
It really depends on the setting and time period your story takes place in, but don't have a Black, Asian, Native American, or White character that's mentioned twice and has no personality, and a lesbian character who is mentioned that is lesbian once and then not seen for the rest of the story, just for DiVeRsItY. And Caucasian characters can come from different places, too. Have a few from France, and others from the Netherlands, and some from Greece, or wherever because people can come from anywhere on Earth (although, again, it depends. Earth may not exist in your story and it's on this planet called Blob) They have different cultures.
Again, these things depend on the setting and time period. But what I'm trying to say is don't introduce a couple of Asian, White, Black, LGBTQAI+, foreigners, disabled characters, mental illnesses, etc, etc, who appear in a line just for dIvErSiTy.

These are just a few, as I had more but didn't want to keep you waiting for 80 years, or save it on a doc and then come back 24+ hours later.
I'll add more tips tomorrow!
I know that these tips are "over-heard", so I promise to come up with some good ones next time, but I hope they were helpful! :3

Can you tell me if i did anything wrong with this one?

Can you tell me if i did anything wrong with this one?

Um…
Well, she doesn't have any goals or motivations. She seems to just…exist.
She seems pretty bland and doesn't have a personality.
Try to do some research on what characters are. Good characters have a goal and a motivation behind it. They have a personality and fears. They have connections with other characters. Strengths, flaws, backgrounds, roles in the story, a voice, desires, and much more.

And your character doesn't seem to belong to a story. It's like she was just made…for fun (?)

Hope this helped :)

Is his personality okay and structured well? I wrote down many of his emotional struggles for now. There's still many traits I still have to write about, but I need some feedback to know if I need to change anything. Jaxon

Is his personality okay and structured well? I wrote down many of his emotional struggles for now. There's still many traits I still have to write about, but I need some feedback to know if I need to change anything. Jaxon

Wow, this is outstanding! The character and his personality is amazing, and you did really well with it. He's a really well-developed character, and is definitely structured well.

I have one question: Do people become demons when they die? Or do demons just reproduce within their own species?

One thing I would suggest is to write more about his personality. While you did do a good job explaining it, we don't know if he's intelligent, ambitious, or if he's brave or has any grit, or anything like that. You did describe his personality well, but he is more than his fears, and should have different traits among that (such as him bottling up his emotions, and such). Are there any instruments he likes to play? Any sports? Does he like to read? To write? Maybe he doesn't spend his time on these activities, but these are a few other hobbies he might have.

Hope this helped!
You did a fantastic job! :3

I kind of need help on my magic system? I feel there's still questions that aren't aren't really answered!
There are Tribes and each one represents a form of Power (it's called power not magic in the universe, magic is a different definition)
Like Fire, Time, Electricity, Earth, Ice, Water, Space, Sun, Moon, Wind, Love, Hate, Art, and Music. Each are represented with a certain color.
But I just feel like some Tribes don't have enough restrictions or like bad things that can happen? Sorry if that doesn't make since oof

I kind of need help on my magic system? I feel there's still questions that aren't aren't really answered!
There are Tribes and each one represents a form of Power (it's called power not magic in the universe, magic is a different definition)
Like Fire, Time, Electricity, Earth, Ice, Water, Space, Sun, Moon, Wind, Love, Hate, Art, and Music. Each are represented with a certain color.
But I just feel like some Tribes don't have enough restrictions or like bad things that can happen? Sorry if that doesn't make since oof

No, no, it makes sense, don't worry
It depends on how the powers are…taken out. So do they characters shoot the stuff out of their hands or do they have wands, or something else…? And it also depends on what abilities each of the powers have
I'll give you a few ideas (I'm so sorry but I have to cut it short and I'll be back tomorrow with much more)

Fire
Flaws:
• Can burn things if they suddenly "turn on" their power and aren't paying attention (similar to electricity)
Restrictions:
• Cannot work underwater
• Can be stopped with water (depending on the size of the fire)

Electricity
Flaws:
• Can be shocked (no, not like "wow, that is amazing! owo!", but "aarraeeeigh!!! o20") when this power is used
• Can burn things if they suddenly "turn on" (pun intended) their power (2nd pun intended) and aren't paying attention (similar to fire)

Ice
Flaws:
• Sometimes the user can't handle the cold
• Can cause frostbite

Restrictions
• Cannot be used around fire, or else it will melt

Earth
Flaws:
• Sometimes that dirt just don't wanna move
• Can be burnt be fire
• Can be shocked by electricity

Sun
Flaws:
• The light will weaken if the moon power is being used against it
• If the light is way too bright, they could damage someone's eyesight :(

Moon
Flaws:
• The dark will weaken if the sun power is being used against it
• If they darken the area too much, they can't see
Something cool I though of:
• Can affect people's moods depending on which phase of the moon is in the sky

Water
Flaws:
• If there is a little bit of water, and a lot of fire, the fire will evaporate the water

Restrictions:
• Can be controlled by the moon. So if the tide is low, they might have trouble using their power to manipulate the oceans and/or other bodies of water. Although if they can sprout it out of their hands, then that's good.
• Can't be used in a very hot room (such as one on fire).

Wind
Flaws:
• They have to be careful if they use this, as if they give wind to fire, the flames with get bigger (of course they might want to do this intentionally, but say they're trying to save someone in a building).

Restrictions:
This power doesn't have restrictions (as long as there's air in the area)

Just a little something:
So in my world, air is sort of like an enhancer. For example, when fire and air are used together, they can make the area hot, and/or they can make the flames bigger.

I'm sorry I had to make it short but I have an essay and a letter to write as an assignment due at 11:59 p.m., and it is 11:30 (procrastination 101)

Hope this bit helped, though! :3

Thank you for helping!! Some of those I actually having thought of like the earth getting shocked easy (lol, my electricity power character and earth power character are sister and either that's something I'll legit use!)
But I counteract and give YOU ideas now that I gave implemented. Fire Tribers (Tribers are people with powers in my story) have an oil in their skin that prevent as burning! They ARE very "allergic" to the cold tho and get frost bitten in 40° weather :(
Ice Tribers have a similar coating that prevents frost bite. They are allergic to heat and will have a heat stroke in like 80° weather Oof.
NOT LIKE MY CHARACTERS WITH THOSE ABILITIES ARE DATING OR ANYTHING THO W H A T
Good luck on your assignment, I look forward to what you have tmr! Merry Christmas :3

Wow, this is outstanding! The character and his personality is amazing, and you did really well with it. He's a really well-developed character, and is definitely structured well.

I have one question: Do people become demons when they die? Or do demons just reproduce within their own species?

One thing I would suggest is to write more about his personality. While you did do a good job explaining it, we don't know if he's intelligent, ambitious, or if he's brave or has any grit, or anything like that. You did describe his personality well, but he is more than his fears, and should have different traits among that (such as him bottling up his emotions, and such). Are there any instruments he likes to play? Any sports? Does he like to read? To write? Maybe he doesn't spend his time on these activities, but these are a few other hobbies he might have.

Hope this helped!
You did a fantastic job! :3

Yes, this was quite helpful. I kind of forgot intelligence existed. I do have flaws and some of his good trait/ values written out. I also forgot grit is a thing too.

Regarding your question— both! Though demonic couple can produce a child, however it is harder and uncommon a child will be conceived. The worst the person is and crimes committed, the higher the chance they'll be reborn as a demon that's physical looks is based off the persons darkest times. Fallen souls are like low level demons sort of. It all kind of depends what part of Hell you end up in. A person who turns into a demon eternal punishment is becoming the thing they couldn't reject and have to take up a role (Mostly a soldier in the legions).

Thank you for the help :)

Thank you for helping!! Some of those I actually having thought of like the earth getting shocked easy (lol, my electricity power character and earth power character are sister and either that's something I'll legit use!)
But I counteract and give YOU ideas now that I gave implemented. Fire Tribers (Tribers are people with powers in my story) have an oil in their skin that prevent as burning! They ARE very "allergic" to the cold tho and get frost bitten in 40° weather :(
Ice Tribers have a similar coating that prevents frost bite. They are allergic to heat and will have a heat stroke in like 80° weather Oof.
NOT LIKE MY CHARACTERS WITH THOSE ABILITIES ARE DATING OR ANYTHING THO W H A T
Good luck on your assignment, I look forward to what you have tmr! Merry Christmas :3

You're welcome and thank you so much!!! The information will be helpful and I'll keep it in mind as I finish it up.
Thank you, again!
Happy Holidays! :3

Wow, this is outstanding! The character and his personality is amazing, and you did really well with it. He's a really well-developed character, and is definitely structured well.

I have one question: Do people become demons when they die? Or do demons just reproduce within their own species?

One thing I would suggest is to write more about his personality. While you did do a good job explaining it, we don't know if he's intelligent, ambitious, or if he's brave or has any grit, or anything like that. You did describe his personality well, but he is more than his fears, and should have different traits among that (such as him bottling up his emotions, and such). Are there any instruments he likes to play? Any sports? Does he like to read? To write? Maybe he doesn't spend his time on these activities, but these are a few other hobbies he might have.

Hope this helped!
You did a fantastic job! :3

Yes, this was quite helpful. I kind of forgot intelligence existed. I do have flaws and some of his good trait/ values written out. I also forgot grit is a thing too.

Regarding your question— both! Though demonic couple can produce a child, however it is harder and uncommon a child will be conceived. The worst the person is and crimes committed, the higher the chance they'll be reborn as a demon that's physical looks is based off the persons darkest times. Fallen souls are like low level demons sort of. It all kind of depends what part of Hell you end up in. A person who turns into a demon eternal punishment is becoming the thing they couldn't reject and have to take up a role (Mostly a soldier in the legions).

Thank you for the help :)

You're welcome and thank you for answering the question (your world seems pretty cool)!

Happy Holidays! :3

Elijah: Bullying kids isn't PC anymore

Hello there!
It seems as though this is a role-playing post or something part of the incorrect quotes discussion. This discussion is if you need help with anything (concerning writing, not how to cook potatoes (although I wouldn't mind answering questions like that). Maybe I'm misinterpreting this, but it doesn't seem like a question, which is what this discussion is used for.
I don't mean to embarrass you or anything like that, but I just want to let you know.
Hope you understand! :3

(And yes, bullying kids is not very PC)

Wait I thought I typed that in the incorrect quotes, I don't know how that got there, I'm sorry for the misunderstanding

I began writing Chapter 4 and was wondering if you could tell me if there are any issues/ ways to improve it. Thanks. Here's what I have so far.

They stood in Samantha’s basement. The air was damp from the humid summer weather. Ally had no clue what she had agreed to, but she knew she wouldn’t like it.
“The question isn’t “will you like it,” but if you’ll play along,” Samantha said. Samantha moved so that she was standing behind Ally. She moved to grab Ally’s arms, but when Ally stiffened, she stopped.
“I will not hurt you, I promise,” Samantha whispered. When Ally didn’t respond, she added, “I mean it. I want this to be your choice. We won’t achieve anything if you fight me at every turn. No one is getting hurt. So, are you going to trust me or not?” Despite her better judgment, Ally willed her arms to relax. Ally sensed the thin smile as it formed on Samantha’s face.
“Thank you,” Samantha said.
“Don’t make me regret it,” Ally mumbled. Samantha grabbed Ally’s left wrist and latched it inside one end of a set of handcuffs. Anger and panic rose inside Ally.
“What are you doing?!” Ally hissed.
“I asked you to trust me. Now, trust me!” Samantha begged. Before Ally had the chance to resist, Samantha grabbed Ally’s other wrist and locked the set of handcuffs. Samantha let go of Ally’s wrist and moved to face her.
“If you want out, you know what you have to do,” Samantha said.
“No. I’m not doing it. You wonder why I didn’t want to trust you. It’s because you do things like this!” Ally shouted.
“I know, but tell me honestly, would you have agreed to this? Actually, don’t bother, I already know the answer. You’re too scared of the possibility that I’d betray you or lie to you; that’s why you wouldn’t agree to something like this. I told you, no one’s getting hurt. So, you’re going to stand there until you decide that you’ve had enough. That was the only way this was going to work. Just remember, I am as patient and stubborn as you are. There is no need for you to make this any more difficult than necessary,” Samantha said.

I've got a character

Supposed to be the funny one of the team. Likes to reference memes, popular media, stuff like that
Can it work, humor-wise? How, exactly?

I began writing Chapter 4 and was wondering if you could tell me if there are any issues/ ways to improve it. Thanks. Here's what I have so far.

They stood in Samantha’s basement. The air was damp from the humid summer weather. Ally had no clue what she had agreed to, but she knew she wouldn’t like it.
“The question isn’t “will you like it,” but if you’ll play along,” Samantha said. Samantha moved so that she was standing behind Ally. She moved to grab Ally’s arms, but when Ally stiffened, she stopped.
“I will not hurt you, I promise,” Samantha whispered. When Ally didn’t respond, she added, “I mean it. I want this to be your choice. We won’t achieve anything if you fight me at every turn. No one is getting hurt. So, are you going to trust me or not?” Despite her better judgment, Ally willed her arms to relax. Ally sensed the thin smile as it formed on Samantha’s face.
“Thank you,” Samantha said.
“Don’t make me regret it,” Ally mumbled. Samantha grabbed Ally’s left wrist and latched it inside one end of a set of handcuffs. Anger and panic rose inside Ally.
“What are you doing?!” Ally hissed.
“I asked you to trust me. Now, trust me!” Samantha begged. Before Ally had the chance to resist, Samantha grabbed Ally’s other wrist and locked the set of handcuffs. Samantha let go of Ally’s wrist and moved to face her.
“If you want out, you know what you have to do,” Samantha said.
“No. I’m not doing it. You wonder why I didn’t want to trust you. It’s because you do things like this!” Ally shouted.
“I know, but tell me honestly, would you have agreed to this? Actually, don’t bother, I already know the answer. You’re too scared of the possibility that I’d betray you or lie to you; that’s why you wouldn’t agree to something like this. I told you, no one’s getting hurt. So, you’re going to stand there until you decide that you’ve had enough. That was the only way this was going to work. Just remember, I am as patient and stubborn as you are. There is no need for you to make this any more difficult than necessary,” Samantha said.

Looks great! I don't find anything wrong with it or anything that has to change. Good job!

Wait I thought I typed that in the incorrect quotes, I don't know how that got there, I'm sorry for the misunderstanding

It's alright I understand (we've all had those times). Thank you for clearing that up! :3

I've added to the scene in the last two days. What do you think so far? I'm probably adding more. Any errors?

The silence came first, then she noticed that Samantha watched her with a steel gaze, telling her that Samantha would not give up. Finally, she noticed that she had subconsciously begun to shift on her feet.
Ally had no clue what to do. She desperately hoped there was another option, but she knew in her heart that there wasn’t. It was her will against Samantha’s, and they both knew whose would prevail. Ally could be as stubborn as she wished, but the outcome would be the same.
“Samantha… Just let me go!” Ally pleaded.
“You didn’t even try,” Samantha scoffed.
“Unlock the handcuffs,” Ally ordered, her voice surprisingly calm. As she said it, she identified the subtle release of power that flowed through her every word, but somehow, she knew it wouldn’t be enough. For a second, it seemed to have worked but as quick as it appeared, it vanished.
Samantha smirked and said, “Ah, that’s better.”
“How hard are you going to make this, Samantha?” Ally asked.
“The point of this is for you to learn to use it and control it. It doesn’t really matter how hard I make it because you’ll get out of those eventually,” Samantha explained.

I've added to the scene in the last two days. What do you think so far? I'm probably adding more. Any errors?

The silence came first, then she noticed that Samantha watched her with a steel gaze, telling her that Samantha would not give up. Finally, she noticed that she had subconsciously begun to shift on her feet.
Ally had no clue what to do. She desperately hoped there was another option, but she knew in her heart that there wasn’t. It was her will against Samantha’s, and they both knew whose would prevail. Ally could be as stubborn as she wished, but the outcome would be the same.
“Samantha… Just let me go!” Ally pleaded.
“You didn’t even try,” Samantha scoffed.
“Unlock the handcuffs,” Ally ordered, her voice surprisingly calm. As she said it, she identified the subtle release of power that flowed through her every word, but somehow, she knew it wouldn’t be enough. For a second, it seemed to have worked but as quick as it appeared, it vanished.
Samantha smirked and said, “Ah, that’s better.”
“How hard are you going to make this, Samantha?” Ally asked.
“The point of this is for you to learn to use it and control it. It doesn’t really matter how hard I make it because you’ll get out of those eventually,” Samantha explained.

I don't find anything that has to be changed other than one thing (which is just my opinion):

The silence came first, then she noticed that Samantha watched her with a steel gaze, telling her that Samantha would not give up. Finally, she noticed that she had subconsciously begun to shift on her feet.
I would recommend adding an "and" after "first" and before "then":
'The silence came first, [and] then she noticed that…'

Other than this, it's great! :3

Hello! I have trouble developing my characters cuz I got so many of them. Most of them seem to just exist. Do you mind looking at one of my characters to see how it looks? I think he's my most developed character.

Hello! I have trouble developing my characters cuz I got so many of them. Most of them seem to just exist. Do you mind looking at one of my characters to see how it looks? I think he's my most developed character.

@WriterNMarie, I am so, so sorry for keeping you waiting for so long.

Your character does seem pretty developed! I can't find anything that needs to be added, as you established a personality for him.
Great job! :3