Hi! I need some help with my main character… I think you've helped me out with him before, but I don't think I did very good in improve him.
While his story may be in first person, he's just not enough of a person himself, and I've tried hard to flesh him out but my brain just seemed to decide that he should stay the boring person that he is now… and it doesn't help that I have brain fog 24/7 ;-;
Here he is… Samuel Glen
Hi! I need some help with my main character… I think you've helped me out with him before, but I don't think I did very good in improve him.
While his story may be in first person, he's just not enough of a person himself, and I've tried hard to flesh him out but my brain just seemed to decide that he should stay the boring person that he is now… and it doesn't help that I have brain fog 24/7 ;-;
Here he is… Samuel Glen
I personally think he's pretty fleshed out.
But in case you want to elaborate on him more…
First off, cross out what you don't have to focus on. His looks, for example, seem finished, so don't worry about those for now.
Think about…what people do. Sam seems like a really kind person. As you said, he helps the earthworms, the librarians, feeds the cats, etc. This is part of his personality. But what are his other hobbies? For now his only talents/hobbies/stuff he does are helping others, seeing through them, building models, and reading. This is, of course, not a bad thing, but you want to elaborate on what he likes to do. And of course he must like doing something else other than only helping others and reading, and building model planes and cars.
Here are a few questions to consider:
Does he like to write? Or participate in any sports? What books does he like to read? Does he like to learn about planes and cars? What's his favorite subject (in school)?
Now, these questions are kinda…hmmm…but they're ok if you want to get to know him better. You can search up something like questions for characters, and answer them. This link gives a few good ones, but you've covered most of them already:
https://www.killingitwrite.com/post/20-things-you-need-to-know-about-your-main-character
This is a long list of random questions, but the more you know your character, the easier it'll be for you:
If I find a good website with good questions, I'll post the link here :3
And here's another question I have: How does feel helping out strangers? Does he hesitate to help someone in his class that he hasn't talked to yet?
Another thing you might want to consider is adding in some goals. Every characters needs goals. The goals you choose for your character play a part in who they are. A possible goal for Samuel is overcoming his anxiety. It's definitely not fun to have this illness (trust me, I've been there), so it'd make sense for him to wish to be able to do everything he'd be able to if his anxiety wasn't holding him back.
To me, he doesn't seem boring. He's actually really relatable :3
If I think of anything else, I'll put it here. For now though, this is what I have :3 (~my project due tomorrow is calling me~)
Hope this helped!
Thank you so so very much, that helped me out a bunch! These types of questions are going to help me out a ton, and the article was amazing as well, I'm really terrible at figuring these things out by myself so your help means a lot to me!
Thank you again, I hope you have a great day! (ﾉ^ヮ^)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧
Thank you so so very much, that helped me out a bunch! These types of questions are going to help me out a ton, and the article was amazing as well, I'm really terrible at figuring these things out by myself so your help means a lot to me!
Thank you again, I hope you have a great day! (ﾉ^ヮ^)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧
You're welcome!! I'm glad it helped :3 Hope you have a great day, too! ƪ(◕ω◕)ʃ (/◕∇◕)/ ❤️
Sophia, I know it's been a while but I finally added to chapter 4. So, here's the whole chapter so far. What do you think? Anything that needs to be improved? Any ideas for what to add?
They stood in Samantha's basement. The air was damp from the humid summer weather. Ally had no clue what she had agreed to, but she knew she wouldn't like it.
“The question isn’t “will you like it,” but if you’ll play along,” Samantha said. Samantha moved so that she was standing behind Ally. She moved to grab Ally’s arms, but when Ally stiffened, she stopped.
“I will not hurt you, I promise,” Samantha whispered. When Ally didn’t respond, she added, “I mean it. I want this to be your choice. We won’t achieve anything if you fight me at every turn. No one is getting hurt. So, are you going to trust me or not?” Despite her better judgment, Ally willed her arms to relax. Ally sensed the thin smile as it formed on Samantha’s face.
“Thank you,” Samantha said.
“Don’t make me regret it,” Ally mumbled. Samantha grabbed Ally’s left wrist and latched it inside one end of a set of handcuffs. Anger and panic rose inside Ally.
“What are you doing?!” Ally hissed.
“I asked you to trust me. Now, trust me!” Samantha begged. Before Ally had the chance to resist, Samantha grabbed Ally’s other wrist and locked the set of handcuffs. Samantha let go of Ally’s wrist and moved to face her.
“If you want out, you know what you have to do,” Samantha said.
“No. I’m not doing it. You wonder why I didn’t trust you. It’s because you do things like this!” Ally shouted.
“I know, but tell me honestly, would you have agreed to this? Actually, don’t bother, I already know the answer. You’re too scared of the possibility that I’d betray you or lie to you; that’s why you wouldn’t agree to something like this. I told you, no one’s getting hurt. So, you’re going to stand there until you decide that you’ve had enough. That was the only way this was going to work. Just remember, I am as patient and stubborn as you are. There is no need for you to make this any more difficult than necessary,” Samantha said.
The silence came first, then she noticed that Samantha watched her with a steel gaze, telling her that Samantha would not give up. Finally, she noticed that she had subconsciously begun to shift on her feet.
Ally had no clue what to do. She desperately hoped there was another option, but she knew in her heart that there wasn’t. It was her will against Samantha’s, and they both knew whose would prevail. Ally could be as stubborn as she wished, but the outcome would be the same.
“Samantha… Just let me go!” Ally pleaded.
“You didn’t even try,” Samantha scoffed.
“Unlock the handcuffs,” Ally ordered, her voice surprisingly calm. As she said it, she identified the subtle release of power that flowed through her every word, but somehow, she knew it wouldn’t be enough. For a second, it seemed to have worked but as quick as it appeared, it vanished.
Samantha smirked and said, “Ah, that’s better.”
“How hard are you going to make this, Samantha?” Ally asked.
“The point of this is for you to learn to use it and control it. It doesn’t really matter how hard I make it because you’ll get out of those eventually,” Samantha explained. Ally knew she was right. They were going to stand there until Samantha was content to let her go.
Ally tried again and again. Summoning the calming yet harsh power that resided within her but to no avail. Every time Ally tried it, Samantha had that smirk, the one that told Ally that Samantha was enjoying this; their sick, twisted game. After seeing that smirk half a dozen times, Ally snapped.
“You’re enjoying this! How could you possibly be enjoying this?! I’m your daughter, not a pawn for your amusement!” Ally shouted.
“You’re right. But also, you’re not trying. If you were, you’d be free already. I understand. Out of everything you’re capable of, this is the one thing you would never do, but that’s exactly why you need to get a handle on it. So that no one gets hurt. It’s what you want isn’t it?” Samantha said. Ally knew she was right.
“I do have a handle on it.”
Samantha looked Ally dead in the eye and said, “Prove it.”
The adrenaline came in a rush, filling Ally up, stretching to every inch of her body. She closed her eyes and the words were out of her mouth before she could stop them, taking the adrenaline with them. A second later, the sound of metal on concrete reverberated through the room and every cell in Ally’s body.
Samantha stood in front of Ally, wearing an expression Ally had never seen on her mother; proud and self-satisfied. As repulsive her actions may have been, Ally couldn’t help but agree.
“That is the last time I’m doing that. I am not you. And for the record, doing that made me sick.” Ally said as she passed Samantha and went upstairs.
They stood at the base of the steps. “ I know you’re not me. That’s exactly why I’ve been trying to help you because I don’t want you to become me. If I wanted you to be me I would have let you believe you were insane,” Samantha said. Ally stood facing away from Samantha. Ally didn’t want to hear any of it. Ally spun around to face Samantha.
“You say that, but I’m not sure if I believe it! You’ve made a point to know me better than I know myself! You’ve always known what to say!” Ally shouted.
“Why are you so angry all of the sudden? All I’ve tried to do is help you,” Samantha said calmly.
“How can you be so calm? When did you decide to be so infuriatingly calm?”
Samantha half smiled, “It’s not as hard as you think. I know why you’ve gotten angry at me so often in the past three days; it’s because of things I’ve done. Believe me, Ally, I’m trying to change - to be better.”
“I know. I’ve seen it.” Ally said. As soon as she said it, she regretted it.
“Have you ever wondered why I was expelled when I was only eleven years old?” Samantha asked.
“What does that have to do with anything?”
“You may have known me for your entire life, but there’s still a lot about my life before you, that you don’t know. Much like the only Ally, I’ve known is the angry, bitter, one that hated me her entire life.”
“That part is on you, not me. You drove andrew (Our Supreme Lord and Overseer) away, and eventually, you drove me away too,” Ally said. Neither of them had mentioned Ally’s father in over a year and at the mention of his name, Samantha averted her gaze.
“You’re right. That is on me. You know, I wasn’t always like that. I let these powers turn me into the worst version of myself,” Samantha said.
“What happened?” Ally asked.
“I can show you,” Samantha said. Ally was well aware that she could. It was an ability where Samantha could project her memories into the mind of someone else.
“No. I’m good, thanks. Besides, how do I know it’s not a trick or a lie?! You could show me anything you wanted.”
“I’ll make you a promise,” Samantha said as they locked eyes. “I will never lie to you ever again. Whatever I believe is the truth, no matter how hard it is to hear, understand,” Samantha said, sincerely.
Hey, Sophia, I hope I'm not bugging you, but can you please respond to my previous post? It's been 4 days since I posted.
Hey, Sophia, I hope I'm not bugging you, but can you please respond to my previous post? It's been 4 days since I posted.
Tati I'm so sorry I haven't been active on Notebook.ai for a while. But now here I am :3
The story is great! I don't see anything that needs to be fixed, but I have an idea as to what can come next:
Samatha tries to show Ally her past memories, but Ally's hesitant. She doesn't believe (or tries not to) anything that Samantha shows her, but with her past memories some things start to add up.
But just one thing, when writing dialogue, the sentence is indented. For example, you have:
Anger and panic rose inside Ally.
“What are you doing?!” Ally hissed.
“I asked you to trust me. Now, trust me!” Samantha begged.
When you would format it such as:
Anger and panic rose inside Ally.
“What are you doing?!” Ally hissed.
“I asked you to trust me. Now, trust me!” Samantha begged.
In case you can't indent something, an indent is 5 spaces :3
How to describe sensations and movements better
How to describe sensations and movements better
You can always try to use more adjectives, but don't overdo them.
For example:
'They skipped over to the desk.'
Pretty bland, right?
'They awkwardly skipped towards the desk and nearly tripped as they passed the 2-head statue, bringing their head back with a laugh over their own silly mistake.'
Now that's better, as you can form a picture in your mind with the latter.
If you don't get it, you can still ask what you need to know, but if you understand (or just want to try), you can practice making these sentences more vibrant. If you. have to have more than 1 sentence to make them better, that's fine:
They skipped over to the desk.
I waved at the box. It waved back.
He picked up a potato, cut it up, and threw it in the pan.
She started to fly.
The bird died.
I went to bed.
Synonyms are also great. For example, instead of saying "Walk" you could say "Trot" or "March" or "Wandered". The last three words paint a better picture than just walk, as walk is a rather basic word and doesn't specify the speed of the movement, for example. Although there are some instances where the word walk may work.
And similes can also help paint a picture. Like saying "The clock was as blue as the night sky", can tell your readers the color of the clock, and hint that it's nighttime (if it's not nighttime and you still want to use that, you'd change it to "The clock was as blue as a night sky).
Hope this helped! :3
Hey, Sophia, you know what's funny? Your idea was exactly what I was thinking. By the way, I type the original copy on Google docx. The indenting works fine there, as far as I'm aware. Also, when I was writing chapter 4, I felt like I was struggling to find the right word for some facial expressions. Anyway you could help with that?
How to describe sensations and movements better
You can always try to use more adjectives, but don't overdo them.
For example:
'They skipped over to the desk.'
Pretty bland, right?
'They awkwardly skipped towards the desk and nearly tripped as they passed the 2-head statue, bringing their head back with a laugh over their own silly mistake.'
Now that's better, as you can form a picture in your mind with the latter.
If you don't get it, you can still ask what you need to know, but if you understand (or just want to try), you can practice making these sentences more vibrant. If you. have to have more than 1 sentence to make them better, that's fine:
They skipped over to the desk.
I waved at the box. It waved back.
He picked up a potato, cut it up, and threw it in the pan.
She started to fly.
The bird died.
I went to bed.Synonyms are also great. For example, instead of saying "Walk" you could say "Trot" or "March" or "Wandered". The last three words paint a better picture than just walk, as walk is a rather basic word and doesn't specify the speed of the movement, for example. Although there are some instances where the word walk may work.
And similes can also help paint a picture. Like saying "The clock was as blue as the night sky", can tell your readers the color of the clock, and hint that it's nighttime (if it's not nighttime and you still want to use that, you'd change it to "The clock was as blue as a night sky).
Hope this helped! :3
Thanks :)
How to describe sensations and movements better
You can always try to use more adjectives, but don't overdo them.
For example:
'They skipped over to the desk.'
Pretty bland, right?
'They awkwardly skipped towards the desk and nearly tripped as they passed the 2-head statue, bringing their head back with a laugh over their own silly mistake.'
Now that's better, as you can form a picture in your mind with the latter.
If you don't get it, you can still ask what you need to know, but if you understand (or just want to try), you can practice making these sentences more vibrant. If you. have to have more than 1 sentence to make them better, that's fine:
They skipped over to the desk.
I waved at the box. It waved back.
He picked up a potato, cut it up, and threw it in the pan.
She started to fly.
The bird died.
I went to bed.Synonyms are also great. For example, instead of saying "Walk" you could say "Trot" or "March" or "Wandered". The last three words paint a better picture than just walk, as walk is a rather basic word and doesn't specify the speed of the movement, for example. Although there are some instances where the word walk may work.
And similes can also help paint a picture. Like saying "The clock was as blue as the night sky", can tell your readers the color of the clock, and hint that it's nighttime (if it's not nighttime and you still want to use that, you'd change it to "The clock was as blue as a night sky).
Hope this helped! :3
Thanks :)
You're welcome! :3
Hey, Sophia, you know what's funny? Your idea was exactly what I was thinking. By the way, I type the original copy on Google docx. The indenting works fine there, as far as I'm aware. Also, when I was writing chapter 4, I felt like I was struggling to find the right word for some facial expressions. Anyway you could help with that?
That's great! uwu
Could you elaborate more on the facial expressions, please? Like which kind of faces you had trouble describing? Thanks!
Hey, Sophia, you know what's funny? Your idea was exactly what I was thinking. By the way, I type the original copy on Google docx. The indenting works fine there, as far as I'm aware. Also, when I was writing chapter 4, I felt like I was struggling to find the right word for some facial expressions. Anyway you could help with that?
That's great! uwu
Could you elaborate more on the facial expressions, please? Like which kind of faces you had trouble describing? Thanks!
When I was writing chapter 4, I felt like I used "smirk" too much. I know in my gut that Samantha isn't one to smile, so I just felt like I used it too often.
Hey, Sophia, you know what's funny? Your idea was exactly what I was thinking. By the way, I type the original copy on Google docx. The indenting works fine there, as far as I'm aware. Also, when I was writing chapter 4, I felt like I was struggling to find the right word for some facial expressions. Anyway you could help with that?
That's great! uwu
Could you elaborate more on the facial expressions, please? Like which kind of faces you had trouble describing? Thanks!When I was writing chapter 4, I felt like I used "smirk" too much. I know in my gut that Samantha isn't one to smile, so I just felt like I used it too often.
You could use snigger, which is a sort of mockful laugh. There's also sneer, which is sort of like a smirk, but more "aggressive" (also in a mockful way). You can use "chuckled scornfully", too, or something like that.
Hey, Sophia, you know what's funny? Your idea was exactly what I was thinking. By the way, I type the original copy on Google docx. The indenting works fine there, as far as I'm aware. Also, when I was writing chapter 4, I felt like I was struggling to find the right word for some facial expressions. Anyway you could help with that?
That's great! uwu
Could you elaborate more on the facial expressions, please? Like which kind of faces you had trouble describing? Thanks!When I was writing chapter 4, I felt like I used "smirk" too much. I know in my gut that Samantha isn't one to smile, so I just felt like I used it too often.
You could use snigger, which is a sort of mockful laugh. There's also sneer, which is sort of like a smirk, but more "aggressive" (also in a mockful way). You can use "chuckled scornfully", too, or something like that (maybe simper would be a better word).
Hey, Sophia, you know what's funny? Your idea was exactly what I was thinking. By the way, I type the original copy on Google docx. The indenting works fine there, as far as I'm aware. Also, when I was writing chapter 4, I felt like I was struggling to find the right word for some facial expressions. Anyway you could help with that?
That's great! uwu
Could you elaborate more on the facial expressions, please? Like which kind of faces you had trouble describing? Thanks!When I was writing chapter 4, I felt like I used "smirk" too much. I know in my gut that Samantha isn't one to smile, so I just felt like I used it too often.
You could use snigger, which is a sort of mockful laugh. There's also sneer, which is sort of like a smirk, but more "aggressive" (also in a mockful way). You can use "chuckled scornfully", too, or something like that (but simper would be a better word).
Can you help determine if this name is too on-the-nose? I named my main character Astra Starr, I thought it would be a good name, since he's in a superhero/action comedy series. But the name is basically "Star Star". (yes, I know "Astra" is a girl's name, I kinda thought it would be a funny idea, considering his doom-and-gloom, tough guy attitude at first.)
Lately, I've been writing a document on my character Seth. It's about how he became involved with Nathaniel and his demons. This document ends his backstory before he's introduced into the main storyline. It's not completed, but I would love some critique on what I have written so far.
Can you help determine if this name is too on-the-nose? I named my main character Astra Starr, I thought it would be a good name, since he's in a superhero/action comedy series. But the name is basically "Star Star". (yes, I know "Astra" is a girl's name, I kinda thought it would be a funny idea, considering his doom-and-gloom, tough guy attitude at first.)
It's a good name, and if you like it, then that's fine. And considering that Astra is a girl's name given to a guy is perfectly fine, too!
The fact that your character's name means "Star Star" is definitely OK, as you're not exactly naming your character "Star Star" but "Astra Starr".
It's not too on-the-nose, and it would not be a problem if you kept it that way.
Personally I like the name, and find it cool that both mean "Star" :3
But if you want a different name:
Some similar feminine names would be Avis and Arwin.
Aster is unisex and it also means star, and two other unisex names are Avalon and Avira
Hope this helped! :3
Lately, I've been writing a document on my character Seth. It's about how he became involved with Nathaniel and his demons. This document ends his backstory before he's introduced into the main storyline. It's not completed, but I would love some critique on what I have written so far.
It's amazing! I don't see anything with it that needs fixing except for this part:
Seth’s body hurt. Aches and twinges put him through anguish. The other figure glared at him from the doorway. Its relentless eyes studied him, burning into his soul.
The first line of the paragraph, "Seth's body hurt" is…well, it's useless. You described the agony he was going through in the second sentence, which is what is supposed to be there: Show, don't tell. The second line follows this rule while the first does not. You could rephrase it to:
"Aches and twinges put Seth's body through anguish"
Leaving the first sentence out. Or something of the sort.
Seth stared at the studies strewn across his desk. His office was wholly dark. The only source of illumination an accrue feeble hallway light. A thought loomed over his mind. The dwelling notion of the shadowy figures in the doorway made his body twitched; his skin felt like a pincushion. Why were they there? Where did they derive? All these questions swirled around his head. Maybe he had gone off the deep end. No—NO! These figures were actual. Irritation swelled through him, and he slammed his hands on the desk. Distributed papers floated to the ground. Sweat beaded on his forehead from the spanning heat over his body.
You wrote an amazing first paragraph which would really reel the reader in. And the rest is great, too (like your use of adjectives)
Great job!
Hope that bit helped! :3
Hey! I've been working on this book for a while now, I think I finally have the first scene (Or maybe prologue?) set in stone, I know it still need a few adjustments it's pretty close… I was just wondering if there was anything visibly wrong with it. It's quite difficult to see the problems in something I consider to be my literal ChiLD
Take as long as you need to respond, no pressure! c:
I woke up.
My head was pounding, looking around the room groggily, I realized I was in a hospital. I glanced at the foot of my bed, my parents were in chairs across from me, both were asleep.
Suddenly, all my memories came rushing back to my mind like a tidal wave.
A car crash, that car… did I hurt anyone? No no no… why did this happen? I need to see if I hurt anyone! I started to get up but faltered. I clenched my jaw, my head spun violently.
I looked over and noticed something I hadn’t before, a nurse by my bedside. She reached her hands towards me, pinning me down to the bed gently “Don’t strain yourself, you still may not be in the position to get up and walk around yet. Please stay down Samuel.”
I shook my head, pointing to my parents. The nurse walked over to them and shook them lightly to bring them out of their slumber. The nurse then told them something quietly.
My mother snapped her head towards me, “Samuel! Oh, thank god!” she rushed over to me, embracing me tightly, “I thought you would be asleep forever! Thank goodness you’re alright!”
Once she had finished babbling about how scared she and dad were I tugged her towards me, whispering in her ear, “Was anyone else hurt in the crash?!” She looked at my father who was standing by my bedside and shook her head, “No. You were the only one.”
That glance between my parents made me uneasy. But I passed it off as paranoia, my parents wouldn’t lie to me about such an important topic. Right?
By the time I was let out of the hospital school was already starting up again. Well that was a pathetic summer vacation… I sighed. Though I soon reminded myself that my summer vacations never had been very exciting. I usually spent them at the library in the historical fiction section. Someplace where I was the only one around, other than the poor saps stuck with a summer reading list. I never had figured out why so many kids hated to study literature. It was much better than listening a bunch of brats bragging about spending their vacation in Miami on their family’s expensive yacht.
I always thought I might’ve been a bit strange. I was the kid who liked to (heaven forbid!) read books. The one that was “too shy” to talk, even after spending his entire life in the same school with the same people. The friendless loser, if you will.
But for a long time, I had always figured that everyone had the same problem I did. That any other kid in the 8th was shy to the point of not ever talking with their classmates and teachers. Though after communicating this difficulty to my parents, the pitiful hope of relatability got snuffed out within minutes. After that I accepted the fact that I probably wouldn’t ever be able to speak. Meaning I wouldn’t ever make any friends either.
I didn’t need them though, I usually had a lot of fun with myself, reading books in the park in the warm sunlight was something I enjoyed doing in the first few years of summer. Though the faint twinge of jealousy never went away when I watched the other kids playing tag and hide and go seek. I constantly reminded myself that I was fine on my own. I didn’t need to be with other people to have a good time. That all I needed was my parents.
Around the same time, my father would often play chess with me in the evenings when he came home from work. We would play for hours, and sometimes this would result in me falling asleep halfway through a game.
While my earlier summers were fun, they started to sour as the years went by. My father grew more distant with me, coming home from work later and later with each month. I hadn’t noticed that my parents had much less time to spend as a family. The visits to the park had soon faded away, as did those games of chess.
I would sometimes try to stay up until my father returned home, waiting to ask him to play with me. But when he did arrive, he would be tired and irritable. He would tell me to go to bed, or say that he was to tired for a game.
After a few failed attempts, I came to the conclusion that my father didn’t have time for me anymore, and that I was a bother to him.
My mother would try to comfort me, talking about things like “minimum wage.” and, “not enough time in the day.” But at this point I had already figured out what my father’s priority was. It was money. Not me, or my mother… all he wanted was wealth.
Even after he had succeeded in fending off bankruptcy, he still never spent any time with me or mom. He had been so scared of losing everything that he had worked for, that he forgot about something far more important, his family and himself.
I know it still needs a few adjustments but it's pretty close…* My brain… w h y-