forum Post your characters and I will either give you critiques or simply harshly judge them, your choice :)
Started by @Hey_Its_Snowy_And_Im_Generally_Confused
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@Hey_Its_Snowy_And_Im_Generally_Confused

@NotSoBeautifulDiseaster

For his identifying marks, is there anything special about his glasses? Lots of people wear glasses so there must be something about his to have been put in the identifying marks category. Same goes for the contacts. Normal contacts, or are they colored some distinct way?

Having him being both super controlling and peaceful seems a little odd, although I do think it’s an interesting contrast. I would recommend elaborating on this a little more. Provide more flaws, just one or two, that coincide more with his controlling side. Having more flaws doesn’t mean he can’t still be really friendly, though :D
And did something in his past make him this controlling? Did something happen to stepsister that made him feel the need to control her life? It says she was bullied, but was there a particular incident? Or is it due to his jealousy?

So you say he acts hostile to people who disturb peace, but I don’t think he’d do so if he avoids conflict in general.

I love that you used eye contact in both the happy and angry mannerisms. He definitely shows a lot of emotions in his eyes, and and I like that consistency. Maybe when he’s sad, he avoids eye contact? And then people who are close to him use that to figure out if somethings wrong.

Any particular reason he doesn’t like bunnies and bubblegum? Bad experiences? They seem rather random, but if there is a legitimate reason, it shapes his character more.

The amount of effort put into the backstory is amazing, really. I feel like I personally know the character now.

Terry is said to be a friendly guy, but from what I’m reading, he seems a bit manipulative and conniving. Why didn’t he help Charlie out? That wasn’t very clear to me. He’s definitely a big liar and not fully a good guy. I would add more of these traits to the personality section. It kinda took me by surprise to read this.

Overall, I think Terry is a cool character! I’ve found myself invested in his story and I feel like he seems to be a real person with real thoughts, not some perfect or typical cutout. There are things that do need to be polished or elaborated on of course, but you’ve made a great character.

@Hey_Its_Snowy_And_Im_Generally_Confused

@AloeVera

i was going to roast him for a man bun, but i think that speaks for itself

cigarettes, coffee, alcohol, and all the sudden Jean is making me feel like he’s stuck between a goth and a hipster phase

alright the CAT tattoo says he’s more on the hipster side of things. there’s cat people, and then there’ cat people

to cope, Jean yells, and people yelling is a trigger for him. I can feel the self-loathing from here

okay roasting him and then discovering we’re the same personality type is a twist 👁👄👁
but I’m a little bitch and because of my excellent reasoning, I’m saying he’s one too

hobbies include: alcoholism

the daddy issues do NOT surprise me

okay but on the down low, i would eat depression spaghetti and dark chocolate with him

I’m getting scared now because he is almost exactly a year younger than one of my characters and I know the city where he was born

is he secretly me

family died? just become an assassin

hgjfhjgkfld alright i judged him so much but I actually kinda love him
i bet he’s got great music taste and we’d low key vibe

@Hey_Its_Snowy_And_Im_Generally_Confused

@Anxietyfilledcinnamonroll

his name alone is giving me emo vibes LMAO

The description of his role makes me want to ask, can he stand alone as a character without Gwen? If he’s one of the main characters, he should have things that are just his/do things on his own.

170 at 6’2, he should be skinny instead of it saying he has an average weight. If he’s fit, the muscles will add some more weight. I don’t think he should weigh that much more, but at least a bit.

okay but is he a vampire or what ghfjkdls

his outfits, he must be a vampire omg

His personality is very consistent all around, but I’d love to know why he’s such a loner. Did his upbringing make him that way? Anyone that extremely reserved has to have a reason why.

He has to have some sort of outlet for his emotions since he doesn’t share them with people. Or does he just allow them to bubble up? If so, he would have outbursts pretty often.

I find his career choice a little unrealistic given his past and his fears, so perhaps add a little more as to why he felt he should choose it.

Nightmares, PTSD, anxiety, and flashbacks all seems like a bit much, but considering his lifestyle I do get it. I’d recommend focusing on one of these more prominently than the rest.

@Anxietyfilledcinnamonroll group

@Anxietyfilledcinnamonroll

his name alone is giving me emo vibes LMAO

The description of his role makes me want to ask, can he stand alone as a character without Gwen? If he’s one of the main characters, he should have things that are just his/do things on his own.

170 at 6’2, he should be skinny instead of it saying he has an average weight. If he’s fit, the muscles will add some more weight. I don’t think he should weigh that much more, but at least a bit.

okay but is he a vampire or what ghfjkdls

his outfits, he must be a vampire omg

His personality is very consistent all around, but I’d love to know why he’s such a loner. Did his upbringing make him that way? Anyone that extremely reserved has to have a reason why.

He has to have some sort of outlet for his emotions since he doesn’t share them with people. Or does he just allow them to bubble up? If so, he would have outbursts pretty often.

I find his career choice a little unrealistic given his past and his fears, so perhaps add a little more as to why he felt he should choose it.

Nightmares, PTSD, anxiety, and flashbacks all seems like a bit much, but considering his lifestyle I do get it. I’d recommend focusing on one of these more prominently than the rest.

Thank you!

Haha, yeah, his name does radiate those vibes. It's like a warning to what you're about to get into. He can be a stand-alone character. That role is just kinda what he does in the beginning. I did forget muscles add weight as they are gained. Thank you for the reminder. The reason he's reserved: It all starting with a house fire killing his parents, then being diagnosed with PTSD. His PTSD got worse in his late teens, and he started hurting people unintentionally. Because he couldn’t control his emotions, he shut himself off from others. Later in the arc, he opens up more and gradually gets better. The outfit is part of the uniform code (But I couldn't help myself but give him a bomber jacket ;)). He expresses bottled emotions in his room or violently scribbling in his notebook. His job was not his choice, but he had no other decision. He was connected to his brother, making him a target for demons. He would be hunted and brutally murdered if he tried to live normally.

Regarding his PTSD, I can’t ditch nightmares, anxiety, and flashbacks. These symptoms part of the condition as a whole. Nightmares, anxiety, and flashbacks are the main symptoms. PTSD is clumped with anxiety disorders, so that would be counterproductive. Getting rid of those symptoms would not be an accurate portrayal of PTSD (For him at least. I could be wrong, but from what I learned during my research is that those are very common symptoms).

I hope I answered some questions, and again thank you for critiquing him!

@Hey_Its_Snowy_And_Im_Generally_Confused

@AAAAAGGGHH-MJ-MIGHT-BE-AN-ARSONIST

just gonna get this outta the way, vigilante protagonist is a type of protagonist i am weak for

I’m a little confused as to how she has insanely thick hair but not a lot of hair. If it’s thick and at her shoulders, she should have a decent amount.

NOOO I’M WEAK FOR EYEBROW SCARS TOO STOP

The tattoo phrases sound a little cheesy, but I don’t know your universe that well, so maybe cheesy works. If you are going for something serious, I’d change them up a tad.

Her personality is giving me both super talkative and outgoing AND quiet and reserved. Maybe it’s just me, but it’s a bit inconsistent.

I feel like her ability to control fear should play into her personality more. I didn’t see much of it. Maybe she’s manipulative because of it, or she’s withdrawn from people because she’s worried her ability would make her an outcast of sorts. Further on in her profile we get better insight into this, but I think you should define some traits directly linked to the power.

How did Shea go from being in a normal adopted family to getting kidnapped and put in a crazy situation? Was there a large disconnect between her and her new family?

Have her seizures complicated things before? If she has them a lot, they should contribute something meaningful to her story.

all in all, she’s a cool gal and very intriguing :)

@Hey_Its_Snowy_And_Im_Generally_Confused

@Thesaurus-Rex33

I don’t really expect you to change this, but her first name is pretty complicated and a rule I usually follow is to have your main character have a name you don’t look at and go whoa. But if she is referred to as Bee most of the time, this isn’t a problem :)

The way you’ve phrased her hair color is a bit confusing. Are her bangs teal and yellow and the rest of her hair black? It should be more clearly described in the story if it isn’t already.

So you wouldn’t normally have red undertones when it comes to olive skin, I do understand she isn’t human so if this is just a trait of her race then you can leave it.

“…because it’s not as if they left her hand makeup there.”
sorry i might be dumb but I cannot interpret this sentence

do you mean Tourette’s? Because turrets are towers on a castle

It feels sort of weird to me that she’s this harsh, angry person, yet also likes to be chill and crack jokes. It doesn’t seem to fit in to me. I’m not saying to take that out, but I would add more positive traits to her to make it seem more realistic. She seems like she’d really annoy me as a main character, and you can totally have an asshole MC, but not one that discourages the reader from continuing.

The water phobia is cool, and it’d be amazing if this comes up in the story. Like, she has to face her fear for the greater good, or it connects to a major plot point. There’s a lot of potential in this and you should definitely use it.

I’d probably critique something about her powers but I’m not versed in this world enough to do so hgjfjdls
I’m sure if I read your story it would a make a lot more sense, and it’s always a good idea to read through what you’ve written and pretend you know nothing about this universe to see how it’ll sound to readers.

I already love Harlow

Will her motorcycle play into an integral part of the story or her character?

all in all she sounds really cool and the story is cool too! seems like a fun universe to write in

@Hey_Its_Snowy_And_Im_Generally_Confused

@Nathan U.

“The Huntsmammal” kinda makes me wanna laugh when I read it, but if he’s a humorous character then this is alright. If you were going for something cooler then I’d do a bit of revision.

Not seeing anything positive in his nature. He’s giving me more villain vibes than anti-hero to be honest. Maybe he’s also charming and sly? I feel like this could fit him.

His backstory is giving me a bit of Batman vibes, and at its core is not particularly unique. Motivation from a deceased woman is sort of contrived at this point, but I do like the elements of the “wave” and the terrorists. You’ve added some cool new things, but perhaps some more originality would help. Not trying to call you basic if it comes off that way hgjfld

To be honest, I don’t have much to say about Alyx, which may be a problem in itself. There doesn’t seem to be much substance to her and she’s a bit one dimensional, but I would love it if her role in the story is to be partners of some sort with Jay. They’d make a fun dynamic, if not a bit of a cliche one. To me she seems like the typical enthusiastic comic relief character, so add some layers to her.

@Hey_Its_Snowy_And_Im_Generally_Confused

@sheabutter

giving me rich white kid that would bully me in middle school vibes

I can already tell mans would roast like a baked potato in the sun

when I read crosses his arms while walking, I just pictured him walking like that wide Putin meme. If you don’t know the one, please look it up omg

quiet and gentle ☀️🌈🌸🍃🍄
snaps and all hell breaks loose 💥🤬🔪⚡️💢

we love an anger issues boi™️

ok is he like married to his dagger
it’s been mentioned like 5 times
no judgement at all dude, but like,
he loves his dagger huh

gay prince with granddaddy issues? love that

I feel like he has a flair for the dramatic

@NathanU

@Hey_Its_Snowy_And_Im_Generally_Confused

“The Huntsmammal” kinda makes me wanna laugh when I read it, but if he’s a humorous character then this is alright. If you were going for something cooler then I’d do a bit of revision.

Well, my story's a spinoff of another, and in that one (set in a world where there are no humans and mammals are the sentient living beings) I've seen "mammal" used a lot to refer to people and as a suffix instead of "-man"

Not seeing anything positive in his nature. He’s giving me more villain vibes than anti-hero to be honest. Maybe he’s also charming and sly? I feel like this could fit him.

well… he does undergo character development-

but I do like the elements of the “wave” and the terrorists.

Thanks, those plot points aren't even mine .w.;;

I would love it if her role in the story is to be partners of some sort with Jay.

……….H-He literally winds up joining the team she's in.
I thought I'd made that at least a bit clear in their "Affiliations" fields?

To me she seems like the typical enthusiastic comic relief character, so add some layers to her.

Yeah well, see, shit will go down with her that'll take a big toll on her emotional state (e.g. her bf gets killed by a baddie, which leads to more shit going down)
I just haven't put much of that up in her page yet