forum Post your characters and I will either give you critiques or simply harshly judge them, your choice :)
Started by @Hey_Its_Snowy_And_Im_Generally_Confused
tune

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@Thesaurus-Rex33 group

@Thesaurus-Rex33

I don’t really expect you to change this, but her first name is pretty complicated and a rule I usually follow is to have your main character have a name you don’t look at and go whoa. But if she is referred to as Bee most of the time, this isn’t a problem :)

The way you’ve phrased her hair color is a bit confusing. Are her bangs teal and yellow and the rest of her hair black? It should be more clearly described in the story if it isn’t already.

So you wouldn’t normally have red undertones when it comes to olive skin, I do understand she isn’t human so if this is just a trait of her race then you can leave it.

“…because it’s not as if they left her hand makeup there.”
sorry i might be dumb but I cannot interpret this sentence

do you mean Tourette’s? Because turrets are towers on a castle

It feels sort of weird to me that she’s this harsh, angry person, yet also likes to be chill and crack jokes. It doesn’t seem to fit in to me. I’m not saying to take that out, but I would add more positive traits to her to make it seem more realistic. She seems like she’d really annoy me as a main character, and you can totally have an asshole MC, but not one that discourages the reader from continuing.

The water phobia is cool, and it’d be amazing if this comes up in the story. Like, she has to face her fear for the greater good, or it connects to a major plot point. There’s a lot of potential in this and you should definitely use it.

I’d probably critique something about her powers but I’m not versed in this world enough to do so hgjfjdls
I’m sure if I read your story it would a make a lot more sense, and it’s always a good idea to read through what you’ve written and pretend you know nothing about this universe to see how it’ll sound to readers.

I already love Harlow

Will her motorcycle play into an integral part of the story or her character?

all in all she sounds really cool and the story is cool too! seems like a fun universe to write in

Just to explain some things!!

Her name is INDEED complicated, I agree, but she goes by Bee almost always :))

You’re right about the hair, I’ll try to rephrase that lol, sorry

I recently changed her race and added the red undertones, I totally over read it still said olive apparently?? Or I didn’t realize?? I’ll fix that too lol

‘Because it’s not as if they LET her HAVE makeup’ my kindle, I use a phone now, changed sentences and I’m STILL fixing those so thanks for pointing that out omg—

Uhm. So I may have uhm. not realized I was fucking spelling it wrong????? 🙄 I’ll have to change that, i never realized I was forgetting it?!?!

Nah she’s an ass on purpose, and also I sometimes write things that happen in different books in the wrong way so basically she chills out more later on, but also it might just be me but I love her constantly going from ‘as cool a sleep over’ to ‘DONT FREAKING TOUCH M E’

Her water phobia is my fave. It does end up being smth she faces big time!

Powers are always hard to explain, if you want more in depth Feel free to DM me!

Harlow is baby.

Not ‘integral’ I guess, but seeing as it’s her job as an adult to race them and it’s one thing that calms her tics down it’s very important to her personally.

And thank you, I love my story 🥰

@Hey_Its_Snowy_And_Im_Generally_Confused

@Hey_Its_Snowy_And_Im_Generally_Confused

“The Huntsmammal” kinda makes me wanna laugh when I read it, but if he’s a humorous character then this is alright. If you were going for something cooler then I’d do a bit of revision.

Well, my story's a spinoff of another, and in that one (set in a world where there are no humans and mammals are the sentient living beings) I've seen "mammal" used a lot to refer to people and as a suffix instead of "-man"

Not seeing anything positive in his nature. He’s giving me more villain vibes than anti-hero to be honest. Maybe he’s also charming and sly? I feel like this could fit him.

well… he does undergo character development-

but I do like the elements of the “wave” and the terrorists.

Thanks, those plot points aren't even mine .w.;;

I would love it if her role in the story is to be partners of some sort with Jay.

……….H-He literally winds up joining the team she's in.
I thought I'd made that at least a bit clear in their "Affiliations" fields?

To me she seems like the typical enthusiastic comic relief character, so add some layers to her.

Yeah well, see, shit will go down with her that'll take a big toll on her emotional state (e.g. her bf gets killed by a baddie, which leads to more shit going down)
I just haven't put much of that up in her page yet

ahhh i understand the mammal thing now, cool!

and yay for character development! I know it’s kind of hard to put that in the character outlines but as long as it’s in your story, that’s what really matters.

also sorry, I skipped over the affiliations a bit as there’s not much for me to critique in that section