forum Critique these journal entries
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@SupernaturalSyGuyIsTIred group

Journal of Lux Tenebris 17
We have come upon the encampment of the enemy just as I got word back from Aragorn. He has decided to send reinforcements, and has informed me that I will be in their command when they arrive. For now it is just my warriors and I battling Rayn’s forces. I am still unaware of how he came to enmass such an army of skilled swordsmen and archers.

Journal of Lux Tenebris 18
Now the enemy has urgals and Uruk Hai among their ranks. I found this out just as Aragorn’s reinforcements arrived. They number highly with three hundred men and women. This can be good, for the enemy has a total of only half of my forces.

Journal of Lux Tenebris 19
Rayn has reinforcements now. I shall have to think of something to do to lessen their ranks. Some of mine have fallen ill due to bad food.

Journal of Lux Tenebris 20
Seeing how the enemy has gained reinforcements, I have ordered that some of my men sneak into their camp during the night to set the camp ablaze.

@SupernaturalSyGuyIsTIred group

Journal of Lux Tenebris 21
The plan was a success! Most of Rayn’s men are dead or dying. I have received word that Rayn is encamped just a few miles away from where we are. I will take some of my best warriors, and ride out to attack him head on.

Journal of Lux Tenebris 22
[A week later]
I am now camping just a few short miles away from where Rayn camps. I am going to send a messenger over to find out the reason behind this war.

Journal of Lux Tenebris 23
Rayn sent back the head of the man that I sent to deliver the message with a message of his own. I too have killed the messenger that he sent. I shall write here word for word his message.

“This war started when your parents wrongly killed my brother, Spartain, for the accusations of waging an attack against your kingdom. I am now taking it upon myself to get revenge. You must be wondering how I gained such an army to fight with me. I acquired them by going from town to town amongst the kingdoms that are not in alliance with yours. You and your family will suffer for what your parents have done!

So that is what this is about! It’s all just some petty revenge scheme for the death of his brother. I shall have to speak to my mother and father about this.

Journal of Lux Tenebris 24
My parents have confirmed that our kingdom was indeed attacked during the night of their wedding, and that my father did indeed sentence Spartain to death. He came to discover that Spartain was not responsible for the attack, but someone else. He fears that this person sits among the Elven Council, but has no idea who they are. He regrets that he could not do anything to make up for the loss of Spartain. I myself am at a loss as what to do….

@FanfictionFanatic group

It's always satisfying when a character realizes the reason behind something big that they are caught up in. It makes you wonder how they are going to process the information and what their next step will be.

In this case, maybe an apology to Rayn for everything would be a good start… Though I sincerely doubt that would do anything or change Rayn’s mind on his current path…

@SupernaturalSyGuyIsTIred group

Journal of Lux Tenebris 25
This is a great wonder. I had worked my way to meet Rayn face to face successfully. When he had seen me he at first put up a great fight. During the duel we had talked to each other and have come to an understanding. I swore to him that I would see to it that the one truly responsible for what happened would pay for their actions, if and only if he, Rayn, were to surrender, and make an allegiance to my family. I was stunned when he actually accepted. This war of ours is now over, and my family has come out victorious.!

Journal of Lux Tenebris 26
We had a feast in celebration of the end of the war. There were a lot of deaths on both sides, and now the bodies are being sent back to their families for burial. I have talked to my father about adding a color to our family crest,. He asked which one, and what it would mean. In response I told him that the new color would be maroon, which means victorious in battle. He has accepted, but only agreed that it would be added after I myself become king.

Journal of Lux Tenebris 27
[15 years later]
My father is gravely ill, and my children are saddened by this, for they love him dearly. My mother is constantly sitting beside his bed, and won’t leave his side for anything. I can see that life in him is growing weak. I should prepare the kingdom for his loss, and prepare myself and Ambyr to become King and Queen over a vast amount of land.

Journal of Lux Tenebris 28
It is with a heavy heart that I write this tonight, for my father has passed, leaving my mother in great grief. The people of the kingdom are very saddened by his death, and we have received condolences from the kingdoms that are in an alliance with us, including that of the ones that are not. Clearly my father was respected by the rulers of those kingdoms, and they have all pledged that there will be a time of amnesty between all the kingdoms. My children are beside themselves, crying themselves to sleep during the night. Tomorrow the kingdom will be adorned with black tapestries.

@FanfictionFanatic group

Well, that was almost too easy but I'm glad Rayn can be reasonable about getting justice. Sad ending to these entries though… but understandable; you just can't keep characters alive forever. 😔

@SupernaturalSyGuyIsTIred group

Yeah. Life likes to not be kind to poor, poor Lux. One bad break after another.

Journal of Lux Tenebris 29
Aragorn has now given his kingdom over to be under my ruling, for he seems to sense that I will be a greater king than even my own father was. He has also fulfilled his promise.

Journal of Lux Tenebris 30
[3 months later]
Aunt Daneris came to me today. She looked like she had been attacked. She was bleeding almost from head to toe. I now have her resting in the infirmary with the accompaniment of the most skilled healers. They are working on her as I write this even now. I am told that Aunt Daneris is stubbornly attempting to flee the infirmary; I am not surprised by this.

Journal of Lux Tenebris 31
I just paid a visit to my adoptive aunt, and from her I have discovered that she was indeed attacked by someone on the Elven Council. She refuses to tell me who it was, for she fears that they will come after me and my family once I learn of their identity.

Journal of Lux Tenebris 32
I am enraged right now. My hand shakes with fury as I write. Someone has killed my sons and their beautiful mother! Daneris has now decided to tell me who attacked her. It was none other than Tritain! Tritain will suffer for this, even if it takes many years to make her pay!

@FanfictionFanatic group

I should be used to shocks from you but… 😦 you still managed to catch me off guard. I was not expecting the kids and Debiris (I’m just going to call her Deb because I can't remember how to spell her name…) to be murdered.

I think I had a suspicion about Tritain because of Deb and Stark’s visions from when Lux first turned ten… but I’ll have to reread it to be sure.

@SupernaturalSyGuyIsTIred group

LOL Yeah, the hits keep coming.

Journal of Lux Tenebris 33
[2 years later]
I have battled many wars, and have won most if not all of them. My mother has sadly passed on to go be with my father, but she has gone at an age acceptable for her to die. Yet I am saddened by her loss. My heart feels like it has been torn out of my chest, stomped on, torn apart, fed to the dogs, and then shoved back into my chest.
(Sad side note that at the time that I wrote that I had lost someone that was a big part of my life, and that is exactly what I felt like.)

Journal of Lux Tenebris 34
I have saved Aunt Daneris from being killed yet again! This time she was being attacked by several men; a small army. I quickly swept in and killed them all. She was too in shock to thank me for saving her this time.

Journal of Lux Tenebris 35
I was gifted by an elderly elf named Thurinmor with a long life. I had saved him from an assassination attempt. Despite his name, I have found out that he is actually a very kind soul. He told me that he once held a seat on the Elven Council, but was forced out of it. I let Daneris know of his gift, and she told me that it is rare for an elf to give this gift (even more so to a human). I am grateful for his gift, yet I am saddened that I must watch those that I love grow old and die while I myself stay looking youthful. This is why I have decided to try to stay away from relations that would only hurt me in the end.

Journal of Lux Tenebris 36
[A month later]
I was awakened to the sound of screams last night. I am writing this far outside of my kingdom. I regret that I had to flee to save my own hide, and by doing so, surrendering my kingdom. I have a feeling that I know exactly who has taken my kingdom away from me.

@FanfictionFanatic group

Oh, oops… I misread the previous entries. I thought Lux’s mom was killed with his kids, not his wife… I guess that's what happens when you try to critique something that close to midnight ☺️

(I can relate to that feeling. I had a similar experience when my grandmother died a few years ago. I was a wreck… My whole family was, actually. It was really hard to go through…)

So, Lux is now a king on the run… Wonder who attacked his kingdom.

@SupernaturalSyGuyIsTIred group

Journal of Lux Tenebris 37
[Many years later]
It has been many years, almost a century now, since I last wrote. I have been forced to change my name many times. There are now a total of two hundred fifty generations of Luxs in my family, and they are all actually me. Aunt Daneris has managed to come to me. She had brought a witch with her named Sally, and a man by the name of Lumen. Tomorrow night they will lock me up.

Oh, I forgot to mention that I am now remembering exactly what I do while in my ‘time of darkness’. I call the periods of when I am evil this, for it accurately describes that time. These words shall also act as a warning to those that are aware of the curse that is upon me. She thinks that the so called ‘Lux I’ had died many years ago of old age. I find it amusing that she thinks that the line of the family Tenebris has officially died out. I am anxiously awaiting to see the look on her face when she discovers that the one and only Lux is still alive and well!

Journal of Lux Tenebris 38
Lumen, that fool, had released me while I was evil. We happened to attack an encampment of Tritain’s, and I had nearly killed Aunt Daneris. If it were not for Lumen realizing his mistake and plunging his sword through my stomach, I fear that I very well might have killed her. Lumen is, or was, a skilled warrior. I happened to slice off one of his hands after he stabbed me in the back. This makes him incapable of wielding a bow and arrow, but I hope that he can still be useful with a sword. If retrained properly, he could once again be a skilled swordsman. I might take it upon myself to retrain him for payment for taking one of his hands. He was taken away by Tritain’s men.. Sally came upon me during the morning hours, and decided to take me to the ruins of Osgiliath to heal me in secret. She shall heal me through the work of magics.

Journal of Lux Tenebris 39
[3 months later]
My wound has fully healed, and I have asked Sally if she'd like to assist me in rescuing Lumen. She accepted, and managed to send word in secret to Daneris, who has also decided to assist us. She will distract the guards while Sally magically takes the keys from them. Daneris also has some men that are willing to help. They shall watch for anyone else that is going to the dungeons, and distract them. While this is happening, Sally will hand me the keys, and I will go to free Lumen.

Journal of Lux Tenebris 40
We have successfully rescued Lumen just a day before Tritain changed her mind to having him executed. Lumen was, and I expected this, shocked that I am still alive. He at first refused to go with me, but when he was told of his impending death, he changed his mind, and reluctantly decided that he’d come with us. We managed to get free of the castle through an underground passageway that was hidden from Tritain. It was made in the days of my father’s ruling as an escape route if ever needed. He had it sealed and hidden by magic. The path leads to a cave well outside of the walls of the citadel and into a field made of stone. The cave is also hidden from view with magic. From the outside it looks like an abandoned mine.

We rode from there and came upon a shack. Lumen decided that he had wanted to live there. As it turns out, that same shack happens to be on the small space of land that my grandfather had given to Daneris and Urchin, so it was already stocked with what was needed for one to live there. I had Sally put magic around the exterior to make it look as if there was nothing but a flat, useless expanse of land there. The cabin could only be made out by the outlines of a very old looking foundation, and once someone was inside, the actual cabin could be seen. Lumen thanked me once he discovered that it was my plan to rescue him, and after learning of my curse in its entirety, he slowly started to trust me again. I too, in time, came to find out that he is somehow now immune to my gaze during the dark time.

Journal of Lux Tenebris 41
[5 months later]
Aunt Daneris is pregnant again; this time with twins! She has decided to give me the gift of a long life as payment for assisting her in her times of need. As a result, I shall live even longer than I already should have. Her husband, Urchin, has charged me with protecting them and their children. I have talked Aunt Daneris into having her children live with two separate families after they are birthed.

I assured her that it would better their chances for survival. I have promised her that these children will be well taken care of, for I am going to watch over them through the use of the mirror that was given to my parents as a wedding gift by none other than my adoptive aunt and uncle themselves. Luckily I have had the foresight to hide it in the ruins of Osgiliath before my kingdom was taken from me.

@FanfictionFanatic group

Ok. That was a very long final entry session but it was a very good story!

Yeah… Maybe a little redundant but I still would have found it interesting. Either way, I enjoyed this adventure you wrote and the unique way you did it.

@FanfictionFanatic group

Of the story or of our comments? Because the face you sent when you asked if I had done the math cracked me up. I still chuckle when I think about it. 😉

Seriously though, I did enjoy a lot of this story. On this page alone, I like and respect the fact that you took a personal experience and wrote it from your character's perspective. It made him seem even more real and relatable.