forum Critique these journal entries
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Journal of Stark Tenebris #15
Ardin is, as to be expected, innocent. Some of the other knights had seen Ardis talking to someone in the dead of night a few nights before my wedding. Now my suspicion is on him, and I will question him when once he returns.

Journal of Debilis Renident #15
This is wrong! Ardis is dead, and he has died before Stark could get him to tell us who he spoke to. I fear that whoever was responsible for the attack had killed Ardis to keep him forever silent.

Journal of Stark Tenebris #16
Ardis has returned from his investigation and told me that the rulers of another kingdom, one that my parents weren’t allies with, was responsible, but I do not believe him. I told him what I learned while he was away, but he denied the accusations against him. Even though it pains me to do so, I shall have him tortured to get him to tell me the truth, and the identity of whom he had spoke with!

Journal of Debilis Renident #16
Urchin and Daneris have come for a business related visit. Stark has ordered that the renegades be dug up for some reason. It is disgusting! The bodies were starting to decay, but you could still kind of see what they looked like in life. It happens that these ‘renegades’ are actually elves; elves that have gone missing! Now that they have been found, Stark is sending a message to the Elven Council back with Daneris and Urchin.

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(I noticed the slight inconsistency in time flow with these entries but I think I can still piece together what is supposed to be happening for the story’s sake.)

@FanfictionFanatic group

Interesting twist… but I can't say it was unexpected that the turncoat would be killed off by his “new boss”.

I’m curious about what part the missing/dead Elves played in this.

@SupernaturalSyGuyIsTIred group

Focused on Stark's to catch up with his wife's.

Journal of Stark Tenebris #17
I have gotten Ardis to admit that he had let the renegades into the reception. It took 20 lashes onto his back to get him to admit, so I am going to let him heal before I give him more bites of the whip.

Journal of Stark Tenebris #18
It seems that Ardis had taken his own life last night, but I have reason to suspect that something more sinister had happened to him.

Journal of Stark Tenebris #19
Daneris and Urchin have come to tell me that some of the Forest Elves are missing. I have given an order that the bodies of the renegades be dug up immediately.

My heart grew heavy when Urchin confirmed for me that the bodies of the ‘renegades’ are those of the elves that have gone missing. I have asked them to try to deliver a message for me to the Elven Council. I request an audience with them, here in my castle.

Journal of Stark Tenebris #20
The Council has accepted my invitation, and will be here later tonight.

@SupernaturalSyGuyIsTIred group

(I have the story that this goes with if you'd like to read that too. If I'm remembering correctly I don't think it was until chapter 6 that I started to write with my friend, and that's the chapter that Lux comes into play.)

@SupernaturalSyGuyIsTIred group

Journal of Stark Tenebris #21
That was a surprise that I had not prepared for! Somehow Tritain had gotten a seat in the Elven Council, and she is the youngest elf to ever be part of the Council. I have brought it to their attention that the so called ‘renegades’ that attacked my kingdom were elves. Daneris and Urchin have told them that what I said was the truth. I also made those on the Council aware of Ardis and his demise. After an hour of discussion, Debilis, the Elven Council, my advisors, and I agreed that the one responsible was an elf!

Journal of Debilis Renident #17
Tritain is on the Elven Council! Thankfully they have agreed that an elf was responsible. I am thinking that there is something very wrong going on. I shall have to tell Daneris of my concerns.

Journal of Stark Tenebris #22
[Two weeks later]
I have received word from the Elven Council that they have caught the one responsible for attacking my reception. They sent over the statements of several of their kind saying that an elf by the name of Spartain had asked them if they wanted to make a move onto my kingdom. They have also gathered evidence that Spartain and his crew had stole the weapons that renegades would use from their armory. The Council has decided that they would let me decide what to do about Spartain, and I have decided that I will hold a trail.

Journal of Debilis Renident #18
[Two weeks later]
An elf by the name of Spartain is responsible for the death of my father. I hate him so much, that I want him to suffer the same loss that the families that he hurt had!

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Interesting that an Elf would be the culprit. But I like that its kind of unexpected.

Maybe it's just me, but Debilis’s last entry feels a little dark to me. I understand she's angry and I don't blame her but I am definitely concerned for her now.

@SupernaturalSyGuyIsTIred group

Journal of Stark Tenebris #23
The trial against Spartain was today. His peers have sentenced him as guilty, and I, being the King, have given the order that Spartain be publicly executed tomorrow at dusk.

Journal of Debilis Renident #19
Stark has sentenced Spartain to death. I think that this is an act of mercy, not a punishment, but it will show those that want to move against my love and I that we are not ones to be trifled with.

Journal of Stark Tenebris #24
Spartain was executed for his crimes, and he slowly died at the tip of my sword. I am scared that I enjoyed watching that wretch die slowly! Now my parents and those that died at his hands can rest easy.

@FanfictionFanatic group

… I guess you could say that these are nice, simple entries considering what happened in the story. Still seeing the individual personalities of the couple here as well as their different perspectives on what happened.

Honestly, I would be concerned if Stark wasn’t scared that he felt that way at the end of his last entry.

@SupernaturalSyGuyIsTIred group

Journal of Stark Tenebris #25
It has been three years since the wretch known as Spartain was put to death by my own hand. We have had a period of peace since then. My wife woke up and vomited this morning, so I have sent for the royal physician. Debilis has refused to see him though. We, my wife and me, have warrants out for the capture of several of our enemies; such as a witch that calls herself Duvainethgwendes.

Journal of Debilis Renident #20
[Three years later]
I woke up sick this morning. Stark has sent for the physician, but I do not feel that I need to see him.

Journal of Stark Tenebris #26
Debilis has given me news that we are to be parents! We are so happy that we have decided to throw a ball, which we have not done since Spartain’s treachery!

Journal of Debilis Renident #21
After three days of being ill I have allowed the physician to see me. He has given me wonderful news; I am with child!

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Journal of Stark Tenebris #27
The people are happy that we are going to have a ball.

Journal of Stark Tenebris #28
Urchin, Daneris, the Elven Council, and our other guests are so happy for my wife and me.

Journal of Stark Tenebris #29
Urchin has given the unborn baby a gift; a beautiful sword spear made of mithril. The blade is crafted oddly. I will give it to my child when it is old enough to use the weapon.

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Can't really think of much to say for these but it's cute that they're having a kid. I’m a little curious about the witch…

And I love the Arrow thumbnail. I’m assuming the shape in the background is the shape of the blade.

@SupernaturalSyGuyIsTIred group

Journal of Stark Tenebris #30
I have told Daneris and Urchin that they are now as family. They shall be a part of my child’s life, and if anything were to happen to Debilis and myself, they would raise him as their own. Debilis is happy that I have made them part of our family. We welcome them with open hearts, and open arms.

Journal of Debilis Renident #22
Stark has told me that he wants to make Urchin and Daneris honorary members of our family. They shall act as the aunt and uncle to our child. I am so very happy to have them in our lives!

Journal of Stark Tenebris #31
[Eight months later]
An uninvited guest came to see me and my lovely wife today. This person wore a hooded cloak, and covered her face when she first came. She said that she had a gift to give to the child. A gift that would stay with it for as long as it lived, but she said that the gift would not start to work upon the child until it was the age of ten. She asked if she could lay a hand upon my wife’s stomach. Debilis hesitated at first, and then the woman said that the gift could not go to the child unless she was touching Debilis. Debilis finally allowed the woman to touch her. The child within moved, and she told us that the child was healthy. She started to speak in Elvish, stopped, removed her hand, turned around, and started to walk out.

I asked her what she had done. She turned back to face me. She smiled, and told me that she had given the child a gift that would make it evil every full and new moon after it was ten years of age. I drew my sword, and advanced upon her. She just stood there, smiling as I held the edge of the diamond blade to her throat. I asked her who had sent her. She laughed, and told me something that shook me to the core; that she was sent to deliver a message to me from the one that was truly responsible for the attack that took the lives of my parents, and that the ‘gift’ was her own idea!

I had the woman lower her hood. She was the witch, Duvainethgwendes, whose real identity was Braigdes! She laughed, and told me that the one that was responsible is on the Elven Council. Debilis stood up, and yelled at Braigdes that she would see to it that she died a very slow, agonizing death. The guards came in, seized Braigdes, and took her to the lower dungeons upon my order. The dungeons that I had them take her to lie beneath the castle that is under the dungeons of my family’s castle. The ‘gift’ that she gave to my heir was no gift, but a curse!

Journal of Debilis Renident #23
[Eight months later]
Stark and I had something quite unexpected happen today. A witch known as Duvainethgwendes made a visit. She is wanted, and she had decided to lay a curse upon my unborn child. We had no idea who she was until after the curse was laid! The curse will make the child become evil with every single new and full moon that passes after it’s tenth year of life. I hate the witch, really known as Braigdes, with burning passion. I am going to find a way to make her suffer for what she has done, and I won’t be merciful by having her executed!

For now, I am content knowing that she is locked away, alone and cold, in the sub-dungeons. Stark seems troubled by the news that she had brought us, and I cannot blame him. I too am surprised that the one responsible for killing our loved ones and people was not Spartain, but someone on the Elven Council!

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That's quite a surprising twist. I keep forgetting that magic like that exists in LotR… but still cool. Unfortunate twist for the royal family and a big shock that the main antagonist is on the Elven Council. I have to say I'm looking forward to what happens next.

@SupernaturalSyGuyIsTIred group

Journal of Stark Tenebris #32
Debilis has asked Daneris to lie a curse upon Braigdes that will have her never die. If Daneris does that, then the witch shall live for all eternity, alone in her cell! I fear that Debilis is planning something worse than that. Daneris has told me that the particular curse that Braigdes gave to my unborn child is unremovable, and cannot be altered or the child would die.

Journal of Debilis Renident #24
I thought of a punishment that the treacherous she-devil known as Duvainethgwendes could have, but I have to talk to Daneris first.

Journal of Debilis Renident #25
I talked to Daneris today, and asked her if she could lift the curse that is upon my child. She laid her hands upon me, and examined the curse. She told me that she regretfully could not raise, nor alter the particular curse that is upon my unborn baby.

I have also asked Daneris if she could lay a curse upon the treacherous she-devil hag known as Braigdes. She asked me what type of curse that I wanted, and I responded that I want a curse that would allow the victim to be cold, hungry, and ugly forever. The curse will also make it so that the wench will live forever. I have also asked Daneris to make Duvainethqwendes ‘calendis’. She had told me that it would take some time to create the spell to do that, but I am willing to wait.

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Ok… Umm, I have no idea what “calendis” means or is supposed to mean but that curse that Debilis is talking about… kinda sounds like she may accidentally create the first Vampire of this world…