forum Critique these journal entries
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Journal of Stark Tenebris #33
[A month later]
Debilis has given me a son today! He has brought light into our lives during these dark times, and seeing that the name Tenebris means dark, he shall be called Lux, which means light. It is only fitting that he have this name, for his left eye shines a bright blue while his other eye is brown. Tonight we celebrate as a family!

Journal of Debilis Renident #26
[A month later]
After going through immense amounts of pain for twenty hours I gave birth to a wonderful baby boy. His eyes are colored oddly; his left eye is bright blue, while the other is brown. I asked Daneris and the physician about this. The physician said that it was possible for some babies to have different colored eyes. Daneris said that the left eye is blue to symbolize that he is cursed; luckily not many people know that.

I love the name that Stark and I have chose for our child; Lux. This name is fitting to Lux, for he is a light in our lives during these dark times. I am already growing anxiously nervous for the first time that Lux becomes evil. What are we to do when that dark day comes upon us?

Journal of Stark Tenebris #34
I have told Daneris and Urchin what the witch had told me, and warned them to be careful when dealing with the Elven Council. Daneris is now having suspicion grow inside of her. It pains me that I had planted that seed, but it had to be done! The Elven Council can’t be trusted at this time, but Urchin said that they must still obey those on the Council.

@FanfictionFanatic group

Another beautifully bittersweet moment in these royal’s lives… and a shattering of trust for their closest Elvish friends. Very interesting repercussions are possible from this…

@SupernaturalSyGuyIsTIred group

Journal of Debilis Renident #27
[Ten months later]
Daneris came to me today with fantastic news; the spell to curse the witch Braigdes is ready! We went down to give the lady her food, water, and her ‘gift’. Duvainethgwendes had the nerve to ask me how my baby was doing. I put some of my spit into her food and water before giving it to her. I told her to never ask me about Lux again, and that I had a ‘gift’ for her.

I stepped out of the way, and let Daneris lay the curse upon her. I watched with mirth as Braigdes’ skin turned green; her hair became gray and fell out in some places. Her cheeks hollowed out, and some of her teeth started to fall out. Her skin became wrinkled. Daneris had to turn around so that she could not see what was happening to the witch. I laughed at the ugly woman that Duvainethgwendes became, and told her to enjoy her time locked away. I strolled away from her with a smile upon my face.

Journal of Debilis Renident #28
I told Stark what I did, and he looked at me like I was a monster. He has never looked at me that way, and then he explained to me why what I did was so wrong. He said that it was a cruel thing to do; an act that of which someone evil would do. I am now fearing that he may be right!

@FanfictionFanatic group

… I am torn between laughing and concern on these entries. On one hand, I am not a mother but I know how protective they can be, so I almost want to say that Debilis was justified in her actions. On the other hand, that was kinda extreme… I would like to see an entry by Stark on these events to better understand his reasoning but I do understand his distress.

@SupernaturalSyGuyIsTIred group

I wish I had thought of giving Stark's reasoning….

Journal of Stark Tenebris #35
[Ten years later]
Lux became evil today. We had sat with him in his room, and when night time fell upon us his eyes became black. This black is unlike any other black that I have seen. I could see the blackness swirling inside. Lux tried to bite me, but I pulled away, for I saw that his teeth had become sharp and pointed. As I looked back into my son’s eyes something took hold of me, and I just stared into those swirling black vortexes.

My worst fears became a reality before my very eyes. My family lay dead before my feet, the kingdom lay in ruins, and my people were running from something evil. To my horror I saw Tritain at the helm of the siege. I tried to fight her back, but she pierced me through my abdomen. I saw myself fall before her blade, bleeding as I reached out to touch the hand of my wife. I had seen myself and my kingdom die in Lux’s eyes.

Journal of Dedilis Renident #29
[Ten years later]
I have made the mistake of looking into Lux’s eyes while he was evil. The witch had not told us of what would happen if we were to look into his eyes whilst he was evil. I saw myself as a malicious, cruel, and wrathful Queen. I sat alone in the throne room with Stark’s head on a steak beside me. Bodies surrounded me all around. Daneris was kneeling in front of me, begging me not to kill everyone that she loved, and not to continue down the path of evil.

Tritain and Braigdes came to my side. Tritain had her sword drawn, and I ordered Braigdes to make it so that Daneris wouldn’t die, no matter what I did to her. I then ordered Tritain to decapitate Daneris. As for Urchin, it seemed that I had the witch lay a curse upon him that made it so that he would die, and come back to life afterwards. When I snapped out of the hold of my son’s gaze I knew that I had just seen my worst fear come to life; me becoming evil!

@SupernaturalSyGuyIsTIred group

Journal Lux Tenebris #1
My name is Lux Tenebris. I am 9 years old. My daddy gave me this book for my birthday. He told me that I can use it to write in. He said that it was called keeping a jurnal.

Journal Lux Tenebris #2
[A year later]
I turned 10 today, and my mommy and daddy gave me this really pritty shiney thing. They put it on my head, and told me that I had to wear it when people came to see us, or when we went out. They called it a crown, and told me that one day I would lead our land and people. We sat in my room today, and I am sure that I fell asleep. When I woke up my mommy and daddy were gone. My Ant Danny told me that they had to go do something inportint.

Journal Lux Tenebris #3
[A month later]
Today mommy and daddy took me deep underground. They showed me that there is a castle under ours, and dungeons underneath that. They placed me into a cell down there, left a torch with me, and then left me with Aunt Danny. Aunt Danny wrapped a cloth around my head, and chained my wrists to the wall. I was scared at first, but Aunt Danny told me that she would stay down there with me. I don’t understand why mommy, daddy, and Aunt Danny have done this to me. (Stained with tears.)

Journal Lux Tenebris #4
Mommy and daddy sat me down to tell me why they locked me away. They said that I didn’t do anything wrong, and that they love me. They then said that a which did something to me that would make me evil every new and full moon, so they only locked me up to protect others. They told me that we’d sadly have to do this twice every month for four nights. This means that I will be locked up again tonight.

@FanfictionFanatic group

They certainly did. And Lux’s entries are just short of heartbreaking. Though I think it's a cute little touch to have certain words misspelled. And I love the nickname for Daneris.

@SupernaturalSyGuyIsTIred group

Journal of Lux Tenebris #5
[Five years later]
My father told me that I have become a man today. I have saved Aunt Daneris’ life from someone that calls himself Rayn. He was holding her against a wall, and held a knife to her throat.. Daneris isn’t really my aunt, but I have known her my entire life. This makes her an aunt to me in my eyes.

Rayn kept going on and on about someone named Spartain, and saying something about how Spartain was innocent. I drew my sword spear, which was a gift to me from Uncle Urchin, threatened Rayn to let Aunt Daneris free, and to walk away or I would kill him. He walked away. Aunt Daneris hugged me, thanked me, and planted a kiss upon my forehead.

Journal of Lux Tenebris #6
Today I started to train in the art of wielding a sword. I am now sitting, and writing with bruises forming on my hands, arms, legs, and torso, struggling to write this.

Journal of Lux Tenebris #7
[Three years later]
Today I have received word from a source of mine that I must not name even here. He told me that there is a threat against me and mine.. I fear for the lives of the people, and that of my parents. As prince, I am to be second in command under my father. My source said that the one that plans on waging war is none other than the brother of Spartain, the same man that had attacked Aunt Daneris. I don’t know how he got hold of an army that was willing to fight beside him, but I do know this; he will fail.

Journal of Lux Tenebris #8
My source is trustworthy, for a war is indeed brewing. The war that is to come, thankfully, is still in the works, so it could take years for this war to begin.

@FanfictionFanatic group

Ok… As a writer, I know there is a plot-specific reason for it but… Why do people in stories wait so freaking long before they speak up on something!?!? ’Oh, Spartain was innocent? Well, why didn't you bring it up 18 years ago? Closer to when he was accused/killed!’

Again, I get it from a plot perspective but it's kinda annoying even in real life when people dig something back up after the dust has settled, so to speak.

Overall, though, another good set of entries.

@SupernaturalSyGuyIsTIred group

Journal of Lux Tenebris #9
I have met an extraordinary lady today. Her name is Ambyr. We have hit it off right away.

Journal of Lux Tenebris #10
[6 months later]
I know that this may seem early, but after half a year of constantly spending time with Ambyr I have fallen for her. I can see that she too, has fallen for me. I have asked her father for her hand in marriage, and he accepted. I asked this at a meeting between our kingdoms. She is the daughter of Aragorn II.. Our marriage will unite our kingdoms. Aragorn was even gracious enough to give his kingdom over to my family once I am king.

Journal of Lux Tenebris #11
[1 year and 9 months later]
Today I have become a father to quadruplets. I now have four sons. The eldest is named Adir, for he is strong. The second is named Solomon, for he is peaceful. The third is named Asher, for he is happy. The youngest is named Sheba, for I have made an oath that my sons will live to be old men.

Journal of Lux Tenebris 12
[3 years later]
My poor children are confused as to why I hide during the full and new moons. It breaks my heart to know that they are in pain, but I only do this to protect them. I don’t want to hurt them, but it is for their own good.

@FanfictionFanatic group

🤣 Yes. Yes, I did do the math.

Ok. The fact that they are around the same age does make more sense for the delay, plus Rayn probably went through a lot of training before he felt he was ready to confront the royals about it.

There's nothing really wrong with it, it's just a bit of a peeve I have with that cliche. You know, the hero/main character grew up on their grandparent's knee listening to stories of something that happened in their lifetime, and it doesn't get corrected until the main character is “of age” and goes to take care of it themselves. Don't get me wrong, it's great character motivation but… 😔 the length of time between just seems like a long time to wait.

I was going to quote something here but I'm not actually sure how well it would work…

@SupernaturalSyGuyIsTIred group

Journal of Lux Tenebris 13
One of the knights was murdered today, and one of the many cities in our kingdom was attacked. The war has begun. I am now standing in my tent writing in my journal as my men are resting. Not all of them are resting though, for I have some of them guarding in case the enemy decides to make a nighttime attack.

Journal of Lux Tenebris 14
Today I have suffered a wound that goes from the right side of my face to the left. The wound starts halfway between my hairline and my eye. It extends over my left eye, and onto my shoulder. I have earned this wound in battle and will wear its scar with pride. I sustained it while having a fierce sword duel with one of the captains on the enemies side. He managed to push my own blade out of my hands, and then forced me to dive onto it. I rose up and cleaved off one of his arms. I have heard that he now lays in the medical tent, and is stubbornly fighting the urge to die. I fought this man for a total of ten minutes, yet the duel felt like it lasted far longer. I am glad that I came out victorious…. My father wants me to see one of our magical healers to close the wound permanently. I just may have to do just that so that I can continue to fight.

Journal of Lux Tenebris 15
My army was victorious today in one battle, yet the war is not yet over. We have begun to move out to the next battle sight. I heard word that the enemy plans on attacking one of the towns in Aragorn’s kingdom, and have sent word of warning to him.

Journal of Lux Tenebris 16
For the next four nights I shall have to lock myself up, for it is time that I become evil.

@FanfictionFanatic group

And now I'm curious about what you were gonna quote!

Alright, I’ll post it but it's not even the full quote. It's part of a line from The Owl House. “…if we all waited around for a prophecy to make us special, we'd die waiting.”

After reading it, I'm not sure which side of the “argument” it fits best…

@FanfictionFanatic group

Interesting war entries… the scar sounds bad but he's lucky he didn't get blinded by it.

Yikes! What a bad time for his curse to hit! Hope no one tries to set him up or anything…