"You don't need to be sorry. I had unrealistic expectations. I know how hard you're trying- and you're doing a great job. Just… don't push yourself too much." Melissa mumbled the last bit, holding onto his hand tightly.
Lucas nodded a bit, keeping his face hidden as he clung to Melissa. "I know I had a nightmare about this around you… um… y-you know, when Claus… killed himself. I just… I can never get that image out of my mind. A lot of the time, in the nightmares, I end up being in his place, so it feels like… I-I dunno… rope burns on my neck, being unable to breathe… I have a lot of nightmares from that in particular, but other stuff as well…"
Melissa felt her breath get caught in her throat and tears sting at her eyes. “L-Lucas… I-“ She stammered, trying to think of something to say. But what were you suppose to say to that? It wasn’t like she had gone through the same thing; she couldn’t help him in any way, right now. She was completely useless to him. “I… I’m so, so sorry…” She offered weakly.
Lucas hugged Melissa tightly, trying not to allow himself to cry. "Usually my nightmares are about one or more of my family members dying… that's why I sometimes have trouble remembering whether my dad's even alive or not anymore… I… I-I also sometimes have nightmares about you dying…"
“W-What?” Melissa asked weakly, tipping his chin up to look at her. The sick feeling in the pit of her stomach was growing, while the pain was very clearly written all over her face. “Lu…”
Lucas's eyes were stinging with tears as he looked up at Melissa, trembling lightly. "I-I'm sorry, Mel… I can't… I c-can't help it…"
“I know you can’t, Lu…” Melissa whispered weakly, cupping his face in her hands. Kissing his forehead, she let her lips linger for a couple seconds. “I’m worried for you… I’m so sorry you go through all this crap…”
Lucas sighed shakily and huddled closer to Melissa, still quivering a bit. "Mmm… I… I've kinda gotten used to it by now, but… it still hurts. It always does…"
“I know, Lucas. I know it’s painful.” Melissa whispered, holding him close to herself. “I wish I could make it stop. If I could, I’d take them away from you. You wouldn’t ever have to see those nightmares again…”
"I could never let you do that, Mel… it… it's bad. I would never wish it upon anyone, especially you." Lucas sighed again as he clung to Melissa. "They're… very vivid."
“I know they’re bad, Lu. But I hate seeing you suffer.” Melissa whispered, rubbing circles into his back. “I wouldn’t hesitate to take it from you, if I could. You can’t change my mind in that.”
"Mm…" Lucas buried his face in Melissa's shoulder again, trying to stay as close to her as he possibly could. "I… my dad was able to actually fracture my ribs and wrist before… I want able to do anything about my ribs, but I c… I couldn't just leave my wrist the way it was… obviously he wouldn't have taken me to a hospital, so I had to try and bind it myself…"
"I'm still not changing my mind, Lu." Melissa whispered, trying not to let that idea sink in. It sounded awful, and to live through it would be so much worse. "How recently was… was all of that? Like… a few months ago?"
"No, no… that was a couple years back, I think. I was… um… fourteen, if I remember correctly? Maybe fifteen? The fracture wasn't all that bad, to be honest, but it definitely hurt… he broke it just by gripping my wrist way too tight when he threw me." Lucas kept his face hidden for now.
Melissa nodded a bit, taking a minute to just breath. She still rubbed circles into his back, gently kissing the top of his head. "Right… so, um… it got better the older you got?"
"Not really, no… he actually got worse, but I guess I got more resilient. It's harder for him to badly hurt me if I'm almost his height. Most of the things he's done most recently is more superficial than anything, even if the wounds are pretty deep…"
Melissa nodded once more, just listening to him. She knew she should stop asking him questions, worried how it would impact him later tonight when they went to bed. But every time she tried another question slipped out.
"I want you to ask questions if you have them, love… I don't want to hide anything from you." Lucas said softly, fidgeting a bit with his hands.
"I… I don't have anything." Melissa replied quietly, stretching her legs out in front of her. "I think we both need a break from all of this, anyways."
"If you say so…" Lucas sighed, holding a bit tighter to Melissa. He was clearly stressed, but he refused to let himself cry.
"I do… I also say you're worrying me. You need a break from this specifically." Melissa insisted, kissing the top of his head. "You've told me plenty. And honestly, you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to."
"B-But I wanna tell you everything. I hate hiding this from you. I think you deserve to know all the details, Mel…" Lucas drew in a wavering breath.
"I know, I know… but think about it this way. You're not hiding things from me; we just haven't gotten to that part yet. I haven't asked about it, so I can't get upset that you didn't tell me." Melissa offered in a soft tone, starting to run her fingers through his hair.
"I guess so…" Lucas sighed again as he leaned into Melissa's gentle touch, subtly relaxing under her fingertips. "Just… whenever there's something particular you want to know, ask me."
"I'll… I'll do that." Melissa whispered, kissing him once again. Slowly she filed her fingers through his hair, her mind growing numb momentarily. "You… you can do the same. I know I haven't told you everything that's going on."
"Alright… you can tell me whenever you feel ready, okay? Not right now, obviously… unless you really want to, I guess, but… probably another time."
"In all honesty, I'm not sure I'll ever want to tell you." Melissa admitted in a soft tone, starring out into space mindlessly. "I don't want to put more stuff on you… you're already carrying so much weight."
Lucas smiled weakly. "I can handle it… and besides, I don't want you to have to carry all your weight alone either."
"You're sure?" Melissa asked softly, resting her head back against the base of the tree. "My crud is no where near as bad as your's, but it's still added weight."
"I'm sure, Melissa. I don't care what I'm going through. That doesn't mean that you don't deserve help."