forum Incorrect Quotes 2: Electric Boogaloo

Started July 17, 2020 by @GoodThingGoing group

tune

Mei: Are you okay?
Ty, looking off into the distance: In theory.

Mei: As far as plans go, this is not a good one.
Jenn: This was your plan, Huang!
Mei: I didn't think you'd actually say yes!

Jun: Hopefully Jennifer has learned a lesson about respecting other people's feelings.
Jenn: Shut up and die, Huang.

Marco: What are the best kind of fireworks to buy?
Leo: Wouldn't you like to know, weather boy.
Marco:
Marco: Where are your parents?

Brianna: Jenn, you’re gonna hate yourself in the morning if you keep staying up this late.
Jenn: Joke's on you. I’m going to hate myself in the morning regardless.

Ty: I'm pretty sure that's illegal, Marco.
Jenn: I'm pretty sure he's done worse, Ty.

Brianna: I love murder mysteries!
Mei, trying to impress her: I've been a suspect in four murder cases.

Mike: Hey, do you know the password to Jenn's computer?
Brianna: Fuck you, Mike.
Mike: Excuse me?
Brianna: No, you misunderstood, the password is "fuckyoumike".
Mike: Oh, no numbers? Not very safe.

Marco: If I fall down these stairs, I'm just going to lay down and accept my fate.

Ty: We’re missing something, guys.
Mike: Cohesion?
Leo: Teamwork?
Jenn: A drink?
Jun: A general sense of what we’re doing?
Ty: And Bri's not here.
Mike: Oh, and that, yeah.

Mike: Are we fighting or flirting?
Marco: I'm pinning you against a wall with my hand around your neck-
Mike: Your point?

Ty: Jun, can you help me? All of my clothes keep disappearing for some reason.
Jun, wearing a hoodie that's 3 times bigger than his size: Spooky.

Brianna: When I said bring me something back from the beach, I meant like a conch shell!
Mei, struggling to hold a seagull: Well you should say that next time!

Jenn: 99.9% of the people I know are stupid.
Jun: I’m the 1%
Jenn, looking at him: Are you? Are you really?

Marco: The doctor said i’m perfectly fine. Except for some bullet wounds. And this broken rib- that’s right next to two other broken ribs.
Ty: Did the doctor clear you or not?
Marco: He did not. Alright let's get to work.

Jun : There’s no i in team but there is one in pizza.
Mei: ….so you’re not going to share?
Jun: I am not going to share.

Brianna: It's okay to ask for help.
Ty: Your feelings matter.
Marco: Murder is okay.
Mei: You're not a burden.

Mike: My opinions don’t have to be consistent. I think whatever makes me feel nice at the time and there’s no law against that.

Ty, on Facebook: First person to comment is gay.
Ty, immediately after: Hello, friends, I have something to tell you

Marco: You know what? Under it all, you're actually really nice.
Jenn: Repeat that disgusting slander again and you'll be hearing from my lawyers.

Marco: You got arrested?
Leo: For something I didn't do.
Marco: What didn't you do?
Leo: Run fast enough.

Brianna: If you had seven apples and someone asked you for three of them, how many would you have left?
Leo: Seven.
Brianna: Alright, what if someone stole three of your apples? How many would you have then?
Leo: Seven and a dead body.

Marco: You’re not even going to say sorry?
Mike: I have nothing to apologize for.
Marco: You broke my hand!
Mike: Technically, you broke your own hand when I dodged your attempt to punch me in the face. It’s not my fault I’ve got reflexes like a lynx.

Ty: We’ve got to find a way to cut down on expenses. What can we live without?
Jenn: Probably O'Malley.

Marco: He died of natural causes.
Ty: You dropped him off a building.
Marco: Gravity's natural.

Brianna: What is your biggest weakness?
Jenn: I'm uncooperative.
Brianna: Okay, can you give me an example?
Jenn: No.

Leo: The eagles won last night.
Ty: Oh, did you watch the game?
Leo, covered in scratches: What game?

Jenn: Being Mike's teammate means learning how to have selective hearing because God, do I wish I could un-listen to most of the stupid shit he says.

Ty: How did you get in here?
Marco, bleeding heavily: Door was unlocked.
Ty: It most certainly was not.
Marco: It was after I kicked it a few times.

Ty: Time for Plan G.
Jun: Don’t you mean Plan B?
Ty: No, we tried Plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over Plan C due to technical difficulties.
Mei: What about Plan D?
Ty: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago.
Brianna: And Plan E?
Ty: I’m hoping not to use it. Mike dies in Plan E.
Jenn: I like Plan E.

Jenn: Shit.
Ty: You need to work on your swearing, Jenn.
Jenn: Why? I’d say I’m pretty good at swearing already.

Marco: Alright kid, before we start working together we should go over some basic first aid procedures. For example, what would you do if I got stabbed?
Leo: Avenge you!

Jun: Remember that time when you dared me to lick that swing set?
Mei: No, I said “Jun, don’t lick that swing set.” and you said, “Don’t tell me what to do, Mei!” and then you licked the swing set.

Ty: Sounds like something a responsible team leader wouldn't want you doing.
Ty: It's me. I'm the responsible team leader. Don't do that.

Leo: I could get killed! Or worse, Ty could give me the responsibility lecture again!

Heather: I am Heather, I speak for the trees. Chop them down and I snap your knees.

Heather: Is there anyone here who’s actually straight?
Ember: raises hand
Wraith: puts their hand down

Roger: What makes you all smile?
Heather: Friends and Family.
Wraith: Snacks.
Brent: Victory and success.
Ember: Face muscles.

Roger: Hey, about that love letter you sent me-
Brent: blushes What are your thoughts?
Roger: The fourth sentence-
Brent: Yeah, that’s where I got really emotional and I-
Roger: It’s “you’re” not “your”.

Heather: Hey, Ember! Did you know you're my BFFLWYLION?
Ember: What the hell is that supposed to mean?
Heather: Best Friend For Life Whether You Like It Or Not.
Ember:
Ember: That’s one way to say it, I guess…

Wraith: Do you mind if I slyly mention that you’re single?
Roger: Do not do that.
Wraith: You won’t even notice!
Brent, entering: Wraith, you wanted to see me again?
Wraith: Roger's single
Roger:

Wraith: What's wrong with you?
Roger: Off the top of my head, I'd say low self-esteem, a lack of paternal affection, and a genetic predisposition for anxiety and depression.

Wraith: What’s your biggest fear?
Ember: I am incredibly arachnophobic.
Wraith, under their breath: You don’t want spiders to get married?

Brent: We both look very handsome tonight.
Roger: You know, if you'd just said that I looked handsome, I would have said, "So do you."
Brent: I couldn't take that chance.

Brent, trying to flirt: So, you come around here often?
Roger, confused: I mean, this is my house, so yeah.

Brent: Roger and I are no longer dating.
Roger: Brent, that’s a horrible way of telling people we’re married.

Dally, trying to flirt: So, you come around here often?
Anthony: I mean, this is my apartment, so yes.

Anthony: I only have six weeks left to live.
Cyrus: Oh my god, really?!
Anthony: It's just a guesstimate based on the choices I've made.

Quill: Hey, Claire! How are you today?
Claire: Please don't make me think about my life.

Ophelia: Okay, but seriously. What's the real plan here that has to do with not fucking around?
Elliot: There is no plan that does not involve fucking around. But we will make sure all of our fucking around will be applied in a constructive direction.

Grant, trying to flirt: So, you come around here often?
Rosa: I mean, this is my apartment, so yes.

Joey: I only have six weeks left to live.
Mabel: Oh my God, really?!
Joey: It's just a guesstimate based on the choices I've made.

Marsha: Hey, Cliff! How are you today?
Cliff: Please don't make me think about my life.

Martin: Okay, but seriously. What's the real plan here that has to do with not fucking around?
Tomas: There is no plan that does not involve fucking around. But we will make sure all of our fucking around will be applied in a constructive direction.

NEW CHARACTER BATCH THEYRE ALL STUPID

Beo: I am Beo, I speak for the trees. Chop them down and I snap your knees.

Ingrid: Is there anyone here who’s actually straight?
Lars: [raises hand]
Beo: [puts their hand down]

Ingrid: What makes you all smile?
Isla: Friends and Family.
Jenny: Snacks.
Lars: Victory and success.
Beo: Face muscles.

Jenny: Hey, about that love letter you sent me-
Thea: blushes What are your thoughts?
Jenny: The fourth sentence-
Thea: Yeah, that’s where I got really emotional and I-
Jenny: I think it's “you’re” not “your”–

Ingrid: Hey, Beo! Did you know you're my BFFLWYLION?
Beo: What the hell is that supposed to mean?
Ingrid: Best Friend For Life Whether You Like It Or Not.
Beo:
Beo: That’s one way to say it, I guess…

Mickie: Do you mind if I slyly mention that you’re single?
Thea: Do not do that.
Mickie: You won’t even notice!
Jenny, entering: Mick, you wanted to see me again?
Mickie: Thea's single
Thea:

Beo: What's wrong with you?
Lars: Off the top of my head, I'd say low self-esteem, a lack of paternal affection, and a genetic predisposition for anxiety and depression.

Jenny: What’s your biggest fear?
Isla: I am incredibly arachnophobic.
Jenny, under their breath: You don’t want spiders to get married?

Lars: We both look very handsome tonight.
Patton: You know, if you'd just said that I looked handsome, I would have said, "So do you."
Lars: I couldn't take that chance.

Thea, trying to flirt: So, you come around here often?
Jenny, confused: I mean, this is my tent, so… yeah.

Lars: Pat and I are no longer dating.
Patton: Lars, that’s a horrible way of telling people we’re getting married.

Henry: I want to wake up with you every day for the rest of our lives
Victor: I wake up at 4:30 AM
Henry:
Henry: I want to see you at some point every day for the rest of our lives.

Jenn: What the fuck is wrong with you?
George: You could at least start with a good morning
Jenn: Good morning. What the fuck is wrong with you?

Leo: Fuck
Marco: We’ve got to work on your cursing
Leo: Why? I’m pretty good at cursing already!

Nellie: Okay, I get it. You’ve had a really hard time lately, you’re stressed out, seven people died—
Berenice: Twelve, actually
Nellie: Not the point. Look, they’re dead now and really whose fault is that?
Berenice: Ours!
Nellie: That’s right, no one's.

Mike: This calls for a special blend of psychological horror and extreme violence.
Ty: No, it definitely does not.

Francis: Whaddya call a fish with no eye?
Caspar: Myxine Circifrons
Francis:
Francis: Fsh.

Tristan: Sorry it took me so long to bail you out of jail.
Guy: No, it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have used my one phone call to prank call the police.

Guy: Two years ago, I married my best friend.
Guy: Nora is still mad about it, but Tristan and I were drunk and thought it was funny.

Beth: How do you do that?
Guy: I’m fearless.
Tristan: I saw you run from bees yesterday. You flailed around and tripped over a chair. It was both hysterical and sad.
Guy: I’m mostly fearless.

Val: I am trying very hard not to connect with people right now

Mike: I learned some very valuable lessons from this.
Ty: I’m guessing they are all horrible distortions on the lessons you actually should’ve taken away.
Mike: Death isn't totally real and I’m basically God.

Marco: Who do we know that has handcuffs?
George: Well, Jenn and I-
Jenn: Elbows George
George:…wouldn’t know

Nora: Would you slap Tristan-
Guy: Yes.
Nora: I didn’t even finish!
Guy: Sorry, continue
Nora: Would you slap Tristan for 10 dollars?
Guy: I would do it for free.

Moriah: I feel like our firm is quite competent nowadays.
Francis: I tried to make pasta in the coffee pot yesterday and now it’s broken.

Val: George, can you lend me a hand? I told Katharine I’d cook dinner tonight but I can’t cook
George, pouring milk directly into the cereal bag: And you thought I could help?

Ty, watching George do something stupid: Mei, you’re officially only the second highest risk here
Mei: Hell yeah! I’m gonna—
Ty: Don’t finish that sentence; you’ll move back up.

Tristan: Look, I’m glad everyone’s on the same page.
Guy: Yeah, except it’s the last page in a book titled “we’re all going to die”.

Mei: Everything will be okay, you cannot stop it.
Mei: Everything will be fine, you have no choice.
Jun: What the fuck kind of pep talk is that?
Mei: Ominous positivity

George: It’s not illegal if you don’t get caught.
Jenn: You know damn well that’s not how that works.

Mike: I don’t think I can manipulate, mansplain, or malewife my way out of this one.
Mike: Cracks knuckles
Mike: Manslaughter it is.

George: Hey, can I get a sip of that water?
Jenn: It’s not water.
George: Vodka! I like your style.
Jenn: It’s vinegar.
George: …What?
Jenn: It’s vinegar. Pussy.

Francis: Why do you not believe that ghosts are real?
Caspar: Never seen one.
Francis: Okay, but to be fair, there’s a lot of things the two of us can’t see that are real.

Leo: That’s the longest worm I’ve ever seen!
Marco: That is a snake.

Ty: George, you’ll be working with Jennifer and me.
George: Alright! My fantasy threesome!
Jenn, Ty, Marco, and Mei:
George:…Of people. On a team. To fight crime, and stuff.

Mike: I’m a reverse necromancer.
Marco: Isn’t that just killing people?
Mike: …technically, yes-

Sofia: You believe me?
Marco: Sofia, you’re the last good person on this planet. I‘d believe cartoon birds braided your hair this morning.

Jenn, looking at George: God, he's so fucking annoying.
Jenn: Can’t believe I’m gonna sleep with him.
Ty: Well… you don’t have to…
Jenn: Nah, I’m gonna.

Tristan: I left instructions for everyone while I’m gone.
Guy: Mine just says “Guy, no.”
Tristan: Yep! And I want you to apply it to every possible situation.

Ty: Treat people the way you want to be treated.
Marco: Killed without hesitation.
Ty: No.

Mabel: Hey, lab techs! This is just a reminder that all psychiatric and therapy services are covered by the League's health insurance plan-
Cliff: Why do you always look at me when you say that?

Ty: Did you eat breakfast?
Mei: No
Ty, handing her a granola bar: Unacceptable, here
Mei, eating the granola bar: Hey, there’s little chocolate chips in this!
Ty: Yeah, I’m not an idiot. I know how to trick my friend into eating her fiber.

Leo: I need an adult to help with something
Mei: Okay, for what?
Leo: …I need a responsible adult.

Mei: Clicks pen
Jun: Clicks pen
Ty: Stop that
Mei: Stop what?
Ty: You’re talking about me in Morse code
Jun: Yeah, that’s exactly what we’re doing. In our very limited free time we took a class on a very outdated, very unnecessary form of communication just so we could talk about you in front of you
Later
Jun, to Brianna: That’s exactly what we did.

Tomas: So, I found this picture from last night I wanted to ask you about
Maisy: Okay, but in my defense, Grant bet me 50 cents I couldn’t drink all that shampoo
Tomas: That’s not what I wanted to…wait, you drank shampoo?

Guy: Making a plant illegal is like saying God was wrong.
Tristan: Making a plant illegal was one of the first things God did.

Babs: I think I found a way to make money
Gia: You’d make a decent stripper
Babs: I would be an amazing stripper, but that’s not what I’m talking about.

Gene: Just try and see the glass as half full instead of half empty, alright Frankie?
Francis: I can't see the glass at all, remember?

Ty: I see the glass as half-full, while Marco sees it as half-empty
Ty: Meanwhile Jenn just drinks straight out of the bottle, Brianna wonders why it has to be glass, & Mei breaks the glass by putting her feet on the table. As for Leo, we just give him a Capri Sun and call it good enough.

Mabel: If you kill a killer, the number of killers in the world stays the same.
Ira, drinking coffee: Nope. Killed 37.

George: You can’t spell ‘independent’ without ‘dependent’
Jenn: You can’t spell ‘go fuck yourself’ without ‘fuck you’

Safie: How can lawyers argue without crying?
Francis: I went to law school and let me tell you it gets like super close sometimes.

Grant: Hey, Rosa, hypothetically if a bullet went through my arm would it be considered one hole or two?
Rosa:…Exactly how hypothetical is this?

Brianna: What’s your blood type?
Mei: Shit, is that something I’m supposed to know?
Jun, facepalming: B positive
Mei: I’m trying, but I’m sort of losing a lot of blood here.

Ty: What happened?
Mei: Definitely something badass, like a gang fight
Jun: Liar. She fell off a fire escape into a dumpster
Ty: And all the scratches?
Jun: She landed on top of a raccoon.

George: Val, you're a great detective, a talented writer, and a kick-ass vigilante. Anything you can't do?
Val:
Val:…talk.

Marco: Giorgio, what the hell, you look awful. What happened this time? Mobsters? Gang fight?
George:
George: I tried to match Jenn shot-for-shot at the bar downtown.
Jenn: He failed spectacularly.

Val: There is so much crime in this city. Why does anyone actively choose to live here?!

Jenn: Marco isn’t alone. He has us.
Mei: Yeah! Even when he wants to be alone, we won’t let him!

Marco: I don’t do teamwork.
Ty: You are literally on a team.
Marco: I also don’t do consistency.

Katharine: Name three branches of government.
Val: The Pentagon, the DMV, and cops.

Rosalie: Are you single?
Cliff: “Single” is a word the government created to give citizens tax disadvantages.
Cliff: If you’re asking me if I’m lonely, the answer is yes.

Ember: What the fuck is wrong with you?
Heather: You could at least start with a good morning
Ember: Good morning. What the fuck is wrong with you?

Heather: This calls for a special blend of psychological horror and extreme violence.
Roger: No, it definitely does not.

Wraith: Whaddya call a fish with no eye?
Marion: Myxine Circifrons
Wraith:
Wraith: Fsh.

Heather: Sorry it took me so long to bail you out of jail.
Wraith: No, it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have used my one phone call to prank call the police.

Ember: I am trying very hard not to connect with people right now

Wraith: I learned some very valuable lessons from this.
Ember: I’m guessing they are all horrible distortions on the lessons you actually should’ve taken away.
Wraith: Death isn't real and I’m basically God.

Marion: Would you slap Brent-
Acacia: Yes.
Marion: I didn’t even finish!
Acacia: Sorry, continue
Marion: Would you slap Brent for 10 dollars?
Acacia: I would do it for free.

Heather: Everything will be okay, you cannot stop it.
Heather: Everything will be fine, you have no choice.
Ember: What the fuck kind of pep talk is that?
Heather: Ominous positivity

Wraith: It’s not illegal if you don’t get caught.
Ember: You know damn well that’s not how that works.

Ember: I left instructions for everyone while I’m gone.
Wraith: Mine just says “Wraith, no.”
Ember: Yep! And I want you to apply it to every possible situation.

Acacia: Hey, Wizards! This is just a reminder that all psychiatric and therapy services are covered by Hearth's health insurance plan-
Roger: Why do you always look at me when you say that?

Ember: I need an adult to help with something
Brent: Okay, for what?
Ember: …I need a responsible adult.

Roger: I see the glass as half-full, while Ember sees it as half-empty
Roger: Meanwhile Heather just drinks straight out of the bottle, Brent wonders why it has to be glass, & Wraith breaks the glass by putting his feet on the table. As for Amara, we just give her a Capri Sun and call it good enough.

Ember: What’s your blood type?
Brent: Shit, is that something I’m supposed to know?
Roger, facepalming: B positive
Brent: I’m trying, but I’m sort of losing a lot of blood here.

Sage: Brent, what the hell, you look awful. What happened this time? Mobsters? Gang fight?
Brent:
Brent: I tried to match Marion shot-for-shot at the bar downtown.
Marion: He failed spectacularly.

Cadence: There is so much crime in this city. Why does anyone actively choose to live here?!

Heather: This calls for a special blend of psychological horror and extreme violence.
Roger: No, it definitely does not.

Hey where did you get footage of me coming up with my most recent story /j

Bianca: What the fuck is wrong with you?
Shea: You could at least start with a good morning
Bianca: Good morning. What the fuck is wrong with you?

Bram: This calls for a special blend of psychological horror and extreme violence.
Jack: No, it definitely does not.

Eshaal: Whaddya call a fish with no eye?
Millie: Myxine Circifrons
Eshaal:
Eshaal: Fsh.

Ransom: Sorry it took me so long to bail you out of jail.
Midge: No, it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have used my one phone call to prank call the police.

Patton: I am trying very hard not to connect with people right now

Abel: I learned some very valuable lessons from this.
Pazia: I’m guessing they are all horrible distortions on the lessons you actually should’ve taken away.
Abel: Death isn't real and I’m basically God.

Bette: Would you slap Lars-
Patton: Yes.
Bette: I didn’t even finish!
Patton: Sorry, continue
Bette: Would you slap Lars or Ingrid for 10 dollars?
Patton: I would do it for free.

Elias: Everything will be okay, you cannot stop it.
Elias: Everything will be fine, you have no choice.
Dominic: What the fuck kind of pep talk is that?
Elias: Ominous positivity

Midge: It’s not illegal if you don’t get caught.
Dahlia: You know damn well that’s not how that works.

Donovan: I left instructions for everyone while I’m gone.
Shea: Mine just says “Four, no.”
Donovan: Yep! And I want you to apply it to every possible situation.

Ray: Hey, Evangelinians! This is just a reminder that all psychiatric and therapy services are covered by the government's health insurance plan-
Haru: Why do you always look at me when you say that?

Nikola: I need an adult to help with something
Iseul: Okay, for what?
Nikola: …I need a responsible adult.

Pazia: I see the glass as half-full, while Rhyda sees it as half-empty
Pazia: Meanwhile Shea just drinks straight out of the bottle, Felix wonders why it has to be glass, & Abel breaks the glass by putting their feet on the table. As for Grace, we just give her a Capri Sun and call it good enough.

Mischa: What’s your blood type?
Iseul: Shit, is that something I’m supposed to know?
Haru, facepalming: B positive
Iseul: I’m trying, but I’m sort of losing a lot of blood here.

Isla: Beo, what the hell, you look awful. What happened this time? Mobsters? Gang fight?
Beo:
Beo: I tried to match Ingrid shot-for-shot at the bar downtown.
Ingrid: They failed spectacularly.

Avon: There is so much crime in this city. Why does anyone actively choose to live here?!

seeing a heavily injured person
Josef: SOMEONE GET A DOCTOR QUICK!!
Zaluse: They should make yolkless eggs.
Josef: what
Zaluse: Yolkless eggs. No yellow ball.

Kennedy: Sorry about your grandma. Guess she’s considered “lost media” now, heh.
Sonny: ………..

Vuksha: I thought we were watching Jerma. What is this?
Kennedy: I forgot to pay my internet bill, so we gotta watched this framed picture of him instead.

Kennedy: Serving cunt or cerving sunt?
Isidore: What?

Josef: When do you usually go to sleep?
Kyrios: Whenever I collapse is entirely up to the gods.

Tomila: I’ve become a bread crumb dealer to four crows at the lake. They pay me with a bit of everything. Like shiny things, fabric, or pens. But recently they paid me with a 20 dollar bill they found somewhere. So I decided to buy them some more expensive bread. They loved it. So they understand what to do. Give me money. I’ve probably racked up about 200 dollars at this point. Is it morally wrong though, I mean. They’re the ones who steal the money from others. Or perhaps they just have a big pile laying somewhere. Should I keep on doing this?
Blazh: You sound like the start of a Batman villain.

Siirawyn: No thanks.
Siirawyn: I’m god.

Josef: lights a candle
Kyrios: Sitting at the table, eating bread
Josef: It’s four in the morning.
Kyrios: Put that out.