forum Incorrect Quotes 2: Electric Boogaloo

Started July 17, 2020 by @HighPockets group

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Anthony: And you? What do you bring to the table?
Quill: Graham crackers.

Dally: I think ‘I was doing a bit’ is an extremely valid courtroom defense.

Drinn: Why didn't you come to my tea party!?
Vio: I was busy.
Drinn, on the verge of tears: Vio, I made biscuits!

Poli: Pick a card, any card.
Ellis, taking one: Fine.
Poli: Hey, that's my credit card!
Ellis: You said any card!

Jack: The odds of this happening by coincidence are vanishingly small.
Jack: I would say infinitesimally small, even.
Cyrus: And I'd say teenily-weenily. We all know words.

Quill: I've come to the decision to trust you.
Jack: A horrible decision, really.

Ibis: Wanna play Twenty Questions?
Vio: Sure, I guess. Uh, what's your favorite color?
Ibis: Triangle. My turn, do you like men?

Tetra: When I first met you, I thought you were a huge bitch.
Ellis: What changed your mind?
Tetra: Oh, I still think you’re a bitch, I’ve just grown to like that about you.

Quill: I dunno if I'm ready to really process the ramifications of this bullshit.

Poli, holding up two shirts: Today's the big day! Should I go with the ketchup stain or the mustard stain?
Tetra: Ketchup stain—it looks more like blood. Makes you look mysterious.

Quill: Could I get two straws with that milkshake?
Ophelia: Aww-
Quill: Watch how fast I can drink this now!

Anthony: The next time I'm opening up to someone is at my autopsy.

Cyrus: BWWAAAAAAAAAA! Oh, you hear that? That's the wrong opinion alarm.
Felix: That is not something you actually have installed.
Cyrus: Sorry, say again? I couldn't hear you over my alarm that YOU SET OFF with your WRONG-ASS OPINION.

Ransom: And you? What do you bring to the table?
Howie: Graham crackers.

Midge: I think ‘I was doing a bit’ is an extremely valid courtroom defense.

Midge: Why didn't you come to my tea party!?
Dahlia: I was busy.
Midge, on the verge of tears: Dahlia, I made biscuits!

Felix: Pick a card, any card.
Rhyda, taking one: Fine.
Felix: Hey, that's my credit card!
Rhyda: You said any card!

Paisley: The odds of this happening by coincidence are vanishingly small.
Paisley: I would say infinitesimally small, even.
Abel: And I'd say teenily-weenily. We all know words.

Donovan: I've come to the decision to trust you.
Shea: A horrible decision, really.

Shea: Wanna play Twenty Questions?
Bianca: Sure, I guess. Uh, what's your favorite color?
Shea: Triangle. My turn, do you like women?

Crimson: When I first met you, I thought you were a huge bitch.
Shea: What changed your mind?
Crimson: Oh, I still think you’re a bitch, I’ve just grown to like that about you.

Dahlia: I dunno if I'm ready to really process the ramifications of this bullshit.

Midge, holding up two shirts: Today's the big day! Should I go with the ketchup stain or the mustard stain?
Hammy, just trying to work: Ketchup stain—it looks more like blood. Makes you look mysterious.

Shea: Could I get two straws with that milkshake?
Bianca: Aww-
Shea: Watch how fast I can drink this now!

Paisley: The next time I'm opening up to someone is at my autopsy.

Paisley: BWWAAAAAAAAAA! Oh, you hear that? That's the wrong opinion alarm.
Shea: That is not something you actually have installed.
Paisley: Sorry, say again? I couldn't hear you over my alarm that YOU SET OFF with your WRONG-ASS OPINION.

The League: And you? What do you bring to the table?
Maisy: Graham crackers?

Mabel: Why didn't you come to my tea party!?
Joey: I was busy.
Mabel: Joey, I made biscuits!

Skye: Pick a card, any card.
Luc, taking one: Fine.
Skye: Hey, that's my credit card!
Luc: You said any card!

Tobias: The odds of this happening by coincidence are vanishingly small.
Michael: I would say infinitesimally small, even.
Barry: And I'd say teenily-weenily. We all know words.

Mariam: I've come to the decision to trust you.
Luc: A horrible decision, really.

Mariam: When I first met you, I thought you were a lying crook.
Luc: What changed your mind?
Mariam: Oh, I still think you’re a lying crook, I’ve just grown to like that about you.

Sal: I dunno if I'm ready to really process the ramifications of this bullshit.

Cameron Alexis: The next time I'm opening up to someone is at my autopsy.

Sal: Bzz! Oh, you hear that? That's the wrong opinion alarm.
Shep: That is not something you actually have installed.
Sal: Sorry, say that again? I couldn't hear you over my alarm that YOU SET OFF with your WRONG-ASS OPINION.

Claire: To all the people who doubted me:
Claire: You were right.

Quill: Remember that if you ask someone if they're good, there's always a chance they could reply 'no, I'm evil.' And that's just something you gotta be ready for.

Cyrus: If you don't come to my funeral, I'm not coming to yours.
Jack: What?

Claire: I may not be trying my hardest, but I'm very tired, which I think should be taken into consideration.

Victor: To all the people who doubted me…
Victor: You were right.

Dally: Remember that if you ask someone if they're good, there's always a chance they could reply 'no, I'm evil.' And that's just something you gotta be ready for.

Bobby: If you don't come to my funeral, I'm not coming to yours.
Kate: What?

Joey: I may not be trying my hardest, but I'm very tired, which I think should be taken into consideration.

Andor: It's been 24 years since I've been to a library.
Ara: Oh, so you've never been.

Ella: I have a lot to say.
Ella: You should probably get some popcorn.

Gerard: To all the people who doubted me…
Gerard: You were right.

Taven: If you don't come to my funeral, I'm not coming to yours.
Keyla: What?

Gerard: I may not be trying my hardest, but I'm very tired, which I think should be taken into consideration.

Farli: The next time I'm opening up to someone is at my autopsy.

Dallas: The odds of this happening by coincidence are vanishingly small.
Ara: I would say infinitesimally small, even.
Andor: And I'd say teenily-weenily. We all know words.

James: Pick a card, any card.
Nina, taking one: Fine.
James: Hey, that's my credit card!
Nina: You said any card!

Elliot: I have a lot to say.
Elliot: You should probably get some popcorn.

Anthony: Ew, what kind of tea is this?
Cyrus: I boiled Gatorade :)

Elliot: What do you believe in in life?
Perry: Self preservation through love.
Quill: Mothman.
Ophelia, nodding: Mothman as well.

Ellis: Have you ever been arrested?
Poli: Yes, actually. Several times.
Ellis: …I was going to say "because it must be illegal to look that good," but now I wanna know what you actually got arrested for.

Cyrus: Hey, if Dally and I were drowning, who would you save?
Anthony: You two can't swim?
Cyrus: It's a hypothetical question, Kane! Who would you save?
Anthony: My time and effort.

Quill: You know, I'm beginning to regret showing you how that blender works.
Azazel, drinking toast: Why?

Emmett: Jack and I are having a child.
Quill: Oh, wow, really? That's gr-
Emmett, slamming adoption papers on the table: It's you. Sign here.

Tetra: Sometimes facing your fears head-on is the best way to realize they aren’t actually scary.
Drinn: Yeah, I totally agree. Like when I climbed a mountain during a lighting storm and demanded to be struck by lightning. I didn’t get hurt at all, and now I’m not even scared of God anymore.
Tetra: That is….not what I meant.
Vio: You did what?

Jack: Why does Kane look so upset?
Quill: I made him take this "Which Eldritch Horror are You?" quiz I found online because I thought it'd be fun.
Jack: …And?
Quill: Well, it said the eldritch horror he's most like is you.

Milo: It's not the most ethical move, but in a pinch, you could hand off a cursed object to basically any baby.

Andor: What's an aptitude test?
Ara: It's a suitability test, Andor.
Andor: I'll wear a suit. I don't care.

Garzlan: Sometimes facing your fears head-on is the best way to realize they aren’t actually scary.
Milo: Yeah, I totally agree. Like when I climbed a mountain during a lighting storm and demanded to be struck by lightning. I didn’t get hurt at all, and now I’m not even scared of God anymore.
Garzlan: That is….not what I meant.
Ravina: You did what?

Ara: You know, I'm beginning to regret showing you how that blender works.
Andor, drinking toast: Why?

Taven: Hey, if Cal and I were drowning, who would you save?
Farli: You two can't swim?
Taven: It's a hypothetical question, Farli! Who would you save?
Farli: My time and effort.

Killian: I have a lot to say.
Killian: You should probably get some popcorn.

Hammy: Ew, what kind of tea is this?
Midge: I boiled Gatorade :)

Avon: What do you believe in in life?
Dahlia: Self preservation through love.
Midge: Mothman.
Howie, nodding: Mothman as well.

Killian: Have you ever been arrested?
Ransom: Yes, actually. Several times.
Killian: …I was going to say "because it must be illegal to look that good," but now I wanna know what you actually got arrested for.

Howie: Hey, if Midge and I were drowning, who would you save?
Dahlia: You two can't swim?
Howie: It's a hypothetical question, Dahlia. Who would you save?
Dahlia: My time and effort.

Dahlia: You know, I'm beginning to regret showing you how that blender works.
Midge, drinking toast: Why?

Ransom: Killian and I are having a child.
Hammy: Oh, wow, really? That's gr-
Ransom, slamming adoption papers on the table: It's you. Sign here.

Avon: Sometimes facing your fears head-on is the best way to realize they aren’t actually scary.
Midge: Yeah, I totally agree. Like when I climbed a mountain during a lighting storm and demanded to be struck by lightning. I didn’t get hurt at all, and now I’m not even scared of God anymore.
Avon: That is….not what I meant.
Dahlia: You did what?

Killian: It's not the most ethical move, but in a pinch, you could hand off a cursed object to basically any baby.

Midge: What's an aptitude test?
Killian: It's a suitability test, Midge.
Midge: I'll wear a suit. I don't care.

Algernon: It's not the most ethical move, but in a pinch, you could hand off a cursed object to basically any baby.

Barry: What's an aptitude test?
Tobias: It's a suitability test, Rodgers.
Barry: I'll wear a suit, I don't care.

Mabel: Sometimes facing your fears head-on is the best way to realize they aren’t actually scary.
Cameron Alexis: Yeah, I totally agree. Like when I climbed a mountain during a lighting storm and demanded to be struck by lightning. I didn’t get hurt at all, and now I’m not even scared of God anymore.
Mabel: That is….not what I meant.
Joey: You did what?

Tomas: Hey, if Maisy and I were drowning, who would you save?
Cameron Alexis: You two can't swim?
Tomas: It's a hypothetical question. Who would you save?
Cameron Alexis: My time and effort.

Quill, sighing: I wish I had more enemies.

Drinn: I’ve invited you here because I crave the deadliest game…
Ellis, nodding: Knife Monopoly.
Drinn: I was actually going to play Russian roulette, but now I'm really interested in whatever knife Monopoly is.

Anthony: Don't say a word.
Cyrus: Fergalicious.
Anthony: Hecate, I said no words!
Cyrus: Oh, I see. Two weeks ago, when we're playing Scrabble, it's not a word. But suddenly it is a word when it's convenient for you.

Felix: You know who I am.
Quill: No, we don’t.
Felix: You know what I do.
Quill: We’re still unclear on that, actually.

Dally (who is Canadian): I have just been informed by Cyrus that "Country Roads" is not actually the American national anthem. This is the worst day of my life.

Anthony, pulling out a flask: Want any?
Cyrus: Sure.
Cyrus, taking a sip: Is this soup?

Cyrus: Thanks, Burman. I couldn’t have done this without you.
Felix: Sure you could've! Not as stylishly, though, of course.

Anthony: You don't care who you piss off, do you?
Dally: Not in the slightest!

Andor: Where are you going after this?
Ara: Home.
Andor: Oh, is that a new bar?
Ara: No, like literally my home.

Nina: I just love your energy!
Ella: Thanks. I changed my personality to match the situation. Glad it worked.

Gerard: Ugh, I'm so ready for a mental breakdown but I don't have the time!

Garzlan: Why did you tell everyone you were having a medical emergency? Are you ok?
Milo: I'm fine, I just wanted attention.

Farli I'm in love.
Taven: You are?!
Farli: Well, I'm talking to someone and I don't hate them so basically yes.

Andor (drunkenly to his own reflection in a bathroom mirror): You are exactly where you need to be.

Matthew: Hi, this might be decades of repressed emotions talking, but I'm upset.

Kristi: I just love your energy!
Bobby: Thanks, I changed my personality to match the situation. Glad it worked.

Della: Ugh, I'm so ready for a mental breakdown but I don't have the time!

Cypress: Why did you tell everyone you were having a medical emergency? Are you okay?
Oleander: I'm fine, I just wanted attention.

Algernon, drunkenly to his own reflection in a bathroom mirror: You are exactly where you need to be.

Oberon: Hi, this might be decades of repressed emotions talking, but I'm upset.

Samuel, when he's stuck in Creston: My father would turn over in his grave if he saw me like this!
Nich: But your father is alive.
Samuel: Yes, but this would kill him.

Alexei: I'll kill him! I'll kill him!
Talia: Who?
Alexei: The lyingest, cheatingest, sloppiest con man in Creston!
Talia: Oh, Fox.

Shea: I just love your energy!
Grace: Thanks, I changed my personality to match the situation. Glad it worked.

Crimson: Ugh, I'm so ready for a mental breakdown but I don't have the time!

Drew: Why did you tell everyone you were having a medical emergency? Are you okay?
Felix: I'm fine, I just wanted attention.

Felix, drunkenly to his own reflection in a bathroom mirror: You are exactly where you need to be.

Ray: Hi, this might be decades of repressed emotions talking, but I'm upset.

Hammy, when he's stuck with Midge and Howie: My dad would turn over in his grave if he saw me like this!
Midge: But your dad is alive.
Hammy: Yes, but this would kill him.

Bianca: I'll kill him! I'll kill him!
Crimson: Who?
Bianca: The lyingest, cheatingest, sloppiest con man in Concordia!
Crimson: Oh, Felix.

Bianca: I'm in love.
Jeb: You are?!
Bianca: Well, I'm talking to someone and I don't hate them so basically yes.

Midge, sighing: I wish I had more enemies.

The King: I’ve invited you here because I crave the deadliest game…
Sparrow, nodding: Knife Monopoly.
The King: I was actually going to play Russian roulette, but now I'm really interested in whatever knife Monopoly is.

Paisley: Don't say a word.
Abel: Fergalicious.
Paisley: Dumbass, I said no words!
Abel: Oh, I see. Two weeks ago, when we're playing Scrabble, it's not a word. But suddenly it is a word when it's convenient for you.

Boss: You know who I am.
Midge: No, we don’t.
Boss: You know what I do.
Felix: We’re still unclear on that, actually.

Shea (who is Canadian): I have just been informed by Grace that "Country Roads" is not actually the American national anthem. This is the worst day of my life.

Grace, pulling out a flask: Want any?
Sid: Sure.
Sid, taking a sip: Is this soup?

Quinn, sarcastically: Thanks, Pesto. I couldn’t have done this without you.
Pesto: Sure you could've! Not as stylishly, though, of course.

Paisley: You don't care who you piss off, do you?
Rhyda: Not in the slightest!

Milo: RIP to everyone killed by the gods for their hubris but I'm different.
Milo: And better.
Milo: Maybe even better than the gods.

Garzlan: Oh, you poor thing.
Calidor: Don't bring my financial status into this.

Caleb: I love you guys, you're the best things to ever happened to me.
Crispin: We're the best things to ever happened to you?
Caleb: Yes!
Crispin: I'm starting to feel a little sorry for you.

Ella: After years of pretending to be cool and chill and down, I'm ready to embrace my identity as the highest maintenance bitch you ever saw in your fucking life.

Kit: You don't care who you piss off, do you?
Crispin: Not in the slightest!

Ravina: I'll kill him! I'll kill him!
Garzlan: Who?
Ravina: The lyingest, cheatingest, sloppiest man in the Five Nations!
Garzlan: Oh, Milo.

Taven, when he's trapped in Arribea: My dad would turn over in his grave if he saw me like this!
Farli: But your dad is alive.
Taven: Yes, but this would kill him.

Gemma: Don't mess with me! I have the power of God and Anime on my side! AAAAAHHHH!!!

(Cassie, Sierra, and Gemma running to the car)
Cassie: I'm driving!
Sierra: Shotgun!
Gemma: Aw, but you had it on the way here–
Sierra: No, I found a shotgun! And I want front seat. (loads gun)

Jamie: I mean, small animals are way more vicious. It's because their anger has less space to be bottled up in.
Andre: That's ridiculous. Give me one example.
Lee: Spiders.
Cassie: Wasps.
Eli: Terriers.
Christian: Gemma.

Lee: Umm… Whatcha got there?
Gemma who just walked in with a half-dead Janus: A smoothie.

Copper: What on earth is a good response to being stabbed??
Gemma: Rude.
Lee: Not again.
Jamie: Are you gonna want this back, or..?

Gemma: What is Lhire drinking?
Lhire: The blood of my enemies.
Janus: It's cranberry juice.

Lee: If you had a shot for every time you made a bad decision, would you still be sober?
Copper, Andre, and Eli: Yes.
Christian, Gemma, and Cassie: Maybe a little tipsy.
Jamie and Sierra: Wasted.
Janus: Dead.

(Jamie bursts through the door in a panic)
Eli: What did you do?
Jamie: Nobody died!
Eli: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!

Cassie: Mrs. P., you made us dino nuggets again!
Melonee: And what's wrong with that?
Cassie: We're all grown! Mature! Adults! We shouldn't eat things like this!
Eli and Jamie playing with their nuggets: RAWR! RAWR! RAWR!
Gemma: You're right, Cassie, this is wrong. (bites her dino nugget's head off and puts ketchup on it) He's dead now.
Lee: Noooooo..!
Melonee: You see?
Cassie: I hate all of you.
Christian, who's been dousing his nuggets in ketchup anytime he bites any part of them: What's wrong with it?
Cassie: You are not helping.

Noah: If an enemy kills me, what do you do?
Eli: Avenge you.
Noah: What?
Jamie: Go after their children!
Noah: No! The answer is 'go on without me!'
Gemma: OHANA MEANS FAMILY, AND FAMILY MEANS NO ONE GETS LEFT BEHIND!!!

Therapist: So let's start by talking about the emotions you're feeling right now.
Lhire: Stabbing!
Therapist: Stabbing… isn't really an emotion, it's more of an… activity… which I hope you don't do to me… See, an emotion is more like a feeling!
Lhire: Well, maybe I feel STABBY!

Akello: You know who I am.
Lee: No, we don't.
Akello: You know what I do.
Gemma: We're still unclear on that, actually.

Oleander: RIP to everyone killed by the gods for their hubris but I'm different.
Oleander: And better.
Oleander: Maybe even better than the gods.

Algernon: Oh, you poor thing.
Addie: Don't bring my financial status into this.

Silvie: I love you guys, you're the best things to ever happened to me.
Aubrey: We're the best things to ever happened to you?
Silvie: Yes!
Clare: I'm starting to feel a little sorry for you.

Algernon: You don't care who you piss off, do you?
Launce: Not in the slightest!

Someone: I'll kill him! I'll kill him!
Skye: Who?
Someone: The lyingest, cheatingest, sloppiest con man in the galaxy!
Skye: Oh, Luc.

Bastian, when he's on Kauff: My father would turn over in his grave if he saw me like this!
Isaak: But your father is alive.
Bastian: Yes, but this would kill him.

The Director: You know who I am.
Tabitha: No, we don’t.
The Director: You know what I do.
Eliot: We’re still unclear on that, actually.

Eliza, who is Russian: I have just been informed by Grace that "Country Roads" is not actually the American national anthem. This is the worst day of my life.

Tobias, pulling out a flask: Want any?
Barry: Sure.
Barry, taking a sip: Is this soup?

Tabitha, sarcastically: Thank you, Uncle. I couldn’t have done this without you.
Algernon: Sure you could have. Not as stylishly, though, of course.

Rosa: If you did a shot for every time you made a bad decision, how drunk would you be?
Martin: Sober.
Mabel: Maybe a little tipsy.
Joey: Wasted.
Ira: Dead.

The Evil One: I'm going to kill you.
Janus: Hold on, I have to ask Gemma first.
The Evil One: That's not how it–
Janus: She said no.

Jamie: Wanna hear my life story?
Christian: Not really.
Jamie: At age six, I was born without a face.
Christian:
Christian: There were, like, twenty absurdities in that one sentence.

Eli: We're on our way right now to investigate a murder!
Jamie: We've got an axe! (waves axe)
Noah: Huh, sounds like something a responsible parent wouldn't want you to do.
Noah:
Noah: Me. I'm the responsible parent, you're both grounded.

Annie: What's it like being on the team?
Gemma: Imagine working with completely civilized, responsible, and mature people.
Annie: Okay…
Gemma: Now throw that idea out the window.

Gemma: Copper, you remind me of the ocean.
Copper: Why the ocean?
Gemma: Because you're salty and you scare people.

Rune: What's it like, dating one of the popular kids?
Sierra: (remembers the time Christian was lying on the couch upside down and drinking milk through a straw, then waterboarded himself with the milk and coughed for ten seconds then tried again)
Sierra: Amazing, I love him.

Akello: I could kill you, you know.
Lee: Yeah? So could another human being.
Lee: So could a dog.
Lee: So could a really dedicated duck.
Akello:
Lee: You're not special.

Gemma: I've only had Kage for a day and a half, but if anything happened to him, I would kill everyone in this room and then myself.

Andre: Okay, so how would you describe someone throwing something in Shakespearean?
Jamie: Yeet.
Andre: No.
Jame: Yeeteh.
Andre: NO–

Janus: I want someone to take me out.
Lee: Like on a date or with a sniper gun?
Janus: (not breaking eye contact) Surprise me.

Lhire: Violence is never the answer.
Lhire: Violence is the question and the answer is yes!

Fryght: I'm going to kill you.
Dally: Hold on, I have to ask Joey first.
Fryght: That's not how it–
Dally: He said no.

Dally: We're on our way right now to fight crime!
Safie: We've even got costumes!
Martin: Huh, sounds like something a responsible mentor wouldn't want you to do.
Joey: It's us. We're the responsible mentors. You're both grounded.

Phebe: What is it like being married to someone as esteemed as Lord Olivier?
Alessandra: Remembers the time Percy was lying on the couch upside down and drinking milk through a straw, then waterboarded himself with the milk and coughed for ten seconds before trying again
Alessandra: It's amazing. I love him.

Fryght: I could kill you, you know.
Cameron Alexis: Yeah? So could another human being.
Cameron Alexis: So could a dog.
Cameron Alexis: So could a really dedicated duck.
Fryght:
Cameron Alexis: You're not special.

Joel: I've only been working with Ernesto for a day and a half, but if anything happened to him, I would kill everyone in this room and then myself.

Joey: I want someone to take me out.
Mabel: Like on a date or with a sniper?
Joey, shrugging: Surprise me.

Kels: Violence is never the answer.
Kels: Violence is the question and the answer is yes!

Blitz: I'm going to kill you.
Quill: Hold on, I have to ask Mr. Croce first.
Blitz: That's not how it–
Quill: He said no.

Anthony: I want someone to take me out.
Cyrus: Like on a date or with a sniper?
Anthony, shrugging: Surprise me.

Dally: You know you’ve made it when you see pictures of yourself everywhere you go.
Anthony: Those are wanted posters.

Ophelia: Do you cook?
Quill: I made a cake once!
Elliot: Yeah, it was good.
Ophelia: Really?
Elliot: Don’t make me lie twice, Ophelia.

Claire: You have friends and I envy that.
Ophelia: You're welcome to share my friends.
Claire, looking at Quill and Elliot: …No thank you.

Emmett: What do you call disobeying the law?
Quill: A hobby.
Emmett: Crosses his arms
Quill: …That I do not engage in.

Vio: I'm going to ask you to be respectful.
Drinn: I’m going to politely decline.

The Void: How would you like to live forever?
Jack: I'd hate it. Shut the fuck up.

Daisy: We either die free, or die trying!
Dally: Are those the only choices!?

Quill: Hey, Dr. Device, you got any shaving cream?
Jack: No, I don't like the way it tastes.
Quill: You…you eat shaving cream?
Jack: No, why would I eat it if I don't like the taste?

Dally: So… what’s going on?
Quill: You want the long version or the short version?
Dally: The short one, I guess?
Quill: Shit’s fucked.
Dally: Oh. Well, yeah, that’s definitely not an optimal situation.

Anthony: Hey, Burman, can you lend a hand with this?
Felix: Oh, I would…but I don’t want to.

Luc: You know you’ve made it when you see pictures of yourself everywhere you go.
Mariam: Those are wanted posters.

Mariam: Do you cook?
Luc: I made a cake once!
Skye: Yeah, it was good.
Mariam: Really?
Skye: Don’t make me lie twice, Miss Dover.

Tabitha: You have friends and I envy that.
Imogen: You're welcome to share my friends.
Tabitha, looking at Kay and Addie: …No thank you.

Greta: What do you call disobeying the law?
Sal: A hobby.
Greta: Crosses her arms
Sal: That I do not engage in.

Mikhail: I'm going to ask you to be respectful.
Sal: I’m going to politely decline.

The Director: How would you like to live forever?
Kels: I'd hate it. Shut the fuck up.

Sal: We either die free or die trying!
Helsie: Are those the only choices!?

Helsie: So what’s going on?
Sal: You want the long version or the short version?
Helsie: The short one, I guess?
Sal: Shit’s fucked.
Helsie: Oh. Well, yeah, that’s definitely not an optimal situation.

Eliot: Hey Mr. Fynn, can you lend a hand with this?
Algernon: Oh. I would, but I don’t want to.

Janus: Gemma, how do I get the best revenge on my enemies?
Gemma: The best revenge is letting go and living life to its fullest!
Janus:
Janus: Cassie, how do I–
Cassie: Brick.

(literally every time a new kid joins the team)
Melonee: We're having a baby!
New Kid: Wow, congrats–
Noah: (slams adoption papers on the table) It's you, sign here.

Janus: Let's just assume for the moment that everyone here doesn't like me!

Phoenix: Freeze!
Everyone:
Mystee: Everybody clap your hands!
Phoenix: NO!

Mystee: I'm reckless and an endangerment to society!
Journey: Calm down.

Annie: Are you any good at acting?
Janus: Sure, I'm great at it.
Annie: Really?
Janus: Yeah, after the first couple times, it becomes really easy to plaster on a fake smile and tell everyone you're all right when on the inside you're screaming.

Gemma: What are you two laughing at?
Janus: Nothing.
Lhire: Murder.

Christian: Is anyone out there?
Jamie: (in low, scratchy voice) Only your worst nightmare…
Christian: Okay, cool. Hey, worst nightmare, can you get me a band-aid?

Phoenix: What is wrong with you??
Mystee: Do you want the whole list or just the highlights?

Tetra: What is wrong with you!?
Drinn: Do you want the whole list or just the highlights?

Anthony: What are you two laughing at?
Quill: Nothing.
Cyrus: Murder.

Ophelia: El, what’s the best way to get revenge on someone?
Elliot: The best revenge is letting go and living life to its fullest!
Ophelia:
Ophelia: Claire, how do I–
Claire: Brick.

(new character batch incoming ;-;)

Tania: You know you’ve made it when you see pictures of yourself everywhere you go.
Dominic: Those are wanted posters.

Jack: Do you cook?
Tania: I made a cake once!
Kane Arachnid: Yeah, it was good.
Jack: Really?
Kane Arachnid: Don’t make me lie twice, Kiddo.

Detective Sheriden: You have friends and I envy that.
Tania: You're welcome to share my friends.
Detective Sheriden, looking at the Hawthorne Ridge Troupe: … No thank you.

Detective Sheriden: What do you call disobeying the law?
Tania: A hobby.
Detective Sheriden: [Crosses her arms]
Tania: That I do not engage in.

Dominic: I'm going to ask you to be respectful.
Jack: I’m going to politely decline.

Kane Arachnid: How would you like to live forever?
Elias: I'd hate it. Shut the fuck up.

Elias: We either die free or die trying!
Dolly: Are those the only choices!?

Elias: So what’s going on?
Jack: You want the long version or the short version?
Elias: The short one, I guess?
Jack: Shit’s fucked.
Elias: Oh. Well, yeah, that’s definitely not an optimal situation.

Dominic: Hey Mr. Arachnid, can you lend a hand with this?
Kane Arachnid: Oh. I would, but I don’t want to.

Dolly: Nic, how do I get the best revenge on my enemies?
Dominic: The best revenge is letting go and living life to its fullest!
Dolly:
Dolly: Tania, how do I–
Tania: Brick.

Tania: We're having a baby!
Blaire: Wow, uhm, congrats–
Kane Arachnid: (slams adoption papers on the table) It's you, sign here.

Kane Arachnid: Let's just assume for the moment that everyone here doesn't like me!

Tania: Freeze!
Everyone:
Tania: Everybody clap your hands!
Dominic: MOM, NO!

Elias: I'm reckless and an endangerment to society!
Blaire: Calm down.

Kane Arachnid: Are you any good at acting?
Blaire: Sure, I'm great at it.
Kane Arachnid: Really?
Blaire: Yeah, after the first couple times, it becomes really easy to plaster on a fake smile and tell everyone you're all right when on the inside you're screaming.

Dolly: What are you two laughing at?
Elias: Nothing.
Tania: Murder.

Jack: Is anyone out there?
Bram: (in low, scratchy voice) Only your worst nightmare…
Jack: Okay, cool. Hey, worst nightmare, can you get me a band-aid?

Detective Sheriden: What is wrong with you??
Tania: Do you want the whole list or just the highlights?

Dominic: Hey, Elias, you got any shaving cream?
Elias: No, I don't like the way it tastes.
Dominic: You…you eat shaving cream?
Elias: No, why would I eat it if I don't like the taste?

Bram: I'm going to kill you, little brother.
Jack: Hold on, I have to ask Tania first.
Bram: That's not how it–
Jack: She said no.

Dominic: I want someone to take me out.
Jack: Like on a date or with a sniper?
Dominic, shrugging: Surprise me.

Dolly: Nic, what's it like dating the most outstanding trapeze artists in all of the Netherlands?
Dominic: [Remembers the time Jack was lying on the couch upside down and drinking milk through a straw, then waterboarded himself with the milk and coughed for ten seconds before trying again]
Dominic: It's amazing. I love him.

Bram: I could kill you, you know.
Tania: Yeah? So could another human being.
Tania: So could a dog.
Tania: So could a really dedicated duck.
Bram:
Tania: You're not special.

Elias: I've only been taking care of Dolly for a day and a half, but if anything happened to her, I would kill everyone in this room and then myself.

Tania: Violence is never the answer.
Tania: Violence is the question and the answer is yes!

Elias: Wanna hear my life story?
Blaire: Not really.
Elias: At age six, I was born without a face.
Blaire:
Blaire: There were, like, twenty absurdities in that one sentence.

Elias: We're on our way right now to investigate a murder!
Dolly: We've got an axe! (waves axe)
Tania: Huh, sounds like something a responsible parent wouldn't want you to do.
Tania:
Tania:
Tania:
Tania: Oh. Me. It's me. I'm the responsible parent. You're both grounded.

Detective Sheriden: What's it like working at Hawthorne Ridge?
Dominic: Imagine working with completely civilized, responsible, and mature people.
Detective Sheriden: Okay…
Dominic: Now throw that idea out the window.

Kane Arachnid: Tania, you remind me of the ocean.
Tania: Why the ocean?
Kane Arachnid: Because you're salty and you scare people.

(Kane Arachnid, Tania, and Eliasrunning to the car)
Kane Arachnid: I'm driving!
Tania: Shotgun!
Elias: Aw, but you had it on the way here– WOAH-
Tania: No, I found a shotgun! And I want front seat. (cocks gun)

Jack: I mean, small animals are way more vicious. It's because their anger has less space to be bottled up in.
Dominic: That's ridiculous. Give me one example.
Kane Arachnid: Spiders.
Tania: Wasps.
Blaire: Terriers.
Elias: Dolly.

Tania: What on earth is a good response to being stabbed??
Blaire: Rude.
Elias: Not again.
Jack: Are you gonna want this back, or..?

Jack: What is Tania drinking?
Tania: The blood of my enemies.
Dominic: It's cranberry juice.

Kane Arachnid: If you had a shot for every time you made a bad decision, would you still be sober?
Dolly: Yes.
Dominic: Maybe a little tipsy.
Elias: Wasted.
Tania: Dead.

(Tania bursts through the door in a panic)
Dominic: What did you do?
Tania: Nobody died!
Dominic: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!

Jack: If an enemy kills me, what do you do?
Dominic: Avenge you.
Jack: What?
Tania: Go after their children!
Jack: No! The answer is 'go on without me!'
Dolly: OHANA MEANS FAMILY, AND FAMILY MEANS NO ONE GETS LEFT BEHIND!!!

Therapist: So let's start by talking about the emotions you're feeling right now.
Tania: Stabbing!
Therapist: Stabbing… isn't really an emotion, it's more of an… activity… which I hope you don't do to me… See, an emotion is more like a feeling!
Tania: Well, maybe I feel STABBY!

Bram: You know who I am.
Elias: No, we don't.
Bram: You know what I do.
Kane Arachnid: We're still unclear on that, actually.