forum I'll critique your characters

Started March 15, 2021 by @Jolyn

tune

Just make sure that I can view the link and I'll give you some personal feedback! If there is anything you want me to specifically look at and pay more attention to just let me know.

Hello! Is there something I can help you out with?

Here use My Character Tito

Ok so here is everything!

Everything in the overview section looks good! Love the nicknames

130lbs seems pretty underweight for the someone of his size, I'm not sure if this was intentional or not but its a small detail

There is a lot of conditions going, nothing wrong with that just make sure to do your research and ask others about their experience with these specific condition. Even if he is a side character things can get messy really quickly if you present something like OCD in the wrong light. Just double check if you haven't already.

Oracle of Huger sounds like a really badass name for a religion ngl there, but why does he like sewing so much? Was it something that he just learned on his own as a hobby or did a family member teach him? Just curious on the back story on that.

His backstory is really interesting! I do love wendigos myself so I'm all in for this kind of bloody chaos although I have a couple of notes:

I'm still confused on how is parents died? Was it an accident? Did someone break into their house and drowned them as a torture method? Did Tito watch them drown? How did it effect his behavior and how he sees life in general? Also I am curious if the wendigo did actually save him or posses him, its a bit unclear. Did he gain any powers or extra abilities from the wendigo too? Any physical drawbacks to it? Also what is his relationship like with his grandparents and brother? They are here but they don't seem to be there in his life, did he close himself off even before the accident? Or was he naturally a very anti-social or introverted kid so they gave him his space. Maybe there is something else to it? What drew him to kill so many people in the first place? Did he go out on a normal search in the woods before he turned to a desperate act of killing someone? I think you can elaborate a little more here.

Overall a really interesting character and I hope I these notes help get a better idea of Tito! If you have any questions or need advice I can help as well.

1. Thank you
2. I made him 130lb for the creepy skinny effet
3. I have OCD, ADHD, and Tourettes. And i know what you mean
   4.i will need to add the sewing part. Thank you
4. And i will need to change his backstory little bit and thank you. And ii forgot to add the part where his grandparants told him stories about the wendigo but. The wendigo is not real. It was a way to reach out for help in his mind. Bc his grandparents told him that the wendigo helps any creatures in pain.

But thank you. Thank you very much

And did you read through the docs?

Hey can you do my character, Claire Claire Lillian

@Stroylia-Knight

SO sorry for the delay! But the docs look really good! I'm in love with the SCP vibe of these interviews and it defiantly helps get a better idea of what Tito is like, and the doctor he is with seems pretty interesting as well so it was neat to see him interact with others! Apart from that not much to critique, I really like the docs!

@NotSoBeautifulDiseaster

Sorry it took me so long to get to Claire, but here is everything!

Everything in the Overview and Looks sections seems perfect! Her personality seems a tad bit confusing? She's super sweet but also manipulative? Maybe its just the wording, she the type of person seem one way at first glance but has something darker underneath so quickly look over that again and make sure its a bit more clear but apart from that she seems super interesting. What does she do when she is jealous of someone? She doesn't confront but does she try to copy that person? Be like them but better? I'm curious. All the relationships look pretty good as well, but going back to jealousy, is she jealous of Cleo? How far would she go to be like her? But apart from that nothing stands out negatively, personally I love the relationship area but I think you can break it up more. Instead of having just a list of characters make separate sections for positive, negative and neutral relationships. Its just easier for someone critiquing to read since you have so many characters and it is a lot of back and forth editing so I understand if you don't wanna do that immediately. (Trust me, I've had to do it before and its not always fun lmao).

Backstory looks good as well! Nothing stands out as negative but I think here you should elaborate on her and Elijah's relationship since it is so rocky, adding a bit more detail of why things shifted and they never got on the right foot.

Overall I like Claire! My biggest point is that her personality isn't super clear to me at the moment, just look over it again and make sure things are worded correctly or get someone else to reread it since it might just be me not getting something.

If you have anymore questions I'm here to help!

i would absolutely love if you looked at my boy juniper, I like seeing everyone's responses to him

@trainwreck404

Sorry this took so long some things came up but here it what I think of your boy!

First off I loveeeeeeee sirens so I'm all in for him already. I love his backstory as well! But my only question is why did his parents want him to grow up human? Are sirens and humans mixed together or was it just safer to be on land then in the water? Maybe something happened to his parents and they wanted something different for him? Just mentioning a few things like that would be good to know.

ACE SIRENS FOR THE WIN FUCK YEAH

The playlist analysis???? ALKJDksljdlsd I love it so much! I don't recognize all the songs but this is giving big inspiration to have something like this for my own characters and profiles not gonna lie…..

Overall there isn't much to critique, I really love him and nothing sticks out to me as bad need to work on, I mean if i'm nitpicking there isn't much on his relationships with some one like Vanessa or Alex who are his enemies but yet again this is coming from the same person who writes paragraphs and paragraphs of relationship dynamics lmao. Just tiny things but overall I love him!

I wanted to see if I could get some critiques on some characters Im making for a storyline. There are three of them, and some of their info is being worked on by my friends, but Im the lead of the story.

Kneel:

Optis:

Ide:

Kneel is the character I have written myself, my friend is working on Optis, and Im still deciding what to do with Ide. I hope you like them! :))

Jordan is still very much a work in progress, but I'd love to hear your opinion on him so far!! Invalid Character

@trainwreck404

Sorry this took so long some things came up but here it what I think of your boy!

bro thank you! i did want to go more into his relationship with vanessa and alex once i write more of their interactions, so eventually I'll add more to that!

Hey, I'm not sure if this is still going on, but if you could check out Cassie, that would be great ^J^ Cassie

I personally don't think in very good with actually fleshing out characters, but i want to see what you think of my OC! She's a part of the main band:

@K14N

Sorry to everyone this took so long, stuff came up and I'm getting to everyone else's characters soon so stay tuned!

Kneel: I get Dream SMP Technoblade vibes, which is a big win since I love Techno with all of my mind body and soul lmao. He's partially blind which I think its really coolio but just make sure you know the challenges he would face in daily life or battles. I'm a bit confused on why he was so disliked by his parents still, maybe its the wording or I just can't read but try to rephrase and elaborate it a bit more. Just makes it easier to critique. Aww I like his relationship with Ide so far, and I love the turn against his family too! But why is he making trips to the overworld? Is it just exploring? Looking for something? I'm curious about what he'd want to go there for. Last thing is I'm wondering where you got his name from? Nothing is wrong with it don't get me wrong but I think its really cool and wanna know the thought process

Optis: Oh I like him a lot too! First thing to jump out is that he has slight anxiety but from what I'm getting in the rest of the profile its not coming across. He's brave, reckless and outgoing which doesn't go hand in hand with anxiety, you could stay he can get nervous easily but I don't get anxiety. He's autistic which is coolio, just make sure to do plenty of proper research so you can get facts straight, I haven't done much research on it myself so i can't give links but you could probably create another forum on the conditions forums and ask. From what i've heard autism can be a bit tricky to look into with "mom blogs" but take my word with a grain of salt….This is just a nit picking thing but in the backstory you are using his name a lot which makes it harder to digest, just replace his name with more he/him along with some longer sentences with less commas. I'm guilty of doing this too so don't worry too much I'm just nitpicking here lmao…anyways I love for Okime and her and Optis's story together! His backstory overall is pretty good too so I can't stay too much other then the curse, I know that its his own thought process but does he ever come to terms with his family's death instead of the blame on his curse? I'm curious since that would be interesting development during story.

Ide: lakjdlsajdalsjdasd sweet bean…baby….I love Ide so much so far! I want to know what you have in mind for his backstory or the general and maybe I can offer some ideas to help move things along! Apart from that I can't say too much, nothing sticks out as needing a critique but I'm excited to see what you have in store for Ide.

Overall some good characters! If you have any questions I'm happy to help!

@sheabutter

Okie dokie so lets take a look at Jordan!

Already intrigued by the magic he has, I haven't see many healer-types like this or with a villain arc so I'm excited to see more…I think it would be helpful to explain more about Shards somewhere, I'm having a hard time putting the pieces together but still they seem really interesting…I'm really curious about his magic, is there a way the harming side calms down? Does it go away back to normal eventually or he needs some kind of comfort? Can he heal the harm he's done afterwards or not at all? Also does he hate is powers? I mean its the reason he was taken away and seemingly isolated or does he love them? Its an amazing ability but with intense drawbacks so I'm curious

Also love the songs there, I know a few so it really does give a better understanding of his vibe. Also the doc on Dark fragmenting isn't there so not sure if its not done or you forgot to link it but I can take at look at it once its posted if you'd like me too! Overall there isn't much I can say! I'm in love with Jordan and the type of character he is, really last comment would be to elaborate on his backstory but its a work in progress so I understand.

If you need help or have questions I'm happy to help!

@Altar_Ego

Cassie!!! Lets begin!!

Ok so overall I love her, she's super mysterious and has a really haunted vibe which seems intriguing. Only thing that stands out a lot is her flaws and how she'd probably be okay with dying. Is is because she's a doll and isn't fully human? Does she have depression or other mental heath issues that fuel this? It kinda came out of nowhere for me so just curious about it, also I noticed she has a love interest so how does that impact her? Does she start to think more positively? I haven't read the profile since I assumed you wouldn't have wanted me to but maybe looking into that more. Also curious about backstory on her, what being a doll means and also how and why she like painting? Just things like that would be nice to add to her profile but even with what you have I like but there isn't too much to look into so maybe adding these will help me get a better idea of why she is the way she is. If you need help I got you! All you gotta do is ask and I'm happy to help!

@SingSongKeyV

Natsuo! Love the name so already starting off good!

ASLKDADL;ASD she seems so cute! Love how in depth the looks are too, same with her mannerisms, flaws, prejudices, fears and all that jazz it really gives me a good idea of what she's like and the image is clear too. Only thing I'd have to say really is that her backstory needs to have more added, maybe elaborate a tad bit on her mother, how farm like impacted her and shaped her, her relationship with Shinto religion (or maybe just in the religion section? I'm not too familiar with Shinto worship so it might be my own personal interest shining through lmao), and relationship with others? I can see how the "Team Mom" shines through but I'm curious how? Does she always worry about others? does she try to keep them out of danger as much as possible? Is she more fun or strict? Might just be me nitpicking here but I'm interested in her character a lot!

Also don't sell yourself short with making characters, Nana is really well made and even if you think you still need to improve know that you can only go up so don't worry about it! Doubt can set in quickly, believe me I know that very well, but you should be still proud of your characters! Keep up the good work and if you need help or have questions I'm here!

@sheabutter

Okie dokie so lets take a look at Jordan!

Already intrigued by the magic he has, I haven't see many healer-types like this or with a villain arc so I'm excited to see more…I think it would be helpful to explain more about Shards somewhere, I'm having a hard time putting the pieces together but still they seem really interesting…I'm really curious about his magic, is there a way the harming side calms down? Does it go away back to normal eventually or he needs some kind of comfort? Can he heal the harm he's done afterwards or not at all? Also does he hate is powers? I mean its the reason he was taken away and seemingly isolated or does he love them? Its an amazing ability but with intense drawbacks so I'm curious

Also love the songs there, I know a few so it really does give a better understanding of his vibe. Also the doc on Dark fragmenting isn't there so not sure if its not done or you forgot to link it but I can take at look at it once its posted if you'd like me too! Overall there isn't much I can say! I'm in love with Jordan and the type of character he is, really last comment would be to elaborate on his backstory but its a work in progress so I understand.

If you need help or have questions I'm happy to help!

Thank you so much for the feedback! The document on Fragmentation should be linked on his page now, if you still want to read it!

@K14N

Sorry to everyone this took so long, stuff came up and I'm getting to everyone else's characters soon so stay tuned!

Kneel: I get Dream SMP Technoblade vibes, which is a big win since I love Techno with all of my mind body and soul lmao. He's partially blind which I think its really coolio but just make sure you know the challenges he would face in daily life or battles. I'm a bit confused on why he was so disliked by his parents still, maybe its the wording or I just can't read but try to rephrase and elaborate it a bit more. Just makes it easier to critique. Aww I like his relationship with Ide so far, and I love the turn against his family too! But why is he making trips to the overworld? Is it just exploring? Looking for something? I'm curious about what he'd want to go there for. Last thing is I'm wondering where you got his name from? Nothing is wrong with it don't get me wrong but I think its really cool and wanna know the thought process

Optis: Oh I like him a lot too! First thing to jump out is that he has slight anxiety but from what I'm getting in the rest of the profile its not coming across. He's brave, reckless and outgoing which doesn't go hand in hand with anxiety, you could stay he can get nervous easily but I don't get anxiety. He's autistic which is coolio, just make sure to do plenty of proper research so you can get facts straight, I haven't done much research on it myself so i can't give links but you could probably create another forum on the conditions forums and ask. From what i've heard autism can be a bit tricky to look into with "mom blogs" but take my word with a grain of salt….This is just a nit picking thing but in the backstory you are using his name a lot which makes it harder to digest, just replace his name with more he/him along with some longer sentences with less commas. I'm guilty of doing this too so don't worry too much I'm just nitpicking here lmao…anyways I love for Okime and her and Optis's story together! His backstory overall is pretty good too so I can't stay too much other then the curse, I know that its his own thought process but does he ever come to terms with his family's death instead of the blame on his curse? I'm curious since that would be interesting development during story.

Ide: lakjdlsajdalsjdasd sweet bean…baby….I love Ide so much so far! I want to know what you have in mind for his backstory or the general and maybe I can offer some ideas to help move things along! Apart from that I can't say too much, nothing sticks out as needing a critique but I'm excited to see what you have in store for Ide.

Overall some good characters! If you have any questions I'm happy to help!

Hey! Thanks for the feedback!

@Rover3672

For Kneel, his name came from one of my nicknames, Niel (Young Niel), but also from the fact he runs a "Anarchy Kingdom" which I elaborated on a Kingdom with no rules, but with a "Ruler" aka the Strongest Person in that Kingdom. The name derived from the fact that Kneel uses the phrase, "Kneel to your King". Kneel also is based on Technoblade, Blood for the Blood God!

About Optis, He is based on my Partner, Shay. He himself has Anxiety and Autism, so he and I are working on his character together, so he's not 100% decked out like Kneel is yet. I do appreciate the feedback for him though! It helps for some Ideas we can work on.

Lastly, Ide, I wanted to Co-Work with someone on Ide as well, and I have a stone set in mind for who it can be, but I don't know if they will. Ide is kind of free-range, so I gave him the basic attributes Im looking for. Kneel traits Ide like his child, except he doesn't show his actual affection. He only shows this Father's tendency in the fact he taught Ide and took Ide in.

OOh! I love a good critique! Do you think you could do Rune??

i'd love some critiques on Juniper :o

@MJ-THE-FRIENDLY-NEIGHBORHOOD-ARSONIST

Rune!

First impression of her is good, I love how detailed her looks and descriptions are too it really helps! Ahh same with the mannerisms! I do the same thing and write it more detailed mannerisms so thats nice thats nice…her prejudices make me even more intrigued with her backstory…I am a bit confused about the Believers here, maybe clarifying it a bit more (just easier to on ppl when critiquing). As for backstory its really interesting and full of that good ol' tragic fun, but maybe elaborate more on how the school shaped her, taught her and how she changed overall. Maybe she was super sweet and talkative but changed to her strong silent type. She isn't super strong compared to other stats so how does she make up for it? Skill? Speed? What does she do when the there is a physically stronger and skilled opponent?

I like Rune a lot overall, nothing too huge stands out but I'm curious about her relationship with her brother and how him sending her way affected her perception of him. Does she hate him for it? Indifferent? She wants to keep him safe but I wonder if there is any rough patches there. I get the vibe she doesn't like verbal confrontation so how would she handle arguments? Either way I think she is pretty neat!

As I always say, if you need me to look over her again or need help you know where to go