forum I'll critique your characters
Started by @Jolyn
tune

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@Jolyn

@salem66

Juniper! Lets go!

Oooh villain turned hero! Love these ideas can't wait to see more. Off the bat I'm wondering why he looks 23 instead of his age, does he just have a babyface? Also I'm not sure but 105lbs feels really really underweight, like I'm 4'11 female and weight more then him so maybe just double check that.

HE'S A JOJO CHARACTER HELL YES I LOVE ME SOME JOJO

Relationships are a good section to have but I think you should elaborate more on it, helps me get a better idea of the ins and outs of the connections so try going back to that and adding more. Ooh his stand is interesting! But I think you should think of drawbacks just so he isn't impossibly powerful, maybe there is a limit to how far back he can go, can he interact with the past or future or he watches it like a movie? Just elaborating more on any drawbacks and make sure he isn't too OP.

also alsjdalksdjas Mr.Loverman??? I'm here for it

Ah i really like Juniper! Last critiques would be to go more in depth with his relationship with DIO. From what i remember he normally doesn't just turn anyone into a vampire so what was it about Juniper? Did they have an emotional connection? Is it just professional or a strategic move on DIO's part? Very curious about this.

But still love him!

@requiemisback language

@salem66

Juniper! Lets go!

Oooh villain turned hero! Love these ideas can't wait to see more. Off the bat I'm wondering why he looks 23 instead of his age, does he just have a babyface? Also I'm not sure but 105lbs feels really really underweight, like I'm 4'11 female and weight more then him so maybe just double check that.

HE'S A JOJO CHARACTER HELL YES I LOVE ME SOME JOJO

Relationships are a good section to have but I think you should elaborate more on it, helps me get a better idea of the ins and outs of the connections so try going back to that and adding more. Ooh his stand is interesting! But I think you should think of drawbacks just so he isn't impossibly powerful, maybe there is a limit to how far back he can go, can he interact with the past or future or he watches it like a movie? Just elaborating more on any drawbacks and make sure he isn't too OP.

also alsjdalksdjas Mr.Loverman??? I'm here for it

Ah i really like Juniper! Last critiques would be to go more in depth with his relationship with DIO. From what i remember he normally doesn't just turn anyone into a vampire so what was it about Juniper? Did they have an emotional connection? Is it just professional or a strategic move on DIO's part? Very curious about this.

But still love him!

thank you a ton for these critiques!! and yes, he is a Jojo character! i love Jojo so much djbfjfj i just HAD to make OCs for it y'know

but on the critiques: i'll be sure to give that weight thing a double take, and i'll definitely be sure to go back and add more onto the relationships and stand things! i'll probably just add his relationship with DIO under the relationships thing. the connection him and Juniper has was more professional than emotional, but there were definitely signs there that they were emotionally involved- I'm glad you love him though!! he's one of my favorite Jojo OCs i've made thus far! (that's part of the reason why I want critiques on him hhgh ;;)

@Jolyn

@salem66

Hey its no problem at all! If you need anything else critiqued you know where to find me!

@Jolyn

@SingSongKV

Its no problem at all I got you,

okie doki so at first i thought she was a bit underweight but I double check and I think its fine but maybe check again to make sure I didn't misread what i saw if that concerns you (seriously weight seems to be so tricky to get right, i struggle too lmao). She's Alien?? Ooooh i haven't seem many aliens so this should be really fun to check out….I like how innocent she is too and how she jumps to conclusions so make sure that stays consistent.

I would die for Alberto

I'm curious why does she try to change her ideals for Astro? Maybe elaborate on this more and explain why and what exactly she tried to change? Why does she hide her feelings? Is she shy or gets flustered easily? Maybe she doesn't get cues as quickly but I'm very intrigued about this part.

Backstory is pretty good overall, but I feel like you should go more in depth to what it means for her to be half alien. Even if she is just physically enhanced you should still write down strength, weaknesses, any drawbacks to her using abilities. Does her speed harm her? How strong is she? You could go into more depth here, even just the thing where her ponytails float when she gets emotional could be considered something more telepathically charged, is she is pissed or super scared can she make other things float around her? Just fun things like that can really bring in the "Alien" aspect to K.T

Once again overall a really fun character!

@Jolyn

@oppy

okie doki lets go take a look here

First thing is that she seems very very underweight, not sure if its intentional but I'm a 4'11 female thats younger then Nikita that weights the same, even if she is suppose to be more petite and skinny its something to look into.

ah she has an eating disorder, makes more sense to her weight, on that note just make sure to do research and fully understand the topic and how it effects the body and mind so you can have a clearer word for what she has. I wish I knew more on the topic so I could give you some links but you could always start a forum so you can ask any and all questions you need from people who are more knowledgeable or comfortable talking about eating disorders.

Magic sounds really badass! I like how you split it up into the two categories too, just a neat lil touch.

I live for her backstory! Its really fun but i have a few questions that i think would be worth elaborating on:

Why was Nyx having a relationship a human? I know Gods can be assholes but why didn't she stick around? Does Nikita hate her? Want to know more about her? Why didn't Nyx save her after her father threw her out? Just more on her bio parents would be intriguing. I also think its worth going into her relationships with her family as a whole, maybe a couple of sentences for each person so we can get a better idea of what she's like with her family.

As a whole I don't seen cambions often so its fun to look at a character like that, just make sure you do your research on eating disorders or ask someone with more knowledge. If you need help or have questions i'm here, I'm queer and ready to give some advice

@Jolyn

@salem66-the-giorno-stan

Oooh another Jojo oc hell yes!

Anyways overall I think Delilah looks good, a lot of my critiques are similar to Juniper actually like you needing to go more indepth to her stand and relationships with Josuke and Tomoko and maybe even going into what happened in part 4 to strengthen those aspect of them being protective of her.

Also ngl I'm curious who her dad is….did Joseph meet Tomoko again or are they halfsiblings? Was it another stand user or did she just so happen to develop a stand? Also she doesn't come across like she has anxiety, maybe something is going over my head here or you need to keep that in mind and take a look back at her personality.

once again a really well made character! Just a lot of the same points as Juniper but you're good to go!

@Tidermelon group

He’s a bit unorthodox compared to some of the other characters on this thread, but I’d be honored if you’d like to try out Monyi. :)

(I love how thorough your critiques here are, by the way! And your writing style is really neat, you put a lot of personality into your words.)

DemonOnYourShoulder

NAME
Aric Matthias Summer

ROLE
Protagonist

OTHER NAMES
Cat Boy (Violet), Matt (Derek, Arnie and Everyone else pretty much)

GENDER
Male

AGE
15 1/5

UNIVERSE
Demon Mind

HEIGHT
5'5

HAIR COLOR
Brown

HAIR STYLE
thick batch of hair on his head, after it was messed up it was half shaved

FACIAL HAIR
none

EYE COLOR
Golden

RACE
Mutant

SKIN TONE
tan

BODY TYPE
short and small but can move very fast

IDENTIFYING MARKS
scars, his pupils change depending on his mood like a cats.
MANNERISMS
Aric talks with hand gestures alot

MOTIVATIONS
when his friends or family is in danger

FLAWS
Stubborn, Rebellious, Dyslexic (I think that comes under flaws?), Fierce,

PREJUDICES
(I think this is the not flaws of his character) Protective, Kind (to certain people), charismatic, sarcastic/Sassy (i don't know if that is a good thing or a flaw??)

TALENTS
he can jump really high, Parkour, he knows how to fight, he can draw really well.

HOBBIES
Aric likes to Draw or mess around on his phone

BIRTHDAY
August 21 2006

EDUCATION
year 9 in school

I couldn't get the link to work do here it is….. I need some help on it