((i posted this on r/AITAH first, and im not going go through the time of adapting it to nb))
my mum(49) and i(14) are kinda rocky lately, but understandably i think. im beginning the years where i start thinking for myself and want to distance myself from my parents, and imo i think my mum is annoyed because her last kid is becoming a teenager and our relationship has deteriorated.
the direct problem rn is that while i was staying at my sister's, she stayed up 'til 1-3am(i can't exactly remember what she said) to clean my room. my room was pretty messy, but not unlivable and i've told her i don't want her just doing things like this in the past, where she does me a "service" on impulse that ends up in convincing me later, and when concerning my things, makes me feel out of place. later, she often uses these things to 'prove she's a good mother', and guilt trip me whenever i bring up problems not even related to this and she refuses to stop even though i've said multiple times it makes me uncomfortable and like she has no respect for me.
when i went into my room i didn't say anything cause i had just gotten home and i really didn't want to have to deal with it. but when i didn't say anything she came in(without asking) and asked what i thought. i said thank you, and that it was nice, but with my 'please stop talking so i can be alone' voice admittedly and she left. less than an hour later she came back in(without asking) again but this time she was crying. –to be clear, not a ugly cry, or sobbing or anything, just a few tears.– she said she thought i wanted to hurt her and how i wasn't grateful for everything she did, and she felt that i was being terrible because all i said was "hmm" and made her cry, which is not true(as i said, i did thank her). i told her(making sure to lose the tone to hopefully keep her out of my room) that i WAS grateful that she had gone through this effort for me and that i didn't mean to hurt her. but that i didn't need her to do this, and i would have preferred it if she hadn't done it.
when she left i thought it was settled now, but this morning she woke me up by saying she wanted me to say sorry when i felt ready and apologetic because i "treated her like crap and she's not crap, she a human being." and that she had been crying for two days because i was so terrible to her. but i don't feel like i did something wrong.
before i end this post, i want to say that my home life isn't great. my mum and dad are separated recently and since most of my siblings moved out, she's moved all her emotional baggage and responsibility to me. being around her makes me feel drained and exhausted, and i feel better when she not around. She makes impossible situation like this for me all the time, and i always end up the bad guy in her eyes whenever she make a problem. she gets extremely defensive if i even IMPLY she did something wrong.
i don't know whether i should finally speak up and face the coming consequences or just apologize and wait out the next four years.