“Great,” Jacob remarked before sliding into the drivers seat and buckling back up. “This woman… I’m crazy about her, but she can be just as wild as the ocean around this Isle when she wants to be. Do you know what I mean?”
He started the engine and again looked in the rear view mirror for confirmation Horst was ready to go.
Horst buckled up as Jacob did, situating his pack on his lap again. He then turned to look at Jacob as he spoke. A chuckle escaped him, his thoughts drifting to Eau Claire.
“Yeah. I know a woman just like that. Lovely french woman who likes to call me an idiot most days, but who will save my life in a heartbeat. She’s got a nice ass too,”Horst replied, snickering.
He gave Jacob another thumbs-up in the mirror, then turned to look out the window again. A small smile lingered on his face as he continued to think about Eau Claire.
Jacob shook his head, a little caught off guard by Horst's last line. He tried not to think too much about it and instead turned over the question of why Rosaline had decided to walk back on her own. He decided that she was either genuinely too impatient to wait for them or something had upset her and she needed to walk it off.
After a moment, another thought occurred to him. "With your travels, do you see her much?" He couldn't imagine Rosaline leaving the Isle, and she'd barely been here a week. She seemed meant for this place. Meant for him.
Horst snickered for another moment or two about his last comment. Sure, it was an abrupt change from serious to humorous, but Horst couldn’t help it. Eau Claire really did have a nice ass, even though she wouldn’t let Horst get anywhere near it. But, it always started some hilarious bantering fights that Horst thoroughly enjoyed, so it wasn’t too much of a loss.
Horst turned back to Jacob when he spoke again, then contemplated how best to answer his question. It was only a few steps away from touching a sensitive subject.
“I’ve hung out with her for the past few years. She’s a close childhood friend, even though some days I wish we were more. I left a few months ago to travel on my own again,”Horst explained.
Jacob nodded again, a nostalgic smile tugging at his mouth. "I see. I had a childhood friend like that too once. But she moved away a long while ago. And I suppose it's all for the better, since I met Rosaline. I hope things between the two of you work out however you wish it to."
He turned down a cobblestone road with an uphill incline. The car crept up the hill before pulling into a little offshoot "driveway." Once he was inside, Jacob stopped the car and looked up at the house. "Well, here's Bayview. Appropriately named, I think."
He was right. The immediate view from the front windows of the house was of the vast oceanfront. It was a gorgeous and slightly rustic house that had a stairway leading to the front door. Rosaline was nowhere to be seen outside the house, and they hadn't passed her on the drive.
"If you don't mind," Jacob began, opening the car door, "I'll see you in." He wanted to make sure Rosaline was alright. And find out what had compelled her to walk all the way home. It wasn't a long walk, but it certainly wasn't just around the block either.
Horst smiled a bit at Jacob’s words. He then chuckled.
“So do I.”
Horst watched them pull into the driveway of Bayview, then couldn’t help pausing to admire the view that gave the place its name. He adored water. And, the sight of the ocean inspired him to revisit his swimming skills sometime.
“Whatever works,”Horst replied, still staring out at the water.
He then finally broke out of his trance and got out of the car. He followed Jacob inside, glancing toward the water a few times as they went. He even spied a good perch where he could sit and smoke with a perfect view of the ocean.
Jacob noticed the man's fascination with the water and grinned. "It's beautiful, isn't it?" he asked, shutting the door and heading for the stairs as he spoke. "It's part of the reason I've never felt the need to go anywhere else. Laxey and the Isle are as perfect as they come for my tastes."
He reached the front door, knocked, and waited. No answer. Jacob frowned slightly and knocked again. And again, there was no response. He reached for the door handle and discovered it unlocked. Without waiting for another response, Jacob opened the door and stepped into the house. "Rosaline!" he called out.
Nothing. But from the kitchen, he could hear running water and quiet singing. Forgetting briefly that Horst was with him, he headed down the hall and ducked into the kitchen. His eyes widened a bit.
Rosaline was standing at the sink, her hair tied back in a low bun at the nape of her neck. She was washing the dishes vigorously, scrubbing so hard that her arm muscles were tensed. She was barefoot and wore black leggings and a bra. Her sweater was discarded on the counter beside the sink, and in her ears were earbuds. Under her breath, she was singing a song Jacob didn't recognize. But her singing voice was strikingly beautiful.
"This scene feels like what I once saw on a screen. I searched aurora borealis green. I've never seen someone lit from within, blurring out my periphery…"
Slowly, Jacob approached her from behind and tapped her shoulder. Rosaline whirled around, her eyes wide. But she calmed down seeing Jacob, even if her face lit up with a blush. She turned back around, shut off the sink, and hastily dried her hands on the towel. Her fingers snagged the sweater, and she slipped back into it, covering up her rather exposed cleavage and abdomen. She also plucked the earbuds from her ears quickly.
"Fuck, sorry," Rosaline apologized. "I didn't realize you were going to come right in when you got here." Her eyes slid past Jacob and caught Horst standing behind him. She froze for a moment, realizing he had also seen her with her bra on.
“It is,”Horst agreed.
He chuckled at Jacob’s words, happy for the man. At least he felt content in one place. Horst had never been content to stay put, even with Angelique. He had always been moving around, doing something, despite the occasional chiding Angelique would give him. She had never really minded his wanderlust, though she hadn’t liked his absences.
As Jacob knocked on the door and called for Rosaline, Horst’s attention came back to reality. He glanced at the windows into the house, wondering if he might catch a glimpse of Rosaline. Though, he was also figuring out the best ways to break in if he needed to. But, that was a last resort situation. Jacob didn’t need to know that Horst often sought shelter in abandoned, or currently unoccupied, places while traveling.
But, it turned out that the front door was unlocked. Odd. Horst cautiously followed Jacob inside, eyeing every room and corner in case of any dangers. He quickly heard sounds coming from one room and continued to follow Jacob as the man went toward it. The room was the kitchen, and Rosaline was there, half undressed and clearly stressed, if her vigorous dishwashing said anything.
Horst hung back as Jacob approached her, simply leaning against the wall and watching. Without thinking about it, he also eyed Rosaline’s body, admiring her. When Jacob caught her attention, Horst finally realized what he was doing and turned away, letting them have their moment. He scratched his chin as he listened, also realizing he had a good bit of stubble. Fuck, he was in rough shape. The sooner he showered, the better.
A moment later, he felt someone’s eyes on him and turned to find Rosaline staring at him, frozen. His expression was impassive as he met her gaze. He then glanced at Jacob, gauging his reaction, before turning away again, rubbing the stubble on his chin once more.
Jacob waited for her to cover herself before saying anything, and he couldn't help it as his eyes roamed over her figure. She was a formidable woman, inside and out. But he snapped his attention back up to her face as she removed ehr earbuds and apologized.
"No, no. It's alright," he assured her. "I knocked and didn't get an answer, so I worried. But now that you're here and all's well, I'll get on with it."
It took Jacob a moment to notice Rosaline's gaze going past him. He tensed a moment, realizing now that Horst had likely seen her body too. It unsettled him, but he shook his head. The other man already had a woman he was interested in.
Rosaline broke into motion, nodding and heading for the front door. Her bare feet slapped against the tile floor in the kitchen. "I'll walk you out." She brushed past Horst briefly, then paused. Her tea-and-ocean scent lingered in the air around her. "I'll be just a minute," she added before continuing on her way.
Once the pair were on the doorstep, Jacob took her hips in his hands and gently pulled her toward him. Immediately, she accepted the position and cupped his face with her hands as she leaned in for a kiss.
Though he broke away after a moment to voice his slight concern for her being in her house with a slightly strange traveling male. "From the time I spent with him, he seemed a fine enough lad. But just… be careful," he murmured. "Like always."
"I am," Rosaline assured him, a soft smile on her lips. "You know I am."
With that, Jacob drew her back for one final lingering kiss. As the kiss drew out, an idea occurred to Jacob. Slowly, he slid his hands from where they held her hips around to her arse. Then he playfully squeezed.
"Mmm!" Rosaline hummed in surprise and broke away from the kiss. She studied him curiously. "What the bloody hell was that?"
Jacob chuckled, letting go of her. "Nothing. You have a nice arse."
Rosaline swatted at him, but she pecked Jacob's lips one last time before he headed down the stairs toward his car. She waved as he backed out of the driveway and pulled off before heading back inside to Horst. Her eyes studied his new clothes briefly before she spoke. "I already have a bath drawn up for you, and I'll show you around the house once you're clean. Do you have any other clothes, or will you need some?"
(I’m going to guess that Horst inspired Jacob with the ‘nice ass’ part, huh? Lmao!)
Horst saw Jacob tense, but wasn’t worried. As far as he was currently concerned, Rosaline was Jacob’s. Sure, Horst might be a bit more envious of him now than before, but he wasn’t going to push the issue.
His eyes shot toward Rosaline as she brushed by him. Normally, he hated having new people so near to him, as he’d met too many pickpockets in his youth. But, this was different somehow, regardless of whether it was deliberate or accidental. Horst nodded at her words, trying hard not to react to her pleasant smell. Thankfully he had plenty of practice on hiding his emotions.
Horst then patiently waited for Rosaline’s return, listening to the pair even though he only vaguely heard them. He did catch when Rosaline made a sort of squeaking sound and couldn’t help but wonder what had elicited such a noise. Though, he had to quickly remind himself that it wasn’t his business.
When Rosaline finally turned, Horst straightened from his leaning and nodded at her explanation. He then shook his head.
“I only have two sets of clothes, and you’ve seen both. It’s… been awhile since I’ve had new clothes,”Horst answered.
(Yep… 😏)
Rosaline couldn’t help but wonder where Jacob had found the courage to squeeze her ass. It was so out-of-the-blue that she wouldn’t have guessed it was coming even if she had a hundred attempts. And his little comment afterward… she was sure a soft blush remained on her face even when she returned inside Bayview.
She noticed the change in Horst’s posture as she spoke and appreciated it. It showed he really was paying attention. Rosaline’s eyebrows arched at his answer to her question. “Well, I have plenty of spare clothes here. I’d be happy to give you some. I’m still trying to declutter the house from—”
Rosaline sharply cut herself off. Horst didn’t need to know about Mary. Not yet if at all. “Anyway,” she continued, “the bath is ready. Follow me.” With that, she headed down the hallway, still walking at a fast pace. Her feet stomped a bit more than she normally would, giving away that something was still eating at her.
She reached the bathroom and pushed the door open. A wave of warmth swept into the hall, a refreshing change from the chill autumn air of the Isle. A few candles were lit, littering the air with fresh scents of citrus, sea salt, and coffee. It was a strange combination, but it smelled incredibly good despite itself.
“I’ll have your spare clothes ready when you’re done. If you’d also like to take a shower when you’re done, you may. There are products ready should you need them, and towels are on the counter.”
Rosaline pointed at each item in turn before facing him. There was a new kind of stress drawn tight across her face. She hadn’t shown it when Jacob was there. “Anything else you need just let me know,” she added.
(Lmao!)
Horst saw that Rosaline had a slight blush, but didn’t say anything. He considered the squeak he heard, and was now even more curious what Jacob had done. Again, he had to remind himself that it wasn’t his business. That did nothing to dissuade his curiosity.
He shrugged at her offer, noting how she trailed off. He knew what that meant. Loss. Either a horrible end to some kind of relationship, or the death of someone close. Damn it.
“I can look through them, but I won’t promise I’ll take anything. It’s been a very long time since I had new clothes. I downsized most of my belongings years ago,”he said.
He followed Rosaline silently as she led him to the bathroom. He noted her oddly harsh stomping, but decided to leave the detail alone for the moment.
The aroma of the bath was the first thing that hit him once she opened the door. It was quite different to what he was used to, namely no exotic smells, but it was surprisingly nice.
Horst nodded at her words, following where Rosaline pointed so he knew where everything was. When she spoke again, he looked back at her, seeing a new look on her that bothered him immensely. But, he wasn’t sure what to do. He didn’t know Rosaline. He didn’t know what comforted her, what calmed her. And, that was going to nag the shit out of him until he either found out or left Bayview.
“Alright,”he replied softly, gently.
He then walked into the bathroom and gently shut the door, setting his pack down on the floor and looking around to better acquaint himself with the bathroom.
“I insist you take something,” Rosaline countered firmly. Horst had been right with his initial assessment of her earlier. She was confident and strong-willed despite having been through hell after hell. “You can’t have just two outfits. Oh, and if you need to use the washer and dryer, let me know. I have a load of laundry about ready.”
She made sure he was listening through all of her instructions. But in response, she got a single word. Then the door was shut. Rosaline remained still for a moment, then let out a quiet, tired sigh before returning to the kitchen.
On the counter, which neither of the men had noticed, was a glass of alcohol. Rosaline downed the rest of the glass in one shot and swallowed it quickly. She braced herself on the counter, collecting her thoughts before rushing around again to clean and organize the house while assimilating her own clothes and items into it.
Horst’s eyes narrowed slightly at her words, but he didn’t argue. He didn’t like being told what he could and couldn’t have, but she did have a point. He could, at least, grab a third outfit, and it would be something newer than the two he currently owned.
“Alright then. I’ll see what fits, then go from there. And, it probably would be a good idea to get my clothes washed too,”he said evenly.
After he shut the door, Horst unknowingly sighed at the same time that Rosaline did. Sometimes he was good with words, and other times he was utterly shit at them. This was one of those latter times.
Then, after getting a better idea of the bathroom’s layout, he undressed and got in the bath, savoring the feel of the hot water on his aching limbs. He hadn’t taken many breaks in the last week, and he was starting to regret that, but the water definitely helped soothe everything.
After a few minutes of lounging, he started to wash, getting most of the dirt and grime off of his body. He then drained the bathtub and took himself a shower to rinse any remaining dirt off.
He dried himself off afterward, dressed, found a shaving kit in his pack, and shaved the stubble off of his chin. When he was done, he cleaned up his mess and put the kit back in his pack. He then did a cursory finger brushing of his hair, getting a few of the lingering knots out.
After about an hour, he was finally done, and when he looked at himself in the mirror he was shocked by how drastically different he looked and felt. He was human again, instead of some feral thing that looked like it had just crawled out of a bog.
“Holy fuck,”he mumbled to himself, shaking his head.
Horst then grabbed his pack and exited the bathroom. He looked around, listening for where Rosaline might have gone.
Rosaline's face remained firmly set as Horst's eyes narrowed. His response eased her a bit. At least he wasn't combative. Not like Becca could be.
"I'll come back with them when you're finished," she replied. "And a washbasket for your other clothes."
When she was in the kitchen again, she finished washing the dishes before going back through to dry them. All the groceries she'd bought had already been put away when she'd first gotten back. But she didn't want to tell Jacob why she was upset, and it would be too much to explain to Horst all in one go. So she'd left it go. She was tempted to call Becca, but again, she didn't want to tell her sister what was upsetting her. Becca shied away from confrontation more than Rosaline. She'd try to talk her down, and that wasn't what Rosaline wanted. She wanted a distraction. Or at least something she could take her anger out on.
At one point, Rosaline heard the shower running. She was about to head into the bedroom, but she was interrupted by her buzzing phone. She let out an irritated sigh before checking the caller ID. Nick.
As tempting as it would be to take her anger out on him, Rosaline immediately declined the call and continued to the master bedroom, sorting out the laundry before she put the first load in. Once the basket was ready, she put a few folded-up shirts and pants on top of the pile. Then, she back through the halls toward the laundry room at the back of the house.
On her way there, Rosaline heard a door open, and when she rounded the corner, she saw Horst standing outside the bathroom looking around, presumably for her. When he glanced her way, Rosaline's eyes widened. The wonders of a bath, a shower, and a shave. She took in his cleaned-up appearance for a moment before remembering the clothes in her basket.
"Here," she said, setting the basket down and bending over to scoop out the folded clothes. She straightened and handed them to him. "If you'd like to try them on, feel free to do so. And I'll take anything now that needs to be washed." Her eyes scanned him again, taking in the smoothness of his face and the brightness of his eyes.
"You sure clean up nice," she added with a small grin.
Horst nodded at her words. He was glad she was waiting until after his bath to grab the new clothes. He wasn’t sure how controlled his temper was at this point, and he had already unintentionally snapped at Jacob.
After looking for Rosaline a moment, he finally spied her coming around the corner. He saw her eyes widen and had to suppress a chuckle. He’d worn a very similar look not moments ago.
He watched her bend down, deliberately keeping his eyes away from her ass despite the abrupt temptation to stare. He then took the clothes she handed him, giving them a cursory inspection before returning his attention to Rosaline.
“Alright. Let me grab my… horrifying outfit from my pack, and then I’ll try these on,”he said, adding a goofy, dramatic tone to his voice as he mentioned his dirty clothes.
Horst sat the pile of clothes on a dry spot on the sink, then dug around in his pack for his first outfit. Her words caught him a bit off guard though and he paused to glance up at her, a rare shy gleam coming into his eyes.
“Thank you. I was, quite obviously, in desperate need of all this. And… I appreciate your willingness to help me, truly,”he replied, smiling back.
Rosaline was a bit taken aback by the suddenly goofy tone of his voice. Not that she was opposed to it. Her own normally stoic expression broke into a smile. It was charming, especially since the man already seemed to be opening up to her. She wondered what he and Jacob had talked about during their car ride, knowing full well how much Jacob enjoyed small talk during his taxi rides.
She waited patiently in the hallway, her eyes catching on some of the photos hanging on the walls. Her mother's photos. Hopefully, Horst wouldn't look too hard at any of them. Rosaline was even in some. So was Becca. And more were of their mother, Mary, and her friends on the Isle. The thought of several specific people caused Rosaline's blood to boil, but she made herself calm down.
When he returned, she picked up her basket again and accepted the dirty outfit. "I'm aware," she replied smoothly, though her smile remained gentle. "And… you're welcome. You may stay at Bayview as long as you like."
Rosaline slipped past him into the bathroom and picked up the towel he'd used to add to her dirty laundry. She inhaled the scent of the candles and sighed quietly to herself before turning around. "I'll get out of your hair so you can try those on," she added while stepping back into the hallway. "And if you like, I'll give you a tour of the house when you're done." She jutted out her hip and propped the basket on it as she walked away toward the laundry room.
Seeing her smile inspired Horst’s to grow a bit. He had always liked helping folks, even by just cheering them up. And, it warmed his heart to know that just a little humor brought a smile to the clearly stressed woman in front of him.
Horst had yet to take note of the pictures in the house. He knew they were there, but he hadn’t looked at any of them in detail yet. He might eventually, but the pictures were one of his lesser concerns.
“Thank you. Again,”he replied.
Horst shifted a bit so Rosaline could get by him without issue. He then chuckled and nodded at her words, still watching her as she walked out.
“Sounds good to me,”he said to her offer.
He watched the way she situated the basket against her hip and a brief flash of melancholy came into his eyes. When she was gone, Horst shut the door and leaned against it, fighting hard against an abrupt wave of tears. The last time he’d seen someone carry a basket like that, Angelique had still been alive.
“Oh, meine liebe, how I miss you,”he mumbled under his breath, pulling out Angelique’s necklace from his pocket. The only surviving piece he had of her.
He kissed the little heart-shaped pendant, noticing that his hand was shaking. Horst sighed then took a deep breath and composed himself. He put the necklace up and turned to the piles of clothes, trying them on.
Two of the outfits fit him perfectly, one being a black shirt and tan pants, the other being a dark green shirt with jeans. He was a sucker for jeans, but he also didn’t mind the other outfit. So… Horst decided to take both of them. Why not?
He decided to wear the green shirt and newer jeans, so that he could save his older clothes for when he went back to wandering. After getting dressed, he stashed the other set of clothes in his pack, then grabbed the remaining clothes that didn’t fit him, so he could give them back.
Though, when he walked out of the bathroom, he was reminded that he didn’t know the layout of the house still. He would definitely be taking that tour Rosaline offered.
(Note: ‘Meine liebe’ is german for ‘my love’)
(TW, she has a panic attack)
Rosaline nodded at his acceptance. “It should take me a minute to throw in this load, and I’ll be right back.” Though she noticed the sadness that seemed to cloud his eyes right before she walked away. She recognized that look — she’d seen it enough times in her own reflection.
Once, she reached the laundry room, Rosaline hoisted the basket onto the shelf beside the washer. She hissed through her teeth as the dull pain that had been lingering in her chest for years flared up. Making a mental note to take a painkiller, Rosaline continued with the laundry. Once it was all in the machine, she added in detergent and fabric softener before pressing start.
Right when her finger pressed the button was when it started. A wave of nausea crashed down on her, stifling her breath and causing her inhales to become clipped. Rosaline blinked quickly and grabbed onto the edge of the washing machine to stable herself. However, she felt the world spin while shrinking in her vision, and she slowly lowered herself to sit on the floor, her back pressed against the wall opposite the machines.
Terror seized Rosaline as she hyperventilated and her head began to pound. She whimpered softly, holding her head in her hands and willing herself to stay conscious. The fear had been so swift to descend upon her this time… she hoped it would go away as quickly as it had come. She didn’t want Horst to see her like this.
But she was granted no such wish. Her mind was blank except for her panic, and her body was trembling and sweating and shaking as her heart raced. As much as she wanted to shut her eyes, she didn’t, instead keeping them wide open and focused on her bare toes. She could will herself out of this one. She could. But it was like every time she tried, she only sunk in deeper. Tears sprang to her eyes before she could stop them in an uncharacteristic display of raw emotion.
“Alright,”Horst said in acknowledgment.
He noticed a slight change in her look and wondered if she’d seen his sadness. Damn it. He didn’t like to show that side of himself, to anyone… except Eau Claire. But, she wasn’t there.
Horst waited patiently outside the bathroom for Rosaline. Though, he grew concerned after a few minutes. Where was she? Did she just have a big amount of laundry?
A hum escaped him and Horst waited a couple more minutes. Still no sign of her. Now, he was getting worried. Horst turned in the direction he’d seen her walk off and slowly headed down the hall, studying his path as he searched for the laundry room. His steps were light and quiet, allowing him to listen for her as he moved. He heard something, but it was too soft for him to distinguish. So, he quickened his pace just a bit.
Rosaline brought her knees up and hugged her legs tightly to her chest. She tried to think of something, anything she could do to calm herself down. But her mind was running rampant with thoughts she didn’t even want to think about, so she stopped trying. Instead she stayed in her panic, nearing the verge of passing out.
Her vision, which had already began to tunnel, was shrinking by the second. Her entire body began to tingle, and her head fell back and collided violently with the wall behind her. Rosaline winced and cried out quietly in pain. She brought her hand up to her mouth and covered it to muffle the curse that came out.
Surely that was enough to alert Horst. Rosaline hadn’t even thought of him coming to her aid. He was still a complete stranger, but she needed him now. She needed someone to break her out of her mind before she drowned in her own awful thoughts. And now she was seeing stars with an additional throbbing pain from the back of her head. Great.
Horst continued to search for the laundry room, seeking any sign of where it and Rosaline would be. Then, a minute later, he heard a quiet yelp of pain. Horst threw caution to the window and almost ran toward the sound.
He finally found the laundry room and saw Rosaline deep in some kind of fit. No, not a fit, a panic attack. He knew the signs well enough from both experiencing and witnessing it.
“Rosaline? Rosaline, it’s alright. You’re in a safe place, your own haven, and there is nothing here, physical or otherwise, that can get to you. I promise you that,”Horst immediately cooed.
He quickly kneeled beside her, studying her. Questions flooded his mind, but he pushed them all aside. In his experience, the fewer questions, the better the outcome. But, he didn’t know what had started her panic attack, and that would become a hindrance sooner or later.
Rosaline jerked her head up at the sound of another voice. It was Horst, and his words were soothing to her jumbled thoughts. But she trembled and was still breathing fast and hard. Her eyes were wide and tearful as she stared back at her knees.
"No," she pleaded desperately. "No, no, I don't want to go back. Not again. Please." Her chest ached, and another wave of panic rushed over her. "Please," she begged again. "I can't handle it."
But as Horst knelt beside her, Rosaline felt calmer, if only a small bit. She wasn't big on physical touch, but she appreciated his presence with her. Especially knowing that she wouldn't be able to pull herself out on her own. However, as she tried to even out her breathing, it felt like her lungs were still stuck in panic mode. They refuse to let her take a deep breath.
“It’s alright, Rosaline. You’re not going anywhere you don’t want to,”Horst reassured.
He saw her calm slightly as he kneeled, and was glad for it. He also noticed that she didn’t seem to be looking for his touch. So, he didn’t offer it. If she wanted to be held, she’d let him know. And, Horst knew how to read whether she did or didn’t, as Eau Claire and Dinia were polar opposites in seeking touch. Eau Claire typically refused to be touched at all, whereas Dinia often needed hugs and small touches to calm down.
After a second, Horst saw the way she was breathing. His concern grew.
“Easy. Think of something that makes you happy. Think of something that’ll make you laugh. Focus on it, and keep focusing on it, so you can relax. You’re safe, and you’re not alone. I’m here to help, Rosaline, however I can,”he cooed.
Rosaline cringed at his words. It wasn't really her choice, the place where she didn't want to go. White walls surrounded by white curtains and white beds with white sheets… If she was having a recurrence again, she wasn't sure she'd make it through this one.
His suggestion seemed futile to her. She couldn't think of anything right now but her mindless panic. "I can't," she sobbed. "I can't!"
But then the image of the lake flashed into her mind. Walking through the cold water with her hand in Jacob's. The delirious joy of the moment overcame the anger she'd felt toward Becca only minutes earlier. Rosaline didn't think she'd ever laughed harder in her entire life. And then returning to his car, their cold bodies bundled back in their barely warm clothes. The sweet and tender kiss they'd shared behind his car.
Slowly, finally, the panic began to subside and her breathing returned to normal. Rosaline let out a long sigh and released the tension in her legs, arms, and shoulders. She leaned back against the wall, seeming to come back into herself once again. Her eyes suddenly seemed tired as she glanced over at Horst.
"Thank you," she said quietly. "I'm sorry you had to see that." She made to get up off the floor, but her muscles had been so wired and tight during her panic attack that she found it difficult to move again. "Shit," she swore under her breath.
“You can, Rosaline. Just try,”he cooed.
He watched her closely, studying her with concern. Slowly, she started to relax and Horst breathed a subtle sigh of relief. He recognized the exhaustion that came into her eyes and he nodded at her thanks.
“You’re welcome. And, it’s no big deal. I’ve dealt with situations like this before,”he said.
He noticed her failed attempt to move, understanding what had happened. She was going to have to wait a second, to let her body fully settle down. Dinia did that sometimes when she had bad attacks.
“Just give yourself a minute. That was a rough moment you had there,”he said softly.
Rosaline took several deep breaths after the panic attacks ended, as if trying to fix the damage it had done. She winced slightly, the soreness in her chest growing more. Her lungs were tight and tired. Her attacks were fairly infrequent, but when they did happen, they were sudden and severe. If her current condition was anything to abide by, they were debilitating.
She glanced over at him, pain in her eyes. “You have?” she asked.
As she always wanted to do at the end of a panic attack, Rosaline wanted to lay down and nap. But she couldn’t. Not with Horst at Bayview. The stress of her day had become too much, and the feeling of her chest hurting again woke a deep seated fear in her. It became too much to handle. And the worst part about it all was that Jacob still didn’t know about her panic attacks. She hadn’t told him.
Again, Rosaline tried to force herself from the floor, but the effort was in vain. She winced and hissed through her teeth. She needed to get up. She wanted to run. She had to convince herself that her biggest fear wasn’t coming true. Prove that she was doing everything she could to avoid it.
Horst watched her still, noting every movement and every twitch. He wanted to make sure she was alright, though he was fully aware that it would take a bit for her to recover.
“Yes. I’ve been on both sides of this moment, so I understand what you’re going through quite well,”Horst admitted softly.
Horst saw that she was wanting to rest, but something was bothering her. Something deep. And, if she didn’t find a way past or around it, she was likely going to have another panic attack.
“Easy, Rosaline. It’s alright. Do you want me to help you up? Can I get you anything? How can I help?”Horst asked, his voice gentle.
Rosaline’s entire demeanor softened as he admitted to having panic attacks as well. “Oh,” she murmured quietly. “I’m sorry. I’d never wish this in anyone.” Except Cathy. As much as the thought might have been true, Rosaline swore at herself internally for thinking it.
Though her struggle was feeble, that didn’t stop her from trying again. But Rosaline reluctantly admitted defeat and went limp instead of forcing herself to fight her fatigue. Her thoughts were still racing, trying to figure out what had specifically caused the panic attack. It hadn’t been the glass of alcohol she’d downed, had it?
She inclined her head toward him and replied, “Please help me up,” she asked meekly. Rosaline guessed he had a lot of questions, and she was ready for them to start coming at any moment.
“Nor would I,”he replied. That wasn’t necessarily true, as he could name a few aggravating people that could use a good bout of panic to knock some sense into them, but he didn’t much care about them right now.
Horst suppressed a sigh as she tried and failed to get up again. She was stubborn, a trait he shared, but this was the wrong time to be stubborn. She needed to relax.
At her request, Horst nodded. He stood up, then bent down and extended his long-fingered hand out to her. Though, he noted some other form of tension in her body language, like she was expecting him to do something besides help. It was needless, as he didn’t plan on doing anything other than making sure she was alright. All of his other concerns could wait.