lowkey highkey i'm gonna overload this chat, i'm so sorry
Beck: bursts into the room and slams door shut, clearly panicked
Bella: Oh god, what did you do?
Beck: Nobody died!
Bella: whAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!
—
Malcolm: I told Crystal her ears flush when she lies.
Bella: Why?
Malcolm: Look.
Malcolm: Hey Crystal, do you love us?
Crystal, covering her ears: NO!
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Kylie: I want world peace but there are some people I want to kill first.
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Adam: Wow, this food is amazing. Thea, did you cook this?
Malcolm: How do you know that I didn’t cook it?
Adam: Mal, 8 people live in this building and you’d still be my 12th guess.
—
Malcolm: Studies show that I am in fact in a perpetual state of givin’ em the ole razzle-dazzle.
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Thea: It’s okay to ask for help.
Beck: You’re not a burden.
Kylie: Murder is okay.
Melody: Your feelings matter.
—
Bella: You often use humor to deflect trauma.
Beck: Thank you.
Bella: …that’s not a good thing.
Beck: All I’m hearing is that you think I’m funny.
—
Adam: Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the items you have lost throughout your life.
Thea: It would be nice to get my sense of purpose back.
Bella: Oh wow, my childhood innocence. Thank you for finding this.
Beck: My will to live! I haven’t seen this in years!
Crystal: I knew I lost that potential somewhere.
Kylie: Mental stability, my old friend!
Adam: …y’all need therapy.
—
Bella: Is something burning?
Beck, leaning seductively on the counter: Just my desire for you.
Bella: Beck, the toaster is on fire.
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Adam: I don’t think we can mansplain, manipulate, or malewife our way out of it this time.
Malcolm: cracks his knuckles Manslaughter it is.
—
Bella: I don’t dress to impress, I dress to depress.
Bella: I look so good that other people hate themselves.
—
Adam: Excuse me, why I am considered the responsible one?
Crystal: Malcolm once picked up a kettle while it was still hot because he realized his reflection could be seen in it.
Beck: Once, Crystal ate ice cream with a knife because she refused to acknowledge that it was her turn to do the dishes.
Malcolm: Yesterday, Beck almost crashed our one car because they saw a dog on the sidewalk.
Adam: I’ll never question it again.
—
Melody: Why are people so obsessed with top and bottom? Honestly, I’d just be excited to have a bunk bed.
Malcolm:
Adam:
Malcolm: I’m gonna tell her.
Adam: Don’t you fucking dare.
—
Melody: Violence isn’t the answer!
Kylie: You’re right.
Kylie: Violence is the question.
Melody:
Kylie: And the answer is yes.
—
Beck: If you kill a killer, the amount of killers in the world says the same.
Kylie: Kill two.
—
Crystal: Why is blood so hard to wash off your hands?
Crystal: I just realized how bad this sounds. For the record, I had a nose bleed. I’m not a serial killer.
Beck: But we both know that’s not quite true.
Malcolm: Hydrogen peroxide dissolves blood, just FYI.
Kylie: Do you think if you gave someone a huge shot of hydrogen peroxide straight into their bloodstream, it would kill them?
Adam: Jesus, this building is filled with murderers.
—
Thea: We dream of summertime in the winter. We yearn for winter in the summer. What fatal flaw have the gods injected into the human psyche? Why must we always strive for the things furthest from us?
Beck: …are you okay?
Thea: My feet are cold.
—
Crystal: Mal hasn’t been answering his phone all morning.
Adam: Let me try.
Crystal: We’ve been trying all morning, what makes—
Malcolm on the phone: Hey babe, what’s up?
—
Adam: I respect the “I can fix him” movement, but that’s just not me. He’ll fix himself if he knows what’s good for him.
—
Beck: Pick a card, any card.
Crystal: Okay.
Beck: Any card did not include my credit card, kindly hand that back.
—
Malcolm, setting down a card: Ace of spades
Crystal, pulling out an Uno card: +4
Kylie, pulling out a Pokémon card: Jolteon, I choose you!
Bella, trembling: What are we playing?!
—
Bella: I just heard Beck shouting, "DOES ANYONE KNOW WHERE THE ROOMBA IS" and then two minutes later, more quietly, "aww, poor Roomba, how’d you get stuck there, sweetie."
Bella: I’m worried they love the Roomba more than me.
—
Malcolm: Alright, listen up you little shits.
Malcolm: Not you Adam, you're an angel and I'm glad you're here.
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Kylie: This is how you’re spending your time and money?
Melody, putting tiny raincoats on turtles: They live outside Kylie, they need this.
—
Adam: You guys really put aside everything and came all this way for me?
Adam: How did you even get here so fast?
Malcolm: Several traffic violations.
Beck: Three counts of resisting arrests.
Kylie: Also, that’s not our car.
—
Adam: You killed them!
Kylie: Actually I believe she died of natural causes.
Crystal, checking the body: Knife to the neck
Adam: I thought you said she died of natural causes?!
Kylie: There is nothing more natural than dying from a knife to the neck
Crystal, nodding: What would be unnatural is if she survived.
—
Malcolm, drunk and sobbing on the table: And I keep trying to tell Adam I'm in love with him, but he's so damn dense and he never notices when I flirt with him!
Adam, oblivious, dumb, and also drunk: You know another Adam?!
—
Thea: accidentally hits Melody in the face
Thea: trying to decide between saying 'I’m fucking sorry' and 'Are you okay'
Thea: ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY?!
Melody: On the verge of crying
—
Malcolm, over text: turn around :)
Malcolm: no the other way
Malcolm: wrong way again
Adam: where are you?!
Malcolm: in my room, but the idea of you turning aimlessly in circles amuses me
—
Adam: So… who's the little spoon and who's the big spoon?
Bella: We’re chopsticks.
Adam: Aww, that's cute.
Adam: Does that mean you two snuggle together perfectly?
Beck: No, it means that if you take one of us away, the only thing the other is good for is stabbing.
—
Kylie: hits Thea in the head with a spoon
Adam, three hours later, trying to coax him down from the tree: It’s okay, she’s gone. You can come down now—
Kylie, still shaking: She’s not gone, she’s just waiting.
—
Thea: I accidentally indulged in too much “me time”.
Thea: Turns out, I've been reported missing for six months and presumed dead by most locals and national authorities.
—
Malcolm: You can't make everyone like you, you're not Adam.
Crystal: What? Not everyone likes Adam.
Malcolm: Who doesn't?
Crystal: Well—
Malcolm: Names now. Give me their names.
—
Adam: When Freud said bisexuality is what happens when you don’t fully develop a brain, he was right & I am proof.
Crystal: Freud is a little bitch, my idiocy doesn’t have anything to do with my bisexuality and all to do with my own hubris.
Beck: I get offended when Freud says I’m a dumbass because I’m bi because I feel like he’s overlooking all the other perfectly valid reasons that I’m a dumbass.
Thea: I’m gonna be a smart bi just to flex on Freud.
—
Malcolm: Kylie, make some ocean noises so I can sleep.
Kylie: Whoosh.
Malcolm: A French beach.
Kylie:
Kylie: Le whoosh?
—
[Adam & Malcolm leaving the base for ten minutes]
Kylie: Remember when you told us not to burn the base down?
Adam: You burned the base down?
Beck: No! We had the fire put out almost immediately. This is a success story.
—
Some Asshole: A person doesn’t dye their hair that color unless they have psychological problems.
Crystal: My hair color has nothing to do with my psychological problems.
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Crystal: My gender is knives. That’s it, just knives.
Aidan: No, but what’s in your pants?
Crystal: I want you to look me in the eyes and take a wild fucking guess.
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Beck: Heads up, if you try to make a candle with food coloring, the food coloring will just sink to the bottom of the glass, and when the flame eventually reaches the bottom, all of the food coloring will catch fire and become one giant tall flame that you cannot possibly blow out, and the glass will start to crack so you’ll throw your tea on it in a panic and then the extremely hot food coloring with boil and sizzle horribly and then the glass will shatter.
Beck: Please take my word on this.
Adam:
Adam: Beck, what did you do?
Beck: A mistake.
—
Bella: After years of pretending to be cool and chill and down, I’m ready to embrace my identity as the highest maintenance bitch you’ve ever seen in your fucking life.
