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Started by @ElderGodSeeba petsbing bing 🐸

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@ElderGodSeeba petsbing bing 🐸

Zack: You ever accidently masturbate to young pictures of your mom?
Rose: Who the fuck starts a conversation like that? I just sat down!
Zack: Kinda gay to make a wanted poster… why do you want that man? So you can hold him?
Lila: Yeah. Hold him accountable.
MC: Hold him accountable for stealing your heart?
Sam: I’m kind of crushing on someone, but I’m worried about telling you who it is, because you’re not going to like it
Rose: Just rip the bandage off.
Sam: It’s MC.
Rose: Put it back on.
Michael: if you can switch lives with anyone here who would it be?
Will: Rose
Michael: why Rose?
Will: 'cause he's gonna die soon
Rose: What the fuck?
MC: so I was drowning-
Will: ….in sorrow?
MC: ….in water.
MC: So, what do you like doing?
Colin: I like stalking people in my spare time.
MC: Oh. Well, I like swimming.
Colin: I know.
Rose: when the quarantine is over i am going to french kiss all of my friends for 45 minutes each.
Michael: is this your way of tricking Will into kissing you?
Will: okay, well, first of all, he doesn’t have to trick me, so jot that down
Zack: I think I’m in love with you.
Michael: Which one of us exactly?
Zack: I haven’t decided yet.

@ElderGodSeeba petsbing bing 🐸

Dennis: Whats a thot?
Colton: It means a thoughtful person
Dennis: [to Shane] thank you for your help, Puppet! You're such a thot!
Shane, with Colton and Memphis crying in the background: im a what
Dennis: please don’t tell Doe I made bacon in the toaster!!
Eric, just getting home: what the hell happened here?!
All 6 firemen: he made bacon in the toaster
Markus: You're, like, the coolest person I've ever met; and you don't even have to try!
Memphis, holding back tears: I try really hard, actually.
Interviewer: so let’s talk romance now. are there any ladies in the picture?
Shane, leaning forward seriously: tell me every aspect of my personality that made you assume I was straight so that I can change it immediately
Jay: What's the fucking point? Why do I keep trying when im always just gonna fall on my face?? This isn't fair, im a good person. I might as well end it right here right now.
Eric: What's wrong with Jay?
Craig: He lost his Yu-gi-oh cards


Interviewer: so let’s talk romance now. are there any ladies in the picture?
Shane, leaning forward seriously: tell me every aspect of my personality that made you assume I was straight so that I can change it immediately

honestly I frickin' love this.


here's some of mine ig—

reactions to being told ‘I love you’
Ezra: Thanks fam!
Garret: oh no
Jonathan: cries I love you too
Maliah: Sounds fake but okay
Lilac: A flustered mess
Elora: can i get a refund

Maliah: Dumbest scar stories, go!
Ezra: I burned my tongue once drinking tea.
Lilac: I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and burned it.
Jonathan: I have a piece of graphite in my leg for accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in the first grade.
Garrett: I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it on my hand and I got a really bad burn.
Elora: …
Elora: I have emotional scars.

Elora: So what’s for dinner?
Ezra, staring at the food he just burnt: Regret.

Elora: We need a distraction.
Ezra: Is anyone here good at jumping up and down and making weird noises?
Jonathan, whispering: My time has come

@trainwreck404 group

i just updated my incorrect quotes doc, so here you go!

Simon: Not trying to brag or anything, but I can wake up without an alarm clock now simply due to my crippling and overwhelming anxiety, so…

Xavier: I’m sick and tired of being called 'mortal' like, you don’t know that. Neither do I. I have never died even ONCE. Nothing has been proven yet. Stop making assumptions. It’s rude.

CJ: This was a 100% successful mission.
Chloe: Jack is dead
CJ: …This was a 100% successful trip.

Xavier: Woman? No, you misheard.
Xavier: I’m an OMEN.
Xavier: I don’t identify as male or female.
Xavier: I identify as a warning.

Ava: Centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. Discuss.
Becky: Oh. This. I don’t like this.

Julianna: How long has it been since either of you slept?
Ava: Three or four.
Julianna: …three or four what?
James, nodding: Three or four.

James: Madeline and Ava don’t really think we’re that stupid, right?
Peter: One time Madeline gave me pictures of food for a shopping list.

Ava: Isn’t it weird that we pay money to see other people?
Julianna: Plane tickets?
Becky: Concert tickets?
James: Prostitution?
Ava, deadpan, holding her broken frames: Glasses.

Julianna, peeling a banana: May I take your jacket, sir?
Becky, genuinely disturbed: Do you think other people can’t hear you?

Henry: Pick a card, any card.
Dean: Fine.
Henry: “Any card” did not include my credit card, kindly hand that back.

Dean: Isn’t the idea supposed to be, “You saved my life, now I owe you a debt”?
Simon: Nope. The other way around. You saved my life, so now I’m your problem. If you don’t like it, then that’s unfortunate.

Adam: Are you an idiot?
Noah, enthusiastically: Yes!

Simon: Why be sad when you could be Dad

CJ: We call that a “traumatic event”
CJ, turning to Logan: Not a “bruh moment”
CJ, turning to Dean: Not a “major L”
CJ, turning to Simon: And definitely not an “oof lmao”

Marcus, holding up a manila folder: Did you read these?
Malcolm: Oh yeah, kinda dry tho, wouldn’t recommend
Marcus: These are classified government documents
Malcolm: that didn’t mention aliens once.

@NotSoBeautifulDiseaster group

Cien: Everyone start freaking out, Noelle's here
Noelle (passing by): Suck it, losers(`フ´)

Lucas: Hey demons it's me ya boy

Ava: (Walking down the campus with a boombox blasting All Star)

Matthew, showing Sophie a cat: Hey, It's our son

Lucas: I'm not an eboy, I'm a skater boy.You see Eboy get girls. I get bullied at school

Jax: Here's a guy throwing punches, I'd like to punch him the face

Hunter: What do you think you're going to do? Hit me? I'm literally the strong

My dude I'm never gonna change
(A couple years later)
Some popular girl: Yo Sophi
Sophie: Hi bestie (ditches Jax)
Jax: Are you serious

@Classic_Insanity13 group

Livvy: dressed in all black and running around throwing roses in a circle of dead geese Mourning the loss of my dear friend, stability
Livvy: Goodbye assurance, long live your memory throws rose on the ground and stomps on it
Draiden: This is not okay
Echo: You're telling me
Draiden: She didn't even bring cake!

Mic: Ummmm…Yara?
Yara: Crying on the floor wailing 'why him!'
Mic: You okay…
Yara: I shall never be okay! My soul is in pieces, my heart a heap of sorrow all over this! Holds up book this sad sad reality has ended mine!!
Mic: Welp, dinner is in an hour so…

Draiden: The stars are beautiful tonight
Echo: They must be feeling extremely hot at the moment, causing the brightness to exaggerate
Echo: I hope they stop, I'll never get any sleep
Draiden: Umm, that's not where I was going with that
Echo: realization dawns
Echo: Well…umm–Oh would you look at that my imaginary friend fell down a whole, I gotta go save her before her cat dies, it would be such a pity to mourn a fish!
Runs away triggering many landmines. Per usual

@Classic_Insanity13 group

More odd quotes from the weirdos living in my head:

Yara: I am feeling negative, please let me slap someone
Draiden: huh–OUCH STOP IT YARA!
Draiden internally: I am never being a parent
Mic: Hey Livvy what's your greatest fear?
Echo internally: pleasesaykittiespleasesaykitties!!
Livvy: Dying and going to hell
Livvy: I have to many enemies there
Everyone around a campfire:
Draiden: Weirdest dream you've ever had!
Echo: okay….I one had a dream that I ate a frog
Draiden: And?
Echo: That's as far as I got before something bad happened and I had to wake up and run. sighs That was the most sleep I've had in weeks.
Mic: Okaiii, who's next?

@NotSoBeautifulDiseaster group

Elijah: Shut up! My dad works for the town council and can get you banned from the city

Fox Mask: Ok bitch call the cops, I'll have sex with them

Hattie : This day, I lost my dear son, Mason.
Ghost!Mason : Stop tellin' everyone I'm dead!

Lucas: My love language is being irritating.
Lucas, to Sophie: I will annoy you because I love you.

Sophie: Dumbest scar stories, go!
Charlie: I burned my tongue once drinking tea.
Ava: I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and burned it.
Matthew: I have a piece of graphite in my leg for accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in the first grade.
Micheal: I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it on my hand and I got a really bad burn.
Lucas: I have emotional scars.

Mason: I guess you could say I'm a chicken magnet
Duke: Don't you mean a chick magnet?
[Distant clucking sounds]
Mason: We need to leave. Now.

Ava: Christian theatre kids are the weirdest people to hang out with but they know how to party

Skylar: I am not a shut-in! I am an influencer who is always on the move!
Valerie: Huh? Ain't that an oxymoron?

Cien: You don't look fine… Perhaps it's heatstroke? I hear it can sometimes cause hallucinations.
Amerly, dehydrating: Is this world a hallucination? Is it all a dream? Are thou art, arteth thou artest, arthestethest…
Cien: Amerly! Pull it together!

Lucian: "What rank am I on your love scale?"
Stephe: -S

@SleezyCake group

{Character I haven't named yet}: Well aren't you al a rag-tag group of adventures with unclear goals and loads of unpacked trauma! Oh let me guess: you're out to save the world!

Aldwyn: Well, actually, that sounds like a pretty fair assessment

Robin: More or less, I guess

Delilah: That sounds amazing! Let's do that!

Desmond: I'm new here, but I am open to the concept

Nicholas: I thought that's what we're doing guys, come on!

Robin: Everytime I hear someone talking about updog, I'm torn between not wanting to fall for it and wanting to help them complete their joke

Desmond: Okay, but what's updog?

Delilah: Updog is a long sausage in a bun, often served with ketchup, mustard onions and/or relish

Nicholas: No that's a hotdog. An updog is when a new version or patch of an application is released

Aldwyn: No, that's an update. Updog's the giant spider in Harry potter

Desmond: Who's Harry Potter

Robin: A fictional character I headcanon as Bi

Aldwyn:picks up phone What is it Nick, I'm busy at the moment

Nicholas: Do you think drinking 15 shots of espresso consecutively would make my senses heightened or would i just die?


Aldwyn: I'm on my way

@ElderGodSeeba petsbing bing 🐸


Memphis: I would do literally anything for you. You want the stars? I'll grab a harpoon and shoot them out of the sky.
Shane: I just want you to have 3 square meals a day
Memphis: I will not.
Colton: mmm, mmm, mmm, some spicy wings, crinkle-cut fries, mountain dew on the side, light ice. what could possibly go wrong?
Eric: [fucking kills a dude]
Colton: I am simply unable to feel emotion.
Colton, getting arrested: I used the same handcuffs on your daughter last night-
Eastside: [eating dinner]
Colton: Jack, eat your vegetables. They have antioxidants.
Jack: Why do I need antioxidants?
Memphis: So you don’t oxidize.
Craig: what’s your guilty pleasure?
Eric: what’s a guilty pleasure?
Craig: its like something you like even if it’s looked down upon kinda
Eric: ahh ok crime then
Markus: hey, can I vent?
Dennis: like among us?
Colton, entering unfazed: Sorry, I'm late for the party. I've was busy.
Shane, entering in an unbuttoned shirt and flushed face: I got caught up doing things too.
Craig: Wow, Pony was late too! What a coincidence!
Jay: Stop saying "I wish" and start saying "I will".
Colton: I will my mother loved me.
Shane: Valentine’s day is just a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than drive people insane buying heart-shaped chocolates for their significant others and pos-
Memphis: I wrote you a poem :)
Shane, already crying: You did???
[Memphis getting his ass handed to him by a stranger]
Shane: I can't believe I'm gonna sleep with him tonight.
Craig: ….You don't have to.
Shane: No, I'm gonna.
Jack, on the floor, crying: What constitutes a bean!?
Dennis: Hold on I'm too busy recording this
Colton: We just ate, why are you making pancakes?
Eric: They’re for the stray dogs outside
Colton: Why are you making pancakes for dogs?
Eric: They can't afford to do it themselves.

@LiteralCyborg group

(I have so many of these, here are some of my favorites)
Minnie: In short; wear comfortable shoes, square your shoulders, and walk like you've been sent to murder Captain America.
Sage: Why in the name of aLL FUCKS-
Ethan: I'm watching a sports.
Ethan: The sports did good.
Minnie: Did the ball go?
Ethan: Fuck dude, it sure did.
Minnie: They may be idiots but-
Random citizen: My life is in the hands of an idiot??
Minnie: Nononono- FIVE idiots.
Sage: What the hell does the letter m stand for in "smexy"?
Ethan: M stands for slope
Sage: Thanks
Ethan: What if Mike was short for micycle?
Reese: Y'know, sometimes I wish the 2012 apocalypse really happened.
Mike: (incoherent sobbing)
Arthur: (trying his best to train the friends) Ok, one last time! Simultaneous alien attack and tornado; what do you do?
Minnie: Call the Terra Leg-
Reese: There were two snipers up ahead, but I took care of them.
Ethan: Really? Wow, I didn't hear you at all.
Reese: Hey, that's the first rule of battle; don't ever let the enemy know where you are.
Minnie: (in the background) WOOOO! (explosion sounds) I'M RIGHT HERE YA BASTARDS, RIGHT OVER HERE!! YOU WANT SOME O' THIS?? YEAH YOU DO!! C'MON-

@NotSoBeautifulDiseaster group

Mia: Matthew is 12 years old and won't eat anything other than fine porterhouse steaks and sweet port wine…?
Annette:You need to discipline your child. port is a horrible choice for the main course and wildly clashes with a rich béarnaise.
Mia: He's 12…
Annette: And uncultured. Get a new child.

Skylar: This couple on tik tok asked me to name their son i need y'all help
(Minutes later)
Skylar: Stop saying Theo!, I would never do that to a poor defenseless child!

@ElderGodSeeba petsbing bing 🐸

Michael: i like your pants.
Zack: thanks!
Zack, to Rose: what the fuck do i do? do I give him my pants?!
Lila: Get your hand off of my ass right now.
Beth: :(
Rose and MC: [lying on the roof of the tower]
MC: Do you believe in god?
Rose: Well SOMEONES out to get me
Will: Is there any milk left?
Rose, holding the fridge door open: [eyes the half-full carton of milk and chugs it down in one go] No.
Beth: I'm not interested in being polite or heterosexual.
Ben, to Rose: I don't know how to tell you this, so I'm just going to whisper it to Zack, causing him to shout it out in astonishment
Ben: [Whispers to Zack]
Sam: You know what really gets my goat?
Zack: El Chupacabra.
Colin: damn, i bet you’re wild in bed.
MC, looking for an out: yeah, i got rabies and shit.
[Ben trying to teach MC how to cook]
MC: “beat three eggs”…? In what? Hand to hand combat?
Ben: yeah I though that at first too; But no.
Zack: The victim looks to be 6’1”, his body, sadly, has already turned into a ghost…
Rose: Zack- that’s the sheet we covered the body with.
Lila: Ok, well, first of all- Your feelings are valid.
MC, arms deep in a corpses abdomen: OF COURSE MY FEELINGS ARE FUCKING VALID-


(The brothers:)
Felix: So that’s my plan.
Benji: Are you alright with constructive criticism? I don’t want to sound mean.
Felix: No, go ahead, I want to hear it.
Benji: It fucking sucks.
Felix: That’s not constructive criticism.

Felix: Don’t worry, I know exactly what I’m doing. Everything is going to be fine!
Benji: How can you still say that?
Felix: Because sometimes, when things get tough, denial is all we have.

Felix: If you had to choose between Benji and all the money I have in my wallet, which would you choose?
Riley: That depends, how much money are we taking about?
Benji: Riley!
Felix: 63 cents.
Riley: I'll take the money.
Benji: RILEY!!!

Riley: Felix…
Felix: Oh no, 'Felix' in b-flat.
Felix: You're disappointed.

Felix: Can you keep a secret?
Riley: Do you know anything about my life?
Felix: No I do not. Good point.

(The whole family:)
Riley: Why isn’t the statue smirking at me?
Steven: It isn’t smirking at anyone, they’re all just imagining it.
Felix: Three of us saw it, dad. How do you explain that?
Steven: points at Daisy Sleep deprivation. points at Felix Paranoia. points at Benji Delusional personality disorder.

Steven: Where are the kids?
Daisy: They're playing hide and seek.
Steven: Where?
Daisy: I don't think you get how this game works.

Felix: What if the person who named Walkie Talkies named everything?
Benji: Pregnancy tests are Maybe Babies
Daisy: Socks are Feetie Heaties
Steven: Forks are Stabby Grabbies
Benji: Defibrillators are Heartie Starties
Daisy: Nightmares are Dreamy Screamies
Steven: Stamps are Lickie Stickies
Riley, annoyed: You are disappointments

(All the living ones)
Felix: Screams
Benji: Screams louder to assert dominance
Riley: Should we do something?
Steven, observing: No, I want to see who wins this.

Steven, about Benji: You two are going to have another brother.
Felix: Are we stealing him??
Riley: New or used?
Steven: Wonderful responses, both of you.

Felix: Isn’t it weird that we pay money to see other people?
Steven: Plane tickets?
Riley: Concert tickets?
Benji: Prostitution?
Felix, holding their broken frames: Glasses.

@NotSoBeautifulDiseaster group

Ava: What kind of cult??
Ava: Can I join?
Elijah; Sure
Ava(buried in paperwork): Omg I'm so off beat

Skylar: I feel like Bella Hadid
Cleo: You're giving more Ugly Betty but I'm loving the confidence

Sophie: It is hot as hell in this stuffy ass room.
(cue Mason duck)

Jax: I come from scientist and atheist and white men who killed god
Micheal: They make technology, high quatily… I-i forget the rest
Micheal: Whatchu know about rolling down in the deep

Micheal: Please drop a kin list
William: I am 45 years old

@HeyBlueJay group

Myles: Hey! I think you're really cool! I like you a lot! Maybe we should, hangout or something…
Myles, again: chaos around him Can I-Can I please get a waffle?
Noemie: That is. not correct. According to the dictionary of spftlspslpspsl!
Myles, once more: Do you like it? Cause if you don't I will KILL myself!
Shaan: You know what? I'm going to say it. I don't care that you broke your elbow!

Noemie, to Myles: You really are an extraordinary young man Myles. No matter what happens you always keep your chin up…I mean look at you, you're not just back where you started, you're doing worse. And even if other people say to you, 'your life is a mess!' you stay positive. You always believe everything is going to work out. How do you do it?
Myles reply: Well, I'll tell you my secret! whispers I lie to myself. Every morning, when I wake up, I say, everything is going to be ok! But I am lying. And I don't know how much longer, I can do it. high pitched internal scream

@Classic_Insanity13 group

Circe: So… Draiden…? Do you want to…talk about it?
Draiden, sitting on a floor with a circle of salt around him chanting a strange cult sounding chant: Talk about what?
Circe: Raje told me–
Draiden: She lied
Circe: Cool beans
Draiden: Do you guys want to know why I'm always so upbeat?
Mic and Circe: NO–ABSOLUTLY NOT.
Draiden: Well, you see…
Draiden: Every morning I picture Mic's funeral, Kip's demise and Circe admitting she's in love with me
Circe: Pardon
Draiden: AHAH! so you admit it!?