forum Need Help With Anything? (Open)

Started October 21, 2020 by ☁ 𝙲𝚕𝚘𝚞𝚍𝚒

tune

Sophia, you can take a look at what I've been writing whilst you've been away if you want. No pressure. I've linked both stories on page 4 of this forum a few comments after your last, by the way.

Hii~ Sure, I'll try to do them by today uwu

@Adaras. I added like two pages. Can you take a look at chapter four because I also added a couple of new things here and there? Also, the highlighted portion of page 20 is very work in progress/old/outdated and I might delete it by the way. Any suggestions apart from anything you've already said?

Here's the link if you still need it:

Sophia, I was just wondering if you were still interested in reading my story. It's posted above if you do.

Hey, would anyone be up for rating my writing on the history of the MDU? I’m not exactly happy with how it’s turned out and I know it can be better, but I’m not sure what I need to change. I’m also looking to put in some worldbuilding tidbits, but I’d like some feedback on what’s interesting and not interesting and what you guys want more information on. Keep in mind that this is for a Pokémon Mystery Dungeon fanfiction of mine and also for PMD roleplays.
EDIT: And also, how would you suggest incorporating all of this history into my characters’ lives? And also the canon characters. In what ways do you think this would shape them? What character traits would you expect to see in a world like this? I also forgot to mention, I’m looking for better names for ‘genesicada’ — originally they were the psycadas, but that’s a little rude towards the Psychic types of the PokéEarth, wouldn’t you say? Genesicada was a quick replacement for the name, but I don’t quite like it. I’d love any suggestions from you all!

Tati, I’d love to read through yours, but unfortunately I don’t feel comfortable looking at Google Documents since they can track who’s looked at them — my Google account’s got my name on it, and by going onto documents with that account that information could go into anyone’s hands. I’m sure the writing’s lovely, though :)

@Tidermelon. If it's any consolation, I cannot view whose viewing my docs. Nor how many. I just put it as a google doc on here because it's over 20 pages and I can work on it offline. But thanks anyways.

Hey how to describe surprise or being caught off guard in first person pov

I feel like this might be a bit of a dumb question, but I'm worried that my MC is extremely unlikable? Actually no scratch that I know he's extremely unlikable. But his horribleness is so necessary to the plot, and honestly I refuse to alter him at all for no reason other than "I like him this way". So my question: is this okay? Does the fact that he has a mediocre personality and does quite reprehensible things ruin the story? And is there some way that I can fix things without altering him as a character? That last one feels like an impossible ask tbh.

I feel like this might be a bit of a dumb question, but I'm worried that my MC is extremely unlikable? Actually no scratch that I know he's extremely unlikable. But his horribleness is so necessary to the plot, and honestly I refuse to alter him at all for no reason other than "I like him this way". So my question: is this okay? Does the fact that he has a mediocre personality and does quite reprehensible things ruin the story? And is there some way that I can fix things without altering him as a character? That last one feels like an impossible ask tbh.

I think it’s fine to have an unlikable main character. I mean, as long as his development becomes a key idea in the story (read: realizing what he’s doing or seeing wrong) and he ends up a better person in the end. Unless he’s straight-up the villain of the plot, like in the first book of Artemis Fowl.

@Adaras. I added like two pages. Can you take a look at chapter four because I also added a couple of new things here and there? Also, the highlighted portion of page 20 is very work in progress/old/outdated and I might delete it by the way. Any suggestions apart from anything you've already said?

Sophia & @Adaras. I've written like two pages since. Also, keep in mind that I do intend to insert scenes here and there where it goes too fast, it's just that it's difficult for me to come up with scenes that fill in gaps (like the school scenes), I would love some help with the first part of page 20 (before the line). I was trying to write a training scene, but I was really unsure how to write it.

I feel like this might be a bit of a dumb question, but I'm worried that my MC is extremely unlikable? Actually no scratch that I know he's extremely unlikable. But his horribleness is so necessary to the plot, and honestly I refuse to alter him at all for no reason other than "I like him this way". So my question: is this okay? Does the fact that he has a mediocre personality and does quite reprehensible things ruin the story? And is there some way that I can fix things without altering him as a character? That last one feels like an impossible ask tbh.

I think it’s fine to have an unlikable main character. I mean, as long as his development becomes a key idea in the story (read: realizing what he’s doing or seeing wrong) and he ends up a better person in the end. Unless he’s straight-up the villain of the plot, like in the first book of Artemis Fowl.

I'm not sure. It's looking like he's gonna have a flat or negative character arc so far, but I think I'll just roll with it tbh. I don't know what's wrong with me but i just find it so hard to picture him in a positive light…ever. The story follows multiple people so I'm hoping that'll make his chapters a bit more bearable lol.

@Adaras. I added like two pages. Can you take a look at chapter four because I also added a couple of new things here and there? Also, the highlighted portion of page 20 is very work in progress/old/outdated and I might delete it by the way. Any suggestions apart from anything you've already said?

Sophia & @Adaras. I've written like two pages since. Also, keep in mind that I do intend to insert scenes here and there where it goes too fast, it's just that it's difficult for me to come up with scenes that fill in gaps (like the school scenes), I would love some help with the first part of page 20 (before the line). I was trying to write a training scene, but I was really unsure how to write it.

I don’t want to seem pushy or intend to pressuring you into doing what I’m about to say, but it would be a lot easier if we talked in dms- For that you would need to make a username.
Since I’m on mobil and currently don’t have a computer to type fast/get to your questions quicker, it would be helpful if you just dmed me the whole thing you would like me to review
I understand if you don’t want to do this, in which case, I’ll try my best to read through it :)

@Adaras. I added like two pages. Can you take a look at chapter four because I also added a couple of new things here and there? Also, the highlighted portion of page 20 is very work in progress/old/outdated and I might delete it by the way. Any suggestions apart from anything you've already said?

Sophia & @Adaras. I've written like two pages since. Also, keep in mind that I do intend to insert scenes here and there where it goes too fast, it's just that it's difficult for me to come up with scenes that fill in gaps (like the school scenes), I would love some help with the first part of page 20 (before the line). I was trying to write a training scene, but I was really unsure how to write it.

I don’t want to seem pushy or intend to pressuring you into doing what I’m about to say, but it would be a lot easier if we talked in dms- For that you would need to make a username.
Since I’m on mobil and currently don’t have a computer to type fast/get to your questions quicker, it would be helpful if you just dmed me the whole thing you would like me to review
I understand if you don’t want to do this, in which case, I’ll try my best to read through it :)

I understand. I'll see what I can do.

Hello!

I was hoping to get some critique on two of my characters, Eilore and Araite! For some context, they are sister Goddesses who work on Earth and were created by The Goddess of Life. They have a brother named Nyaery, but his character profile isn't complete just yet (feel free to check it out tho :P). Also please note the magic system I use is called Kilotai! You don't have to read that section because its pretty lengthy and confusing, but if you would like to be my guest! Thanks a lot :D

The Goddess of Time, Eilore: Eilore

The Goddess of The Sun, Ariate: Araite

(Forgive me for spelling mistakes I tried my best <3)