Clyde: I'm gonna look back on being seventeen and think “holy shit, how did I not die?”
Sybil: Are you okay?
Ozzie, looking off into the distance: In theory.
Algernon: My opinions don’t have to be consistent. I think whatever makes me feel nice at the time and there’s no law against that.
Aleander, writing a letter: Dear Matthew, I hope this letter finds you a broken husk of a man.
Calidor: You don't have to agree with me to make me feel good.
Savona: Well, I hope you don't feel good.
Taven I love sleepovers
Farli: This isn’t a sleepover, you’re in the infirmary
Taven: Then what is this sweet party drink?
Farli: That’s a blood transfusion. I’m giving it to you so you don’t die
Taven: Truth or dare
Farli:
Farli: Dare
Catalina, whose first language isn’t English: Hello! I’m sorry if my English isn’t very good.
Ella, whose first language is English: Hte fuckign.
Taven: A girl could slap me on the head and I still wouldn't realize she was into me.
Keyla: *Slaps Taven across the back of his head*
Taven: Ow! What was that for!
Farli:…. I mean, he did tell her that wouldn't work for him specifically.
Catalina: I'm gonna look back on being sixteen and think “holy shit, how did I not die?”
Milo: My opinions don’t have to be consistent. I think whatever makes me feel nice at the time and there’s no law against that.
Byron, writing a letter: Dear Edgar, I hope this letter finds you a broken husk of a man.
Titania: You don't have to agree with me to make me feel good.
Oberon: Well, I hope you don't feel good.
Kels, whose first language isn’t commonspeak: Hello. I’m sorry if my commonspeak isn’t very good.
Kay, whose first language is commonspeak: Hte fuckign.
Percy: A girl could slap me on the head and I still wouldn't realize she was into me.
Alessandra: Slaps Percy across the back of his head
Percy: Ow! What was that for!
Aristotle:…. I mean, he did tell you that wouldn't work for him specifically.
Kels: I'm gonna look back on being eighteen and think “holy shit, how did I not die?”
To Byron
Isolt: It's okay to ask for help!
Erik: You're not a burden!
Phebe: Murder is okay!
Leda: Your feelings matter!
Douglas: Can you get me something to drink please?
Phebe: Unless you're literally dying, I'm not moving an inch.
Douglas, to Miette: Ask Byron and tell him we'll die if we don't stay hydrated.
Byron: Then perish.
Miette: You're not coming with me?
Erik: I'm not your dad.
Erik: Anyways, here's your sandwich. I'll pick you up at 5!
Erik: Love you!
Launce: Algie, why is our fridge full of Girl Scout cookies and vodka?
Algernon: You told me to go shopping.
Algernon: What are you writing?
Launce: Well, the Director wants to know what kind of weaponry we keep in the apartment. I'm just letting her know that's private information.
Algernon: …
Algernon: This just says "fuck around and find out."
Launce: Mmmhmm.
Launce: You're blocking the view.
Algernon: I am the view.
Byron, about Isolt: I'm sorry, can you make her stop doing that weird thing with her face?
Oscar: Do you mean crying?
Alyssa: How many popsicles have you had today?
Hazel, lying in a bed of popsicle wrappers: Now is not the time to talk about my personal flaws as a human being.
Isolt, to Byron: Are you a writer? You have such an interesting vocabulary.
Oscar: No, he's just pretentious
Phebe: So, what are we doing?
Byron: Just existing, I guess.
Phebe: No, I—I mean for work tomorrow.
Byron: Oh. Be up by five.
Oberon: Do you have anything important to add? What was the most difficult thing y-
Robin: If I eated soap. I don't eat it bc I did. No I didn’t. ❤️
Hank, banging on the door: Open up!
Niklos, from the other side of the door: Sometimes I get sad…
J.B.: I wasn’t hurt that badly. The doctor said all of my bleeding is internal, and that’s where the blood is supposed to be.
Clyde: The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math.
Clive: Hey, Dottie, what does ‘y/n’ mean?
Dottie: Your name.
Clive, going back to reading: Clive stared into Clive's eyes-
———
Jay: Any news?
Doctor: Im just waiting for your x-ray
Jay: I've never dated anyone named ray.
Doctor: and we might do a brain scan
————————————–
Colton: [standing outside holding a sign that says 'prom?']
Eric: Omg yes!
Colton: No- tell Memphis!
Eric: Memphis, I'm going to prom with your boyfriend!
————————————–
Jay: Im not STUPID Runner- my general knowledge is better than yours!
Craig: Spell orange.
Jay: The fruit or the colour?
————————————–
Officer: What are your names?
Jack: Don't tell 'em Dennis !
Officer: So you're Dennis?
Dennis: Nice one, Jack
Officer: and this is Jack, great.
————————————–
Craig: One day, you'll be a father.
Eric: I am a father.
Craig: Dennis doesn't count
Eric, slamming his hands on the table: He is MY SON !
————————————–
Colton: Do you want some tea?
Shane: What are the options?
Colton: yes or no.
————————————–
Craig: Firecracker thinks you can't stand him
Shane: Thats because I can't.
————————————–
Markus: Nice doggy you got :)
Officer: yep, he's my drug sniffing dog
Memphis: Ah, still in training, huh?
Markus: huh?
Officer: what??
Memphis: hm??
————————————–
Jack: [crying]
Dennis: Jack,, c'mon,,
Jack: …
Dennis: You're making my sandwich sad.
Jack: [cries harder]
————————————–
Jay, after bring a nuisance for 5 hours now: music is just wiggly air.
Craig, on the verge of tears: Please. don't do this.
————————————–
Memphis: Hey, Shane. What are some things that turn on?
Shane:
Shane: Did you forget the word "you", or do you really want to learn about the wonders of electricity from me?
————————————–
Eric: Christmas is cancelled.
Markus: You cant cancel a holiday.
Eric: Keep it up, FightClub, and you'll lose New Year's too.
Markus: What ??
Eric: Dennis, take New Year's away from Markus.
I’M ALIVE
~
Ethan: Oi, I just found a snake and I’m keeping it, what should I name it?
Reese: yOU WHAT??
Minnie: Barack Cobrama
~
Ethan: Eh, I’d have to think about that one.
Minnie: (patting him on the back) Well don’t think too hard, I wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself!
Ethan: >:O
~
Minnie: I am very small and I have no money, so you can imagine the kind of stress that I’m under.
~
Ethan: You must be pretty desperate to come to me with this, but I’ll consider helping. Here’s my card.
Ethan: (slides wanted poster across the table)
~
Minnie: I’ve been dropping the most insanely obvious hints for, like, a year now. No response.
Sage: Wow, they sound stupid.
Minnie: That’s the thing, though! They’re actually really intelligent, just dense.
Sage: Maybe you need to be more obvious? Just straight up say “Hey, I love you.”
Minnie: Maybe that would work…
Minnie: Hey Sage, I love you.
Sage: See, just say that!
Minnie: Holy fucking shit-
Sage: If that flies over their head then, sorry Mina, but they’re too dumb for you.
Minnie: Sage-
~
Sage: Two pals!
Minnie: Chillin’ in a hot tub!
Sage: Five feet apart cuz’ we’re not gay!
Minnie:
Sage:
Minnie: (tearing up)
Sage: Babe, c’mon-
Minnie: AND HERE YOU REALLY HAD ME THINKING WE HAD SOMETHING.
Sage: Baby-
~
Minnie: Do you want to know your gay name?
Sage: My… my gay name??
Minnie: Yeah, it’s your first name-
Sage: Oh, very funny Minnie-
Minnie: (gets down on one knee) And my last name.
Sage: Oh- oh my god-
~
Sage: So, you like cats?
Minnie: Yeah, why?
Sage: Oh… no reason…
Sage: (slowly pushes glass of water off the table)
~
Minnie: (sneezes)
Reese: (down the hall) Bless you.
Reese: Go to sleep.
Reese: We have training.
Barry: Any news?
Doctor: I'm just waiting for your x-ray
Barry: I've never dated anyone named Ray.
Doctor: And we might do a brain scan.
Helena: What are your names?
Nell: Don't tell her, Joan.
Helena: So you're Joan?
Nich: Nice one, Nell.
Joan: Leave her alone, Nich.
Helena: Okay, Nich and Joan, got it.
Henry: Do you want some tea?
Victor: What are the options?
Henry: Uh, yes or no?
Aristotle: Isolt thinks you can't stand her
Byron: That's because I can't.
Henry, texting: Hey, Vic. What are some things that turn on?
Victor:
Victor: Did you forget the word "you", or do you really want to learn about the wonders of electricity from me?
Richard: Christmas is cancelled.
Everett: You can't cancel a holiday.
Richard: Keep it up, Everett, and you'll lose New Year's too.
Everett: What?
Richard: Sarah, take New Year's away from Everett.
new characters incoming
Blaze: I’m hardcore, made of steel, and haven’t felt an emotion since 2004.
Qili: I caught you crying over baby seals just two hours ago.
Blaze: Of course I care about all of you equally!
Qili: We were attacked while you were away.
Blaze: Is Riyah okay???
Evaryx: Observe.
Evaryx: EVERYONE, The floor is lava!
Ceryn: [helps Qili onto the counter]
Nova: [pushes Blaze off the sofa]
Evaryx: As you can see, there are two types of people–
Blaze, writing a strongly worded letter: Dear The Force, when I asked if my day could get any worse - it was a rhetorical question, not a goddamn challenge
Blaze: How did you get pass the guards?
Nova: I flirted with them.
Blaze: Why am I not surprised?
Nova, smug: Because it works on you.
Blaze, blushing: Wha-
Nova: Don’t kill me, I have a wife!
Enemy: You think I care about that?
Nova: No, this isn’t a plea for mercy. It’s a warning.
Enemy: Wha-
Blaze: [kicking down the door] ARE YOU READY TO DIE?!
Riyah: Do you know what true strength is? Forgiving a person who isn’t sorry.
Blaze: Not to be dramatic, but I would much rather die.
Characters from my Peter Pan retelling
James, writing a strongly worded letter: Dear fate, when I asked if my day could get any worse - it was a rhetorical question, not a goddamn challenge
Smee: Do you know what true strength is? Forgiving a person who isn’t sorry.
James: Not to be dramatic, but I would much rather die.
John: Observe.
John: EVERYONE, The floor is lava!
Smee: [helps Wendy onto the counter]
James: [pushes Peter off the sofa]
John: As you can see, there are two types of people–
James: Of course I care about all of you equally!
Bones: We were attacked while you were away.
James: Is Smee okay???
Peter: I can't walk :(
James: Then limp
Curly: I wonder what it feels like to know what the hell is going on.
James, whilst staring directly at Peter: Sometimes when you intensely dislike a person, you just have to take comfort in the fact that one day, they will be dead.
John: It’s stupid.
Peter: Hey, nothing we’ve done so far has been un-stupid, and we’re still alive, aren’t we?
John: I can’t really argue with that, but I feel like I should.
Peter: One day I’m going to say “fight me” and someone is just going to fucking deck me.
James: Believe me, that day is closer than you think.
Wendy: Do you know the ABCs of first aid?
Peter: A. Bone. Coming out of the skin is very bad.
Peter: So.
Peter: I'm in love.
Peter: with James.
Peter: I'm in love with James
Smee:
Smee: Our James?
Peter: Yes?
Peter: . . .thoughts?
Smee: And prayers.
James: Let’s have a drink to celebrate!
John: I’m actually still underage
James: Oh right
James: Here’s a silly straw
James: See? This is my "I don't care" face
Curly: That’s your normal face.
James: Exactly.
James: You must be pretty desperate to come to me with this, but I’ll consider helping. Here’s my card.
James: (slides wanted poster across the table)
Smee: James, why is our fridge full of Girl Scout cookies and vodka?
James: You told me to go shopping.
Geneva: When I asked if my day could get any worse, it was a rhetorical question, not a goddamn challenge
Simon: Do you know what true strength is? Forgiving a person who isn’t sorry.
Niklos: I would literally rather die.
Martha: Observe.
Martha: Everyone, the floor is lava!
Henry: Helps Victor onto the counter
Geneva: Pushes Jackson off the sofa
Martha: As you can see, there are two types of people–
Erik: Of course I care about all of you equally.
Phebe: We were attacked while you were away.
Erik: Is Byron okay?
Emma: Let’s have a drink to celebrate.
Clyde: I’m actually still underage
Emma: Oh, right
Emma: Here’s a silly straw
Vittoria: See? This is my "I don't care" face
J.B.: That’s your normal face.
Vittoria: Exactly.
Nich: You must be pretty desperate to come to me with this, but I’ll consider helping. Here’s my card.
Nich: Slides wanted poster across the table
(dsdfgsfa Ice I love them!!)
( :D thank you!!)
Michael, handing Zack a cup of coffee: Blow.
Zackery: [shrugs and gets on his knees]
Michael: THE COFFEE
(Lol, @Seeba. That is so warped, but so funny. Lmao!)
Isaak: You convince yourself that you're tough and that you're straight-
Bastian: I am tough!
Isaak:….
Bastian:….
Launce, handing Algernon a cup of coffee: Blow.
Algernon: Shrugs and gets on his knees
Launce: The coffee, Algie-
Wendy: You convince yourself that you're tough and that you're straight–
Peter: I am tough!
Wendy: ……
Peter: ……
James, handing Peter a cup of coffee: Blow.
Peter: Shrugs and gets on his knees
James: The coffee, panpipes, you blithering idiot–
XØ: Person of interest is too flattering.
XØ: Like, if the police were to pound on my door and go, ‘a man has been murdered in your building and you are a person of interest,’ I’d be like ‘Moi? Oh, do go on.’
XØ: You can de-escalate any situation by saying ‘Are we about to kiss?’
XØ: Doesn’t work for speeding tickets, by the way.
XØ: Okay okay stop asking me if I'm straight, gay, bi, whatever. I identify as a FUCKING THREAT.
Wren, handing Aiden a cup of coffee: Blow.
Aiden: Shrugs and gets down on his knees
Wren: NOT ME THE COFFEE, AIDEN
Asuka: What are you doing, Mist?
Mist: Not you.
Asuka: Chokes That's not what I meant!
Invictus: Your right, she's doing me.
Asuka and Mist: Both choke
Angela: When I asked if my day could possibly get worse, THAT WAS NOT A GODDAMN CHALLENGE.
Anthony: You convince yourself that you're tough and that you're straight-
Dally: I am tough!
Anthony: ……
Dally: ……
Azazel: Let’s have a drink to celebrate.
Quill: I’m actually still underage.
Azazel: Oh, right.
Azazel: Hands her a silly straw
Dally: You can de-escalate any situation by saying ‘Are we about to kiss?’
Dally: Doesn’t work for getting out of speeding tickets, by the way.
Ellis: So.
Ellis: I'm in love.
Ellis: with Poli.
Ellis: I'm in love with Poli.
Tetra:
Tetra: Our Poli?
Ellis: Yes?
Ellis: . . .thoughts?
Tetra: And prayers.
Quill: I wonder what it feels like to know what the hell is going on.
Dally: You must be pretty desperate to come to me with this, but I’ll consider helping. Here’s my card.
Dally: Slides wanted poster across the table
Tereza: You convince yourself that you're tough and that you're straight-
Pietyr: I am tough!
Tereza: ……
Pietyr: ……
Jackson: You can de-escalate any situation by saying ‘Are we about to kiss?’
Jackson: Doesn’t work for getting out of speeding tickets, by the way.
Nell: So.
Nell: I'm in love.
Nell: With Therese.
Nell: I'm in love with Therese.
Nich:
Nich: Our Therese?
Nell: Yes?
Nell: . . .thoughts?
Nich: And prayers.
Gwen: I’m hardcore, made of steel, and haven’t felt an emotion since 2004.
Jemma: I caught you crying over baby seals just two hours ago.
Launce: How did you get pass the guards?
Algernon: I flirted with them.
Launce: Why am I not surprised?
Algernon: Because it works on you.
Launce, blushing: What? No-
Oberon: Don’t kill me, I have a wife.
The Erl King: You think I care about that?
Oberon: What? Oh, no, this isn’t a plea for mercy. It’s a warning.
The Erl King: Wha-
Titania, jumping from a tree: ARE YOU READY TO DIE?!
Lydia: Do you know what true strength is? Forgiving a person who isn’t sorry.
Leon: Not to be dramatic, but I would much rather die.
Ashene: How did you get past those guards?
Cass: I flirted with them. Duh.
Ashene: Why am I not surprised?
Cass: Because it works on you.
Ashene: What? No- Shut up!
Tessa: Do you know what true strength is? It's forgiving somebody who isn't sorry.
Cass: I'm sorry, but I would much rather die again than do that.
Yes, most of these are Unus Annus quotes. The one year deathiversary is coming up, and I miss them goddammit.
~
Ethan: Did you ever leave cookies out for Santa?
Minnie: (stuffing her face with cookies) It’s not… it’s not Christmas yet… I’ll do it later.
~
Ethan: C’mon, you gotta commit!
Minnie: Oh I’m gonna commit alright; a fELONY-
~
Sage: So do you have a crush on anyone right now?
Minnie: Oh, uh, not really.
Also Minnie at 2am: (sobbing) YOU GAVE HER YOUR SWEATER, IT’S JUST POLYESTER, BUT YOU LIKE HER BETTER, I WISH I WERE HEATHERRR-
~
Ethan: I could totally beat Donny in a fight.
Minnie: D-Donny?
Ethan: Y’know, ol’ Donny! Er prebident!
~
Reese: I- wha- how did you even get in here??
Ethan: I crawled in. Through the oven.
Bastian: Must be hard not being able to laugh.
Isaak: I do have a sense of humor, you know.
Bastian: I've never heard you laugh before.
Isaak: I've never heard you say anything funny.
Casey: Does letting someone win at Monopoly count as sapiosexual bottoming?
Marisol: Does anyone in this godforsaken group ever think before they speak?
Jane: Name a more iconic duo than my crippling fear of abandonment and my anxiety. I'll wait.
Clyde: You and me.
Jane, tearing up: Okay-
Alice, getting ready to leave for college: Besides, it's not like I'm that needed around here-
Theo: What gets out Kool-Aid stains?
Erica: Well we already know the opposite color Kool-Aid doesn't work.
Jamie: Someone stuck a funny hat on my head.
Jamie: I'm going to leave it there.
Jamie: This is who I am now.
Pietyr: You…have a face.
Sola: Yes? I do?
Pietyr: I mean a nice face. You have a pretty nice face.
Sola: Thanks?
Pietyr: Please accept my attempt of flirting. I don't know what I am doing.
Bastian: Why are you always hanging around here? Don't you have parents?
Karr: What are parents?
Bastian:
Bastian: I see.
Erik: What scares you the most?
Phebe: Wasps.
Percy: Horses.
Byron: The unstoppable marching of time that is slowly guiding us towards an inevitable death.
Isolt:….Byron.
Literally anyone else in their village: Happy birthday to the amazing Rista Carlton!
Isaak, Rista's twin: Wow, okay.
Mike: Scared?
Clyde: Actually, years of trauma and fighting for my life against mental and physical abuse and isolation have pretty much burnt out my adrenaline response to situations like this and left me without the ability to feel normal reactions and emotions.
Mike: What?
Clyde: I said you wish!
Huxley: Are you sugaring your burrito?
Fern, ripping open sugar packets: Food is anarchy, Huxley. Live by your own rules.
Joan: Excuse me, are you Nich Fox?
Nich: Depends on who’s looking for him.
Peter: Scared?
James: Actually, years of trauma and fighting for my life against mental and physical abuse and isolation have pretty much burnt out my adrenaline response to situations like this and left me without the ability to feel normal reactions and emotions.
Peter: What?
James: I said you wish!
Peter: You…have a face.
James: Yes? I do?
Peter: I mean a nice face. You have a pretty nice face.
James: …Thanks?
Peter: Please accept my attempt of flirting. I don't know what I am doing.
Wendy: What scares you the most?
Slightly: Wasps.
Curly: Horses.
John: The unstoppable marching of time that is slowly guiding us towards an inevitable death.
Nibs: …..John
Samuel: Well, that is…irksome.
Nich: Nah, it's shitty. What's irksome is you using the word "irksome".
Beck: There is no future, there is no past. Do you see? Time is simultaneous, an intricately structured jewel that we insist on viewing one edge at a time when the whole design is visible in every facet.
Marisol:
Harper:
Casey:
Everyone else at the surprise party:
Marisol: Hey Socrates, all I asked was if you wanted to cut the cake or have someone do it for you.