forum Your Personal Venting Space 3: Tokyo Drift

Started June 28, 2020 by @The-N-U-T-Cracker

tune

I just got triggered by an english assinsment and now I'm dealing wit dramma, I just want to go sleep. I have a headache and my back is bothering me and I'm so tired of everything

My one class is cancelled. So I thought a half an hour of quiet. But then my mom comes up the stairs at the moment class would start, puts my sister in her room (right beside mine), and says she’ll be in there for a couple of minutes. And now my sister is jumping on her bed.

I was trying to go to sleep last night but my brain was being annoying and panicking for no reason. My brain just decided to be scared for no reason whatsoever, and when I concluded that it was because of my unfinished school assignments, I couldn't get myself to do them so I just kinda sat there while listening to background music until I fell asleep. I ended up with 5 hours of sleep, which isn't to bad, but since I've recently been getting 9 hours of sleep, the dramatic shift has thrown me off of my game today and I just oaskfmfp34fn,m d. In summary: my brain wouldn't stop being a panicky little bitch so now my entire day is just wrong.

So We all know the drama that happened. Deep down I'm not okay. but It'll be fine. I swear if anyone else has that happen to them. PM me and we can rant all throughout. Honestly My mind is blank on what words to describe my feelings.

So We all know the drama that happened. Deep down I'm not okay. but It'll be fine. I swear if anyone else has that happen to them. PM me and we can rant all throughout. Honestly My mind is blank on what words to describe my feelings.

hey my dude you good?
you can rant to me if you want~~

Wait, did something happen?
Is everybody alright?

Idk apparently that one person with "potato" in their username started some drama and deleted their account because they couldn't deal with their mistake

Divine Irish Potato?

Yep
Then they came back a half hour later with a new account and claimed their dad deleted it again

ah.
What chat?

share stuff nobody asked you to share

I always contemplate venting here, but then chicken out. So as of now, my vent can be chalked up to life sucks.

I'm one PM away, m'xedy.

I'll keep that in mind. Thank you.

Also being called m'xedy gives me the greatest feeling of joy and I don't know why lmao

Of course m'xedy

Divine Irish Potato?

isn't this like the second time he left after being in the wrong or something-
whatever

Divine Irish Potato?

isn't this like the second time he left after being in the wrong or something-
whatever

some people just can't handle a lick of criticism lmaoooooo

yeah no kidding
it might've been someone else but I remember there was someone who had a really bad scene with an abused girl and people were criticizing it cuz that person had done No Research and eventually he just
deleted and left the account
I think it was him but my memory's not perfect

yeah no kidding
it might've been someone else but I remember there was someone who had a really bad scene with an abused girl and people were criticizing it cuz that person had done No Research and eventually he just
deleted and left the account
I think it was him but my memory's not perfect

That was him, yes

yeah
dang oh well
it sucks but

So We all know the drama that happened. Deep down I'm not okay. but It'll be fine. I swear if anyone else has that happen to them. PM me and we can rant all throughout. Honestly My mind is blank on what words to describe my feelings.

You can PM me. If you want to. Gonna warm you I go to work so might not respond for a bit.

Who be murder and lofi?

Who be murder and lofi?

heh i'm indecisive but i was @hitting-the-panic-button for a while
also lemcnbcy or rei

i'm sorry if i'm annoying, what with my constant username changes and general dumbassery

U grucci fam it’s cool.

Aight Venting time.
I am breaking, literally, By body can't keep up with my life at this point. I jsut, want to give up and stop
So My sister, S, Has a toddler, W.
My Mother, oh that woman who birthed me. She is just Hmmmmmmm Words. She does nothing but read all day and talk to her friends, she nags at my older siblings and I all the time, she's judgmental as all heck. And Right now It're really hard to be around her. So S is going to pick up her check a trip that takes like 30 minutes tops. She asks Mom if she can leave W hear and Mom says yes. So S leaves, and W is acting up before she's even out of the drive way, I mean screaming crying just having a fit. All the while my mom is sitting right there, as he is destroying stuff, So I am fed up with the noise and I watch him for a bit. and then I have work to do so I can't watch.
Next thing I know My younger sister starts shouting at him And I come over to see he's dumped the Cat food into the fish tank. He killed all of the fish in that tank because it was saturated with cat food. Either I watch this kid and get nothing done, or, no one watches this kid and he wrecks the house. So I just watch the kid and he is being a pill, not listening, getting into things he knows he's not supposed to, climbing on top of things knocking stuff over, Classic toddler. And then every time he get's reprimanded he just starts full out balling until he get's held and then he wants cuddled for 5 or so minuted before we rinse and repeat. And I'm at my whits end. I've been watching him for upwards of 5 hours now, His mom has clearly decided to go shopping or just walk around target instead of coming home. And My sister, A, sees this and is like, you know what I'm taking you out of, here so we leave Mom at home with the kiddos and just get out of the house for an hour.
When we get back things seem calm once more,W is asleep. So I'm getting work done finally. Then in comes the Nagging, "Relsey come help me get on my Zoom meeting." From my mother and I'm like Woman, I ain't your slave I'm your child you'ed best put a please int here some where. and then she loses it and just is like "You need to come do this Please because I can't get in to meet with my friends and I'm about to cry." So I go do the thing and get her on with out so much as a thank you, then she yarks at me when I come in the room to get a ruler for my art class. and then we're having dinner and W, wakes up, and his mom isn't home, so guess who get's to deal with Toddler. I do of course I do. so then I'm dealing with toddler for another several hours until his mom get's home and during those hours I am nagged to do my chore and help with this and help with that and then when I'm helping her with any computer stuff she just wont stop criticizing my methods. Like woman if you have so many opinions on how to do this than you can do it yourself.
S finally get's home and I am just exhausted, and then I tell her that next time don't ask mom if it's ok to leave William hear ask me because Mom isn't going to watch him. I think this is a fair statement. But no
An hour or two later I'm trying to get work done and I can here mom whining and crying to dad down stairs like "I'm just not feeling very loved bye my children." Like no Snicker doodles you aren't, We're certainly not feeling it from you. I think the last time my mom talked to me outside of asking me to do something was her criticizing my life style. "You need to go to bed earlier." Like I would if I had time during the day to do my homework but I don't because you pull Crap like this every single day.
Don't "I don't feel Loved" Me, don't you dare, I can't talk to her about anything with out fear of criticism, Last time I opened up to her she told me to "shut up I'm reading.". Like sure I was trying to tell you that I feel like a slave but it's fine. When she did let me talk to her about life I hear her a few minutes later on the phone with her friends talking about my life problems to them with adages of "I just don't get why she's so dramatic." And the likes.
I wish that today was a rare occurrence but it's not. I get woken up at 4:45 am to watch William because the person that was supposed to watch him didn't. The One thing I ask for is just to go get food that I like and that is denied me that's all I'm asking for.
I clean your house, I take care of your kids school I watch your grandson, I do your technology for you, you can't give me one thing back.
I can't eat because I'm stressed I can't sleep because I'm doing work, Chasing the toddler around activates my Asthma that they haven't bothered to take me to a doctor for so I don't have an inhaler. I just Die , my lungs scream at me and I just keep going because someone has to pick up the slack.
I'm going to go to College and this house is going to fall apart. I wont be here to keep the pressure off of my younger siblings, and they will break under this, they are little babies, they still think Mom is the best woman ever. They play pretend and imaging up rules and playing games with their stuffed animals and when I leave all of that innocence and imagination will be crushed.
I'm literally Killing my self keeping up with my school work and things at home, I get tops 5 hours of sleep on a good day, My lungs hurt worse every day, I can feel my body starting to just give up, I can't eat, I tried and just couldn't force my self to consume anything. I would just give up on school but the only positive acknowledgment I ever get is when my grades come in because I work my self to death for those A's. I can't even think about the light at the end of the tunnel that is College. That light is my the end of my little siblings fun and then this is all on them. Little Emi can't take care of William she can't clean all the time. Zack struggles in school as is with out the added pressure, I can't, I can't stop because they wont be able to take this.
I'm just stuck, So stuck. and so so tired.

Dude. Not to be rude or anything, but your mom literally doesn't sound qualified to be a mother. I'd say just be careful and be there for your younger siblings if you can when you move out. Like not physically, get the fuck out of there ASAP, but pay attention to them and call every so often. Just to make sure they're okay.

haha i love feeling okay one second and then not feeling okay the next-

i just love having to talk to him and pretend like everything's okay when it's not-
i miss him so much but it's not like i get to say any of that-

hhhhh so many places i used to love talking aren't fun for me anymore
idek y
and ik it's not him bc it's only that one server-

why am i like thissss-

Bro Relsey I’m sorry. I can’t relate but I’m sorry. Doesn’t really do anything but I’m sorry you have to deal with this. If you need to talk more my PMs are open to you always.

(also posted to lgbt chat)
Alright, I'm out for tonight. A boy needs his sleep. Much love y'all. To my Unus Annus witnesses: Memento mori. Pretend I'm there when they delete it.