@ElderGod-Icefire
first off, you don't have to apologize, love. you're 110% entitled to your emotions and a place to put them into words. as far as self-diagnosis goes, it's completely normal for humans to try and justify and put how they're feeling into categories. it can be super helpful and actually a source of hope (it was for me at least, when i was looking at the symptoms for [redacted] and i actually began to feel like 'ah, this is a disease rather than me just being awful and messed up <3') and if people are complaining about others self-diagnosing, chances are they don't have a lot to do in life themselves lmao. that said, there is a bit of placebo affect where you start seeing symptoms everywhere after first starting to label something like that, so take everything with a grain of salt and don't panic. numbness, loss of interests, and trouble with sleep/concentration are giant indicators of depression, while self-harm urges aren't a deciding factor. that said, i don't know shit! and in the nicest and most respectful way possible to all of these lovely internet people, they're not licensed psychologists either!
the fact that your parents are Not Supportive of clinical mental health stuff is a major roadblock, but assuming you have access to internet or a phone there are some good places you can get in contact with. my personal favorite to use is the national crisis text line. while that's a scary name and makes it seem like you need to be in imminent danger to use it, they're really a mental health service program full of very well educated volunteers who can provide hope, information, and comfort to people who need it. you can text with them by sending 'help' to 741741. additionally, not to sound like a bloody middle school guidance counselor, but breathing pattern work can genuinely help. try an app like headspace, which is made for all ~meditation~ and ~mindfulness~ stuff, and just take advantage of breathing things. it helps with focus, anxiety, and calm.
that's about all i have to say on this (and i have to get to online class yikes) but please allow yourself to experience whatever you have to. if you have any other questions, please feel free to dm me. take care of yourself dude
Thank you so much, Velocipede. I mean I think my parents might realize that maybe it's legit, but they'd also be the kind of people to say "just pray more" and, uhm…that idea makes me more anxious, in all honesty, because I'm not a Christian anymore, so. Yeah. But thank you for the words and ideas <3
