forum Your Personal Venting Space 3: Tokyo Drift

Started June 28, 2020 by @The-N-U-T-Cracker

tune

Relsey is irresponsible and has had to convince many teachers that she's more responsible than she is, It took practice to get there aight.

Glad I'm not the only one

Relsey is irresponsible and has had to convince many teachers that she's more responsible than she is, It took practice to get there aight.

Same.

um hi i’d like to permanently unsubscribe from my trial of Big Gay please and thank you i don’t want to be this person anymore k cool

Did something happen buddy?

yes and no but maybe
I don’t actually like like anyone specific so maybe I’m just desperate for basic friendship but uh
girls in general are really freaking pretty
I want one to hold me and raise teeny tiny dogs together
boys? not so pretty
in fact 75% of them are ew
however i promised myself I’d never be this way
and even though I’ve mostly changed my mind on the gay bad thing, if I break this old promise how do I know I won’t break more?
it may sound stupid but there’s nothing more terrifying to me than not being able to control my future self, I’ve made multiple strict rules/promises for myself that I’ve tried my best to make physically permanent so I never change my mind, lose my senses, and become the very person I wish would die off. so allowing current me to ignore my past rule of no homo and stop beating myself up/actively seeking ways to make this go away? not an easy decision
past me felt the same way about this as current me feels about other things, I still have the scar she left on my shoulder as a reminder of the promise. I can’t break it. I could become just like the person I said I’d never be, and I can’t have that.
I know it doesn’t matter at all right now because I’m a literal child and the future is so far away but if I sit back and ignore things I won’t have time to prevent them
you know?

tl;dr I have way too much alone time and am overthinking a lot

Just because you decided to mostly not hate yourself for one thing doesn't mean you're going to become everything you feared. Part of growing up imo is realizing that baby you's perception of how things are and should be aren't correct
Just don't become a murderer and you'll be fine

Yeah, a pretty important part of growing up and changing is unlearning prejudices. People change. It's okay not to keep every promise that you make.

Yeah, a pretty important part of growing up and changing is unlearning prejudices. People change. It's okay not to keep every promise that you make.

Obviously I think Gay Bad but solid point right here.

Honestly I'm grateful for you guys giving me my more Centrist leanings.

Okay think about this. You probably have a little more life experience than when you made that promise right?I mean, probably not a ton, but probably more than you did then. Think about the person you're afraid of becoming. Does she scare you much as she did when you made that promise? Why? Is that a valid reason?

Idk the answer to these questions, but I do know that as you grow and mature and learn more things about the world, you're probably not going to stay the same person, and that's okay. The person you dread becoming might not actually be that bad, idk.

Just stuff to think about

Honestly I'm grateful for you guys giving me my more Centrist leanings.

I'm shocked that being not homophobic isn't one of them.

I'm trying to think of way's to embarrass my sister and her boyfriend, we're meeting him for the first time today.
The thing is, He's the biggest nerd and that just gives him so many brownie points.

Honestly I'm grateful for you guys giving me my more Centrist leanings.

I'm shocked that being not homophobic isn't one of them.

Well I'm a lot less now. I was never a hate the Gays, but I never looked at things from their perspective, something I've now done for a lot of things as I got older. In a weird way I almost wish everyone who didn't have a religious reason would be an ally. It only makes sense. But brass tacks is that I'm a Christian and all evidence I've seen has been against the Gaiety from Christianity. Which sucks. And if someone can change my mind that would be awesome. Minus all the inner conflict and family issues and stuff. But I doubt it's gonna happen. And I don't plan on changing my morals to support the people I love.

If that's the case then I would suggest you have a serious look at your morals and a serious look at what your church is teaching you. Because not to get religious, but if Jesus had come today he would be ashamed of what a church that is supposed to be founded on showing love to others has become.

U right. But I can sure as hell love you guys and not be pro gay so Idk if your point stands. Just because my morals don't match up with what you think is right doesn't mean they're wrong. No offence intended and I don't mean to say I have it all right.

i have my first race tomorrow and the anxiety is coming back yay

I have been internally panicking for the past 10 hours because fren jokingly gave me a temporary ban from the server we’re in and somehow that’s enough to send me spiraling thinking no one likes me and I’ll never be spoken to ever again yay isn’t this lovely _{help I didn’t sleep well last night cause it crept into my nightmares and now my head hurts gosh dammit why am I like this}

My sister left again in my dream last night. I nearly cried. Also she went away by morphing into a lemon. Odd. She is very fond of lemons though. Aesthetically.

^^ Bruh that’s rough.

Working on another One Piece quiz, this one's gonna be chaotic

hi, im here to vent about my school and how screwed up it is.

my school is semi small town missouri, its a crackhead breeding ground, theres nothing here but soundcloud rappers, skinny white dudes that say the n slur, and freshmen who thinks its "unique" to vape in class/ in the bathroom/ on the bus.

we really bad fights, one was so bad a princple got a broken arm and 3 others were sent to a hospital this happened in the cafeteria and if it werent for my friend kat i would have been knocked into a trophy case, another a racist/homophobic/sexist/ assh*ole got his face stomped on by multipe people in our history wing.

yesterday some fellow seniors in my study hall were being very homophobic, saying things like "im not homophobic im not scared of gays i hate them" and so on. and the teacher, whos an obviously biased republican government teacher didnt say anything but i was on my phone beause i didnt have work to do he says something to me, but not the skinny little boys who were right by his desk.

and they really said "survival of the fittest" with the over-crowding and very flexible mask/divider/situation and social distancing is laughable…

i hate it here so much

hi, im here to vent about my school and how screwed up it is.

my school is semi small town missouri, its a crackhead breeding ground, theres nothing here but soundcloud rappers, skinny white dudes that say the n slur, and freshmen who thinks its "unique" to vape in class/ in the bathroom/ on the bus.

we really bad fights, one was so bad a princple got a broken arm and 3 others were sent to a hospital this happened in the cafeteria and if it werent for my friend kat i would have been knocked into a trophy case, another a racist/homophobic/sexist/ assh*ole got his face stomped on by multipe people in our history wing.

yesterday some fellow seniors in my study hall were being very homophobic, saying things like "im not homophobic im not scared of gays i hate them" and so on. and the teacher, whos an obviously biased republican government teacher didnt say anything but i was on my phone beause i didnt have work to do he says something to me, but not the skinny little boys who were right by his desk.

and they really said "survival of the fittest" with the over-crowding and very flexible mask/divider/situation and social distancing is laughable…

i hate it here so much

Omg I'd hate it there so much. Homophobes make my blood boil so much. I'm really sorry you have to be there <3

yesterday some fellow seniors in my study hall were being very homophobic, saying things like "im not homophobic im not scared of gays i hate them" and so on.

we gays hate those seniors right back

I’m not homophobeophobic, I’m not scared of homophobes I just hate them

noone should be scared of camo wearing stick figures that look like actual sloths, they all look like tooth picks honestly

So let me preface this with this: I know that self-diagnosis is typically frowned upon and a bad thing, and I'm not giving myself a diagnosis. I'm just putting this out there. Y'all are welcome to be like "that's not legit" or "yeah that's legit", whatever. I just need to get my thoughts down and out there, and try to get this out.

So. I think I might have depression? It runs in my family, on both sides, and…I've been doing research, and I fit a lot of the symptoms. I found a list, and here's some of the ones that applied to me: tiredness, trouble focusing or concentrating, unhappiness, anger, irritability, frustration, loss of interest in pleasurable or fun activities, sleep issues (too much, for me), no energy, craving unhealthy foods, anxiety, isolation… there's a lot that fit me and…I don't know. I feel numb all. the. time. I get angry so easily, and snap at people just for getting too close. I don't remember the last time I genuinely smiled and could actually keep it up. I have not been tempted to self-harm, unless pinching myself really hard counts? I don't know. I just…maybe I'm wrong, but maybe not. I can't talk to a professional because that would mean telling my parents how I feel and I don't want to do that. They won't believe me or they'll say I'm making excuses and my mom will find some way to blame it on me and make it all my fault. I just…blugh. I don't know what I'm saying. Sorry for making y'all read all this

No dude it's fine. Honestly it's sometimes good to type or write out what you feel.

It’s chill, Ice. You probably do have it imo. Everyone seems to.

first off, you don't have to apologize, love. you're 110% entitled to your emotions and a place to put them into words. as far as self-diagnosis goes, it's completely normal for humans to try and justify and put how they're feeling into categories. it can be super helpful and actually a source of hope (it was for me at least, when i was looking at the symptoms for [redacted] and i actually began to feel like 'ah, this is a disease rather than me just being awful and messed up <3') and if people are complaining about others self-diagnosing, chances are they don't have a lot to do in life themselves lmao. that said, there is a bit of placebo affect where you start seeing symptoms everywhere after first starting to label something like that, so take everything with a grain of salt and don't panic. numbness, loss of interests, and trouble with sleep/concentration are giant indicators of depression, while self-harm urges aren't a deciding factor. that said, i don't know shit! and in the nicest and most respectful way possible to all of these lovely internet people, they're not licensed psychologists either!

the fact that your parents are Not Supportive of clinical mental health stuff is a major roadblock, but assuming you have access to internet or a phone there are some good places you can get in contact with. my personal favorite to use is the national crisis text line. while that's a scary name and makes it seem like you need to be in imminent danger to use it, they're really a mental health service program full of very well educated volunteers who can provide hope, information, and comfort to people who need it. you can text with them by sending 'help' to 741741. additionally, not to sound like a bloody middle school guidance counselor, but breathing pattern work can genuinely help. try an app like headspace, which is made for all ~meditation~ and ~mindfulness~ stuff, and just take advantage of breathing things. it helps with focus, anxiety, and calm.

that's about all i have to say on this (and i have to get to online class yikes) but please allow yourself to experience whatever you have to. if you have any other questions, please feel free to dm me. take care of yourself dude

i actually began to feel like 'ah, this is a disease rather than me just being awful and messed up

Me with ADHD.