“I-I know Lucas… b-but I can’t keep letting you hurt yourself… I-I don’t want you to. I really, really don’t.” Melissa whispered weakly, giving up trying to get close to him. She curled up, and pushed away from him. “I- but you need to. You need this… you- you can’t keep doing this.”
Lucas buried his face in his arms, sobbing quietly. "I c-can't… I d… I d-don't wanna go, Mel…" He whispered. "If I go— t-that means— that I've g-given up…"
Melissa was barely holding back her tears, trying to swallow down her emotions. “L-Lu… I- I’m not the one making you…” She whispered, leaning back against an adjacent wall. “The… the doctors- they… they said you had to. It wasn’t an option… my dad tried- but- but he said you had no other option… it’s only going to be three days, though. You… you don’t have to stay after that.”
Lucas hiccuped a few more times, keeping his face hidden as he trembled uncontrollably. "And… a-and what happens after the three days? I-I'm a minor and I don't have a legal guardian, I… what… w-what if they force me to stay longer…?"
“I- I don’t know… my dad didn’t say anything else… then again I haven’t talked to anyone since the other-“ Melissa paused, quickly correcting herself. “Since last night…” She mumbled. He didn’t need to know how long it had been- it would only stress him out more. “I- I can ask.”
"O-Okay…" Lucas whispered weakly, keeping himself pressed up against the wall while he sobbed. He was clearly terrified, and he really didn't want to be trapped in a mental hospital even if he knew that he needed the treatment.
Melissa watched him in silence, feeling completely awful. He was so, so scared. He really didn’t want to go- but there was no other option by this point. “L-Lu…” She called weakly, hearing Cody jump off the cot before coming up next to Lucas. “
Lucas glanced up when he heard Cody and pulled the puppy into his arms, hiccuping a few more times. He buried his face in Cody's fur, still trembling while Cody gently nosed at his cheeks. "I don't wanna go…" He whispered.
“I- I know. I- I really don’t want you to go either… but- think about it this way, you’ll be better when it’s all over.” Melissa offered weakly, knowing it would barely help. “I’ll… I’ll be here when you get back. And- maybe you can actually be happy..?”
Lucas sighed shakily. "B-But the antidepressants weren't working… they're supposed to work, aren't they? W-Was I on the wrong one?" He asked weakly. "The therapist thought that that might happen…"
"I really don't don't know Lucas- I don't know about any of this. I… I haven't had to do any of this before." Melissa whispered, starting to play with her hair. She felt awful for him; she knew he really didn't want to go. And even though it wasn't her fault, she was worried he was going to blame her for all of this. "I'm useless to you, when it comes to this kind of stuff."
"You're not useless, Melissa… I'm the useless one…" Lucas replied in a weak whisper, hiding his face again. "I just… I c-can't think straight… I'm all over the place and I know that it's all my fault and I'm having trouble processing because I'm really unstable right now…"
Melissa went to try and argue what she meant, but knew it was pointless. He was in a daze, and clearly didn't have his head on straight. He had even just said so. "I- you don't need to blame yourself…" She whispered weakly, looking over to him. "This isn't your fault- none of it is, actually."
"It's absolutely my fault… you're not the one who fucking stabbed my arm with a kitchen knife… you're not the one who shredded my arms and legs… you're not the one who gave me the wrong medication… you're not the one who abused me and fucked me up mentally to begin with…"
"I never said it was my fault, Lucas. I just said it wasn't yours." Melissa snapped a little, before correcting her tone. "It all traces back to your dad. Your dad was the one who started this, trying to get you to finish it for him."
Lucas hiccuped a bit and curled in on himself a bit more. "I-I just… I wish I hadn't let it affect me so much… now look where it's landed me? This is exactly what he wanted… to break me. Well, congratulations to you, dad, you got what you fucking wanted. It's not the first time I've tried to kill myself and I'm sure he's just sitting in prison, waiting for me to do it again and not fail…"
"Well he's going to be very disappointed. I'm not going to let yourself do it, Lucas. I'm not going to let you kill yourself." Melissa insisted, seeming quite positive of that fact. "The only way you're going to kill yourself, and go all the way with it, is over my dead body. I can't stop you from trying, and I can't stop you from hurting yourself. But I swear to god, I won't let you die while I'm still alive."
Lucas choked on his sobs, gripping his hair tightly and tugging a bit. He was clearly distressed, but he wasn't quite sure how to handle it at the moment. "I-I've wanted to do it— so many times…" He sobbed weakly. "And you… y-you're the only thing keeping me alive… and Cody now too, I guess… I-I just… it's hard, Mel…"
"I know it's hard. I know everything is screwed up in your head, and I know you can't control it. And I'm not telling you to try any harder, I'm telling you to trust me. I will do anything to get you into a better place. I can't let you keep going like this." Melissa insisted, slowly inching her way closer to him. But she wasn't pushing the action too much, not wanting to scare him. "I love you. So, so much."
Lucas hiccuped weakly, still gripping his hair with his eyes screwed shut. "I-I love you too… and I just… I do trust you, Mel, b-but I can't trust myself, and that's terrifying…" He whispered.
Melissa hesitated before sitting across from him, keeping a foot or two of space in between them. "I honestly can't say I know how that feels. But I can imagine it." She whispered in reply, drawing her knees up to her chest.
Lucas rubbed at his teary eyes with his good hand, still shaking. "W-Why can't I just be normal?" He whispered weakly. "I just want to be happy again, Mel…"
"I really want that for you, too. I want you to be happy, and I want you to be able to live a normal life." Melissa whispered, reaching out to carefully take his other hand. Though she didn't push for it. "I don't want to bring it back to this, but… the hospital will help you, Lu… you'll be happy again…"
Lucas tried to grip Melissa's hand, but he couldn't. His forearm was too damaged at the moment. "I'm scared, Mel, I… the one thing I'm scared of the most is myself, and I'm gonna be stuck all along with my thoughts in that place, Mel…"
Melissa paused, keeping quiet it for a minute. "Won't they help you with that kind of thing? They'll… they'll help you control your thoughts, right?" She asked softly, lacing their fingers together when he didn't seem to flinch. "That's why you would be going."
"I don't know. I haven't been in a mental hospital before, Mel… what if they put me on the wrong meds again? What if I do this again?" He asked weakly.
Melissa sighed softly, knowing she was asking stupid questions. She needed to stop, before something worse happened to him. "I'm sure they'll keep you monitored. They'll check on you a lot more frequently, and ask you what's going on in your head. They won't let it happen again."
Lucas whimpered quietly and hid his face again, still terrified. He really didn't want to get sent to the mental hospital, but he had no choice. "W-What about school? That's potentially months of lessons and work I'm going to miss…"
"I… I don't really know. Summer school, possibly? Or- I um… I can try and take more notes?" Melissa offered weakly, sounding stupid to herself. She knew both weren't great options, but she was trying not to worry him. Though she assumed it wasn't working great.
Lucas sighed weakly. "And I'm gonna get fired because I can't show up… god, I can't do this, Mel…" He tried to tighten his grip on her hand, but physically couldn't.