forum •Fucking With My head• [one/one]

Started March 17, 2020 by Deleted user

tune

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( @the-ghost-witch-izzy thank you !! i had no idea you were stalking this thread lmao, i almost never get any stalkers)
(and @Icefire ahaha,,,let's just say this is about to take a very dark turn for the worst.)

Kohen looked up at Beckham, eyes tired, but still the same threatening glare. He lifted Smoke up from his lap and put him on his jacket that he had taken off. Now Kohen never took off his jacket. Not even in the summer. No one knew why but now it was clear as day light. There were thick deep scars running up his forearm and upper arm. Some were old and pale, a little lighter than his natural skin color, but others were a deep red, some pink, others looked like they had been done yesterday.
He stood up and took a step closer to Beckham. There seemed to be an irritated look on his face now. "Why do you always do that?" He said, his voice firm. He reached his arm out and grabbed Back's chin, jerking it so that he looked at Kohen. "What? Am I that disgraceful to look at?"
Truth be told, Kohen hated that small gesture. Everyone he ever knew gave him that same look- or well, the lack of acknowledgment. His mother when Kohen's father came at Kohen with the fury of a bull. She always looked away. And the kids at school? They always averted their gazes. Sometimes, Kohen felt invisible.
Kohen looked into Beck's eyes, trying to search for something- maybe some answers, but found nothing. He let go of Beck and took the pajamas. "I'll take the floor." He muttered, turning away.

(hoo boy. Alright then)

Beck flinched at that, backing away from Kohen and dropping the pajamas on the floor. "Don't touch me!" he snapped out, tugging his arms close to his body, his eyes finally snapping up to meet Kohen's. "Just– why are you always like this? Every time I help you you lash out at me." he turned away, heading over to his bed, not looking at the other boy. "God, never mind. Don't answer, I don't want to hear it." Smoke meowed quietly, running to the bed and jumping onto it, curling up on the pillows, purring quietly. Beck pulled out some spare pillows and blankets, tossing them in Kohen's direction. He was still wearing long-sleeves, still hiding the marks on his own arms. For a moment, his eyes snagged on Kohen's scars and he wondered what they were from, and then he turned away, sitting on the bed again.

He didn't ask about the scars. Because every time he spoke to Kohen, the other lashed out at him or grabbed at him or called him a fag and he wasn't going to deal with that again.

Kohen's expression turned dark. Why was he like this? He pondered over that question. Who knows. Maybe force was the only way he knew how to get what he wanted. If others feared him then it would much more easier for him. Kohen could slowly feel another crack of rejection split his heart. It ached. He hated it. Tears streamed down his face. He hated himself so much. You're weak! He could hear his father's voice in his head as he tried to stop the tears. He was a male- he couldn't cry. Only females who were weak cried. A small noise escaped him as clutched his chest. He wanted this to stop so bad.

There was only one way for the feeling to stop. He looked at Beck with anger, yet teary eyed. His face was a mess. He would force Beck down. It was the only way. It wouldn't fix the damage already done, but feeling dominance over someone else always gave him a rush of adrenaline. It made him happy. Not that Kohen knew what happiness was. "And why are you always so weak?" He asked as he walked over to where Beckham was, on the other side of the bed.
And before Beck could react Kohen grabbed his wrists and pinned him down on the bed. "What makes you think I need your help?! I can manage perfectly on my own!" He hissed. Kohen wanted to yell so bad at Beck, at anything, hell, at the air! But he knew everyone was asleep by now and making any noise to wake them would be troublesome.

(nice song! Not my style, but it's an interesting one)
(also I uhm…I feel like this is information you should know because otherwise you might not understand some of Beck's reactions…he was sexually abused by his birth father from the time he was about four to when he was taken and placed into the foster system, so…that's why he reacts to things like that the way he does)

Beck's eyes flashed wide as he was pinned, staring at Kohen with wide, frightened eyes. He could see that Kohen was crying and he didn't know what to do, because he was pinned to the bed and…and he'd been here before, he'd been pinned before and it never never ended well.

And then he was squirming, struggling against Kohen's hold. "Get off!" he exclaimed, trying to get his feet up and kicking at Kohen's stomach, pushing at him to try and get him away.

(ah, yes, i kinda figured that might be the case since abused victims tend to shield themselves more from others, but thanks for the info! also, would you like me to keep going (cause I think you know where this is going) or do you want me to just do something else 'cause even im getting a little uncomfy writing this part out)
(oh! also, since you made your boi, i had to make mine as well. here's the thingy: https://picrew.me/image_maker/41329/complete?cd=kf7D5rljUk
and also, i couldn't resist so i went and made this one too, with both of our bois: https://picrew.me/image_maker/165901/complete?cd=UNFOnjwdFF)

(and double also, i really love your boi, he's so adorable ! <3)

(thank you! Kohen is…terrifying lmao but I think I'm gonna love him once we get through this part)

(yes! actually, that's perfectly fine dude, just give me some time- i've been up all night doing this one thing for another rp and my head hurts like hell
also
f u c k i think i just fell harder for beckham- his mood board is such a- well, mood lmaoo)

Kohen's thoughts were muddled at this point, and the only thing that he was able to summon was the never-ending anger that compelled him to do the stupidest of things. "Shut up!" Were the only words he was able to force out of his mouth. And by this point, he wasn't crying anymore. There was only an intense fury reflected in his eyes, ones that threatened murder. Kohen didn't know what he was doing, but it was clear that something had to be done. He desperately needed to get rid of the intense emotions or he was afraid that it would lead to something much worse down the line. His grip on Beck increasingly became tighter as his mind spiraled- it felt like it was going a thousand miles an hour to the point of making him dizzy with adrenaline.

Beck winced as Kohen's grip tightened. "Let go of me!" He said again, squirming and pushing at Kohen to try and get him to let go. "Let go!" He repeated, doing the absolute opposite of shutting up. Smoke watched them quietly for a moment, then lay down on the end of the bed, closing his eyes. Beckham was still fighting, the fear in his eyes all too obvious. That rage in Kohen's eyes couldn't lead to anything good and he knew that.

(lmao dude whenever it comes on, it reminds me of the rp too and also, thanks izzy lol sorry i didn't say it earlier even though i saw it. i just kinda freeze up when i get complimented- i dont know what to do other than attempt to say thank you without writing a whole essay on why i think you're better than me lmfao but thanks, truly, i dont get that too often and i'd be lying if i say that i didn't like it)

There was a side of Kohen that panicked when Beckham kept yelling- and louder to say the least. If this kept going on Beck would wake the others and find him in this position. He couldn't let that happen. Even though Kohen knew what he was doing was wrong- in his mind, he was already in too deep to go back now. Kohen didn't know how to shut Beck up since his hands were already securing him down….but then he had a thought. The only thing he could do before any more noises disrupted the quiet house.
Kohen quickly pressed his lips against Beck's desperate to put an end to his pleas, though, it came on weak, his lips hesitant, and softer than he had expected. After all, if someone wasn't heard, there was no way someone could help them. Kohen knew that more than anyone as his mind slowly drifted back to his father for a second.