Evan was only confident in himself when he was drunk.
He knew that well. He could be confident in his looks all he wanted but when it came to his inner self he could only see wrong.
But somehow he managed to get over that last night with Nico. How he had managed that was a mystery. He liked it though.
And so another fruity drink was opened, this time mixed with a little bit of vodka. He took his time on this drink, sipping at it slowly as he thought.
Nico was warm. His skin felt like rose petals and he smelled so good… the way his voice rose and fall was heavenly, like an angel who had come down just for Evan.
He wanted to hold Nico again. Or at least sit and talk about life and random things.
Evan really did like Nico.
He had a crush on the other since they first moved in together.
Nico didn't really count how long he was laying there. His phone pinged a couple times, a grave reminder he still had to edit the video. Eventually, he just closed his eyes.
Life was crazy, you know?
He'd always thought that the start of a new decade could mean brilliant things for him, but he guessed he was wrong. Everything has been down hill and he desperately missed 2015.
He laid quietly, hoping to stay in this silence forever.
Evan grabbed an unopened bottle, sliding out of bed. The world tilted for a moment, but it stabilized as he leaned against the doorframe. He wasn’t drunk yet. Just tipsy.
He made his way over to Nico’s door and knocked quietly, wiping at the corner of his mouth. He was only going to offer the bottle of alcohol and then he was going back to his room. Alone. Where he had to sit with his own thoughts.
Nico what as the door swing open, disturbing his reflection time. Evan stood in the doorway, the light in the hall mixed with darkness of Nicos room provided him with an ominous looming figure. Holding the bottle up for the shorter boy to see, he spoke,
"Want some alcohol." He asked, a stupid grin lighting up his features. He laughed softly, shaking his head. "Sorry for the intrusion, my friends brought me a few drinks and I assumed you'd like some… you know." He took a sip of his own drink, shivering at the familiar taste and burn of vodka. It was his favorite.
"Oh…" Nico said softly, adverting his eyes,
"I don't drink for… personal reasons."
“Ah…. my bad.” Evan stood awkwardly in the doorway, his face slowly turning a light shade of pink. He turned and bit his lip. “S-Sorry for bothering you. I’m going to just uh… yeah…”
"Evan-wait,"
Nico got up and followed him down the hall a little bit,
"Can we talk? Like, in my room?"
Evan froze, turning to look at Nico. He nodded softly, taking a few steps back towards Nico. He smiled softly at the other, running his fingers through the other’s hair.
“Yeah. That’s fine. Lead the way.”
Nico wasn't quite sure what he wanted to talk about.
Boundaries, maybe?
Why he didn't like alcohol or eating?
He lead the other boy into his room and sat him down on the bed.
They both sat there, unwilling to speak.
Evan was feeling dizzy. Whether that was from the alcohol or the anxiety he felt at the moment could be debated.
He shifted slightly, looking over at Nico expectantly. He wanted to apologize for offering alcohol to Nico but he couldn’t make himself break the silence.
"So.. " he whispered fiddling his thumbs
He wanted to tell Evan everything. He's never told anyone his background willingly. He used to drink, he drank all the time, hoping to drown himself on temporary estasy. He would get pissed with one of his friends then break down completely, telling them everything, which often led to days without contact and an awkward apologetic phone call.
He rubbed his palms on his jeans, thinking carefully about his next move.
"How was your day?"
“Eh, same as always except I’m feeling much better after spending some time with you.” He slurred, laughing softly. “In full honesty, I haven’t felt this good since before we were quarantined.”
Nico chewed his lip.
"Yeah, guess I haven't been so care free since-"
He paused and thought for a minute,
"Since 5th grade I guess."
“Feels nice doesn’t it?” He asked softly, bringing his knees up to his chest and hugging them. “Being so carefree… it’s kinda gotten boring when I go out with my friends.” He admitted, sighing.
"Oh? What do you mean?"
He asked, raising an eyebrow,
"Elaborate."
“I dont know how to describe it. I just, well… I’m tired of going out with my group and getting drunk off our asses. It was fun for a long time. And I mean a really long time. But now I feel a bit awkward. I still drink, but not for fun.” He sighed deeply and leaned back a little bit.
“Might be a bit of an alcoholic now. At least I quit smoking. That I’m proud of.”
Nico smiled softly,
"Yeah, that's definitely a huge accomplishment. There are other highs, though. I filmed a video with some friends the other day i felt so…" he paused, feeling stupid suddenly.
"…Nevermind."
“No, no, go ahead. I won’t judge. And I like listening to you talk about the things you do.” He gently nudged Nico, grinning as he took another drink.
"I felt.. normal, ya know? Like, I was smiling and laughing and having fun for once. I'd just forgot about everything and-"
He swallowed, determined not to let his emotions overcome him,
"It felt like home, ya know?"
“I understand that. It’s a good feeling isn’t it?,” he purred, looking over at Nico and smiling. “If it feels normal, keep doing it. It’ll be good for you.”
Nico nodded,
"I guess, I just miss them. My best friend lives in Canada, so I don't get to see him that often. He calls me each night and we talk and he makes sure I'm eating and-"
He choked out a sob,
"He tells me he wants me to be safe, to not do anything dangerous. I want him to do the same but he always ignores me, I just want him to feel like can take time to help himself instead of just looking after me. He had it so much worse then I did, but he so detached from his trauma its unhealthy…"
He stopped and lighted lightly,
"Sorry, I'm waffling, that probably made no sense anyway."
“I don’t mind at all, go ahead and talk. It feels good to talk. But as for your friend, keep in contact. They might be a little reckless but if they’re your friend then talk to them. It’s good for you.” Evan tipped the bottle back to his lips but paused. He didn’t think it would be a good idea to get any more drunk.
So instead he set the bottle down on the ground by the bed and sighed. “Maybe I should quit drinking too.”
Nico shrugged,
"It's okay to casually drink. I don't mind a sip here and there, but I never get intoxicated. People do stupid things when they're drunk.."
he trailed off, blinking aimlessly,
"I don't wanna be that kind of person."
Evan nodded, sighing deeply. “Drunken people are awful… I’m one of them. I’m an idiot when drunk and quite frankly an ass.” He groaned and flopped onto his back.
“Which is why I want to quit. But I can’t help but drink when nervous.”
"It's a type of self-harm, ya know? People may not have the intention of hurting themselves, but they have the intent to feel something. Often we feel so empty we fill the hole with endorphins and man-made chemicals."
Nico shook his head,
"If you quit smoking then you can quit drinking easy."
“Ah hell. I didn’t know that.” Evan began to laugh softly, covering his face with his hands. “I’m sure I can. You’ve inspired me.” He grinned stupidly. “You should become a motivational speaker. That was by far the most inspiring thing I’ve ever heard.”
Nico smirked a bit, shrugging,
"It's why I do youtube i guess, just wanna help out."
He looked down at his shaking hand, unsure of why he was so anxious.
“Could you be any more perfect?” Evan rumbled happily, flashing a small grin up at the other. “YouTuber, motivational, super cute, fun, attractive… the list goes quite far. I’m impressed.”
Nico opened his mouth, but no words came.
"I-i'm okay, I guess." he managed to squeeze out, clamping his hands together,
"Nothing like my friends, though. Their way better at the whole motivation thing then I'll ever be."
