forum I wanna rp!

Started May 18, 2019 by Deleted user

tune

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"I know, right? Like, how could anybody hate these things." Zach ate his in his chair, watching Felix.

Felix looked him dead in the eyes. ”You like donuts. You are now my soulmate forever.” He cracked a smile. Maybe he should be worried instead, but donuts and Zach always made him in a good mood.

Zach grinned at him. "As if I wasn't already, huh?"

”True. But… can I confess something to you?”

"Of course." Zach finished his donut, looking up at Felix attentively.

”Um… I have never actually had a boyfriend before? If that’s what we are. I’m not entirely sure why I am telling you this, really. And… Until you, I had never kissed a boy either. I hadn’t kissed anyone at all, actually.” Felix felt stupid and childish when he said it.

Zach grinned at him. “Me neither. I mean, I’ve kissed people before, but you’re my first actual boyfriend. And I love you.” He blushed a little as he said it, but looked up at Felix hopefully.

Felix froze. No. He did not just say that. No, I heard it wrong, that’s gotta be it. There’s no way that he would have… Oh, fuck. He actually said it. What am I gonna do omg kkfkforkflfldelelrp I love him too but noooo this is never gonna work out he doesn’t know me he doesn’t know my secret fuck fuck fuck fuck

”I… I’ll be back.” Felix felt like a panic attack was coming. He quickly turned around and ran into the bathroom, locking the door behind him. He even left his donut behind.

(honestly thats a mood)
"You okay?" Zach called, brows creasing with worry.

Felix could barely hear him. He felt like he was about to pass out. He was freezing and shaked uncontrollably. This panic attack was worse than most. Oh God no no this can’t be happening why am I reacting like this I should be happy he loves me oh fuck he loves me I can’t do this

"Hey. Hey, Felix? Are you okay?" Zach stood and walked up to the door. "I want to help you." If Felix kept this up much longer, he feared he might turn unwillingly - it was always worse when it was unwillingly done.

”No, not really,” he wispered in a trembling voice. Thousands of voices were spinning around in his mind, telling him that this would never work out. He was freezing and he couldn’t help it, all he longed for was Zach’s warmth but no, cause the voices were right. He doesn’t really care, no one ever does. Felix hated himself for listening to them. It would never work out. He tried to make himself stop shaking, but he couldn’t even control his own body. Don’t even try to tell yourself that he would be okay with your mindreading. He felt the tears coming and there was nothing he could do about it. The panic attack was overwhelming. He felt like he completely lost control of absolutely everything.

"Hey. Um, okay, first, can you unlock the door? It's just a couple steps, you can do it." Zach eased, not wanting to hurt him in the slightest but also wanting to help him.

”No. Yes. I don’t know, I can’t… yes, just give me a second.” Felix sat down on the floor, tried to calm himself down. The tears fell without him being able to control it and he pressed his fist against his mouth. He pressed his eyelids tightly together. Maybe it would go away if he didn’t see. The voices were still loud, but Zach’s familiar voice made it a bit easier not to listen to them. With a shaking hand he opened the lock from where he sat on the floor, but he didn’t push the door open. It slid open by itself, only a centimeter or two.

Zach opened it the rest of the way, not too slow or too fast as to spook Felix, but calmy. He walked inside and sat next to him in the same manner, carefully and gently wrapping his arms around him. "You're okay. You're okay. Listen to me, alright, you're okay."

”I’m so sorry,” Felix cried. ”I’m so fucking sorry Zach, I hate that I am this way, but…” He was interrupted by himself, couldn’t continue speaking. ”I know I shouldn’t listen to them but it’s so hard and I just- I’m sorry…”

"No, no, you're fine. I don't care about any of that. It doesn't change anything, okay?" Zach kissed his face lightly. "You're doing fine. Don't be sorry. You're fine. I love you and this doesn't change anything, okay?"

”But that’s the thing,” Felix sobbed. ”You love me and I know this will never work cause they said that it wouldn’t and I always ruin everything… This happens every time! I try to get close to someone and I just mess things up…” The panic was slowly fading away, but he still had the shock afterwards to deal with.

"They're wrong. You know that? You're okay. You're not messing anything up. If anything, I'll mess it up. Okay?" He pressed a light kiss to his lips. "I love you and you have to know that. You're not going to mess anything up. I love you."

”Stop saying that,” Felix wispered. ”Cause I love you too, and there is nothing I can do about it.”

Zach grinned and kissed him again, arms still carefully wrapped around him. "Good. You don't have to do anything about it. It's fine just the way it is."