Eden had grown to love the feeling of his hand in her hair, even though it had just been one day (not even one day) since this new development—since Eden had let him touch her and initiate contact. Something she had never let anyone do unless it was during a fight. Something she thought she hated.
With Sterling, she felt anything but hate. She welcomed it. It made her feel peaceful. It was calming.
“And you’re fine with that?” Eden breathed, her eyes burning. She released another shaky breath, feeling her vision spin. She gripped Sterling tightly. “Even if—even if we do nothing. You’re fine with that?”
Why did she have to ask that question? He didn’t even like her like that. It wasn’t possible. He was just being a good friend. He was being a good support for her because of the breakdowns she had. There was nothing more than that. Even if she wanted there to be something more.
Even if she was still deathly terrified of that development.
“Yes. I am. Even if or when I want more, I’m okay with it and will be okay with it as long as I need to be,” Sterling murmured, pressing his mouth to her hair again.
His lips burned to press to hers, but he couldn’t do that to her. She wouldn’t appreciate it. Plus, she was sick. He didn’t really want to catch that. Even though he was willing to sleep with her — innocently.
And what he had just revealed… Maybe she wouldn’t even notice.
Even if or when I want more… What…? I’m okay with it. Did that mean—did he actually—no. No, it wasn’t possible. He couldn’t. She wasn’t worth it. She was used and broken and she was unworthy. Especially for him. He deserved so much more than she could ever offer him. If he learned more about her, he’d be disgusted with her. Who wouldn’t be? Even she herself was appalled. Maybe he just meant it could happen, not that it would. He’d find someone else. Someone better.
Even if she wanted his mouth to be on hers rather than in her hair, even if she wanted him close and never far away, she was okay with it. She wasn’t ready for something more. She was still afraid. Still traumatized. Still hung up over her past. She couldn’t give him all of her.
“Okay,” she murmured, pretending she hadn’t noticed what he had truly said. “The couch… is that too uncomfortable for you?”
Sterling tightened his arms around her, keeping his face buried in her hair. “The couch is fine. Wherever you would be most comfortable is fine with me.”
The couch. It was the same thing as a bed, but it didn’t make her as uncomfortable. Sharing a bed was intimate. It wasn’t anything Eden could handle.
“The couch works for me,” Eden said quietly, liking the way his hold kept increasing. Was it to prevent her from falling, or was it from a different emotion entirely? “We could get a blanket. I feel a little off…”
“I can help you over there, and then you can tell me where to find a blanket,” Sterling murmured, pulling away slightly to look down at her.
Eden had her eyes closed, and when he pulled away from her slightly, she wanted to pull him back. She made no move to do it.
“Okay,” Eden breathed, the desire of having his mouth against hers driving her insane. She forced herself to stop. “That sounds good.”
Sterling moved to her side and set the thermometer down into the counter. He let an arm around her, holding her close. “Okay, so I can either help you over this way, or I could carry you. Which would you prefer?”
Eden was extremely grateful for the fever she had, for her cheeks felt hotter than they had originally felt. She wanted him to carry her, of course. Did he ask that question because he knew which one she would say she preferred, or did he say that just to make sure she was okay with it?
“I’m fine with either,” she responded in a meek tone. “Whichever’s less burdensome for you.”
Sterling hummed, blinking down at her before leaning down and scooping her into his arms. “Carrying you it is, then,” he mused quietly as he started for the living room again.
Eden let a surprised sound when Sterling scooped her into his arms, wrapping her own around his neck tightly. She exhaled shakily, resting her head against his shoulder, thumb grazing the bare skin of his neck.
He was carrying her. He could have chosen to simply help her walk, but he’d chosen to carry her.
She swallowed. “Carrying, huh…”
“Mmhm. Did you not think I would?” Sterling murmured as he set her down on the couch, looking down at her with a soft smile. “Where are the blankets? I’ll grab a couple.”
Eden closed her eyes, a small smile overtaking her lips.
“I thought you would choose the least troublesome option,” she admitted, wanting to reach out for his hand. “You can get a blanket from my room…”
“Carrying you is not troublesome. It was pretty easy, actually,” Sterling chuckled, brushing a lock of her hair behind her ear before taking a step back. “I’ll be right back.”
Eden wiped at her burning, wet eyes, cursing the fever she had inwardly.
“Are you trying to show off?” She questioned in amusement, trying not to let his little action affect her as her heart skipped a beat. He was so gentle with her. Eden just wanted to melt. “All right, Sterling.”
Sterling chuckled and started toward her bedroom. He stepped inside and pulled a couple of blankets off the bed, then walked back to the living room and Eden.
“Here we are,” he hummed as he made his way over to her.
“Here we are,” Eden murmured, watching him make his way over to her. “Come on, then.”
Sterling laid the blankets over Eden before lifting a side and slipping under them. He wrapped an arm around her, holding her close. “Is this okay?” he murmured softly.
Eden buried herself in his side, legs pressed up to her chest, her head on his chest. She breathed him in. “Yes,” she whispered. “It’s more than okay…”
More than okay…
It was more than okay that he was this close. They had decided to be friends, nothing more, and yet they were acting this way. Not that he minded, but he was pretty sure most friends didn’t act this way.
“Good. Now try to sleep if you can,” he whispered back, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead.
(Well, Sterling, you could be best friends… best friendzoned from friendzoned.)
This was wrong. Terribly wrong, Eden knew. They shouldn’t be acting like this. They should be keeping their distance, not be this… close. He shouldn’t be kissing her forehead, holding her close, sleeping with her. She shouldn’t be letting him do this.
Yet she was. She was letting him be this close when a mere touch of another man had left her a traumatized mess. She was letting him kiss her willingly when she would be scrubbing herself clean in the shower if another man so much as made contact with her. This was wrong. And frightening, but Eden liked it. She liked it even though she shouldn’t be liking it.
“You, too,” Eden told him. “I woke you up. You should sleep as well.”
(Sterling: grumbles That is not better…)
Sterling was surprised she was even letting him touch her, much less hold her like this. A few weeks ago, she would barely even look at him, and now they were laying on the couch, snuggling as “friends.”
“I’ll sleep when I know you’re asleep. But I’ll rest until then,” he promised gently.
(Chogiwae: Oh, well. 🤷♀️)
“It’s nearly five,” Eden rubbed circles on his chest unconsciously. “Don’t wait up for me. I most likely won’t fall asleep.”
Sterling closed his eyes, letting out a slow breath. The touch of her hand on his chest was just… It felt really nice. Maybe a little too nice, but he wasn’t going to stop her.
“Okay,” he gave in, rolling onto his side and tucking her against his chest as he wrapped his arms around her. “As long as you promise to at least try to sleep.”
Eden smiled when he rolled to his side and tucked her against him, arms wrapping around her tighter. She breathed him in, eyes closing, head on his chest. But then he mentioned the promise and it strained slightly.
“Okay,” she agreed rather reluctantly. “I’ll try to. Goodnight, Sterling…”
“Goodnight, Eden,” Sterling murmured into her hair, rubbing gentle circles onto her back. “Again.”
Eden sighed in content at his gentle touches. She waited for him to fall asleep, her head on his chest, listening to the steady beating of his heart all the while running circles on his chest.
Eden’s head was pounding. Her eyes were burning, breathing extremely heavy. She felt sweaty and suffocated, and though she’d done nothing but stay in Sterling’s arms throughout the night, she felt exhausted.
She shifted a little in his hold, trying to get comfortable. She didn’t dare move or wake him up, even though nausea gnawed at her gut and needles poked at her head. She felt horrible.
Sterling awoke to the feeling of someone moving in his arms. He cracked an eye open to see his gir— his friend shifting again. Eden was extremely hot, and she looked like she was sweating.
“E? You seem worse…” he said groggily, lifting a hand to feel her forehead. “You’re burning up.”
Eden breathed heavily, leaning into his touch almost instinctively, her eyes closed.
“Huh? Yeah,” she mumbled. “I feel terrible. I feel awful. What time is it?”
