"On the realz, though. Buy foreign money."
"Oh no. I look like a weeaboo disappointment."
"Yeah man I like juice."
"Wait, why don't you like juice? That shit tasty."
"Nah, nah, man, I said I LIKE juice."
"Oh. What's your favorite kind?"
"Cranberry, man."
"Oh hell nah, that shit dries out my mouth. I like apple."
"Solid, man."
"Maybe if I eat enough Oreos the crumbs in my mouth can represent the crumbling of my soul."
"Do you think the songs from Jesus Christ Superstar count as hymns?"
"Not today, Jesus."
"Um, that's not the phrase"
"Yeah but Satan is daddy."
"Elmo is ABSOLUTELY a communist."
"Hey. Hey kid. You wanna buy some dank memes?"
"All I'm saying is that Larry the cucumber from Veggietales can and will defeat Thanos."
History teacher upon talking about prime time russian communism: ..And to identify communist russia from the russian losers, the commies wore red. So therefore all of you wearing red right now need to get out of my class because this is not communist russia in case you can't tell
Kid from the back of the class: Wait but the US flag has red in it
History teacher: Shut up Gerald.
"KENNEDY!!"
"I don't want another nephew!"
"Oh my god! They killed the Fortnite grass!"
Me- "WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY SOME SNORTIN' POWDER?" In a southern accent
Freindo- How much?
Me- 26 moinies
Heard this sweet thing in the hallway:
“That’s why you fucked a six year old you sick fuck!”
“Oh you know it, I love making sure they get chained up to a wall and molest their slender body.”
both laughing “You sick little shit, I knew it all along!”
the first guy to talk starts dying of laughter when other guy responds “That’s not what you said when you fucked me last night though!”
enter random girl to the conversation “You two are so gay.”
“No, I’m American.”
im literally about to die, I started sprinting.
Random Girl in girls bathroom: (Gases intently into mirror ) "My skin ain't thriving these days which doesn't make sense" (Gases even more intently before backing away from the mirror and doing a hair flip) "Who am I kidding I am gorgeous."
Random Girl in girls bathroom: (Gases intently into mirror ) "My skin ain't thriving these days which doesn't make sense" (Gases even more intently before backing away from the mirror and doing a hair flip) "Who am I kidding I am gorgeous."
Sounds like something I would do
My little sister just told me that her birthday is a tiny broken pencil. I’m trying to figure out the deep meaning behind this and I am CONFUSETH
My little sister just told me that her birthday is a tiny broken pencil. I’m trying to figure out the deep meaning behind this and I am CONFUSETH
Well I read that as she sees her birthday as a small event that once had much potential but had been crushed with disappointment……..or maybe I've been eating to many mushrooms
My little sister just told me that her birthday is a tiny broken pencil. I’m trying to figure out the deep meaning behind this and I am CONFUSETH
wow
a guy in my science class decided to find the density of his hand
its 1.3 grams per milliliter if you were wondering
Teacher was explaining how things lead to another and this girl raised her hand to give an example. "You go to a bar and you get a shot and then you get another shot and another shot and then you get drunk and hook up with Captain America."
Girl asks teacher: "Why do you always talk about your past girlfriends? Like I'm so special I've had tons of girlfriends! What does your wife think of this?"
Other kid: "Why are you asking him that? Are you jealous?"
Whole class: Ooooh snap
kid tries to take desk and chair out of classroom "I don't want to be here!"
Teacher was explaining how things lead to another and this girl raised her hand to give an example. "You go to a bar and you get a shot and then you get another shot and another shot and then you get drunk and hook up with Captain America."
Girl asks teacher: "Why do you always talk about your past girlfriends? Like I'm so special I've had tons of girlfriends! What does your wife think of this?"
Other kid: "Why are you asking him that? Are you jealous?"
Whole class: Ooooh snap
kid tries to take desk and chair out of classroom "I don't want to be here!"
kid tries to take desk and chair out of classroom
ME
"MCR better get back together this year or I will shove a cactus up my ass"
"MCR better get back together this year or I will shove a cactus up my ass"
someone understands me
My friend Libby said that today
My little sister just told me that her birthday is a tiny broken pencil. I’m trying to figure out the deep meaning behind this and I am CONFUSETH
Well I read that as she sees her birthday as a small event that once had much potential but had been crushed with disappointment……..or maybe I've been eating to many mushrooms
…A MUSHROOM https://ibb.co/tmdr4qK
me: u stole my lime!
fren: SHE'S THE PEAR IN MY CART
IM A LIME
SHES THE PEAR IN MY CART
IM A TIRE
(we both like TOP)
“18 out 16 people in this class think you’re an idiot”
Me: "What's the magic word?"
3-year-old: "Uh… Quesadilla?"
I may have posted this before, but I don't think I have with context, so here goes:
In history, we were learning about the Aztec king that was taken hostage by the Spaniards; the Spaniards demanded a roomful of gold (I forgot the dimensions, but it was pretty big) as ransom. The Aztec people, seeing their king as their sun god (the article mentioned this multiple times), complied (the Spaniards killed their sun god anyway- but that's not important). My friends and I, with the unstoppable motivators of boredom, curiosity, and extra time, figured out how much the roomful of gold would be worth today, assuming that only about half the room would have gold in it (there would be a lot of empty space, even if the room is seemingly full). We then calculated how many sun gods America would need to kidnap in order to pay off the national debt. The answer is 668.
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