forum I'm Bored, On Tumblr, And Giving Out Prompts. (You're Welcome To Use These For Anything)

Started August 28, 2019 by Deleted user

tune

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“You’re all I have left,” xe says “Unfortunately.”

“Yes, we all know how you feel about me, sibling.” ze rolls zir eyes “The lost child.”

“You abandoned your family.”

“I found my family,” ze snarls “And they are not you.”

“I was trying so hard to be nonthreatening but I just couldn’t resist the urge.”

Person A: “I will feed you your own fucking spleen.”

Person B: “That means thank you!”

You’ve been meaning to try to summon a demon for ages now, but your best friend always stops you. You don’t really understand why, they’re as reckless and irresponsible as it comes but, for some reason, they refuse to try out this one thing.

One day, while your friend is busy making lunch, you decide to try to summon a demon without their knowledge… And it works. Your friend walks into the room with lunch on a plate and exchanges glaces with the demon.

What happened next explains why your friend was so reluctant to summon a demon…

“Uh… I would like to address the fact that your sister just pulled a fucking sword out of thin air.”

“Yeah,” said the mercenary. “She does that sometimes.”

“You’re dead to me.”

“I’m dead to everyone. That’s how ghosts work.”

“I will smite you.”

“You couldn’t smite a paper towel if it lit itself on fire. Get some damn sleep.”

“Look, my first choice would have been to kill you, but since that’s off the table, I’m going to make you be a better person whether you like it or not.”

“Okay, hang on, how do you do magic if you never went to the Magical Academy?”

“Well, when you have nameless gods whispering dark secrets into your dreaming mind for years on end, magic isn’t that complicated to reverse-engineer.”

“God is dead and I have killed him.”

“Bold of you to assume there was a God in the first place.”

“I’ve had a thousand years in prison to dream about what I’d do the moment I got out: I want three days of feasting and celebration, and then I’m going to rain havoc upon everyone who put me there.”

“It’s really hard to evict a god.“

“X, call for backup.”

“Little Bitch protocol activated.”

“Hey -”

"Hello new neighbor, I know you just moved in but you seem really nice and there's a really big spider in my kitchen can you kill it, please? I'll award you with food."

“X, you’re my idol! I’ve always wanted to ask - How did you get so powerful?”

“My beautiful partner told me I couldn’t propose unless and until I could defeat the entire government in single combat, so I just trained very hard and kissed my stunning lover every day and it was very motivating. We’re married now! It was all very worth it.”

“You were supposed to lightly sample the capitalism, not deepthroat it. Look at your economy, it’s got depression.”

The silence dragged on as your assailant stared at you, body seemingly frozen in place as they tried to wrap their head around what they were seeing.

Poking gingerly at the knife buried in your chest, you silently marvelled at just how strong your attacker was. It took a lot of force to shove a knife through bone, and they had definitely done that, seemingly with ease too. It was going to be a bitch to pull back out.

Looking back up at them, you saw them standing there still unresponsive, most likely staring at the growing pool of blood and the knife buried in your heart with a mix between shock and horror. It was quite painful, but you had gotten use to pain by this point honestly. It was more an annoyance than anything else.

Letting out a soft embarrassed laugh, you finally spoke up, picking at your rapidly soaking shirt.

“Well this is awkward.”

The villain’s eyes flashed with surprise and horror as they pulled the mask off of their unconscious foe. Before them lay little more than a child, sporting bruises from the fight, as well as scars they couldn’t remember inflicting. For once they were relieved an enemy had survived their onslaught.

A cold smolder crept into their stomach as the full gravity of the situation weighed in. Picking up the child, who was by then reaching for consciousness and groaning in pain, they decided to find whoever was responsible for sending a baby to die at their hands and write them a sternly worded letter.

And also kill them.

“Your beauty shames the sun.”

“Is that why I can’t go out in the daylight?” the vampire wondered.

Person A: “Is that an axe? Why the fuck did you bring an axe to work?”

Person B: “They had a special on office supplies.”

Person A: “….What?”

“Awwww,” X cooed. “Look at the cute little baby.”

The hellhound snarled menacingly.

“Cute little baby puppy.”