forum (pls,,, this is closed,,,) who has a super super super super fleshed out character i can read
Started by @icecubes
tune

people_alt 51 followers

@icecubes

got a really developed character? want to show someone? potentially be critiqued if I find something? you've come to the right place link em down below thanks

@icecubes

very nice! ima be very nitpicky tho sorry in advance
Looks:
It would be nice if you were more specific on hair style, like what length is it? Is it layered? Wavy or straight? The race could also be explained a bit further. Also, under body type, how thin exactly? Body type is more than just size though, it's also shape!

Nature:
Does she have any nervous habits or quirks (fidgeting, gesticulating, something like that)? I think mannerisms is pretty good, but if there are any small details you can think of, definitely put them down. As for motivations, although it may have been stated under history, it would be nice to include why she helps and loves Zatoi so much. Are there any other smaller motivations, or is she hell-bent on fixing herself? Maybe put how far she'd go to repair her mind. What other flaws are there? Her power could be a flaw in and of itself, like, she is too determined to master her power despite the horrific aftermath. There could definitely be more. Okay, I know a lot of this information is already in history, but I swear it'll be helpful to put exactly why Carissa is against Shinzen. Talents is already good, although I think it'll be cool if one of her talents was like, treating wounds considering her power. I noticed you didn't fill out 'personality type,' I think having some sentences about how she is as a person, how she reacts to things and her positive points would help develop her more.

Social:
Everything here is great! If I absolutely had to find something to critique, it would just be the 'why's' of all the favorites, just for detail.

History:
Damn, you got a really cool story here, I'm intrigued! I think it's pretty flowing and I don't think there's any plot holes from as far as I can tell. I'm a bit confused about the revival of Zatoi. Did it cost her her soul or something? What exactly 'cracked?'

All in all, I think you got yourself a nice character! I can't wait to see where you go with her story. Hopefully this helped a little :)

Deleted user

Could I? I have a neato guyo you might like. I would like to take a look at him before you critique, tho

Deleted user

Thank you!! I love writing and RPing him.

Speaking of, do you roleplay at all?

@Kaloobia

Hi! Can I show you my character Leo? Only if you're still interested: Leo Mun (You're welcome to critique him, I'd like to flesh him out a bit more if possible)

@icecubes

im sorry this might take a little bit of time because I literally just accidentally deleted a whole critique and im about to cry

@icecubes

Hi! Can I show you my character Leo? Only if you're still interested: Leo Mun (You're welcome to critique him, I'd like to flesh him out a bit more if possible)

ooooooooookaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy time to rewrite all of this.
Leo
Looks: I think I said this category was already perfect
Nature: Things are pretty descriptive here! Under motivations, I think it would be nice to delve a little deeper into exactly what he wants to make worth it. 'Everything' is a lot of things, my dude. Also, are there any specific motivations regarding his music? Also, for talents, what specific instruments? That's like being super nit-picky, but could be important. For both talents and hobbies, is there anything else he can do/likes to do besides music related things? As for personality type, not entirely sure I understand what you mean by 'snark attack' haha, and I feel like the second part fits more under mannerisms. What else is Leo like? Is he caring or cold? Fun and carefree or strict and focused? I like what you got going here, there's not many musical characters!
Social: If he is a feminist, is he also a liberal? That would be important to put there. I also noticed you have not filled out everything, and I suggest you do that because it just helps with the smaller details of who Leo is.
I think that was all, overall Leo is a cool character and I didn't find anything that contradicts something else, which is good. Cool character my dude!

@Kaloobia

Hey dude thanks a lot!! Sorry you had so much trouble with it ;-; I really appreciate the critique, definitely got some stuff to work on. Thanks again!