"I know. I want to. I choose to." Aniña was a good person. She was caring and kind and she'd saved Sequoia in the woods and she was willing to help her now. It would only be right to repay the favor. Besides, Aniña was her wife. How could Sequoia live with herself if she didn't take care of her wife the same way her wife would take care of her?
“Why, Sequoia? I-I’m a killer, it’s all I’ve ever done and probably ever will do. You should have just let me die…” Aniña’s voice became quieter as she spoke her words heavy between them.
Sequoia's neutral grin dropped into a frown. It was clear Aniña had a troubled past, even clearer that she had a pretty skewed self-image. Not something Sequoia could fix in a day, but something she could work on. That was thinking for later, though. For now, she had to comfort Aniña as best she could. "Hey, Aniña, if I were in trouble, would you help me?"
“What has that got to do with anything? But… yes, I would help you.” Aniña took a deep breath and released it slowly, running a hand through her hair slowly. It was true, she would help Sequoia but that didn’t change the fact that she had killed many people.
"And if you saw a small child on the ground crying, would you comfort them?" Sequoia was doing something she'd read about. If you proved to someone that they had a moral code, that they treated people well in most circumstances, then you could get them to think more highly of themselves. Or, at the very least, convince them that they weren't irredeemable.
Aniña thought for a moment, “I mean… I don’t know…” She didn’t want to admit to Sequoia that she wouldn’t help a child, she would, might help them but it would have to depend on other factors.
"Okay. I probably wouldn't comfort a crying kid either. I have no clue why, but children freak me out. I always feel like they're going to tattle on me." The servant children had made a game out of spying on her and reporting whatever things she did to her parents. It earned them coins and candy and Sequoia a switch across the back of her legs or an hour-long scolding. "If an old guy asked to help him do something, would you?"
“Sequoia, why are you asking me these things?” Aniña asked, looking over st her with a slight frown. They were useless questions, well to Aniña they were. She didn’t understand why Sequoia was asking her these things.
"I just wanna know. Play along for a few seconds. Would it help if I told you it would make me happy?" It really would make Sequoia happy. Making sure Aniña was happy and knew that she was deserving of things was important. If Aniña was shitty, Sequoia was probably going to feel shitty to by proxy. Seeing her friends sad make Sequoia sad.
“If it made you happy then… yes, I guess I would.” Aniña muttered, running a hand through her hair. A faint blush rose to her cheek as she spoke.
Sequoia grinned and grabbed and grabbed Aniña's hand. She gave a comforting squeeze and resumed asking questions. Sussing out a moral code was important. Proving to Aniña that she had a moral code was important. "And would you ever intentionally hurt a child?"
Aniña quickly shook her head, “Never. Not ever.” It was one of the rules she had set with her father. She’d hurt whoever she had to for him as long as it wasn’t a child.
"Then why do you think you're bad? You obviously have a strict moral code. You wouldn't hurt me. You wouldn't hurt a child. You'd help someone who needed it." Sequoia listed the examples on her fingers, keeping her hand in Aniña's.
Aniña sighed a little, “So? I’ve still killed so many people, tortured them and left them for dead… I’m not a good person, Sequoia…” She truely believed she was a bad person. After everything she’d done she just couldn’t see it.
"We've all made mistakes, Aniña. Habibi. Did you want to kill those people? Did you enjoy it?" Sequoia's voice was dripping with honey, warm and rich and almost unbearably sweet. It was the voice she used to comfort people. The voice she used when she wanted to help.
“I’m not going to answer that.” Aniña said firmly, making a move to climb off the bed. This was not a conversation she felt comfortable having right now.
Oh shit. That could definitely get taken in a bad direction. "Sorry! That came out wrong. What I'm saying is, you're good. And I really like you. And I know you wouldn't hurt me. So why can't I love you? Why can't I chose to want you?"
“Because I’m a monster Sequoia! A killer and a monster! Why would you want to love someone like that?” Aniña asked, standing from the bed as she looked at Sequoia, shaking her head a little, “I don’t deserve you. Someone who is good and kind. And you deserve someone who is the same. Not a murderer.”
"Because you're so obviously not! You have morals Aniña! You're a human being with human thoughts just like everyone else!" Sequoia jumped to her feet as well, reaching desperately for one of Aniña's hands. If she stormed out now, while they were having an argument, Sequoia knew she wouldn't be able to sleep. But she wouldn't be able to call in Aniña and she'd just be miserable and awake and alone all night.
"Sequoia morals don't mean anything where I'm from. You haven't seen the side of me that has killed and killed and killed without a second thought. Tortured people either because I was angry or I was forced to," Aniña took a shaky breath, "You don't see me as a killer because I haven't shown you that side of me and don't want to show you… trust me Sequoia, it would be better if you left me…"
"I swear to all the gods and saints Aniña Kuthium, I will love you as long as I want and you can't change my mind! I'm the only person who decides what's good for me, and if I decide that it's you, you're going to have to deal with my clingy ass! It's my choice to make, and I chose you! You!" Sequoia didn't give two shits about what Aniña though, she damn well knew that her wife deserved love.
Aniña couldn’t hold back anymore, she burst into tears and hugged Sequoia with everything she had and buried her face in the crook of her wife’s neck, “What did I do to deserve you?”
"You were good to me. You are good to me." Sequoia stoked a hand down Aniña's head, whispering comforting phrases and shushing her. Why was Aniña crying? Did Sequoia mess up? Was she just emotional? It was probably just emotions running high, but Sequoia got the surge of panic she felt after she spoke too sharply and made somebody cry.
Aniña pulled back and rested her forehead against Sequoia’s, “That’s good to know.” She said quietly. She smiled softly at her before pressing her lips against her wife’s, not being able to stop herself anymore. It felt nice to know someone cared for her, loved her.
Sequoia draped her arms over Aniña's shoulders, leaning into the kiss. This was unexpected but nice. More than nice, actually. Aniña was very pretty. And strong. It did things to Sequoia's emotions. "Yeah. It may be a little early, but I really like you. Like, a lot."
“Last thing I remember was you you hating me… it really must have been a hell of a few days if you now love me…” Aniña muttered onto her lips, letting her hands rest lazily at her wife’s waist. Not that she minded how Sequoia felt about her, she felt the same but wasn’t ready to admit it yet.
"Well… I think love is a little strong- not that you aren't amazing!- but I'm definitely very attracted to you. I can see us falling in love in the future." Sequoia tilted he head, pressing a kiss onto Aniña's jaw before pulling away just enough that their faces weren't touching. It had been a pretty wild ride these past few days.
“Can you now? And you’re sure about that?” Aniña cocked her head to the side and smiled at Sequoia, a mischievous glint in her eye as she spoke. Maybe she shouldn’t get her memories back and start back from here. She’d think about that later.
"If you think I'm anything except sure, we need to relive our previous conversation," Sequoia replied. The playful look in Aniña's eye made her think that the questions weren't all that serious, so she kept her tone light and playful.
“Oh no, let’s not have that conversation again.” Aniña half joked, grinning at Sequoia before jumping onto the bed with a playful giggle.