"Okay, yeah. If I wasn't cold and wet, I'd probably be using my better judgement at the moment. But if we're lucky it's just some hunting cabin whose residents have a weird way of taking care of their kills," Connor said with a small shrug
“Fine, but if we get murdered or something, that’s on you,” Clare pointed out with a slight bit of laughter. She walked up onto the porch, squinting into a window. “It looks completely empty.”
"Break-and-enter time," Connor said before walking around a bit. They squinted at the door before glancing around at the windows. "Shouldn't be too difficult," they said as they went to grab a sizeable branch nearby
“Jesus fuck, hold on! Did you even try the door?” Clare asked, walking over to the door. She turned the knob and tried to open it. It barely budged, so she thought it must have been jammed. “It’s not locked, just stuck. Put that stick down and come help me with this.”
"Aw, but I wanted to break the window," Connor complained with a fake pout. They walked over to the door, turning the knob a few times. When it didn't budge they simply turned the knob with one hand before ramming it with their shoulder. It opened with a creak of protest, and Connor grinned. "Well, would you look at that."
“Thanks, giant,” Clare hummed, stepping inside and squinting around. “I can barely see shit, let me get one of those flashlights,” she said, not even waiting for Conner to get the chance to. She was already turning tthem around and digging through their bag.
"Boy, you are lucky this giant don't eat you," Connor said in a fake "sassy black woman" voice, grinning as they did so. They turned around a bit, craning their neck as they tried to look inside the cabin. "Ooh, this bitch dark."
Clare found a flashlight and let go of Conner, flicking it on and pointing it around. It was a small room, with a furnace and one or two chairs, but not much other furniture, and a set of stairs. “How about you go see if the furnace is working, and I’ll go check upstairs, yeah?”
(lmao my sisters tried to watch The Ritual and my mom stopped them five minutes in)
"Bitch, we are not splitting up. We are not gonna white people this," Connor hissed quietly before looking around the room. It was relatively dark, and something seemed…off about it. "This is how they kill people in horror movies, and doesn't this look like a setup to you?"
(Ahahaha that’s why I watched it when my parents weren’t around)
“No, you’re going to white person it. I am going to think like a badass Hispanic, but if you really want to come, then come on,” Clare laughed before walking up the stairs.
(yeah I'm gonna watch it on my laptop later lmao)
"You're white person-ing it if you go alone! And the badass Hispanics always end up dying for no good reason while the dumb blonde gets out alive. I might be dumb, but I'm not blonde. Which means I am totally going to die if you leave me here," Connor said as they followed after Clare frantically
Clare flipped Conner off, walking to one of the doorways on the right. She opened it and shined the flashlight inside, but there was nothing there. She went to the other door, nudging it open with her shoe, and there was nothing but an old bed frame. “See? There is nothing here. Just a creepy ass cabin,” she said, walking to the last door at the very end of the hall. She opened that, not seeing anything at first until she raised her flashlight and saw what looked like a statue made of twigs, used candles around it. “The fuck is that?!” She exclaimed, laughing a bit.
"That's our signal to nope the fuck on outta here," Connor said before turning on their heel almost comically and beginning to walk towards the stairs. "Nope, nope, not gonna die, I would rather catch pneumonia than be sacrificed to satan's asshole."
Clare walked closer to it to get a better look. “This thing is insane! It’s like some satanic ritual statue or something,” she said, more to herself because Conner was walking away. “Don’t know what it’s supposed to be of, though.”
(I started The Ritual and someone dies in the first five minutes???????)
"Bitch, that shit ain't made to be admired. It's made to summon satan! We're not admiring the satan statue, we're running away from the satan statue!" Connor said, now standing at the top of the stairs as they gestured wildly
(Yeah they do)
“I’m not admiring it, you idiot, I’m just looking at it!” Clare called back. “How about we just use this to get a a fire going in the furnace. I bet I could break one of these arm lookin things off.”
(the cinematography is good tho)
"Don't fucking deface the satan statue!" Connor shouted, their arms flailing wildly. "We're going to fucking die because you want to fondle the satan statue!"
(Yeeet)
“Yes, because I totally get off on that. We need to stay warm, I’m not getting sick because you are scared of a stupid cabin and a stupid thing made out of sticks,” Clare said. She grabbed onto the ‘arm’ of it, pulling until she heard the snapping of twigs.
(lmao I got to the deer part)
"That's it, you've pissed off whatever made that and whatever it was made for. We're dead now," Connor said, folding their arms across their chest with a scowl
(Oof)
“Whatever made it is long gone, by the looks of this place, and its probably just a statue of some weird ass god that doesn’t exist. As a Catholic, I think that all this is a bunch of bullshit,” Clare hummed with a chuckle and a shrug. She walked down the hall, carrying the large bundle of sticks and twigs. She jabbed Connor in the stomach with it, laughing, before walking down the stairs.
Connor jumped a bit as Clare jabbed them with the branches. "Ew, you touched me with the satan stick. That's gotta be bad mojo," they said with a noise of disgust
Clare laughed, walking over to the furnace and dropping the bundle next to it. She opened up the furnace, cramming the branches inside. “Do we have a lighter or matches with us?”
"The pyro has your back," Connor said before fishing a lighter out of their pocket and walking over to the furnace. They flicked the lighter on before lighting the bundle of twigs
“The what?” Clare asked with a confused look. Once the fire was lit, she shut the furnace and flicked off the flashlight. The burning fire would provide enough light in the small room for now.
"I may or may not have a habit of lighting things on fire. Though in my defense, you really shouldn't give a pyro a welding torch," Connor said with a small laugh
“That’s not a pyro, that is an arsonist. You, my friend, are an arsonist,” Clare pointed out with a bit of laughter. She uprighted a wooden chair, taking a seat on it.
"Hey, I'm not that bad. I'm actually really good at not setting things on fire when I want to," Connor said with a laugh before plopping cross-legged on the floor
“Mhm, sureee, that’s what a crazy person would say,” Clare laughed, as she grinned wildly. She leaned back in the chair, stretching her legs out lazily in a way that her mom would scold her for sitting “unladylike”.
"All the best people are crazy," Connor chuckled before flopping backwards onto their back. They looked up at the ceiling, the sound of rain against the roof sounding nice
“Wonder when the rain will pass,” Clare hummed after a moment of silence, hands patting on her knees out of boredom and restlessness.