@Bremston
Thank you! I'm doing my best! I'm hoping to achieve a more snippet-like structure, with the story told through moments and conversations as short chapters with an overarching story rather than a traditional novel. Let's see how it goes!
@mellowlynea Good luck!
Hi! Could you look over this OC for me?
@blu I think your character is on private (just letting you know.I don't want you to do the same mistake as me).
Hm, that's weird, I thought I set it to Public earlier… Oh well, it's fixed now.
@blu Glad I helped.
@That_One_Purple_Owl_that's_into_Sci-Fi Hello I am back with another critique! Leanara:
Nature
This character has many of the same (minor) problems as your other characters. For example, her mannerisms are very good and unique to her, but you could add a few more. What does she do when she laughs? Cries? Gets heated? Does her face do anything? How about her hands? Etc. Why doesn't she have a motivation? A character is nothing without something they want. Think about it! Even side characters need to have some sort of motivation. Even if her motivation is something stupid/pointless, it still needs to be unique to her and personal. Her flaws are very well done! As are her talents and hobbies. Her personality type is just a laundry list of traits + a Myers-Briggs type. For a side character, I don't think that's the worst thing in the world, but you may want to flesh her out more.
Social
Politics and religion are vital aspects of a character's worldview/mindset. I get that these characters probably aren't 100% completed, so I won't harp on that. Moving on, I'm kinda sad that she doesn't have a favorite possession. Even if it's something abstract, like her mind or her friends or something, I think that a favorite possession adds a lot of insight to a character. I'm also wondering why her favorite weapon is her favorite. Is it easy to use for her, or does she just like it? Any emotional ties to that particular weapon?
History
Her background is very brief and to the point, which isn't necessarily bad. However, I am curious: how does she feel about segregation? How does she feel about her home in general? What was her childhood like? What happened to her parents? How close was she with her aunt? Is her aunt still around? How does this tie into the plot?
Overall, she seems like a solid side character. Not too many complaints here. Good luck!
(Thanks!)
@BlackMagic Hi! I'm back with another critique for you. Actually, two in one, since I'm going to do Jack and Timmy at the same time.
Jack:
Nature
Starting at mannerisms, you say he gesticulates a lot. What type of gestures? Does he wave his arms a lot? Or just his hands? Big arm movements, or subtle ones? Does his body language make up for his lack of expression? I really like his motivation. It seems like some solid character development happens in there, and that's important. Why does he want to help Timmy? I'm guessing it's explained in the story, but consider writing it down somewhere. His flaws are kinda bare. Expound a little. He's negative. So is he mean, dismissive, ungrateful, impatient? Does he lack empathy, or at least pretend to? Is he straightforward? Arrogant? Moving on, a prejudice against life itself? I like the pessimism. Everything else in this section is well done! Good job.
Social
Ooh, the religion section is so well thought-out! I am curious as to why he became an atheist. Was it because of the bad things happening in his life? What do you mean, "none" for politics? Even if there are no politics in the afterlife or wherever your story is placed, what about during his life? Did he care about current events at all? Did he like the government? I'm inclined to believe he didn't, since he struggled so much financially. I'd recommend filling out the politics, favorite weapon, favorite possession, and favorite animal section. They're more helpful than you'd think.
History
His backstory is so good! It's very sad but believably so. Well done! I feel so bad for him, especially since he ends up taking his own life. The backstory really adds much needed context to his personality, which is the mark of a good backstory.
Ohh, you explain why he is attached to Timmy in his notes! Okay, that's a good reason. I like that he's a father figure to Timmy, even though his own father passed away at an early age. Good job on that.
Timmy
Looks
What's his hairstyle like? All of his looks are a bit vague. Describe him more!
Nature
I like his mannerisms, although you could stand to add a few more. What does he do when he's laughing? Angry? Sad? His motivations are good. However, his flaws are extremely underdeveloped. Just because he's the protagonist, doesn't mean he has to be a flawless angel. Subconsciously offending people is not a flaw. Give him some genuinely negative traits. Does he get angry easily? Does he get anxious? Is he moody, overly emotional? Does he talk too much? Does he not talk enough? Flaws are the biggest key to humanizing your character and making him relatable. Everything else in this section seems good enough, although his personality type could stand to be developed a bit more by incorporating more realistic flaws.
Social
Quite a lot of "none"s in this section. No religion, no politics, no favorite possession? C'mon! These are universal things. Add more.
History
I hope you have a genuine, believable reason as to why Timmy is the only one who can have free will. Is he actually defective? Did someone tamper with him? How is he different from everyone else? Beyond that detail, the backstory is good!
Overall, I like these two characters! I especially love the father-son dynamic. Both of them could use some fleshing out, but they've definitely got solid potential. Good job and good luck.
@writelikeyourerunningoutoftime Thanks a lot for the critique again!I must admit,I didn't thought too much about those characters.I think that's why I didn't wrote a lot more about them.Plus,I made them like,two months ago or so,so they're kinda new.But anyway.
About Jack and the religion part,you're right!If someone have a messed up life for a long period of time,they will mostly stop believing that there's a God who will have mercy on them.I don't really know how to explain it but you got it right.
Oh,yeah.I have to fill that in (this happened with the skin color too.I wrote only black,the color of his skin now,but forgot to write the color of his skin when he was alive).
About Timmy,I think I can add "messy" or something like that at the hair style.He is more of a furry creature and I haven't describe this kind of creature until now.I'll see what I can add there!
The reason why he have free will is because of a "defection" when he was made.Timmy's specie can't multiply.They are all crated by Mask.He has a little knowledge in creating other living creatures but his poor equipment can mess up his plans sometimes.
As I said,they are still in development and early characters.I didn't thought a lot about them.Thanks again for the help!
@Kohaku Hi! Finally getting around to at least one of your characters. Starting with Narion. I love the art! So cute. Anyway, on to the critique.
Looks
Aww, her character design is adorable! I hate to be the one to say this…but…do the fox ears serve any other purpose besides being aesthetically pleasing? I get that fox ears on otherwise humanoid characters are "cute", but if they're only there because they're pretty… Well, it seems rather pointless. Either give her more animalistic tendencies that aren't necessarily cute but functional, or get rid of the animalistic features entirely. Otherwise, her character design is fantastic.
Nature
As much as I love her mannerisms, you could add a few more! Most of what you listed in the mannerisms section are just personality traits, excluding clutching at the shirt thing. Does she bite her nails? Does she smile crookedly? What does she do when she's afraid? What does her body do when she's angry? What does her face do when she laughs? Her motivation looks okay, but after perusing the other sections, you haven't really given a strong reason why she wants to help her sibling/ what she wants to help her sibling with. Is she overprotective of her sibling? Is there a reason why she feels strongly motivated to help him? Does this motivation move the plot forward? Her flaws could use a bit more as well. Add in a few more! Is she naturally skittish? Does she have trouble talking to others? Is she self-conscious about her blindness/smallness? Her prejudice is quite strong, and definitely negative, so good job on that. A few more hobbies might add depth to her character, but that's not a necessity. Her personality type is well done.
Social
For religion, you could put "monotheistic." It means a religion with only one god. Is there any particular reason why she's not interested in politics? Is she satisfied with the current government? Otherwise, the social section is really good! I'm in love with the favorite possession being something her parents left her. It's a trope, but a good trope.
History
I love her backstory! However, you never mention her brother. Was he found with her? What is there relationship like? It seems like you randomly mention a brother in every other section except the background.
Overall, Narion is definitely a strong character with a lot of potential. Good luck.
@Bremston your character is on private! Switch to public and I'll critique.
@mellowlynea Wow. I read over your characters extensively, looking for something to critique, but I didn't really find anything that caught my eye. My only critique is actually a possible lack of chemistry between the two characters. It's hard to judge without seeing them interact, but going by their personalities, it seems like they wouldn't be compatible. The fact that One is emulating Tobias. The fact that One is only motivated by "purpose". Could there be genuine love between the two, or would it just be "learned behavior" and One is just doing what they think would make Tobias happy. I'm not saying it's impossible for the two of them to be together and have literary chemistry, it's just the only thing I thought of while reading over their character profiles. Other than the issue of compatibility, the two characters are phenomenal. They seem very real and detailed. Good job!
@writelikeyourerunningoutoftime, I don't have a character for you to critique, but I was working on creating more diverse characters that I can use for future story ideas and roleplays. If you (or anyone else) has any quirks, character name, personality ideas, or appearances for some characters that I could use, that would be great. Thank you!
@NessieTheMonster
Here are some things to think about when making a character:
A lot of books miss small details like these, because they're not seen as important, but they add more personality to your characater.
@writelikeyourerunningoutoftime thank you for the reply! i was getting a little nervous since it's the first time i've ever asked someone to criticize Narion :'D
You did point out some important problems and i'll try fix them any way i can. However, there were certain parts where i feel like you may have skipped some bits of information, but i'm going to answer some of your questions anyway :D
Looks
Narion has animal ears because on one side, she is believed to be a human – spirit halfbreed, and in this universe, spirits are usually humanoid creatures with features that indicate the animal they once were. So for example, an average fox spirit will have the body of a human, but the ears, tail and legs of a fox. So if she was indeed a human – spirit mix, she would only inherit certain features – like the ears (obviously, the ears are there for a good reason :V) Since she can’t see, she relies more on her hearing and the fact that they’re large and mobile gives her a more clear sound reception.
In reality, she’s not a mix, she’s part from a different specie. I talked about it in the „specie” folder i added, since i do not have access to the Specie feature this app has (need to pay fo dat) – i did not finish this section it’s still a work in progress. Her specie has something like a „true form” where they are more animal-like, with ears and all. They rarely show that form though, as they consider it too intimidating, so they took a different, more human-like form as to not scare people. Some of their original features have stayed, such as the ears and the large canines, while other did not.
The reason why Narion is confused with a human-spirit mix is because her specie was hunted down into extinction by humans long ago, so people get confused as to what she is.
Nature
Yeah, i’m still working very hard on this one since it’s still not good enough. But thank you for pointing it out! I’ve done some plot changing lately, so now i need to give them new motivations as well. She sticks with Tanis because he’s the only one who showed her how much he truly appreciates her, so she has some trust in him. Narion also helps Tanis because even though he keeps telling her he’ll protect her from anything, in reality she’s the stronger one, so basically she needs to be there to get him out of trouble. And yes, Narion is aware of how small she is and her inability to see, but she tries to use this in her advantage (like, you cannot use visual distractions on someone who cannot see).
Social
She’s just not interested in politics, she’s a kid and she has her own problems to worry about. As for the government, she’s not really fond of it either. There is one supreme ruler, who isn’t liked by many people because of how much the humans have expanded their territory under his rain and with them, they brought along many problems for the other native species. Many creatures were forced to leave, others have to live close to humans, which is not a very pleasant thing for them and some were even hunted into extinction, like Narion’s specie.
History
I’m getting the feeling you may have not read this section very carefully, as i did specify she was found by TANIS’s PARENTS and that she is in the care of an ADOPTIVE FAMILY. But please correct me if i’m wrong. Tanis also gets mentioned several times in different sections, including the background. They’re not related by blood, but their relationship is very strong. Being the only person left in his family after their parents were supposedly kidnapped, Narion means a lot to Tanis and he really tries his absolute best to keep her safe and happy. He’s also worried that she might eventually die because of her constant health problems, so naturally, he feels the need to help her in every way he can
Thanks for your help ^w^
Can you critique this character for me? Invalid Character thanks!
@writelikeyourerunningoutoftime
Thank you! It is hard to judge chemistry without seeing them interact, and yes, One is entirely capable of love! They are from a society where emotions and hormonal responses pertaining to mood are controlled with "peacekeepers" for optimal peace and a harmonic society. That does not mean they aren't there! One has never experienced individuality, love for love's sake, and emotional interaction, which is why they are learning from Tobias! As the two get along better (trust me, it will take a while of stilted interactions and arguments) they discover things about each other and themselves, and fall in love. It's the kind of slow burn that takes aaaaaages. One has a personality, it just takes a bit of digging for it to come out! I'll keep it in mind, though. Thank you for the praise!! <3
Thank you so much @Bremston! That definitely helps.
I honestly live for in-depth responses to my critiques! It really clears stuff up and (I'm hoping) helps you get your thoughts on paper. @Kohaku I think my problem was you never explicitly state who Tanis is to her. Now that I've read over it, keeping in mind Tanis and her brother are one in the same, it does make sense. My bad.
@mellowlynea I am a huge fan of a slow burn romance! Good luck.
@writelikeyourerunningoutoftime, I don't have a character for you to critique, but I was working on creating more diverse characters that I can use for future story ideas and roleplays. If you (or anyone else) has any quirks, character name, personality ideas, or appearances for some characters that I could use, that would be great. Thank you!
Here's a list of random mannerisms I wrote…some time ago.
dances a little whenever they're excited
likes to stack random objects to see how high they can stack before tumbling down
doodling on their hands/wrists
tapping their feet under their desk
whenever they're in an empty aisle in a store, they do something stupid like cartwheel or dance or spin
tugs at their ear when nervous
talks to themselves when they think no one can hear
sings to themselves
hums to themselves
tugs at their eyebrows/eyelashes when nervous
peels at the skin around their nails when anxious/upset
smiles when they're sad to keep from crying
clenches their teeth absentmindedly
plays with their friend's hair
Hey, could you look at my character? Gabrielle Strasser
By the way, the story I'm writing has several narrators that end up in the story itself. It's a bit complicated, but Gabrielle is one of the narrators.
This is still on private, btw
Thank you!
Would you mind taking a look at this character of mine? I'd love to hear your critiques on him! Invalid Character
Could you critique my guy?
Let me know if you have questions
Could you possibly critique my poor baby Alvina?
Here is her link: Alvina Grey
I only created her a little while ago, so I haven't let anyone look at her yet.
So, I'm definitely going to critique all these characters. Buuut with 4th of july coming up, I'm going to have a lot of family start to roll into town. Critiques will be slow. Sorry for the wait.
That's fine!
I feel like this is really bad because I do almost all my writing when exhausted but oh well she needs critique. A lot of this doesn't make sense without context so I gave a little context in the Notes section. Background is still very wip.
Hi, could you do a critique of this character? She needs work but I got stuck and could use your advice.