forum (Critiques please)
Started by @FictionWriter09 group
tune

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@FictionWriter09 group

"Commodore!" an urgent shout jolted James from his sleep as the door to his quarters swung open, a quick glance at the clock read one AM as Gillette rushed in, cellphone pressed tightly to his ear listening intently.

"Andrew, what's going on?" James stood, taking in the man's frazzled appearance, his hair was mused and his clothes were slightly askew but other than that the man himself seemed to be alright.

"It's Kate-" his friend managed to swallow eyes widening as he listened to the information being relayed on the other end.

At once James felt his worry turn to annoyance and rubbed his temple. "Tell her I'll call back in the morning."

"No!" Andrew blurted hurriedly "Sir…she's in the hospital."

Ten minutes later James was speeding across town toward the hospital, fingers absently tapping the steering wheel reviewing what he heard as he left. "She always calls when she gets home safe. When she didn't Theo went to look for her." He didn't know what to make of the fact his friend obviously had found her, or that he had found her in such a state that required her to be taken to the hospital…there was also the part of his mind that reminded him, his friend knew to look for her in the first place…and he didn't. With a huff, he flexed his fingers on the wheel and pressed harder at the accelerator the engine roaring as the car sped up and changed lanes.

Half an hour later he swung the car into the nearest parking spot of Kingston Public Hospital, ignoring the looks he got from the starteld smokers as he jogged toward the entrance, thankfully there were few people around at this hour as he made his way towards the admissions desk

"Can I help you Sir?" the blonde at the desk glanced up at his approach.

"I'm here for my sister she's-"

"I'm sorry sir, visiting hours are over, you can come back at eight am."

"No, that's not it" James sighed leaning on the desk, "I'm her next of kin she was in an accident."

The woman gave him an appraising look for a moment then turned to her computer "Name?"

"Katherine Norrington." he ran a tired hand through his hair, as the woman began to type though he didn't miss the sympathetic expression on her face as she read whatever was on the screen.

"Take the elevator to the right, second floor, and go left to room 307."

"Thank you," he gave the desk a pat and flashed at what he hoped was a charming smile before heading in the direction she'd given, thankfully the elevator was right around the corner, and due to the lack of people didn't have to wait but a few moments after pressing the button for the doors to open. Once inside he took a breath, his thoughts had little improved upon arriving since he didn't really know what to expect, though it was obvious Groves had told Gillette more than Gillette had told him, claiming it best he hear it in person. None of the scenarios that sentence provided were encouraging.

Moments later the elevator came to a stop with a small ding, and he stepped hurriedly out towards the left hallway this floor was considerably busier than downstairs and he side-stepped people as he made his way onwards counting the room numbers as he went.

"James," Groves called from just up ahead standing outside what must be his sister's room, James picked up the pace at the sight of him.

He held his hand out in greeting and his worry grew not only at the unusually tense grip he received but at the ashen look on the man's face "Theo what on earth happened, is she alright?"

Theo sighed heavily, "She um, she's resting right now. They did some bloodwork to determine what was in her system, still waiting on the cat scan,- she was hit pretty hard, though they cleaned up most of her injuries." he paused a moment to the let that sink in before continuing at a quieter level, "But uh you might want to come inside before I tell you the rest…just promise you'll listen." then he reached over and opened the door before entering.

James stood there a moment to compose himself and take in the information he'd just been told before turning to follow, yet even that could not prepare himself for the sight that greeted him.

It was a private room, with his sister's bed being the only one and all the lights in the room were off, save for the ones near the head of the bed and they were set to dim, then there was the quiet beeping of the monitor with several wires attached to his sister's hand, there was also an Iv bag filled with some sort of clear fluid.

As Theo said Katherine herself was resting, though he could tell even from here even with whatever medication she was given, her sleep was not restful if the way her brow furrowed was an indication, there was also an angry bruise across her face along with red marks on her arms that stood out against the unusal pallor of her skin.

It was a chilling sight,

@RiverLily ac_unit

Really interesting viewpoint on the story… I take it as a sort of Pirates of the Carribean AU? Or it just has the same names but no connection to PotC?
Super curious about what's going to happen next. All in all, it is written beautifully.

@FictionWriter09 group

@RiverLily wow Thank you, and yes it's a Pirates of the Caribbean modern AU, and Kate is an oc of mine…I have sort of an outline where this could/was gonna go I just have to figure out how to pace it and work the relationships into it and pin down exactly what happened that lead up to this.
Also I'm glad you're interested and again wow Thank you, for the compliment and here is what I have next it's not much but

It was a chilling sight, his head-strong independent sister, now frail and helpless. It brought up an unexpected surge of protectiveness.
"What happened?" Usually, he'd keep his emotions in check, but now James practically shook in anger, his fists clenched around the edge of the metal bed frame, his voice hard and cold.
"Ask yer boss."
James whipped his head towards the window. There was no mistaking that voice even if he hadn't seen the man in nearly three years.
Jack Sparrow stood from where he'd been leaning half in shadow against the window. He'd changed some, his hair was shorter, and he was clean-shaven, though his eyes still seemed dark-rimmed as he offered a solemn if not still eccentric bow in greeting. "Commodore,"
"What the hell are you doing here?!" James barely kept from yelling now that his anger had a familiar target, and he advanced.
Theo sprang forward between the two placing a restraining arm against his friend's chest even as Sparrow stood there nonplussed with his arms crossed.
"You promised to listen," he implored with a meaningful glance in Katherine's direction.
James wanted to argue he'd never actually promised such a thing, but he also needed answers that called for rationality.
Finally, he backed off with a huff keeping his gaze locked on his sister.