Arquis stood, snatched a towel, and wrapped it about his waist. He drained the tub before stumbling to the mirror. His reflection was foggy, but he could tell he didn’t look well. He was a bit wild-eyed, and his cheeks were splotchy with color. His hair was also a soggy mess. Using a different towel, he dried it, then combed through it with his fingers. Before he went into the other room, he spritzed some cologne from one of the gift baskets onto his wrists, then changed into his clothes. The outfit he’d chosen was a plain shirt with long, surprisingly soft pants. That must’ve been Quirisa’s doing. He didn’t own anything so comfortable.
He entered the bedroom quietly and joined Rin on the bed. As much as he was trying to hold himself together, he could feel his composure beginning to crack. He didn’t say a word as he rolled onto his side away from them, trying to act like nothing had happened. If he couldn’t see him, they wouldn’t know anything was wrong. Not that anything was, of course. He was fine. He’d just been startled. That was all.
Rin set the book aside when Arquis entered, turning to the other man. "Hello, darling. Did you have a good bath?" he rolled to lay facing Arquis, reaching out to him, then pulling his hand back. "Is anything wrong?" normally Arquis would have spoken to him when he entered the room, and they weren't sure if anything was wrong or not.
Rin’s voice brought him to the present. He’d been spiraling quite a bit, but he wouldn’t admit that. Not after such a horrid day. He was raised to know better than to let a single nightmare tear him apart. For a while, he’d had them almost every night. He would be alright if he could just keep it together.
“My apologies, love. I suppose I was lost in thought.” Not a lie. His mind really had been wandering, though it’d been wandering steadily downhill. He didn’t have to say that part aloud.
“What did you ask? Oh, yes, that is right. The bath was fine.” Technically also true. The bath itself was alright. The water had been warm enough, until he’d dozed off. Then, it had grown cold.
“I think I fell asleep in it for a while,” he said, faking a soft laugh. “How did the letter writing go? Did you make any progress?”
Rin listened quietly, wanting to reach out to Arquis but unsure if Aruis would be okay with that. "Well, thankfully you did not drown." they replied. "It went quite well, my darling. I sent it to him, he should pick it up pretty soon." they glanced at the envelope sitting on the side table, then realized that Arquis would not understand what that would mean. "Oh– that envelope is, ah, linked to a second. His magic is a little bit complicated, but essentially…the letters that I put in that envelope appear in his, and any he puts in his will appear in mine. Anything larger than the envelope I would have to send the old-fashioned way." they gave Arquis a faint smile, still wondering if anything was wrong.
Arquis eyed the envelope curiously. It didn’t exactly look like anything special, but he wasn’t one to question magic. Abilities were abilities. They were all messy, and he wouldn’t dare mess with them. He turned his focus away from the envelope and onto the ceiling.
“That is a rather convenient system,” he remarked. He began to wonder what would happen if the envelope was ripped or damaged in some way, though he would never do such a thing. Would Ari be able to make another? Did they have some sort of backup plan? He wouldn’t ask. That specific question sounded suspicious, as if he had plans to answer it for himself.
Arquis finally looked over at Rin, but only for a second. He rolled over so that he was near him and buried his face in their chest. That didn’t quite feel close enough. He slotted one of his legs between theirs and slung an arm around his waist. Better, but there was still something off. He sighed quietly. It would have to do.
"Yes. It works quite well, though the envelope is starting to wear out." He replied, wrapping his arms around Arquis and holding him close. They pressed soft kiss to the side of Arquis's head, quite content to just hold him. "You sure everything's alright? You seem a little out of sorts." They were much calmer now than they had been earlier, though Honey's situation still upset them whenever they thought of it.
Arquis let out a noncommittal sound. If he’d said yes then he would by lying, but if he’d admitted that something was wrong then they’d be concerned. So he’d chosen the neutral option and decided to change the subject.
The first idea that came to mind was to move up and kiss them, which was what he did. Not on the mouth, as he hadn’t gotten permission for that, but right on his brow. He kissed over to one side and brushed his lips down to their jaw. He gave a very light kiss to each mark on his neck before moving downwards still to their collarbones. Rather than go any further, he stopped and looked at them, waiting for him to say something.
Rin's eyes flickered shut when Arquis began to pepper kisses across their skin, eyes opening again when he stopped. "Is, ah…" They trailed off, unsure what Arquis was waiting for. "Are you waiting for permission?" He finally asked, cupping Arquis's cheek with one hand, stroking their thumb along his cheekbone. "Because if so, you have it." They leaned in to give Arquis another kiss, smiling softly.
Arquis groaned when they kissed him, and he moved against him urgently. He did the thing that he’d done earlier, biting their bottom lip and gently tugging, then swiping the tip of his tongue over it. After that, he crashed back into them. He wondered if his own mouth still tasted of sugar and chocolate from the cake pop he’d had. The thought almost made him laugh, but he was a bit too busy to actually do so.
“Rin,” he murmured when he finally pulled away. One of his hands ran up their chest and stopped right in the middle, just above his stomach. His pupils were blown out; his expression was dreamy. This had been the perfect distraction. He felt much less tense. “You are so gorgeous, my dear. Every part of you.”
Rin cleared their throat faintly, smiling as they kissed Arquis again. "As are you, my darling." they rubbed Arquis's back gently, smiling very softly. Arquis did indeed taste of sugar and chocolate, and Rin found that they did not mind. He took a deep breath at the soft touch of Arquis's hand on his chest; their shirt was still unbuttoned.
Arquis’s breath caught in tandem with Rin’s due the compliment. He smiled when he realized why they had gasped and, still making eye contact, replaced his hand with his lips. He pressed three kisses to that spot before pausing.
“I am so lucky,” he whispered, mouthing over their bare skin, “to have you in my life.”
And then he pulled away for real. If it were any other night, he might have gone further. But they had been through a lot that day, and he wasn’t certain what Rin would want. Even if they’d seemed pleased with all of the kissing and attention, that absolutely didn’t mean that he would want more. Arquis himself wasn’t even sure what he wanted. His body said one thing, but his mind was all jumbled.
Rin froze at the kisses for just a moment; not a bad freeze, just a surprised one. "Oh." they breathed, reaching to bring Arquis in for another kiss, this one deep and a bit heated, but still sweet. "Darling…" they trailed off, unsure what else to say. He didn't press Arquis to go any further, letting the nobleman choose what he did and how far they went together.
That last kiss was a little much for Arquis, but not in a bad way. He shifted away from them and rolled flat on his back, breathing heavily. His cheeks flooded with color as he pulled the blankets around himself.
“I am not sure that I will ever get used to that,” he admitted with a quiet laugh. Part of him regretted taking a bath beforehand. His flushed skin would benefit from a quick, cold dip. “No matter how many times we engage in that type of behavior.”
He reached out a hand, tucked it just under one part of his shirt, and spread it over their heart. His fingers lovingly traced patterns over his shoulder, and he wrote their name, then his own.
Rin smiled a little bit, holding Arquis close. "Ah, darling." they said softly. "I don't know how to respond to that, other than that I think that that is absolutely adorable." he nuzzled Arquis's cheek, smiling, and reached up to put his own hand on top of Arquis's.
“Adorable?” He swallowed and defiantly shook his head, pretending as if the praise hadn’t done anything for him. One had to keep up appearances, after all.
The weight of their hand on his made him smile. Then, as if the idea hadn’t occurred to him, he realized the intimacy of the gesture. Hand on hand over heart. Over skin, as well. He inhaled softly and worried his bottom lip in his teeth. His hand began to retreat.
“That was not fair of me,” he sighed. “My apologies, love.”
Rin laughed a little bit, and was a touch disappointed when Arquis began to pull away. "Why…what do you mean?" he questioned, raising their eyebrows faintly, but didn't try to stop him from pulling away. Arquis was well within his rights to pull away, and Rin was not going to force him not to.
“You have not seen me in a similar state,” Arquis responded. He anxiously fiddled with the edge of his shirt. His entire face was aflame, as was his neck. “And, um, that general area is supposed to be kind of sensitive. I did not know if you were alright with that sort of contact, or if it would, ah, do anything else. That you had not wished for. If that makes sense?”
He wanted to curl up in the corner of the bed and turn invisible forever. His shoulders had begun to inch up towards his ears, as if they could hide him, and his teeth were gritted. He felt ridiculous and a bit rude for not having asked Rin first. Wasn’t he supposed to be taking care of them?
“And so, I am sorry. For all of that, and for not asking permission first. I had not thought it through.”
"Oh." Rin replied softly, studying Arquis for a long moment. "Well. I don't mind." their voice was soft and quiet. "I did tell you that you had my permission, and, ah, it is my choice not to button my shirt, though I certainly can if it makes you uncomfortable." he laced his fingers through Arquis's. "And, darling, I would have told you if I were uncomfortable."
Arquis nodded emphatically. “You should always tell me if I have done something to make you uncomfortable. Always. No matter the time or place.”
His eagerness slowed, transforming once again into that nervous shyness. He fidgeted with their fingers for a few moments. The furrow in his brow grew deeper. And then, he sat up. Placed his hands on the bottom of his shirt. Swallowed.
“If I were to, um, take this off,” he began, voice small and afraid, “would that be alright?”
The question meant a great number of things. He was asking if it would make them uncomfortable. He was also asking whether it’d be fine for him to take it off even if they weren’t going to go all the way. He was asking if they would reject him if he did, if he would be turned away for his body. And he was asking if they would be gentle with him, because he didn’t think he could take it if they laughed.
Rin nodded a little, releasing Arquis's hand when he pulled it back. "Oh. Darling, you do not have to remove your shirt if you do not feel comfortable doing so. And…it would be alright with me if you wanted to, so long as you actually want to take it off, and are not doing so simply because I did."
Arquis’s jaw clenched as he nodded, and he wasn’t surprised at all to find that his eyes had gotten misty. This had almost always been a hard subject for him, but it had gotten worse with age. He took a few long, deep breaths. Everything was alright. Rin cared for him. They knew how he struggled with his image. He wouldn’t make jokes or snide remarks, wouldn’t tell him to cut out sweets and coffee. They wouldn’t pay anyone extra to size down his clothes if he ever gained weight.
The shirt came off slowly. He shivered when it did, and not just from the cold. His upper half was worryingly thin. Everything about him was too sharp. Also concerning were the thin scars on his stomach. There were a couple of them, one of which extended from his hip to just below his ribs.
He wrapped his arms about himself, extremely self-conscious, as he lowered himself back against the bed. “Is this still alright? Do- do I need to put it on again?”
Rin watched quietly, no judgment in their gaze. Worry did cloud their features, for a moment, as they realized just how thin Arquis was, and again when his eyes saw the scars. "Darling, you do not need to put it back on again unless you want to." they wrapped their arms around Arquis. "But, ah…you are very thin, love, and it…it worries me." their voice was oh-so-soft, and still free of any judgement. He didn't say anything about the scars; those weren't his business, even if he was worried that they were self-inflicted, or inflicted by someone else. Either option was…was awful.
(well this is sad)
Arquis must not have heard them right. They sounded so soft. Nobody had ever been so kind to him, not when seeing him like this. He remembered being thirteen, barely a teenager, and having a dressmaker pinch at his pudgy hip. She’d been cordial enough, at least, to express her disapproval in a few nasty words. His father had never been so curt. He remembered a very long lecture about keeping his figure trim in order to impress ladies. Nobody, Aurisi had said, could love someone so heavy. Try as Arquis might, those words never really left his mind. Which was why he smiled when Rin said he was thin.
“Oh. Thank you,” he said, beaming, and then frowned. The compliment had gone on. Why was Rin worried? He understood the eating thing. Food was energy, and he didn’t always take in as much as he should. But watching his weight was supposed to be a positive thing. Everyone had always told him that it was proper. “I am not sure that I understand.”
(yeah)
Rin blinked at the way Arquis first responded, cocking their head faintly. "It's…you are a little bit too thin, love." he gently traced a finger along Arquis's ribs, wincing a little at the way his bones were visible against his skin. He hated to seem at all critical, not when Arquis had been so apprehensive about taking off his shirt, but he was beginning to think Arquis had been apprehensive due to a completely opposing reason. Arquis seemed to think he was…well, overweight, maybe, when he was the opposite. No wonder it had been so oddly easy for Rin to carry him, that day in the snow.
“Too thin?” Arquis repeated. He looked down at himself, trying to make sense of their words. He didn’t think he was too thin. In fact, he didn’t really think he was thin at all. He brought his hands to his hips and mimicked what that dressmaker had done. Cupping the skin there, then pinching and squeezing it. Not gently, either. His lips flattened into a line.
Rin’s wince hadn’t gone unnoticed. That, at least, he understood. He too winced whenever he looked at himself shirtless. Which was why he almost never wore revealing clothing. He often put layer upon layer, vest on button-up, jacket on top. Nobody else had to see what he often saw.
“This is upsetting you,” he said in a sad tone, hurt but not angry. “I should not have done it.”
Rin shook his head a little, kissing Arquis's cheek. "No, darling, I'm not…I'm not upset. I am only worried that…that maybe you aren't eating enough." their voice was still so soft and quiet. "Can…can…" he trailed off, gently taking Arquis's hand and putting it on their own ribcage. "Do you feel that? The layer of muscle– or fat –between my skin and my bones?" his voice was still that soft, gentle tone, void of any judgement.
(i'm heading to bed. not gonna be too active tomorrow, either, sorry)
(that’s alright! no need to apologize, just hope you’re ok :) goodnight!!)
Arquis nodded very slowly. He swore he could feel his pulse in every part of his body. His mind was cruelly telling him that this must have been Rin’s plan all along. Wait until he was fully undressed. Wait until he was vulnerable, at their mercy. And then show him that his body was inferior to theirs, that they had strength and beauty while he had nothing at all. But Rin wouldn’t do that. They weren’t cruel. His partner was sweet and passionate, and despite Arquis’s best instincts, he did trust them not to break his battered heart.
“I can,” he confirmed weakly. If they weren’t trying to mock him, then what was he doing?
(I'm fine! Just out and about with friends today)
Rin nodded slightly, then placed Arquis's hand on his ribs. "Do you feel that here?" They asked, voice still very soft and quiet. "Or do you just feel bone? Because I can only feel bone." They weren't trying to hurt Arquis, they were just trying to show him that there was something wrong. That he couldn't continue living like this.
(oh nice have fun!!)
Several emotions flickered through his eyes. First was confusion, then pain, and he finally settled on denial. He shook his head, lifted their hand from his skin, and kissed it.
“Well, we have different body types, my dear. I am taller than you.” That explained absolutely nothing, but he had to give some sort of justification. Otherwise, he’d have to face the truth, and he couldn’t possibly do that. “And you are stronger than me. It would make sense that we are not exactly the same.”
He kissed their hand again, pressing one to each of his fingertips. His love for them was evident in the small gesture, and when he looked to them again, he smiled gently.
(thanks!)
Rin's brows gathered very faintly, but they decided not to press it too much tonight. This was clearly a hard topic for Arquis, and they didn't want to hurt him. "If you say so." they said in a quiet tone, not wanting to agree and let Arquis think it was all fine, but also not wanting to argue and potentially hurt his partner.
