Incorrect Quotes 2: Electric Boogaloo

Wolf: I know my judgement may be clouded because I like Alexis a little bit
Cin: You doodled your wedding invitations
Wolf: That was our joint tombstone
Cin: My bad

Shay: makes breakfast hot chocolate for themself for once
Shay: I made a something without the gods, be proud
Shay: Applaud me
Shay: This is a threat
andrew (Our Supreme Lord and Overseer): singular clap

Damien: I wish we could block people in real life
Harper: Restraining order
Selena: Murder

Shay: Dear, Santa
Shay: I'm writing to let you know I've been naughty
Shay: And it was worth it, judgemental bastard

Wolf: Why does nobody tell me when we have people over? I walked out of my bedroom wearing a "Say 'hey' if you're gay" shirt and boxers
Wolf: There were eight nobles in the council room
Wolf: Eight
Wolf: They saw

@IonizationEnergy

Estaban: When is your date of birth?
Callister: January 22nd
Estaban: What year?
Callister: Every year.

Nolan and Quinn: staring lovingly into each other's eyes
Sylvester: opens a can of soda
Nolan: We were having a moment
Sylvester: And I'm having a cola

Estaban: So, that’s the plan!
Callister: Are you alright with constructive criticism? I don’t want to sound mean.
Estaban: No, go ahead, I want to hear it.
Callister: Your plan fucking sucks.
Estaban: That’s not constructive!

@requiemisback

delilah: [falls off a roof, crashing into the bed of the pickup truck]
luca, not taking his eyes off the road: hey, del.
delilah, casually sitting up: hey.

killian: am i a boy? am i a girl? it doesn't matter. i'm going to burn your house down.

may: you use emoji’s like a straight person.
juniper: that’s literally the worst thing anyone has ever said about me.

luca: where did you get that tomato soup?
delilah: it’s actually a bowl of ketchup i just microwaved.

may: i'm not a morning person. i'm barely even a person.

killian: you’d be stupid to lay a hand on me.
delilah: oh, you’d be surprised how much stupid shit i do.

killian: something’s off.
luca: maybe you’ve finally developed human emotions and feel bad for hurting people.
killian: no, but that’s funny.

juniper: are you this rude to everyone?!
may: yup.
may: don't think you're special.

mariette: do you take constructive criticism?
delilah: not without crying

@tee

June: Am I a boy? Am I a girl? It doesn't matter. I'm going to burn your house down.

Adrien: I wish we could block people in real life
Lillith: Restraining order
June: Murder

Connor: That’s the key slice of truth we need to complete the entire truth pie.
Lillith: Ooh, can we get some actual pie?
Connor: I like the way you think.

Lillith: Real life should have a fucking search function or something.
Lillith: I need my socks.

Connor: We can’t tell you because you’re not a member of the club.
June: What club?
Adrien: The hating June club.
June: …The fuck? I should be the leader of that club!

Lillith: You really believe in June?
Adrien: Luckily, she believes in herself enough for the both of us.

Lillith: Do you take constructive criticism?
Adrien: Not without crying

@LiteralCyborg

Reese: Do you take constructive criticism?
Minnie: (crying) Y-yeah, sure, what's up.

@jupiter-sun-of-sweater-town

Jesse: On the outside I skrt skrt but on the inside I hurt hurt

Auria: There are two types of people.
Auria: I avoid them both.

Gracelyn: Just don’t touch anything.
Delphinia: Okay!
Delphinia, after Gracelyn leaves: Hex, I’m gonna touch everything.

Delphinia: Now for some witty back-and-forth banter! You go first!
Jesse: [incoherent violent screaming]

Gracelyn, having a breakdown: This… is… killing me!!!
Hex: Good. Die.

Jesse: What do you mean "this is an airport" and what do you mean I "can't carry alfredo pasta in my fanny pack"?

Jesse: I wish we could block people in real life.
Gracelyn: Restraining order.
Hex: Murder.

Jesse: When is your date of birth?
Delphinia: April 23rd
Jesse: What year?
Delphinia: Every year.

Gracelyn: Where did you get that tomato soup?
Jesse: It’s actually a bowl of ketchup I just microwaved.

Hex: Something’s off.
Gracelyn: Maybe you’ve finally developed human emotions and feel bad for hurting people.
Hex: No, but that’s funny.

Gracelyn: Are you this rude to everyone?!
Hex: Yup.
Hex: Don't think you're special.

Gracelyn: Do you take constructive criticism?
Jesse: Not without crying

Gracelyn: In times of trouble, I think to myself, what would Hex do?
Gracelyn: Then I do the exact opposite.

@LiteralCyborg

Ethan: IT'S A MENTAL BREAKDOWN!
Minnie: (off-beat kazooing)
~
Sage: Oh sure, the media will tell you about how Minnie nearly died of pneumonia once, but they don't know about her worst illness.
Sage: It's called dumbass disease.
Minnie: (in the backround) No, I don't need a parachute-
Sage: And it's incurable.
~
Ethan: (officiating Minnie and Sage's wedding) Queerly beloved-
Minnie: Ethan.
Ethan: We are gathered here togay-
Minnie: Ethan stop.
~
Ethan: Are you a top or a bottom?
Minnie: I'm a threat.
Sage: (from the doorway) She's a bottom.
~
Minnie: (has idea)
Minnie: (inhales)
(muffled crashes heard throughout the base, quickly getting louder, concluding with the appearance of a shadowy, glowering figure in the doorway)
Sage: (from doorway) No.

@requiemisback

killian: IT'S A MENTAL BREAKDOWN!
juniper: [off-beat kazooing]

mariette: i see the red flags, i acknowledge that they're there, and then i completely ignore them.

delilah: [officiating juniper and killian's wedding] queerly beloved-
juniper: delilah.
delilah: we are gathered here togay-
juniper: delilah stop.

delilah: that’s the longest worm i’ve ever seen.
luca: that’s a snake.

@threesacult

Zephyr: Wow, that’s the longest worm i’ve ever seen.
Tetra: …That’s a snake.

@IonizationEnergy

Kalif: So I've been thinking.
Quinn: Congratulations!
Kalif: Thank you!

@Starfast

Andor: When I was little my brother would beg me to put him in a pillow case and swing him around.
Andor: I know it's insane, but he only reason I'm telling you now is because we're grown ups now and my parents can't lose custody of us.

(learning how to play never have I ever)
Ara: Never have I ever failed a test.
Andor: Ok, that's good. But try something a little more edgy, like never have I ever seen a dead body.
Dallas: Takes a shot*
Andor: No, the idea is that you're supposed to take a shot every time you *have done something.
Dallas: Yeah, I know.

Taven: So I've been thinking.
Calidor: Congratulations!
Taven: Thank you!

Taven: Wow, that’s the longest worm i’ve ever seen.
Ravina: …That’s a snake.

Milo: i see the red flags, i acknowledge that they're there, and then i completely ignore them.

Kit: Are you this rude to everyone?!
Crispin: Yup.
Crispin: Don't think you're special.

Ara: There are two types of people.
Ara: I avoid them both

Matthew, having a breakdown: This… is… killing me!!!
Alexander: Good. Die.

Ara: When is your date of birth?
Andor: March 16th
Ara: What year?
Andor: Every year.

@evastardust RRAAAARRL

Morgan: When I was little, my brother would beg me to put him in a pillow case and swing him around.
Morgan: I know it's insane, but the only reason I'm telling you now is because we're adults now and my parents can't lose custody of us.

Learning how to play never have I ever
Victor: Never have I ever failed a test.
Jackson: Okay, that's good. But try something a little more edgy, like never have I ever seen a dead body.
Geneva: Takes a shot
Jackson: No, the idea is that you're supposed to take a shot every time you have done something.
Geneva: Yeah, I know.

Robin: Wow, that’s the longest worm I’ve ever seen!
Oberon: …That’s a snake.

Jackson: Are you this rude to everyone?!
Geneva: Yup.
Geneva: Don't think you're special.

Deleted user

Mia: When have I done anything rash or irresponsible?
Lansing: I keep a list. It's alphabetized.
~
Xavier: I may be dumb, but.
Myra:
Myra: But what?
Xavier: Nope, that's all I've got.
~
Ivan: I don't have a nervous system, I am a nervous system.
~
Ruby: Of course I have a lot of pent up rage you fool, I've been the same height since I was 12.
~
Katrina: What are you doing?
Mia: Helping Austin look for his box of cereal I ate an hour ago.
~
Aariss: I wish we could block people in real life.
Cecelia: A restraining order.
Katie: …murder…

@evastardust RRAAAARRL

Max: I don't have a nervous system, I am a nervous system.

Clyde: Of course I have a lot of pent up rage, I've been the same height since I was 12.

@Tidermelon

time to bring some Stargate SG-1 formats into this because I just finished it and the dialogue is too good not to, feel free to use them as you please :)

Person V, taking a psych exam: "You are in the desert. You see a tortoise lying on his back in the hot sun. You recognize his plight but do nothing to help. Why?"
Person V: Hmm. Why?
Person V: [thinking]
Person V: Because I am also a tortoise!

Person T: If I were still loyal to them, you would know it.
Person S: Really?
Person T: It would become immediately apparent, as I would not hesitate to kill you where you sit.

Person O: I distinctly remember somebody saying, “We’re not gonna make it!” I think we made it.
Person J: I’m sorry I overreacted. At the time it looked very much like we weren’t going to make it.
Person O: Yes, well. Maybe next time we’ll just wait and see.
Person J: And blow the last chance I might ever have to be right?

Person J: We'll cross that bridge when we get to it.
Person B: No. The bridge is too well guarded.

Person T: In my culture, I would be well within my rights to dismember you.

[Person V is taking a lie detector test]
Person H: Try to relax. You’re looking very nice today, you know that?
Person V: Oh, thank you. You’re looking rather dashing yourself.
Person H: Thanks.
[the lie detector is signaling a false answer]
Person V: I mean, you look nice.
[no change]
Person V: I mean, not objectionable. I mean-

Person T: You are suggesting that Villain B attempted to gain control of the council in order to gain access to the Ancient device.
Person V: With the purpose of wiping out all life in the galaxy except his own little corner, of course.
Person M: That was Villain A’s plan.
Villain B: I never said it was original.

Person V: Listen, we’re not rejoining the fleet. You’re coming with me.
Villain Z: No. I can’t abandon my army.
Person V: It’s not your army.
Villain Z: Of course it is.
Person V: Well, as your mother I’m putting my foot down. You’re too young to have your own army.

Person D: Dinner tonight is my way of saying thank you. Thank you for proving me right when I said we could take a chance on you.
Person V: I don’t know what to say.
Person D: Just say what you were going to say before I interrupted.
Person V: Okay. I need to use the bathroom.

Villain T: How are you feeling?
Person V: A little dizzy. A little tired. And very very angry.
Villain T: That’s because the flashbacks you’re experiencing are dredging up some long-buried emotions that may be coloring your subconscious mind.
Person V: Yeah, I’m going to kill both of you in the most painful way possible.

Person V: I have no idea who I am, much less what I’m capable of. All I know for certain is that about an hour ago I was lost, hungry and drawn to the delightful aroma of the Blue Plate Special.

Person M: Where are we going?
Person V: Just drive.
Person M: You know I’m bleeding here.
Person V: Shut up.

Person M: I thought you fixed the life support!
Person V: I didn’t fix it. I just disabled the alarm.

also, this one’s way too long and specific to put into text form but it’s completely and totally hilarious if you want to watch it

@Fairlyodd

Alune: If writing things down is nerdy, what do you do?
Varian: Just forget stuff, like a cool person.

Leaoni: This cookie is…spicy? It's supposed to be sweet. It's not even fully baked. If I had to rate this, I would give it a three -
Trace: I baked them myself!
Leaoni: - out of three stars! Best cookie I ever had!

Takeo: Welcome to the 'fuck Varian Voss' club where we go around saying 'fuck you, Varian Voss'.
Alune:
Alune: I may have misinterpreted the premise of this club.

Trace: Just trust your gut!
Sebastian: Trace, I have anxiety. My gut is literally always telling me to abort mission.

Zatian: I trust Leaoni.
Kallai: you think she knows what she's doing?
Zatian: I wouldn’t go that far.

Varian: Wow, that’s the longest worm I’ve ever seen!
Alune: …That’s a snake.

Sebastian: There are two types of people.
Sebastian: I avoid them both

@evastardust RRAAAARRL

Everett: If I was loyal to Richard, you would know it.
Clyde: Really?
Everett: It would become immediately apparent, as I would not hesitate to kill you where you sit.

Jackson: I distinctly remember Geneva saying, “We’re not gonna make it!”. I think we made it.
Geneva: At the time it looked very much like we weren’t going to make it.
Jackson: Yeah, well. Maybe next time we’ll just wait and see.
Geneva: And blow the last chance I might ever have to be right?

Kitty: We'll cross that bridge when we get to it.
Lydia: No. The bridge is too well guarded.

Kels: In my culture, I would be well within my rights to dismember you.

Vivian: You are suggesting that Oleander attempted to gain control of the courts in order to gain control of the human lands?
Lavinia: With the purpose of wiping out all life that wouldn't bow to his control, yes.
Iam: That was Hemlock’s plan.
Oleander: I never said it was original.

Lydia: You’re coming with me.
Tereza: No. I can’t abandon my task force.
Lydia: It’s not your task force.
Tereza: Of course it is.
Lydia: Well, as your older sister I’m putting my foot down. You’re too young to have your own task force.

The Director: How are you feeling?
Tabitha: A little dizzy. A little tired. And very very angry.
Hal: That’s because the flashbacks you’re experiencing are dredging up some long-buried emotions that may be coloring your subconscious mind.
Tabitha: Yeah, I’m going to kill both of you in the most painful way possible.

Ulla: I thought you fixed the life support!
Kitty: I didn’t fix it. I just disabled the alarm.

@evastardust RRAAAARRL

Addie: Are you sugaring your burrito?
Kay, ripping open sugar packets: Food is anarchy, Addie. Live by your own rules.

@ElderGod-Icefire

Sigma: If I was loyal to the GFA, you would know it.
Blade: Really?
Sigma: It would become immediately apparent, as I would not hesitate to kill you where you sit.

Jensen: I thought you fixed the life support!
Zofia: I didn’t fix it. I just disabled the alarm.

Zofia: Welcome to the 'fuck Blade' club where we go around saying 'fuck you, Blade'.
Sigma:
Sigma: I may have misinterpreted the premise of this club.

@evastardust RRAAAARRL

Margot: If I was loyal to the Duchess, you would know it.
Jon: Really?
Margot: It would become immediately apparent, as I would not hesitate to kill you where you sit.

@Starfast

Milo: Don't even talk to me until you're on my level.
Ravina: Oh, you want me to get on your level? *sits on the ground* So, as I was saying…

Ara: Are you sugaring your burrito?
Andor, ripping open sugar packets: Food is anarchy, Ara. Live by your own rules.

Gerard: I don't have a nervous system, I am a nervous system.

Crispin: Of course I have a lot of pent up rage, I've been the same height since I was 12.

@evastardust RRAAAARRL