forum Your Personal Venting Space 3: Tokyo Drift

Started June 28, 2020 by @The-N-U-T-Cracker

tune

Oh gosh, my cousin is next to me and I was looking for textbooks for my classes this summer and my mom asked me to send my grad announcement via text to some people we aren't close with but wanted to see it. A few of them were in a groupchat names "Effing Girls…" (I didn't name it) so I gave my cousin my phone and asked her to sent it in that conversation. She messed up and sent it in an old group chat I was a part of when I went to a church camp 5 YEARS AGO. I don't know if it'll reach the girls but m anxiety just sky rocketed. I also have no idea why I still have that groupchat either

i just got my phone taken away, again, so that's fun. i can't talk to either of my parents about anything because i'll either get attacked or in trouble for it, and now they both think i'm trying to make them fight on purpose, even though they're adults, and even though i may be the cause of their argument, i am not responsible because they're both fucking adults. anyways,
tw: self harm

happy vent:
i impulsively decided to dm all my mutuals on tiktok to say hello and it went well!!
theyre all rlly nice and i had a rlly nice conversation with one of them

that's really nice, i don't have my phone right now and i miss tiktok lol

these two kids just walked into the classroom saying that there are only two genders and istg I was about to get into a brawl, but then instead we spent a solid 5 minutes explaining what non-binary means and kept referring to my nb friend with their pronouns and this kid was like "WHO IS THEY" over and over again, I had to look him in the eye and very slowly explain "You use he/him pronouns, [my friend] uses they/them pronouns now" and finally he's like "ohh" and I'm just glad that most of my class isn't like that

You have to do a research problem for geometry: Panik
Oragami is a topic you can choose: kalm
You have a feeling your mom is going to yell at you for making more oragami: panik

Got yelled at my mom last night, because I found my phone and started using it again, like, why'd she give me a phone if she didn't want me to use it?
Parents need to stop complaining about this shit, you can't tell me you didn't do things like this when you were a teen
My mom needs to stop acting like she was a goody-two-shoes
considering the way she acts when things don't slightly goes her way, she wasn't

You have to do a research problem for geometry: Panik
Oragami is a topic you can choose: kalm
You have a feeling your mom is going to yell at you for making more oragami: panik

Got yelled at my mom last night, because I found my phone and started using it again, like, why'd she give me a phone if she didn't want me to use it?
Parents need to stop complaining about this shit, you can't tell me you didn't do things like this when you were a teen
My mom needs to stop acting like she was a goody-two-shoes
considering the way she acts when things don't slightly goes her way, she wasn't

my mom was yelling at me like 2 days ago and i told her i'd never take my kids' phones away, and she made me write it down and sign it and she said she was gonna give it back to me when i was an adult and had kids and took their phones away. what she doesn't know is she'll never actually have to give it back to me. i'm not going to take my kids' phones away, i'm just not. having my phone is very important to me, as my parents are very strict and i can't hang out with my friends often, so my phone is my only social link besides school. and even in that case, not all of my friends go to school with me. when i don't have my phone i get really really depressed (as i am now) and fall into bad coping mechanisms because i'm not able to talk to my friends about what i'm going through and therefore i feel alone. so then my mental state gets bad and everything in my life slowly starts crumbling, so no, mom, i'm not gonna take my kids' phones.

also shoutout to parents for acting like they were perfect when they were our age when they definitely weren't but they still act like we're terrible people when we make mistakes. love that.

I'm just considering trying to convince my mom to let me move out, somehow Like if she rents out an apartment and I pay the rent it should work
We keep on getting into arguments that aren't good enough for the both of us, and isn't a good enviroment for gabby

but of course, Im nOt mAtUrE EnOUgh fOr A jOb

also shoutout to parents for acting like they were perfect when they were our age when they definitely weren't but they still act like we're terrible people when we make mistakes. love that.

my mom used to be a lot more honest with me when I was younger, and then i started forming ideas and opinions

I never going to act like I was a saint around my children.
I would want them to feel like they can actually talk to me about stuff

im scared ill never get to move somewhere on my own
that i'll always be stuck with my parents
i mean, dont get me wrong i love my parents but theyre so controlling
moving away for college isnt an option and unless i got married i think id have to live with them for the rest of my life

Alright, I've deep-cleaned the bathroom before I move out tomorrow. If my mom decides it's not good enough, she can go in and do it herself

Aaaand now I'm realizing my fingertips are really sore from all the scrubbing

OMG HAPPY RANT

My friend form volleyball texted all last night then she started comparing us to bokuto and akaashi cuz she's a spiker an I'm a setter and then today she called me her pretty setter so i was like "do you like me?" and she said yes so then i was like "me too!" and now we're dating and she's so amazing and pretty and I love her so much!!! Also have I mentioned that she is the sweetest and most adorable person on the planet??

Do I have a 10 hour certification exam next week that? Yes. Have I started the training for it? No. Do I also have a 4 page essay due tonight/tomorrow? Yes. Have I started it? no

DO IT.

my mom got me an outfit that looks like something a fucking 9 year old would wear in 2014
i wanna cry
i thought once id be in high school my mom would give me some independence but guess i was wrong
how am i gonna get a job if im not even allowed to dress how i want

lol we got in a fight and she slapped me
shes complaining that her friends dont like how im dressed like i give a shit
god i feel like im gonna explode shes such a narcissit

lol we got in a fight and she slapped me

Abusive parent check lol.

Fuck the tax system here.
There's so many hoops to jump through, and now I can't even get my form that I need to file my fucking taxes ✌
Also the IRS knows how much we owe, so maybe they should just take it?

I have to write a graduation speech for an english assignment (I'm not speaking at graduation) and its 50 test points so you better believe I am using this time to vent about high school

Oh mood

just math anxiety things~~

Ok I know I've vented about this before but I have to do this online math stuff to graduate because I failed a term back in like 9th or 10th grade, and I failed it partially because I'm bad at math, but mostly because I was depressed and my ADHD symptoms were actually causing real life problems and I genuinely just couldn't focus or do the math and I cried in that class literally everyday and it was horrible.

But I tried my best and was able to pass all but one term. And they never told me I'd have to make it up until just recently, so it was kind of a bunch of bullshit. Like, first of all, I could've been working on the online programme when all this was still fresh in my brain, even if I didn't understand it. I at least knew the vocabulary, now when I read the problem I legitimately have no idea what it's saying.

Secondly, I feel like I'm being punished for the mental health side of it. I know that's not how it works, I know that I just need to make up an F, but I only got that F because the system here is incredibly neurotypical. So, yeah I'm gunna say it, it's not all my fault. Plus everyone in the school agrees that the teacher I had is a horrible teacher.

Thirdly, IT'S WAY MORE WORK THAN JUST ONE TERM. This shit is a year's worth of math education. There's so much fucking content that I just don't know how I'm gunna work through. I tried to start working on it again yesterday and my brain went back to the way it was way back in math class. Idk how to explain it, all the numbers to remember all the vocab I don't understand and the it's like being shut off and on again and again and I panic and then the tears come and then I end up drenched in sweat or left with 0/0 blood pressure. It's just horrible. I don't know how I'm supposed to do this. I would pay someone, but I don't know how to set a reasonable rate or who to ask or HOW to ask and I just. This sucks.

I might ask my counselor to be put in that grades special ed class. I'm supposed to have a 504 plan by now but even if I did I don't think it could cut some of this work out. Ughhh that'll be a horrible email. But I didn't even think of it until I typed this all out so something came of this vent.

Email sent👍

Good luck.

Didn't work. I don't qualify for special ed and I'm too stupid for normal math.

I'm sorry man.

Why is cleaning out so stressful ;-;

Also waiting for a phone call from my ex-employer so I can get tax forms.
They called me this morning before I was awake, and left me a voice mail saying they'd call back "in a couple of hours."
Fast forward to five hours later, I have not been called back. That's put me on hold all day too. I was thinking of getting out and doing something besides being depressed and lying in bed, but idk if I can now.

There's a smear of something blue on my sisters rocking chair, and my moms blaming it on my nail polish. That's pink and purple…

Also it was from months ago.

She really scraping the bottom of the barrel to yell at me.

Wonder whats she's going to do when I move out, and she realizes she has nobody to yell at anymore.