Actually, on a side note I have realised that if I ever tell my dad that I think I need professional help he will immediately shoot me down. Like, the way he keeps telling me the same controversial stuff over and over (vaccines are made to commit mass genocide, covid isn’t real, the pandemic is a total joke, Trump definitely won but the government is just hiding it, and by the way he isn’t actually that bad Biden sucks more, ect. ect.), and from what he’s specifically told me, he’d just tell me the stuff I’m dealing with friends, they’re either AIs, or have staged their illnesses.
So… about Ethan, he’s not exactly wrong, but Trina? She fucking died, do not dare tell me she’s still alive. I already went through the whole stage of denial. I couldn’t fucking believe she was dead, do not fucking dare tell me that this is all just a cruel joke. I went through that stage. Please do not give me false hope.
And yeah, Ethan made a mistake that may have broken most of his friendships, but that’s okay. We’re human. I get his reasoning. And you know what? I’m so fucking glad all of this is over. I’m so glad he’s in remission.
But also… if I told him about Michael, I’m afraid I would never be able to access Discord again. I’d get myself banned (at home) from it. Not to mention the thoughts, the memories, the feelings, they haunt me everyday and it’s so scary and I know I should talk to Mei about it but I’m not ready to face it I don’t want to retell that story all over again I can’t I can’t I can’t.
And for fucks sake, Dad, these are my friends. I’ve known most of them for two years, and others at least a year and a half, some for a year, and that’s more than enough for someone to drop an online persona. Like Ethan said, it’s like 8-9 months that’s the maximum one can hold an online persona. I know them. Even Ethan couldn’t keep up the idea that he was sick and dying for more than three months.
So I know that this might not make sense to most of you, or to anyone at all but I do need to put this somewhere and since my main venting place doesn’t allow swearing (it’s still very wholesome and I love it) I’m going to dump it here.
As always, stay safe, don’t forget to eat and hydrate, and try not to die.
I love you all very dearly <3
You guys mean the world to me, always remember that okay?