Mugger: [pulls out a knife] Give me all your money!
Varian: Well this night took a sharp turn.
later
Leaoni: The paramedic said she’d never seen this many stabs on one person before.
Sana: You know, not every problem can be solved with a sword.
Kallai, nodding: That’s why I carry two swords.
Leaoni: whO THE FUCK-
Kallai: Language!
Leaoni: WHOMST THE FUCK-
Frost: You're really campaigning for idiot of the year, aren't you?
Varian: As defending champion, are you nervous?
Sana: Do any of you have any healthy stress outlets?
Alune: Screaming.
Zatian: Murder.
Leaoni: Alcohol.
Frost: Manipulation.
Sana: Okay, so we have screaming.
Leaoni: Um, whatcha got there?
Sana, standing beside a monster she befriended: A smoothie.
Alune: What’s your blood type?
Varian: How would I know?
Alune: How would you not?!
Varian: Who do you think I am?? Karl Landsteiner, discoverer of blood groups???!
Alune: You don’t know your own blood type, but you know who discovered them??!
Frost: Now that I'm in charge nobody dares to make fun of me.
Leaoni: To your face.
Sana, peeking under the bed: Alune? Are you ready to come out and interact with other people?
Alune: [demonic screeching]
Sana: Understandable.
Varian: You know what, Alune, you're so unapproachable!
Alune: And yet here you are.
Leaoni: How could you treat Varian like this? He would throw himself in front of a sword for you!
Frost: He would throw himself in front of a sword just for fun!
Sana: You're better than this. Be the bigger person.
Alune: No, I'm 5'6" and bitter.
Varian: If I die my funeral is going to be the biggest party ever, and you're all invited!
Leaoni: If?
Alune: Great. One of the only parties I've ever been invited to and he might not even die.
Sana: He's bleeding internally.
Frost: That's good right? That's where the blood is supposed to be!
Varian: I lost Miran!
Alune: What? How?
Varian: Give me a break. He's like 2 inches tall.
Varian: I am not out of control! I'm a law-abiding citizen!
Kallai: Really? Name one law.
Varian: [pause] Don't kill people?
Kallai: That's on me. I set the bar too low.
Miran: Can we go out to eat ice cream?
Leaoni: What did Alune say?
Miran: He said no.
Leaoni: Then why are you asking me?
Alune: Because he's not the boss of you.
Leaoni, internally: this is a trap this is a trap this is a trap-
Zatian: I will make you sorry you were ever born!
Frost: Well, for your information, I'm already sorry I was ever born!
Alune: [Drops coffee]
Alune:
Alune: I’m so sick of being alive.
Kallai, at Varian's funeral: We'll miss everything about Varian. Except for his pranks, those were the worst.
Varian, in the coffin: Sweats nervously
Frost: The only thing I'm good at is breathing.
Kallai:
Kallai: Don't you have asthma?
Leaoni: Why are there so many days??? I feel like we just had a whole day yesterday. The days don't stop.
Varian: Oh my god, Smash Mouth was right. The years start coming and they don't stop coming.
Leaoni: This is the worst day of my life!
Alune: Relatable.
Varian: Some of you have not experienced the day Zayn left One Direction and it shows.
Alune: If Leaoni jumped off a bridge, wou-
Varian: Probably.