Your Personal Venting Space 3: Tokyo Drift

That actually helped. Thanks you two.

Deleted user

My zucchini has been quarantined and I have a cough (and other cold symptoms). It's not impossible to breath, but it's not as easy as it was. Thing is I don't have a fever, so. Idk.

Update: I have acquired a fever.

it's a good day to

✨get tested for covid✨

@berlioz

My zucchini has been quarantined and I have a cough (and other cold symptoms). It's not impossible to breath, but it's not as easy as it was. Thing is I don't have a fever, so. Idk.

Update: I have acquired a fever.

it's a good day to

✨get tested for covid✨

I hope I do, but I honestly don't know if my parents will bother.

@berlioz

(Put this in the wrong venting chat at first, my apologies)
Cw: joke about death

Spoiler - click to show.

@Max_Miracle_DroppedMostOfTheirRPs

Sooooo I haven’t been here before but today’s a day where I really need it. I just need to talk through this because I’m so fucking angry over it.
Tw: sexual assault

Spoiler - click to show.

So essentially, word’s just coming out now that last year a girl at my school was raped. She released the whole story on her instagram, talking about how the teachers she informed of it didn’t do anything. And that when her mother went directly to administration, their investigation was so shitty and literally accomplished nothing. She had videos that would prove this guy’s guilt. There were also numerous reports from other students who had been in some way harassed by this guy. And the school did absolutely nothing. Additionally, the teachers she told, were her theater directors. The directors wouldn’t allow her back into the theater program unless she dropped her case. I am also in theater. And these are people I very much respect and trust. The head theater director is an amazing woman who has always respected my name and pronouns, never slipped up even once. So the fact that she begged this girl not to take her case to the school is..sickening. I have no idea how I’m supposed to just go to school on Monday and act like everything is fine. And the fact that being raped is one of my biggest fears, and knowing that my school would do nothing to help me if that happened to me makes me feel all types of angry. I can’t even begin to imagine how much this girl has gone through, just trying to get justice. Hopefully, those of us still at school and in the program will protest or do something now that we know what happened. We’re just starting the audition process for our musical this week, so if we could somehow get that stopped that would be great. Idk, I’m just spitballing here. But I so badly want to do something.

@berlioz

Sooooo I haven’t been here before but today’s a day where I really need it. I just need to talk through this because I’m so fucking angry over it.
Tw: sexual assault

Spoiler - click to show.

So essentially, word’s just coming out now that last year a girl at my school was raped. She released the whole story on her instagram, talking about how the teachers she informed of it didn’t do anything. And that when her mother went directly to administration, their investigation was so shitty and literally accomplished nothing. She had videos that would prove this guy’s guilt. There were also numerous reports from other students who had been in some way harassed by this guy. And the school did absolutely nothing. Additionally, the teachers she told, were her theater directors. The directors wouldn’t allow her back into the theater program unless she dropped her case. I am also in theater. And these are people I very much respect and trust. The head theater director is an amazing woman who has always respected my name and pronouns, never slipped up even once. So the fact that she begged this girl not to take her case to the school is..sickening. I have no idea how I’m supposed to just go to school on Monday and act like everything is fine. And the fact that being raped is one of my biggest fears, and knowing that my school would do nothing to help me if that happened to me makes me feel all types of angry. I can’t even begin to imagine how much this girl has gone through, just trying to get justice. Hopefully, those of us still at school and in the program will protest or do something now that we know what happened. We’re just starting the audition process for our musical this week, so if we could somehow get that stopped that would be great. Idk, I’m just spitballing here. But I so badly want to do something.

Spoiler - click to show.

that's so messed up on so many levels. I don't go to your school, but you must be all sorts of dissapionted and scared. She deserves her justice. I'm appalled that nobody did anything, she's a high-schooler for crying out loud. I'm disgusted. This type of thing can't even be put into words. If you feel like you need to do something, do something. You should protest, approach the teachers or something, make a fuss, but make sure the survivor is comfortable with it first. It could thrust more attention than she's comfortable with on her.

@berlioz

Spoiler - click to show.

@Max_Miracle_DroppedMostOfTheirRPs

Spoiler - click to show.

yeah I’m not sure what she wants done, she just needed to tell her story. She published it on her main Instagram account under her name, so I assume she’d be comfortable with us protesting in her name but I would of course check first. She transferred out of the school after what happened but since I have her account name, I should be able to get into contact with her if I need to. I’ve contacted my friend who I initially got the story from, who’s also in theater, so hopefully we might be able to put something together, or at least do our best to inform everyone else in the theater department. We won’t let this slide.

@Max_Miracle_DroppedMostOfTheirRPs

So as an update: me and another girl from my theater class are staging a walk out sometime the week after next. We’ve received permission from the victim to do so.

Deleted user

Good for you!!! Fuck those teachers who refused to listen to the victim. I hope she’s okay!

@Max_Miracle_DroppedMostOfTheirRPs

Thank you!! I’m honestly really nervous to do this, but it’s worth it.

@berlioz

So worth it. Start getting the word out. You're doing a good thing my guy.

@Max_Miracle_DroppedMostOfTheirRPs

Thanks. We might end up live-streaming the walk out so if we do, I’ll let y’all know. Also any social media presence we start before then, I’ll probably link it here for those of you that want it.

@berlioz

October 25, 2020

Just a reminder for the voters:
Your vote will not count if the signature on your mail in ballot does not match the signature on your driver's license
Make sure they match. Get Trump out of office.

@Althalosian-is-the-father

October 25, 2020

I hate more hardships in voting.

@Cloudy_is_trying_her_best

I love it when my mom tries to invalidate my emotions by saying Mercury is in retrograde or whatever :) and that's why I don't understand why I feel the way I do :) we stan a supportive household :)

@Cloudy_is_trying_her_best

…I hope that doesn't offend anyone who does believe in astrology and things like that, it's just very frustrating because I feel like she's saying my emotions aren't my own or something. Sorry if that came off as rude, I didn't intend to mock anyone's beliefs.

Deleted user

bruh even if the retrograde is the cause of your feelings, she should at least be a little less insensitive

@berlioz

I'm sorry your mom is dismissive my guy. That's whack.

@Katastrophic

gotta vent about SAD, i hate it so much. I'm starting my vitamins and going to order a light lamp but it takes maybe a few weeks to start working. I literally slept in until 10 min before my stream at 10 and ended up changing the time. Then I took a nap from 3 until my dnd at 6:30, and im so tired we're cutting it short and doing duels instead of the actual plot. I appreciate my group but I still fee like shit for having them end early just because i'm too lethargic to think and do all the dice math. I'm just so tired and don't want to do anything and it suuuucks

@Relsey-TheElder

You know what usually helps when I get really apathetic about life, Music. Find a song that makes you smile, listen to something that makes you want to dance and then do it, dance around your room like a crazy person. If a sad song come on listen to it, act it out feel those emotions and dance them out. Sometimes when you feel apathetic it's because it hurts to feel so let the music feel for you. After words it kinda feels like you've had a really good conversation with your best friend about life. It may not work for every one but it doesn't hurt to try.

@The-N-U-T-Cracker

past 12 am and I’m rambling again but I need it this time

Spoiler - click to show.

I don’t think I’ve had this big of a meltdown in months… It’s all crashing together and it hurts
no one out there is like me.
I’m all. fucking. alone.
people aren’t like me. I wish they were, but they aren’t.
I want to hope maybe I’m overreaching, maybe my research trying so desperately to make sense of what’s happening is messing with my head, but unfortunately you can’t falsely diagnose yourself with an action
less than ten people in history have been recorded that struggle with the same types of self-harm I do. even then, they usually have eating, psychotic, or personality disorders. I have no excuses, nothing really there other than fear.
even if somehow, someone out there is just as terrified as I am and people simply haven’t made a word for it yet, I’ll likely never meet her.
I’ll be surrounded, trapped by Them for the rest of my life, and I can’t do shit about it.
I can’t escape the panic, it follows everywhere you go
I can’t try to fix things as they’ll just laugh at me, try to force me into their mindsets again. I don’t think like Them. I can never think like Them.
I can’t get help, I can’t tell a soul- they take these thoughts from me and I’ll have nothing left.
Everyone around me is one of Them. my parents, therapist, even my closest friends, none of them are safe.
sometimes I wonder if I should be scared of me too
my thoughts have been clearly fading and I’m starting to get more destructive in a desperate attempt at keeping me safe
I can’t breathe properly, my head hurts and I feel like I’m spinning

@saor_illust

ella dear, i love you so fucking much and it hurts to see you this way. please get some sleep, okay? i know it seems like nothing will ever get better. it'll just be the same shit over and over again, and perhaps it seems like it will get worse.

oh but ella, i promise you. things will get better, alright? it may take years, even, or perhaps just a couple days, but i promise you things get better.
and even when they do, please always remember that it is 100% okay to have relapses.

i've been doing so much better for the last month, and yet even then just last week i had a relapse-

things will be easier to look at and deal with in the morning when you have sleep, okay?
it's never good to think on a sleep deprived mind.

please stay safe, don't forget to eat and hydrate, and try not to die <3
i love you <3

Deleted user

I have to stay home today, I couldn't handle looking someone in the eye because I feel so much like shit. All the emotions I had pushed down? Exploding becuase someone took a pic axe of greif and fucked up my layer of ice

I can barely fucking get down a smoothie right now
i hate everything but I''m gonna go put on a happy face becuase i Hae To

@The-N-U-T-Cracker

alright… I slept on it and I feel a lot better now
my head still hurts a lot but that’s expected

I just don’t know what to do, there doesn’t seem to be any way out. either I live most of my life in fear, or they’ll take away everything about me, stripping away my value until I’m nothing more than one of them.
lately the fears have been fading, which… ironically just makes them worse.
I’m less dedicated to keeping myself safe, I don’t have that strength or motivation to risk everything in order to not become them.
which is terrifying, cause if I’m not willing to put everything on the line, I’m so much more at risk, and if they get to me I might as well be done for.
my one hope was maybe I’d find a group of people like me, people who aren’t going to hurt me, people who aren’t… them.
we’d live in a dedicated neighborhood together, always traveling in packs so we can’t be hurt, maybe even help people realize the horrors around them. It’d be a beautiful place, I could live happily knowing we’re all safe, but if there’s no one like me then that hope can never exist. there’s nothing out there. I’m simply doomed.
~~plus every time I try to describe that hope it just ends up sounding vaguely like a cult pitch and people might start to worry about me~~
I’m trying my best to strengthen myself again, and it seems to be working, but sometimes the reminder of your situation is a little too much to handle, especially when it doesn’t make sense to anyone else.

I’m not going to have many friends, and at this point, I’ve accepted that.
I’m just a bit confused trying to figure out how to cope

also, thank you so much iz…
I don’t think I give you enough appreciation for how much you mean to me.

@saor_illust

;-; im sorry to hear that, and im sorry that i dont know what to say to that, but i'm glad you're feeling better now

and ofc, anytime fren <3
and isokieee

@SpookyScarySnoteleks

When you can't remember a certain formula for the life of you but you have a test coming up so you decide to carve it into your skin with a pencil

@berlioz

I hate when my school tells me at the beginning of the year that there will be alternative assignments and equal chance to make up work for kids in quarantine, then when I'm in quarantine there are barely any virtual version of the assignments, half my teachers won't reply to my questions, and one that did straight up said

We are going to start putting models together today. Everyone's going at a different pace, so you should be able to catch up when you get back. I'm not giving you daily points for this project, just points for the finished thing.

and there's no way I can make up the daily points. Like. I get marked down just for not being there when at the beginning of the year they made it pretty clear they would have to understand that a lot of kids will miss a lot of days of school. But no. There's no way to make up for being there when the whole point is to make up for not being there. So that's grand.

@Althalosian-is-the-father