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"I'm not sure- and I'm sorry for that," Cyrus sighed, "I- you know I'm used to riding this shit out alone. I- the thing is, you're already keeping me clamer than I think I would usually be right now."
Cyrus kept moving his hands over Marcus', trying to keep himself grounded.
Marcus let his hands be touched, turning them over when it seemed like Cyrus wanted them to be. He offered a small, weak smile before he actually responded, trying to find the courage he used to have in these kind of situations.
Truth was he didn't know what to do or what was right or wrong.
When Marx was upset Marcus was required to provide stress relief using his own body. Other times he was simply left alone for days on end while Marx worked out his frustrations elsewhere.
Being here with Cyrus was strange. He could only sit there and offer his hands and voice.
"I'll stay here then…" He murmured, tilting his head. "If me being here is helping then I'll stay."
Cyrus gave a nod.
"Thank you."
He closed his eyes and tried to take deep breaths, but his muscles were so tight with stress, it was uncomfortable. His eyes were glazed over, and he was clearly in distress, but Cyrus had no idea how to stop it. Yet, he felt Marcus' presence truly was taking the edge off.
"I seriously don't deserve someone as great as you."
"Anything. I'd give you anything." He murmured softly. He gently wiggled one of his hands and tilted his head.
"Can I take this hand back? You can hold the other still. I just want to help your muscles relax. You're so tense, Cyrus." Marcus leaned down to softly scatter kisses across his lover's cheek; an extra reassurance that he was there for the other.
"I'm not all that great on my own, Cy. You helped me get to this point, you know. I wouldn't be here, who I am, without you."
"Ah… yeah," Cyrus said, loosening his grip on one of Marcus' hands.
He glanced over.
"I think we bring out the best in each other. The things I love about you were already there, though."
He gasped slightly as a twinge of pain passed down his side. Once again, it occurred to him that he'd been shot there, and the mere idea made him feel sicker.
Marcus took his hand back to instead rub out the muscles along Cyrus’s back. He smiled softly at the words, letting them settle in his mind.
Already there… he liked hearing that. He liked having value to someone in the way he did with Cyrus.
“I think we do too… I like it a lot.” He murmured.
Marcus tensed when Cyrus gasped, looking over his face for hints of pain. He whined softly, pressing his forehead against Cyrus’s head.
“I wish I could take your pain away, love… I don’t like seeing you hurt.”
"It's going to be okay," he said, a half-hearted smile passing over his face, "I've arguably been through worse."
"The massaging feels nice, though. Thanks, love."
And that much was true. His back muscles felt knotted and almost painful, he was so tense. But having Marcus work through it did help.
“It’s still no fun.” Marcus murmured, but didn’t touch back on the point. He didn’t want to bring the mood down anymore than it was already.
“Mhm… Am I’m doing alright?” He questioned softly, running his fingers along Cyrus’s lower back as he searched for knots.
"You're doing great. Thanks, baby," Cyrus cooed.
He was still clearly in some amount of pain, but the statement was genuine.
"How're you feeling? I've probably put you under a lot of stress, huh?"
(gahhh super low key sorry, I’m doubting my writing style and if it feels off or wrong or different it’s me trying to decide if I’m decent enough to actually be rping sorry for being sorry too, I do be anxious)
Marcus only nodded in response, closing his eyes and taking a moment to rest.
He hesitated to answer the question, gritting his teeth enough his jaw was starting to ache.
“It’s not all you. I’m stressed. But it’s not all you. Yes I’m stressed that you’re hurt and I’m stressed that I’m not doing enough for you; But it’s also because of Marx and what I have to do. It’s all of this, the trauma and pain and abuse and the learning that none of it is normal. I didn’t know life could be so good… it’s stressful.” He admitted, falling silent as he paid extra attention to the knots he found beneath his palm.
“Sorry… there’s a lot on my mind.”
(You're fine! I genuinely like your writing style a lot and get lowkey excited when I see a response in our rp.)
"You have nothing to apologize for," Cyrus replied, leaning into the pressure Marcus put on his back.
"Besides, I asked you because I wanted to know. Not because I wanted you to lie and say you were fine. There's a lot going on, love."
He cast a smile the best he could.
(Thank you, sometimes i just need the reassurance ^^’ But I get super excited to see a response too. Y’all are really good, I love everything about the way you write and rp. Sorry for my awful self esteem we working on it, but if my replies are a bit spaced out, it’s because I’m working out some stuff rn)
“God you’re the best boyfriend ever. The second you get better I’m attacking you with love and affection.” He huffed, the humor in his voice cracked. Though the words were genuine. He really was going to give all the affection he could to Cyrus at any time the other wanted it.
“There is a lot going on. I almos can’t figure it all out in my head. It feels fuzzy.”
(Thank you! And take all the time you need. I don't mind!)
Cyrus' smile grew.
"That sounds nice," he replied.
He still felt awful, but Marcus was definitely keeping his spirits up. And he'd almost pushed him away…
"But yeah, that's understandable. You can talk to me if there's anything you need to work through. You know that, right?"
(Thankss! ^^’)
“Of course I know that, Cyrus. You’re very gentle and patient with me. Thank you for that.” He hummed, offering a small smile and a soft sigh.
“My main concern right now is Marx. But that’s something we can’t do anything with until it’s time.”
"Right, and I think Nina is truly on our side… after all, her story lines up, and…" He leaned on Marcus a bit. "Well, she looked like she actually let her guard down with you. She's going to help."
Marcus let out a soft laugh, smiling a little to himself. “I have a habit of making people let their guards down around me. Guess I just come across as weaker.” He found the words hilarious, but any sane person would find them concerning.
“You and I are going to be okay, I think. With Nina’s help, even if it’s just this, and you with me, I think I can do what I need to do.”
"Good," Cyrus replied.
He managed to smile a bit.
"I can't wait for it to be just us. No one to stop us from being ourselves or from being together," he mused.
(Quick question, did we ever decide what time of year it was?)
"I'm excited for it too, Cy… Imagine how nice it would be to have a real safe place to call home? To be able to be happy for once… Free… God it's all so exciting!" He grinned and closed his eyes to refrain from exploding from excitement. He gave Cyrus's hand a squeeze, hoping to convey all the emotions he couldn't physically show.
(I don't think we did XD. What time of year do we want it to be?)
(I was thinking maybe fall/winter? It's not super relevant, but I think I had a reason for asking it that I have now forgotten)
Cyrus chuckled softly.
"It really is. Have you ever thought of some things you'd like to do when this is all over? Like anything you couldn't do before?"
(That sounds perfect! And alright, thats okay! If you ever remember it let me know! It sounds funn)
Marcus leaned his head back as he thought, his eyes lighting up and flicking open.
"I've never really been to a concert. Like an orchestral one. I want to listen to real musicians who got to use their talents. I play but I've never been able to do anything with it. Marx and my father both hated it. And I've never been to an arcade, or an aquarium really. I haven't done any real 'holiday' stuff either. And I could go do all the things that I have done without having to worry about being dragged into some public bathroom by Marx and-" He frowned, cutting himself off before he finished.
"There's a lot I haven't gotten to do. I've never really traveled outside of the city except for gang things, I'd like to travel just to travel. Just to get out there. I want to visit parks and tourist attractions and stupid little cliche date places… there's a lot I want to do."
"I'd love to do those things with you," Cyrus said softly, his eyes growing a little wider at the notion.
"Hell, we should make a running list."
For a moment, he thought to himself.
"I would love to get another cat."
Cyrus let out a soft chuckle.
"That's all I can think at for the moment. My mother had one when I was younger. But uh- yeah. I also would love to travel freely. I've never been more than the next town over without gang reasons, either."
Marcus’s eyes went wide in a child-like wonder as he listened to Cyrus. His face lit up in a large grin, a giggle falling from his lips.
“I’ve never had a pet! I’d love a cat… I love cats… I feed the strays by the gang house.” He let out a happy sound at the thought, his eyes going wider when it lead him to another, even better thought.
“Cyrus! Once I’m the gang leader I’ll inherit both the gang house and the house that Marx uses for himself! If you’d like to we could… y’know, move in together? I’d like to change up the house though, fix the walls and repaint it and change things. That way it’ll be a new house and it’ll be ours. No bad memories either.”
(Catch me projecting bc I really want a cat but I'm at college :'( )
Cyrus nodded.
"Yeah, that sounds great!" he replied, his eyes finally growing a bit brighter, "God, you're so gorgeous when you're excited. I love you so much."
He carefully moved his hand to hold the other's arm.
(Now that is a whole mood. Same thoooo. I want a pet so bad but my place doesn’t allow anything that’s not a fish.)
Marcus smiled, true Ning his head slightly to hide the soft pink that dusted his cheeks. “I love you too, Cyrus.” He gave the other a kind smile, leaning in to kiss the other’s cheek.
“You’re attractive too, you know… when you smile and are happy and even when you’re in pain or angry… you’re so handsome.”
(I did get a fish lol and I have some snails)
"Heh… thanks, love," Cyrus replied.
"It feels so good talking about what could be," he mused, "I don't know why we didn't try this before. It's pretty good motivation, I think. Then as a bonus, it makes you smile."
(Ooo I want snails so bad. I just can’t afford them 😂)
“It feels like a good dream. But like an attainable dream.” He laughed a little, trying his best to hide the wider smile that threatened to spill over his features.
“Me? I’m not smiling.” He joked, stifling back another laugh.
He wanted the lighthearted mood, it felt good.
(I uhh… I got one snail for like $3, and an aquatic plant, and the aquatic plant came with an asexually-reproducing snail hitchhiking on it, and it had like a million babies lmao. So now I have a jar that has like 30 snails hanging out)
"Riiight," Cyrus replied, laughing, though very softly so he wouldn't hurt himself.
He made a small, happy noise.
"Hey, would you like to watch a movie or something?" he asked, "I've got my laptop here, if you want to."
(:0 that’s amazing. You’re a snail parent now. Such power. But also, that’s a lot of snails)
Marcus ran his hand through Cyrus’s hair, fixing it with a gentle touch.
“A movie sounds amazing. Let’s do it. What do you have in mind?”
(My roommate called me a snandma= snail grandma)
"Ah, I- I'm not sure. Something sort of feel-good. Do you like musicals at all? That could be fun, right?" Cyrus suggested, leaning into Marcus' touch.
He pointed over to the desk, where his laptop sat on its charger. There were stickers all over the back.
(Yesssss snandma! I love that so much. All I got are plants. My roommate probs thinks I’m crazy cuz I talk to my plants.)
“I’ve never really sat down and watched a movie, but a musical sounds good!” His eyes followed Cyrus’s hand and he smiled, hopping out of the bed to grab the laptop.
He ran his fingers over the stickers, admiring each one as he climbed back into the bed to join Cyrus.