@cryptic-glitch
Don't call me out like that asdghfgj Chicago slaps
as a raging bisexual same
Don't call me out like that asdghfgj Chicago slaps
as a raging bisexual same
"okay, who took my rohan nendoroid figure? whoever took it, i will end your bloodline here and now"
"what do you want to eat?"
"beesechurger"
"what the fuck is a beesech-"
"beesechurger. now."
"totally not about to convince my boyfriend to dress up as a dolphin and pose with my jotaro figure-"
"please tell me you're not gonna make me do that-"
"you will. you cannot refuse."
"s h i t,,,"
"never going outside again. this damn yellow orb burned my skin. 0/10, would not recommend."
"noted heterosexual capitalist Oscar Wilde" -eva, 2021
I knew that would be here.
I would love to say that is a Holy Roman Empire situation. But, he was, in fact, noted.
"I always thought the Bermuda Triangle would play a bigger role in my life. I mean, I guess I'm glad it doesn't, but still."
"You look like Michael Jackson. Was that your goal when you decided to dress like that?"
“You’re running over the Holy Family!”
“Stop running over the Holy Family.”
“Your stomach is the wrong color.”
“You’re running over the Holy Family!”
“Stop running over the Holy Family.”
Me when my cat knocks them all down to sit in our Nativity
"Now how am I supposed to show off my sick ass hair?"
"We didn't start the fire! Except we did, lmao."
"just because i'm a flamboyant italian man does NOT mean you get the right to call me 'caesar zeppeli.'"
"would you guys shut up for a second? i'm trying to figure out where i went wrong in my life."
"are we going to ignore the fact that kuromi just tried to eat my hand?"
"yes."
"understandable, have a great day."
"i should never be allowed to parent a child. the first thing i'd do when raising is make them watch every JJBA opening."
"yeah… you definitely shouldn't be given access to a child of your own-"
"god, i wanna slit somebody's tHroat."
"yeesh, are you okay?"
"no."
an hour later
"babe, i think i'm gonna start writing children's books."
"i- just an hour ago you went on about how you were literally gonna slit someone's throat then set yourself on fire."
“I don’t know what circle of hell I'm in. But please. Get me out.”
Gotta save this for writing Lol.
“What are you talking about?”
“…Satan?”
“Let him wear a dress.”
“Let them wear nail polish.”
“Let them put barbecue sauce on their titties.”
"rock the dwayne johnson"
uncontrollable laughter
"aguanta un refri"
"I doubt that you can lift a fridge"
"If you remove the dentist bit this'd be an episode of Law and Order."
"I don't trust that guy OR his mustache."
“Nazi Barbie.”
"You look like a fancy chimney sweep."
"it's like 10 pm and you need to sleep."
"too bad, cuz it's cry-until-i-pass-out-from-exhaustion time."
"all-nighters are fun, especially when everyone's asleep and you adopt the job of their alarm clock, so when morning comes you start screaming like a banshee until everyone wakes up."
"remind me to never come to visit you again-"
"roger that, mom"
"babe, the ferrets are trying to eat the packing peanuts again-"
"i am going to set this house on fire with me in it, and nobody will be able to stop me."
"okay, sure, but do you want pizza or not?"
brief silence
"yes"
"i hate you"
"you only hate me because i forgot to buy some more whipped cream"
"exactly"
"I mean, there's nothing wrong with lookin' for love if you're a spider-lady, but she totally just, like, didn't tell you she had an STD and that's Not Cool."
"Beaster egg"
"She's not evil! She's pretty!"
"She's not evil! She's pretty!"
People looking at the Resident Evil 8 ads like
"Lumber isn't cheap, it doesn't grow… on… trees….. I'll give you a thousand dollars to forget that I made that joke."
"Oh hell yes power! Time to beat up all my friends and people that helped me by cloning there powers and almost killing them!"
“I like your glasses, may I smell them?”
“No.”
"I, too, will fade from every photograph I've ever been in when I die."
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