Marcus nodded softly, gently touching the area around the bandages with a feather light touch. “It’s okay, love… It’s not your fault, you didn’t mean to.” He murmured, biting his lip when he saw the torn stitches. “I’m sorry I couldn’t help more.”
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"It's okay, it's not like you can take away nightmares and all that," Cyrus said, "I'm just glad you're willing to deal with the aftermath. I feel bad that you have to, though. You've got enough shit to deal with, and honestly, I'm not sure why you stay with me, when I'm just another thing to worry about… not to mention… how much danger you're in by seeing me."
Marcus stopped in his tracks and looked up at Cyrus with a stern look.
“I stay with you because I love you. Fuck all the rest. You’re not another thing to worry about because I care about you. You deserve that. And as for the danger, it’s worth it. I wouldn’t hesitate to do it all over again, Cy. I love you”
Cyrus closed his eyes and let out a sharp breath.
"I… thank you… I love you too."
He choked back some tears that threatened to flow.
"It was always a burden, you know? You're one of the few to treat it as like… part of the package."
Marcus cupped Cyrus’s face, looking over him with loving eyes. “It’s not a burden. Not to me, my love. You’re my loving and handsome boyfriend and I wouldn’t change anything about you.”
He drew Cyrus in, kissing all across his face. “You’re so handsome and strong, so so strong for me. I love you Cyrus, my forever love.”
"You gotta stop saying shit like that, you're gonna make me cry," Cyrus joked.
Except he was clearly choked up. He rubbed at his eyes.
"God, I love you so much too. And every one of your perceived flaws is just… part of you. And I love all of you so much. You're way too good to me."
Marcus smiled softly, ruffling Cyrus’s hair playfully. “Every word I said is true, love. I can’t stop saying them. Especially if they make you feel loved.”
He could feel his own eyes start to burn from the threat of tears, and it only got worse when Cyrus spoke.
“I love you too, Cy. I love you so much it hurts to see you in pain. But you’ve got it all wrong, it’s me who doesn’t deserve you, you’re way too good for me. So loving and caring and you give me my boundaries and you’re careful with me. You give me my space if I need it and you help me with my issues.”
"I'm glad," Cyrus replied, his voice cracking a bit, "I feel like it's only the right way to treat you but…"
He laughed slightly.
"Yknow, Pollux used to stitch up my wounds and stuff when I would get into trouble, and sure, it was a lot cleaner when he did it, but you're so much sweeter about it. He doesn't mean to be, but he's kind of flat emotionally and looks like an asshole sometimes. But you haven't made me feel bad even once, no matter how much of my fault it was that something bad happened."
Marcus carefully wrapped his arms around Cyrus in a gentle hug, resting his head against the others.
“I’m just trying to be a good boyfriend… I’m nowhere near as successful or talented as Pollux, but I know what it’s like to suffer injuries like these without someone soft and caring to help with them. I know what rough hands and abuse feel like. I understand the feeling of being trapped in a situation where there is no other exit but death. And I don’t want you to have to go through that. I want to give you all the love in the world because you’ve changed my life for the better.”
"You're so much softer and kinder. And I need that more than anything," Cyrus replied, "We understand each other so much, even though we just met. We both know a world full of pain."
He leaned into the hug, his body aching.
"Hopefully we won't have to face that, once this is over. It'll leave scars, but… the source won't be there."
“I promise I’ll be soft. I’ll only be rough when you need it to be, love.” He chuckled weakly, tangling his fingers in Cyrus’s hair.
Marcus sighed happily. This was where he wanted to be. This was the life he wanted, the one right here with Cyrus. He would give up anything to stay here.
“No more open wounds… both physically and mentally.” He murmured softly, closing his eyes to take in the soft moment they were sharing.
But eventually he had to pull away, wiping at his wet eyes and laughing softly.
“Now, let me take care of you, Cy.” Marcus gently pulled up Cyrus’s shirt and looked over the wound once again. With a glance up at at Cyrus’s face, Marcus leaned down to press a gentle kiss to the area around it.
“Let’s get these fixed up.”
"Thanks, darling," Cyrus replied.
The pain meds were still doing their job, more or less, so he didn't flinch upon the other's touch.
"It shouldn't be too bad this time," he laughed.
He had still been shaking a bit this whole time, and he still felt godawful. But Marcus was here. He was fine. He was going to look after Cyrus.
Darling. He liked that. It made him giggle softly and blush.
"You're very welcome, my love." He replied.
Marcus gently began to work out the ripped stitches, setting them on the counter each time he got a new strand of it out. Soon he was cleaning the wound once again, speaking reassuring and kind words to Cyrus.
"Can I continue, baby? I'll be as gentle as I can."
Cyrus was shaking a bit, but from the anxiety, not the pain. He gave a slight nod.
For the most part, he had been okay, and he only vocalized in soft grunts of discomfort.
"Yeah, go ahead," he said, "I'm doing alright. I'll let you know if I need a break."
"Alright, please tell me. I don't want to hurt you. And if its giving you any anxiety please let me know about that too." Marcus took a moment to let Cyrus relax a little before he started on the stitches. His fingers worked carefully, trying to cause the least amount of pain for the love of his life.
"The wounds aren't really the source of any anxiety right no- ow…"
He frowned a bit, but was able to bear it.
"I'm alright, you can keep going."
He sighed a bit.
"Sorry you had to do this again."
"Sorry!" Marcus gasped out, biting his lip. Despite Cyrus's clear 'keep going' Marcus waited a moment before he continued, moving slowly so as to keep the stitches neat and clean.
"It's okay, Cy. It happens. But with your anxiety, is it okay if I ask what's causing it?" He glanced up at Cyrus for a moment before he finished up his work and tied off the stitches.
"There we go."
"I don't know," Cyrus replied, "I mean, this time I think I woke up from like… nightmares or something. But at its core? Trauma and bad genes, honestly."
He shook his head.
"I still can't shake what happened last night though. Like who the fuck would stab-?"
He fell silent, as if afraid to finish the sentence.
"I don't know what overcame me, Marcus. I'm scared to death of it."
"It's okay, Cyrus… It was a crime of passion. He did a lot of bad things to you, he killed your mother… You had every right to be that angry. You don't have to fear it, we can work on it together, okay? It'll be all okay, Cyrus. I know my words are only just words but I do mean them. Its going to be okay. I don't blame you for what you did. He was a bad man."
Marcus reassured as he bandaged the area back up and returned his full attention to his boyfriends face.
"You were angry at him. If I were in your shoes I probably would have done the same.
"Crime of passion is a term they use when an abusive man murders his wife in a drunken fit…" Cyrus murmured, "I won't say he didn't deserve to die in great pain, but… that's not the kind of person I am, and I don't understand… I barely remember doing it! I-I-I remember feeling like I got punched in the side, but… It's so blurry. I was on the floor with one knife in my leg, another in my hand, and my father's mutilated body…"
He shuddered again at the thought.
"I-I don't know anyone who's killed someone so brutally. I've killed people before, Marcus… I just don't- I don't… Why would I…?"
He scratched at the back of his neck, clearly bothered and nervous.
"I'm a dangerous person. I-I'm capable of doing that sort of thing. And I mean… I've done other things to other people that- that I just don't- I say I don't agree with it but- then why do I…?"
He was rambling at this point.
"Ah sorry, I don't know much about that…" Marcus admitted, glancing away for a moment. He let Cyrus ramble for a little bit before he brought him into a hug, shaking his head.
"Cyrus, it's okay. I don't think you're dangerous. And the things you have done weren't entirely up to you. You did what you had to survive."
Cyrus shook his head, sighing softly into Marcus' shoulder.
"I just- I believe I could've- and should've found another way to survive."
His fingertips dug into Marcus' arms; he squeezed him tight to ground himself.
"Have you ever done anything like that?" he asked.
Marcus leaned his head against Cyrus's, pressing closer to the other to offer him more comfort.
At the question, Marcus nodded. It took a little bit before he could answer, however.
"I've done bad things too. My nickname was given to me for a reason. I'm Lighter. I'm the arsonist. I'm the one who cleans up the scene before burning it to the ground. Sometimes I'm just tasked with burning the house down itself. Those houses weren't owned all by bad people. Some of them simply got on Marx's bad side so he made me give them misfortune after misfortune. I put children who were like me out on the streets to fend for themselves. I've stolen from those who are too poor to go without a day of funds. I could lead the police to so many bodies and crimes I can't erase from my memories." He took in a sharp breath and shuddered.
"I've never killed anyone directly, but I'm sure more than one life - whether human or animal - has died because of my fires. It's haunting. I've done bad things, too, Cyrus. Some I did willingly, others I was forced into doing. But I don't think I'm all bad… I still do good things. I'm still capable of that. And bad people don't want to change and they don't regret what they've done. So I can't be a bad person. And so you can't be a bad person either, Cy."
Cyrus bit his lip.
"I just- I have such a hard time believing that, you know? I have the capacity to kill someone when I'm unarmed. I've been there- I've had to do that, and it's horrible, absolutely horrible. Arson is bad, sure… but your intent is never to kill. When I've done what I've done, that was my intent. I… I appreciate your trying to use your own experiences to soothe me, but… I'm not sure they quite compare."
He folded his hands in front of him.
"What good things have I even done, aside from what I've done for you? That's ultimately selfish too, right? Because I'm starved for affection, dying for any kind of positive attention. I-I can't be a good person… Not like that."
Marcus only nodded. Cyrus was right, it didn't compare. He didn't know how to handle the situation at the moment, if he were being honest.
Cyrus had done a lot of hits. His intent was to kill. And that was hard on a person's mind.
"You've done good with Pollux. You're doing good by trying to get out of your current situation. I don't care if I'm just a stepping stone for this. I'll gladly be your selfish act if it gets you out of your current situation and working towards a better you. You're trying. That's what counts."
Cyrus gave a slow nod.
"Thanks for that. I… don't really know what to say, love."
He shifted a bit.
"Like… I think my intentions are good here, but I do worry…"
He let out a heavy sigh.
"It's a lot. I'm scared I'll never recover."
“You’ve been through a lot, love. It’s okay to have doubts, but know that you’re still trying and that’s all that matters at the moment.” Marcus replied softly, running his fingers through the other’s hair.
“It’s okay to be scared. But I’m sure over time you’ll recover slowly. You might not be able to fully recover, but it will be enough to live on.”
"Okay," Cyrus replied slowly, "I… I still have a hard time believing it, but I do trust you."
He gave a slight smile, trying to cover up the pain. Yet the pain was already bared.
“I’ll help remind you every time. I promise, love.” Marcus gave a weak smile in return, swallowing the lump in his throat.
“I’m sorry I can’t help more, Cyrus, but you don’t have to put on a face for me, okay? It’s alright if you’re not doing okay, you’re allowed to feel that.”
Cyrus gritted his teeth.
"Yeah… I know…" he rasped, "I don't think I could anymore if I tried, anyhow."
He reached out to hold Marcus' hand.
"God, I'm so tired…"