forum Your Personal Venting Space 3: Tokyo Drift

Started June 28, 2020 by @The-N-U-T-Cracker

tune

yeah mood
I really wanna reread a bunch of books and some new ones that I've been meaning to but I don't really want to stare at a screen the entire time with an ebook but the libraries are closed and books are expensive to buy

going shopping anywhere is like my natural antidepressant
walking through art shops? heck yeah
new clothes? I'm down
dollar store spree? count me in-
heck it, let's take a stroll through price chopper
i don't even have to buy anything, it just brings me a lot of Happy.

I really like running errands or doing window shopping
it's just so much fun
I don't even spend money that often unless it's for someone else or if I'm doing "self care"
me buying a whole pride flag yesterday was indeed self care

I really like running errands or doing window shopping
it's just so much fun
I don't even spend money that often unless it's for someone else or if I'm doing "self care"
me buying a whole pride flag yesterday was indeed self care

Running errands is fine when I'm by myself or with my sister. My parents make it gross though, ngl

Running errands is Fine and Good when I'm doing it on my own terms, but when it's been 45 minutes and we're still at one store and only a quarter of the way through the grocery list, that's not fun.

When my parents first got their Costco membership we'd have to walk through every single isle, and not quickly. Ever. Single. Isle.
Other than that errands aren't that bad.

I can't drive which means that if I want to go to a store I can't bike to, I have to ask my madre to drive me and she always demands a list of every single thing I'm buying

Like….. chill. It's especially annoying when I'm buying witchy stuff because she wants to know why I need everything and it can be very hard to explain

Running errands is Fine and Good when I'm doing it on my own terms, but when it's been 45 minutes and we're still at one store and only a quarter of the way through the grocery list, that's not fun.

Exactly

We got a new piano (finally!!!!) but it hasn't been tuned in like…years, so it sounds DISGUSTING when I play it. Chords sound disgusting, melodies sound disgusting, everything sounds disgusting, and we can't get it tuned until monday and it's making me sad :(( I can't play anything without cringing and audibly going "ew"

Going to the grocery store after it gets dark hits different

Going to the grocery store after it gets dark hits different

Those are the best trips

When my parents first got their Costco membership we'd have to walk through every single isle, and not quickly. Ever. Single. Isle.
Other than that errands aren't that bad.

Costco is the only place I don't like going because yk all the people and the noise.

Going to the grocery store after it gets dark hits different

Those are the best trips

Trader Joe's at night in the winter when there's like no one there and all the employees say hi to you. And it's raining. And it's always better if it's like an unplanned trip after and my mom is like "we gotta get coffee and you can pick some snacks if you come"
That's the best

When my parents first got their Costco membership we'd have to walk through every single isle, and not quickly. Ever. Single. Isle.
Other than that errands aren't that bad.

Costco is the only place I don't like going because yk all the people and the noise.

I like it because where I live it's the closest thing to a world market and I love hearing foreign languages and being around different people. We also have a big Asian market I used to go to for my birthday. Then I was just starting to learn Chinese.

My hair is getting long and I'm happy

Cool.

My hair is getting long and I'm Not Happy

You know what's ironic? I've received more texts from my ex in the past three weeks than I've received from my "best friend" in three months. I texted her to wish her happy birthday two weeks ago, and I still haven't gotten a response. I've texted her over and over and every time, it's on me to initiate contact. She has never once texted me first. I've been friends with her since we were ten years old, and as soon as I moved away it's like I don't exist anymore. Like all those years of friendship just got flushed down the drain. Like it doesn't matter. Like I don't matter. I miss her a lot, and I just wish she'd talk to me every once in a while. I'm not asking for much. Just… something.

Idk. I'm just ranting at this point. Whatever.

When my parents first got their Costco membership we'd have to walk through every single isle, and not quickly. Ever. Single. Isle.
Other than that errands aren't that bad.

Costco is the only place I don't like going because yk all the people and the noise.

I like it because where I live it's the closest thing to a world market and I love hearing foreign languages and being around different people. We also have a big Asian market I used to go to for my birthday. Then I was just starting to learn Chinese.

I want your costco, it sounds so much cooler than my costco

When my parents first got their Costco membership we'd have to walk through every single isle, and not quickly. Ever. Single. Isle.
Other than that errands aren't that bad.

Costco is the only place I don't like going because yk all the people and the noise.

I like it because where I live it's the closest thing to a world market and I love hearing foreign languages and being around different people. We also have a big Asian market I used to go to for my birthday. Then I was just starting to learn Chinese.

I want your costco, it sounds so much cooler than my costco

It's the biggest Costco in the world, actually

Kinda going off of what I said earlier but–

I just….I'm really tired of always coming in second to people that I put first. I'm tired of being the last one they thing to message when they're the first ones I think of texting. I'm tired of being the afterthought, the one that they're like "oh yeah, I forgot, sorry". The one they give lame excuses to and don't text because out of sight out of mind, right? I'm tired of finding important things out because my mom somehow knows before I do. I'm so so tired of coming in second, always always second, when I put these people first. I just want it to stop. I want everything to stop. I'm tired of my grandma asking me how my best friend is and having to admit that "oh, I haven't heard from her in about three months", and when she asks why, I have no answers, because I don't know. I'm tired of always being the one to initiate a conversation and always having to be the one to keep it going. I'm so tired of crying at night because I'm lonely and there is no one here for me, because the people I've known since I was 10 years old don't seem to care anymore. Because I moved. Because I'm gone. And apparently that means that I don't count anymore. That my friendship with them, the bond we built over years, the inside jokes and laughs and smiles, are nothing to them when they are everything to me. I just want it all to stop. I can't do this. I can't be like this anymore. I'm an introvert but that doesn't mean I don't need people. I do. I do need people, but obviously they need me less

Wow, big mood

Mmmmmmm you put it into words-
Also that's a big quarantine mood. There's so many people I want to talk to, but we haven't talked since quarantine happened and I'm too insecure to text first. I miss them but I feel like I wasn't close enough to have a valid reason for missing them.

No, I'm talking about my best friends, not quarantine stuff. This is like…I moved and now they apparently don't give a shit about me anymore and it hurts

And God, there's so many people who I wasn't friends with but like, classmates and stuff who I just never spoke to after graduating, even though most of us went to the same school after graduation. I mean I know that we weren't really close, but it sort of stings that the vast majority of my classmates who I'd known since 2nd grade just didn't give a fuck about me. I've genuinely only stayed in touch with five of them.

update on the meds thing
I’m slightly scared ngl
mom keeps checking up on me, trying to make sure I “don’t forget to take them”, and while I get she’s only trying to help she doesn’t seem to get it, they’ll only make me weaker
I’m worried she’ll find out I’ve been skipping on purpose and get more strict, I’ve been doing so good lately, I don’t want to lose my streak-

I’m feeling a bit dizzy, my muscles are somewhat weak, I’m having a little more trouble than usual focusing, and I feel like my head is made of thick styrofoam, but apart from that it’s not too bad
it’s also only been three days so it might get worse, not sure
regardless though, I’m gonna get through it, everything shuld be fine
just gotta keep telling myself it’s good for me until I can find other ways

No, I'm talking about my best friends, not quarantine stuff. This is like…I moved and now they apparently don't give a shit about me anymore and it hurts

Oh shit, that sucks. I'd offer advice but I uhhhh didn't stay in touch with any of my friends after I moved and actively try to avoid them so yeah

Apparently some freshman likes me? Never met him, don't remember what he looks like. Also…. Um. I'm a senior. And aro. So. Uh. Straight people are weird

Ew, disgasten

Also that's like a child??? kiddo, don't date seniors when you're a freshman-