forum Your Personal Venting Space 3: Tokyo Drift

Started June 28, 2020 by @The-N-U-T-Cracker

tune

you really think so?

I have all my gay friends and I’m 100% not chooin’ on the Gay Train.

You're our token straight friend

You think your day was bad? I went on to my therapy zoom with the username Fuck Off. Needless to say, I got my ass handed to me for that.

Oh consequences of your actions. Awful

I mean, how have the meds been working? I've been gone for a while

pretty well actually, I really have started to notice improvements
however if being a bit sad is required to keep me strong and safe then I’ll take the sad

also today is my first appointment with scary Christian™️ therapist and I’m not looking forward to it

You think your day was bad? I went on to my therapy zoom with the username Fuck Off. Needless to say, I got my ass handed to me for that.

Wow, so edgy. Being a fuckwad to the person doing their best to help you. Excellent job.

Ella, take your meds. I cannot stress enough how awful it is to drop them cold turkey. And listen to me: coming out does not make you a "real queer". There is nothing wrong with staying in the closet if it's keeping you safe. You are not weak for prioritizing your safety over owning a tiny purple flag.

If you decide later on that you want to come out, that's fine and great! If you decide you never want to, that's fine and great too! There is no one right way to live

I mean, how have the meds been working? I've been gone for a while

pretty well actually, I really have started to notice improvements
however if being a bit sad is required to keep me strong and safe then I’ll take the sad

What about the medications and/or their effects is making you feel unsafe? Were these present before you starting taking the meds? If so, you need to tell your therapist (or find some sort of online therapist…I've heard of them but idk how legit they are) about it, because you shouldn't be feeling like that. If it started with the meds, you need to either get your dosage adjusted or try different meds. Being weaned off of meds is a horrible experience (genuinely one of the worst of my life) but dropping them is worse, do not drop your meds.

I’m not coming out, I changed my mind.
My main reason for coming out as ace was so it’ll be easier on people around me if I ever need to come out as anything else, so if I’m not doing that it’s not worth the stress.
and there wouldn’t be danger, my friends don’t have contact with my parents and even then they aren’t the type of people to kick me out over something like that. I realized that this ties into a much bigger issue in which my safety (or at least my personal idea of safety) would be in danger regardless of who knows or what I identify as, which is what I was referring to, not conversion therapy or anything of the like.

As for the meds, they haven’t caused any of this, most of these problems started months before. however, while they have helped with my sad, the meds are also making other problems go away, which I’m not comfortable with.
I’ve dropped them suddenly for days before, it’s not pleasant but I can deal.

maybe I’ll explain, maybe I won’t, I don’t want anyone trying to change me
but I’ve done research, I know what I’m doing, it’ll all be okay. Don’t worry.

quick crocs advice

you dont owe anyone anything when it comes to sexuality. dont come out because you feel obligated to. if it's safe not to, or if you just dont feel like it, then dont. this isnt about other people. it's about you

If you're comfortable sharing, what have the meds taken away that you're not okay with?

well, I’m not even fully sure if the meds have anything to do with it
I’m just kind of guessing cause that seems most likely

I don’t really know how to explain, I feel like some of my stubbornness and motivation to stick to certain thoughts in my head and not let things change for the worse is disappearing slowly which I don’t like
that probably doesn’t make sense
I’ll word it better when I’m not panicking

Currently walking into the therapy building place
The more papers I fill the scarier it gets-
I have a bad feeling about this…

You think your day was bad? I went on to my therapy zoom with the username Fuck Off. Needless to say, I got my ass handed to me for that.

Wow, so edgy. Being a fuckwad to the person doing their best to help you. Excellent job.

I should clarify. I did not set that as my username because I was going to therapy. I had it like that because I was playing a game with my friends on zoom and the host changed my name to that and I forgot to change it back.

Oh oof

Yeah sorry I wasn’t being a douche I was just being a forgetful idiot and now I feel really bad.

ok
therapy session over
she stuck to the depression topic and didn’t ask any scary questions so I think we’re good
breathe, ella, b r e a t h e-

Time to murder my brother
He called Japanese 'anime language'

My brain is going very fast but not really actually thinking about anything? Brain, what are you doing

I feel that

Brain: SOOOOONG I AM SINGING 🎵🎶
Brain: >:D twice as fast
Brain: Ooh markers, can't wait for them to come
Brain: Wait, still many days
Brain: What if we can't do art when they get here
Repeat at light speed

I feel that a lot

I used to get that before going to sleep but melatonin helped.

maybe I’ll explain, maybe I won’t, I don’t want anyone trying to change me
but I’ve done research, I know what I’m doing, it’ll all be okay. Don’t worry.

You scare me sometimes.

ok
therapy session over
she stuck to the depression topic and didn’t ask any scary questions so I think we’re good
breathe, ella, b r e a t h e-

Glad to hear.

I hate the orthodontist

I had to buy a new phone charger yesterday I didn't realize that the one I bought was like ridiculously short until I took it out of the package. Today I went to see if I could get like a refund or something like that. So I get to the customer service and the cashier is just talking to a customer about some guy who kept parking in her parking space and I'm like just standing there like????
Finally she acknowledges me and I start explaining the problem, and I'm not even finish explaining myself and she tells me I should be able to get a refund or an exchange if I go and talk to the people in the electronics section. And I'm like "but I don't have the box" and she was like "Yeah, that's not a problem." So I go and do that but the people in the electronics section tell me that I need to have the box (which I didn't have because the only way to get this stupid charger out of the box was to fucking rip it to shreds).

Like I can understand needing to have the box and that, but if you're working in customer service isn't it your job to know that? Or to at least be somewhat familiar with return/ exchange policies? So now I'm pissed because I've just spent a stupid amount of money on a phone charger because I wasn't able to get a refund, or a discount or literally anything despite being told that wouldn't be a problem. The customer service lady was STILL talking with the same customer about her stupid parking space as I was paying for the new charger. Like, don't you have anything better to do? Like idk, maybe learning a little more about the store's policies on returns???? Just a thought???

maybe I’ll explain, maybe I won’t, I don’t want anyone trying to change me
but I’ve done research, I know what I’m doing, it’ll all be okay. Don’t worry.

You scare me sometimes.

I scare myself sometimes too
but it’s ok
I even got my mom to hide my craft knife so I can’t do anything too stupid anymore
it’s all good and I’m feeling much better since earlier
no need to worry

Good.

nobody told me that grief physically takes something out of you