forum O/O with @Caustic-Fraust-is-The-Pokemon-Champion

Started April 14, 2020 by @MusicElle-is-here

tune

“Hey, we’ll find a way to teach you to read,” Nick said, trying to reassure him. “I promise.”

Cas rested his head on Nick's shoulder and huffed a bit. "I just feel so stupid. Why is it so frustrating?! Why is reading so hard?!"

“When I was first learning to read, I got frustrated too,” Nick sighed, suddenly very aware that Cas’s head was on his shoulder. “I’m sure you’ll get the hang of it.”

Cas sighed, closing his eyes and keeping his head where it was. "I can't do it… I'm too dumb…"

“You’re not dumb!” Nick exclaimed. “You just haven’t had the same opportunities as the other kids our age! That doesn’t make you dumb.”

Cas flinched when Nick yelled, starting to tremble lightly. "I'm sorry, I-I'm sorry…" He whispered hurriedly. "I just… feel like it's all my fault…"

Nick sighed, trying to calm himself down. Why was he getting so worked up, anyway? “It’s not your fault,” he said in a softer voice. “And you don’t have to apologize. I’m sorry that I raised my voice like that, I just don’t think that you’re stupid.”

Cas nodded weakly, trying to force himself to calm down. "But… how exactly am I not? Like, if you were to compare me with anyone else my age…"

“Not being able to read doesn’t make you stupid,” Nick said. “You didn’t even have a chance to learn how. Comparing yourself to others isn’t healthy and it’s going to change that. Besides, if you were stupid then you wouldn’t have wanted to hang out with me,” he joked, trying to lighten the mood a bit.

Cas sighed, shifting a little closer to Nick. "I guess, but I just… I don't know what I'm doing. I really wanna do this, but it's really discouraging because I can't even read those simple words. They just look like gibberish to me."

“We’ll keep working on it,” Nick said, trying to assure him. “I think you’re smarter than you realize.”

"Mmmmm… what makes you think that?" Cas asked with a dry laugh. "It's not like I've done anything to prove it.

“No, I suppose you haven’t, but I believe in you,” Nick said. “And even though I know it won’t be easy, I know that you can do it.”

"But what if I can't, Nick?" Cas asked weakly. "What if I can't do it? What if… what if they kick me back out onto the streets because I'm not good enough?"

“Even if you can’t do it, that doesn’t make you dumb,” Nick responded. “They wouldn’t kick you out, and even if they did I’d be there for you, okay? You’re good enough.”

Cas sighed and buried his face in Nick's shoulder. "I-I don't wanna go back to the streets, Nick… it's even worse than trying to function at school when I don't know anything."

“You won’t go back to the streets,” Nick replied softly, looking down. “I’d take you in before that happened.”

"But you hardly know me, Nick… how… how are you so okay with the idea of me theoretically living here if I got kicked out onto the streets?"

Nick frowned. “That’s true…I don’t know, I guess the thought of someone not being able to have what I have just makes me so upset. I want you to be able to happy too.”

Cas sighed shakily. "Why do I deserve to be happy, though? It's not like I've ever done anything good…"

“Just because you don’t think you have doesn’t mean that you haven’t,” Nick responded. “Besides, there’s not a certain amount of good you should have to do in order to be happy anyway.”

"Mmmmm…" Cas groaned softly. "I'm sorry, Nick… I've… I've never had a friend before, but I'm probably being a really bad one."

“It’s okay. You’re not being a horrible friend. You have a right to your emotions,” he said.

"But I'm a guy, I'm not… I'm not supposed to be emotional like this, right? My dad always hated me for it…"

Nick blinked, feeling a rush of sympathy. “You’re allowed to have emotions, Cas. Just because your father pushed toxic masculinity on you doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to feel things.”

"Yeah, I guess so… he was drunk most of the time anyway, to be honest, I just… it's hard to forget that kinda thing."

“Well, he was wrong, okay?” Nick added, hoping that Cas understood that he meant this. “Having emotions does not make you less of a man.”

"I'm not even a man as it is… I'm fifteen, gay, only five fucking feet tall, and I'm overall just useless in like, everything…"

“First of all, none of those things make you not a man,” Nick commented. “Second, I don’t think that you’re useless in everything. You’re good at friendship!”

"Pretty sure I'm bad at that too… I mean, all I've done is be bad at video games and not know how to read and dump all my baggage on you. Well… some of it."