"B-But you shouldn't have to… I'm…" He sighed shakily, weakly leaning into Zachary's touch. "I-I'm not worth that. Y… Y-You should focus on something that deserves it…"
Nix nodded and rested his head against Halm's chest again. "Be gentle with him. He doesn't do well with pushy. He's very delicate at this point."
"We are, Cas," he said, holding him so gently. "You're so important. You deserve our focus." He leaned his head a little towards Cas.
Halm shifted Gloria to the hand of the arm supporting Nix, opening the door of the bedroom. He pursed his lips a little bit said nothing about the scene. Zachary looked up when Balm and Nix came in, still staying close with Cas.
"Cas," Halm said gently. "We've brought someone who can help you. She's a therapist."
Cas was still sobbing quietly when Halm and Nix came in with Gloria. He glanced up at them weakly, clinging to the fabric of Zachary's shirt and huddling closer to him. "She c-can't help me. No one can help me. I'm pathetic…" He whispered weakly, his voice breaking.
Gloria stood on the edge of Halm's hand, watching Cas carefully and with concern. Zachary put his head down next to Cas's, gently, wrapping his arms back around him.
"Please Cas," he whispered, begging. "Please, let her help you." Halm sat down next to the two, lightly resting his hand on Cas.
"Will you at least give it a chance?" He asked. "A chance to feel good again? To be okay?"
"I d-don't deserve to feel good…" Cas hiccuped, burying his face in Zachary's chest. Nix sighed softly and ran his fingers through Cas's hair, trying to calm him down. "You do, Cas. You've worked so hard. You deserve to be happy as much as anyone. Hell, you deserve it more."
Zachary held Cas gently, trying his best to avoid looking at Nix. He didn't think getting scared would help Cas right now.
"You really do," Halm agreed. Gloria carefully slipped out of Halm's hand, making her way towards Cas. Halm watched carefully, ready to pull her back if need be.
Cas glanced over at Gloria warily when she approached him, curling up a bit to try and hide. "I-I'm sure you're very nice, miss, but I really don't think there's anything you can do… I'm not worth your time."
(damn I'm gonna fuck this up so much XD)
"Your friends don't believe that," she said gently, not moving any closer to him. "And I don't either." Zachary pursed his lips, wrapping his arms around Cas a bit more.
Halm moved up on the bed more, carefully watching the interactions. If she wasn't right for Cas, she'd be gone in a moment, and they would find another.
(Lmao)
"Maybe they don't, b-but they should… I'm pathetic. All I do is take from these guys and I have nothing to give in return. I'm a selfish asshole and I deserve everything that's happened to me." He hiccuped again, fresh tears rolling down his cheeks.
(I've no fucking idea how therapists would handle this. Fuck.)
"How is it that you take advantage of them?" She asked. Balm moved to interject, but she motioned for him to stay quiet. She would much prefer to be alone with Cas, and human size, but this would work for now. Zachary carefully wiped Cas's tears away, not anywhere close to ready to let him go yet.
(Aha mood…)
"B-Because I'm always an emotional mess like this and… and they always have to pick up all the pieces, a-and I can't give them anything in return… I keep hurting myself without thinking and I'm just so fucking selfish…"
"Do you think they do this to get something in return from you?" Gloria asked calmly. She sat down on the bed near Cas, looking up at him as he spoke. Zachary gently rubbed Cas's back, and Halm held Nix close, watching carefully.
(Can this please be the only 'session' we actually roleplay? This is torture trying not to screw this up XD)
(Yeah sure lol)
"I… w-well… no, I don't think so, but… I'm… I-I'm still selfish…" Cas fidgeted a bit, looking down at the blood under his nails again. "I'm sure they're sick of having to coddle me all the time… it's no wonder that everyone thinks I'm a child…"
(thank you lmao)
Gloria watched Cas a moment.
"Do you believe their sick ofcoddling you?" She spoke gently, time even no matter how Cas reacted to her. "If they were, would they still do it? It would be easy for them not to."
"W-Well, I know them… Nix, at least. If they're not coddling me and then I go and hurt myself because I feel ignored, then they're gonna feel like it's their fault…" Cas sighed and looked away.
"It's natural for people to blame themselves when something happens to loved ones." Gloria didn't move, still sitting in the same spot on the bed. "Is it often you hate yourself because you feel like no one is paying any attention to you?" Halm felt like Gloria was passing with that question, ready to step in if Cas reacted poorly.
"U-Um…" Cas hesitated, shifting uncomfortably. "Not… n-not as much here, but I was alone a lot on earth, and… um…" He moved a bit closer to Zachary, unable to meet Gloria's eyes.
Gloria nodded softly, backing off a bit. Zachary rubbed Cas's back a little, one hand going up to cup his cheek.
"Alright then, Cas," Gloria said softly.
"I-I just… I don't… I don't do well when I'm alone…" Cas said weakly. "M-My mom left when I was little, and… and I ran away from home… a-and lived alone for years… I just… I-I don't like being alone…"
Gloria listened quietly as Cas spoke. She was getting a much better picture of Cas now.
"Would you do what ever you need to for people to pay attention to you?"
"U-Um… I… I dunno… usually I get attention here, so I dunno… when I first got here and Halm left me here alone, I ended up going out to be with him instead…"
"That's good," Gloria encouraged. "As long as someone doesn't say they need alone time, selling them out when you start feeling alone is a good thing to do."
"B-But he was working and I bothered him… I should've been able to handle being alone. I'm nineteen, for fuck's sake, and I'm just a big baby."
"Did he seemed bothered?" Gloria asked. "You have been left by important people in your life," she said soothingly. "You're not a baby for being affected like this because of it."
"W-Well, no, but Halm is really nice… if he was bothered, he wouldn't tell me…" Cas sighed, rubbing at his teary eyes. "It's… it's like I never got to have a childhood, so I'm just being a stupid little kid now…"
"If Halm is nice, it's more likely he wasn't bothered at all that you came to him because you needed his help." Gloria looked up at Cas, gentle with her wording. "You might be compensating, but it more likely that you've been affected deeply by what's happened to you."
Fresh tears spilled over onto Cas's cheeks and he hiccuped again. "I just feel like such a child all the time… everything makes me cry and I just wanna be held all the time and I pull this shit–" He gestured to how he was huddled up against Zachary. "–all the time and I don't even know why."
"You might have something called separation anxiety," Gloria explained. "You're scared of being alone, so you always want to be closer to people. It makes sense you would want to be held. It would mean someone is always right there with you, and that it would be hard for them to leave. Being like this doesn't make you a child." Zachary carefully wiped these new tears away, keeping close to Cas. He didn't want Cas to feel like he was being a burden. Zachary wanted to hold Cas, and keep him happy.
"B-But I can't have separation anxiety, can I? I've been living alone for seven years…" Cas fidgeted nervously, huddling up against Zachary again. "And… y-yeah, it's hard, but like… I haven't killed myself yet… but I guess that's mostly because I didn't know who would take care of Nix if I died…"
"Just because you were alone doesn't mean you can't have it. When you are around people, are you always scared they're going to leave, and never come back?" Gloria watched Cas, sympathetic. "And any reason to stay alive is a good reason."