forum Virtual Creative Writing Club, anyone?
Started by @ninja_violinist
tune

people_alt 130 followers

@saor_illust school

@izzy-the-vampire-ghost
I really appreciate the worldbuilding in this! the letters, the mirror facetime, the yelling out of the window - they're all quite subtle but they add a bit of flavour to the whole text.
I'm assuming since this is meant to be a backstory, it wasn't meant to be super drawn out and delicately paced and stuff? but I would definitely recommend splitting it into a few more paragraphs, just to slow the action down a little bit and improve readability and flow. other than that, I noticed a few things that could probably be reworded for a bit better flow (for example, the phrase "was kept at bay with her concern").
but otherwise, this was… fun is not the right word, because the content is pretty heavy, but it was an interesting and intriguing read!

ty!

@croccin-champagne

If I am the sun, then you are the moon.
Chase me across the sky,
Meet me at the horizon with a smile
I’ll see you again when I’m it.
We aren’t siblings by blood,
Instead best friends by choice and luck,
On opposite sides of the sky and still
So close in heart.

If I am fire, then you are the ocean.
Everlasting I think you may be one
Of the strongest things I know.
When nothing makes sense and my fire’s
On high you’re there.
Reckless flames put out, but still
I would burn buildings to the ground
Just to keep you warm.

You are steadfast in my storms,
And I hope to be in yours,
Arms open I’m waiting impatiently
To finally see your wind-made waves.
A year’s time flies by in a blink,
Seemed too good to be true and yet
Here you still are in my atmosphere.
I count my lucky stars,
All the twinkling lights in the sky,
That I get to be your best friend.

did i write a sappy and cheesy poem for circe to show my appreciation and gratitude for her being my best friend and sticking with me through every dumb decision and bad time? yes

did i also write a second poem the same day, based on the image prompt? also yes

no i do not know where the creativity and drive went, nor when they came back

Boy with the universe in your palm
Never forget how it feels to fall.
Carry yourself like a king but remember
Humility befalls you, willing or not.
Meet it head on with a cup of tea and stars,
Offer modesty a chance to adorn your crown.
Where you came from and who you are
Are not always the same thing
But do not let one outshine the other.
You still dream of home among the stars.

Boy who carries the sky,
Keep walking when your feet get heavy.
You are never alone, do not convince yourself otherwise,
Your burden is shared by those who wish
The best upon you that they can.
Do not mistake strength for weakness,
Gods have prophets and priestesses for a reason.
The sky is such a heavy thing,
Weighs like prayer on your shoulders
But still you carry it.
The god they chose doesn’t intend on quitting.

Oh, boy in the crown made of constellations,
Your world has never known kinder divinity.
It’s tiresome work and knows no forgiveness,
But you do.
Godling, don’t forget that people
Tend not to understand the holy.
The divine righteousness in your spine
Is strange to them, unknown to them,
Still they are not beyond learning.
Teach them how to carry the torch,
When you’ve rejoined the stars you long for.
Among a dark night sky you will watch over
All that you left behind.

@ElderGod-Icefire

This is from the POV of one of my characters again. I wrote it off the top of my head so the quality may be iffy

Teach me how to love
again. Hold me close and whisper
in my ears as I fall asleep, kiss me
breathless
and tell me I am loved. Make me
believe you, because I
cannot believe myself.

Teach me to be soft
again. Teach me how to cry
without feeling like i must hide. Bring
back the smile that I left behind. Help
me realize that love should not
hurt, that my father cannot reach me
here. I am not that boy anymore, but I
cannot escape from his grasp.

I have forgotten all of these
things, trapped inside of my
mind, crying and fearful and so very
alone. Teach me to be happy again, show
me that the noose is not tightening, my
life is not yet over. I feel that I
am falling, and that you are
my only lifeline in a cold and
cruel world.

I know you say that you love me, and I
cannot respond. I cannot process that
someone would love such a broken boy as I,
that someone would care about me when
I am so broken that I cannot love. I want
to love you, darling
I do. But I cannot seem
to find the light again. I cannot seem to loosen
the noose tightening around my
neck.

Teach me to live again, love, before
it is too late for me.

@ninja_violinist

so in a wildly unexpected development, I actually wrote something this week?? I was preparing the prompts for tomorrow and hey, apparently I'm still capable of inspiration??
(fair warning that this spawned right from the hellish pits of my mind. I have no idea where it came from, who these people are, or what happened to them.)

@ninja_violinist

alrighty, feedback time!

@Icefire
ach this is so melancholy? like it starts out very soft and then we take a deep dip into pain territory with a slight dash of hope. it's very well characterised, I find, and incorporates the backstory while leaving a bit of ambiguity as well. and you're probably tired of hearing this from me, but your use of enjambment is truly excellent
favourite line: Teach me to be soft/ again
one thing I might recommend is saving up your noose image? it's a very powerful and poignant one, and I wonder if using it twice in successive stanzas doesn't diminish the impact a little bit. maybe it'd be cool to find a different image for the third stanza so the noose comes in full force in the fourth? idk
either way, this was a very enjoyable read. Thanks for sharing!!

@amber_is_a_starchild
so I think I'm with crocs in that I prefer the second version of Lysia's letter, though for different reasons? I feel like the first one is very strong and bitter and dramatic and, like crocs said, almost unhealthy in the way it portrays their relationship. and I think the last thing could be a nice touch in the sense that it's almost evidence of the thing she's blaming the other character for? like she's kinda saying "you leaving means I have little left to combat my moral bankruptcy" and here she is, displaying a very unhealthy view of relationships which can be the beginning of worse moral bankruptcy? idk. it's an intriguing concept.
I end up preferring the second one because I feel like it has a much stronger structure. the first one meanders about quite a bit, whereas the second one has a very nice progression of "look at what you did I hope it hurts you" to "you were the north on my moral compass" to "I'm going to die now" with consistent undertones of "I know/hope you're watching and I'm angry".
but yeah. both of them were very fun to read! thanks for sharing!

@crocs-to-a-knife-fight
ok so the first one is too pure for this world. I'm a sucker for contrasting imagery so this whole sun/moon fire/ocean thing makes me extremely happy.
favourite line: meet me at the horizon with a smile / I'll see you again when I'm it
minor nitpick, but I wonder if "when my fire's on high" is the best way of expressing that thought? I know what you mean but it sounds a bit odd idk. same with "wind-made waves" - I know what you're trying to say and it's not wrong per se, but I wonder if it could be expressed more gracefully.

ok but the second one????? is so good????? it flows like the tears of Jesus???? I'm used to high quality from you but this blew me away???? like the message and the imagery and the wording and the structure and the flow is just. on point???? I keep bothering you about last lines and now you've gone and given me THREE FANTASTIC ONES in the same poem???? that have continuity and parallels and match with each other and with their respective first lines??? (pardon the abuse of the question mark but I just. I'm shook haha)
favourite line: literally all of them. so much. but especially "you still dream of home among the stars" and "Your world has never known kinder divinity". both of those sound like stuff you would see painted on a hipster van, or artfully arranged in a tumblr aesthetic post (I mean that in like the best way possible).
obviously this is top tier as is. don't change a single thing you don't want to. but if I squint and put on my pedant hat, I'd say you could look at the wording of "those who wish/ the best upon you that they can", if you wanted to.
also, is the ambiguity in "meet it head on with a cup of tea and stars" deliberate? like it could either be "a cup of tea and stars" or "a cup of tea and stars" if that makes sense, and I wonder if you mean for it to be one over the other?
this was a Whole Big Essay but boy oh boy I really loved this poem
thank you for blessing us

@ElderGod-Icefire

so in a wildly unexpected development, I actually wrote something this week?? I was preparing the prompts for tomorrow and hey, apparently I'm still capable of inspiration??
(fair warning that this spawned right from the hellish pits of my mind. I have no idea where it came from, who these people are, or what happened to them.)

SO i meant to read this last night and forgot, but I read it just now and it was really good?? It feels like a scene from an actual story and I want more?? I wanna know what happened and everything? I'm bad at critiques but this was really good

@ElderGod-Icefire

@Icefire
ach this is so melancholy? like it starts out very soft and then we take a deep dip into pain territory with a slight dash of hope. it's very well characterised, I find, and incorporates the backstory while leaving a bit of ambiguity as well. and you're probably tired of hearing this from me, but your use of enjambment is truly excellent
favourite line: Teach me to be soft/ again
one thing I might recommend is saving up your noose image? it's a very powerful and poignant one, and I wonder if using it twice in successive stanzas doesn't diminish the impact a little bit. maybe it'd be cool to find a different image for the third stanza so the noose comes in full force in the fourth? idk
either way, this was a very enjoyable read. Thanks for sharing!!

:D Thanks! The enjambment isn't really something I think about, it just happens? But thank you!
Yeah, reading through it again I probably should have saved that, but I'm kinda too lazy to rewrite. But thank you!

@ninja_violinist

prompt time!

music: "Denn alles Fleisch" by Brahms (from his German Requiem)
(if 14 minutes is too long, then I'd recommend skipping to 05:34 and watching from there)

image: "Landscape of Thorns", by Safdar Abidi (the story behind this one is also quite fascinating, in case you're interested)

word: this week is a bit different - I found this list of some very imposing Latin phrases on writing-challenges-and-prompts tumblr. something about them being in Latin makes them 100% more inspiring, I find (you can see the one that spawned my brief and unusual burst of writing yesterday!)

1.) “Acta deos numquam mortalia fallunt.” (Mortal actions never deceive the gods)

2.) “Carpe vinum.” (Seize the wine)

3.) “Dulce periculum.” (Danger is sweet)

4.) “Factum fieri infectum non potest.” (It is impossible for a deed to be undone)

5.) “Aut viam inveniam aut faciam.” (I will either find a way or make one)

6.) “Qui totum vult totum perdit.” (He who wants everything loses everything)

7.) “Natura non constristatur.” (Nature is not saddened)

8.) “Amore et melle et felle es fecundissimus.” (Love is rich with honey and venom)

9.) “Lupus non timet canem latrantem.” (A wolf is not afraid of a barking dog)

10.) “Nemo mortalium omnibus horis sapit.” (Of mortal men, none is wise at all times)

11.) “Aquila non capit muscas.” (The eagle does not catch flies)

@croccin-champagne

@crocs-to-a-knife-fight
ok so the first one is too pure for this world. I'm a sucker for contrasting imagery so this whole sun/moon fire/ocean thing makes me extremely happy.
favourite line: meet me at the horizon with a smile / I'll see you again when I'm it
minor nitpick, but I wonder if "when my fire's on high" is the best way of expressing that thought? I know what you mean but it sounds a bit odd idk. same with "wind-made waves" - I know what you're trying to say and it's not wrong per se, but I wonder if it could be expressed more gracefully.

ok but the second one????? is so good????? it flows like the tears of Jesus???? I'm used to high quality from you but this blew me away???? like the message and the imagery and the wording and the structure and the flow is just. on point???? I keep bothering you about last lines and now you've gone and given me THREE FANTASTIC ONES in the same poem???? that have continuity and parallels and match with each other and with their respective first lines??? (pardon the abuse of the question mark but I just. I'm shook haha)
favourite line: literally all of them. so much. but especially "you still dream of home among the stars" and "Your world has never known kinder divinity". both of those sound like stuff you would see painted on a hipster van, or artfully arranged in a tumblr aesthetic post (I mean that in like the best way possible).
obviously this is top tier as is. don't change a single thing you don't want to. but if I squint and put on my pedant hat, I'd say you could look at the wording of "those who wish/ the best upon you that they can", if you wanted to.
also, is the ambiguity in "meet it head on with a cup of tea and stars" deliberate? like it could either be "a cup of tea and stars" or "a cup of tea and stars" if that makes sense, and I wonder if you mean for it to be one over the other?
this was a Whole Big Essay but boy oh boy I really loved this poem
thank you for blessing us

aaaaaaa thank you???

you always manage to find the couple lines i struggled with lmao, which is actually good, cause when someone else points them out i know they need changed and usually i can change them a bit better

and i'm so glad you enjoyed the last one, it was so much fun to write and made me feel like the narrator of a fantasy story which is just. iconic and the best. and actually yeah, it was kind of accidentally meant to read in a strange way? when i wrote the tea and stars line and then read it back i was like 'hey this looks like tea and stars as a drink and tea with a side of stars and that's very cash money of me' so here we are lmao

also i adored your drabble-thing? i've never really seen parenthesis used in writing that way, only in essays and things, so that was kind of cool and i loved the vibe the words held inside gave off, like a bittersweet side note. and again with the '(from a safe distance)' sfdhjd that one was actually slightly funny, a nice upturn in tone amongst this big Oof vibe. everybody always writes about the sad or the angry in scenes like this and no one ever covers resentment? like istg it doesn't exist in most fiction and you straight up brought that shit to the table in a way that makes me want to offer a hug and some boxing gloves to your poor character.

nature is not saddened???? you cant call me a poet and write shit like that oh my GOD when i say i lost my mind im not kidding. thats iconic. i adore your writing and you never fail to bring something like really fuckin good

@ninja_violinist

fjkdls;fds I'm so glad you liked it???
if you've never seen parenthesis used in writing that way, you should have seen me like. three years ago because I was probably using more of them than not haha. it's something I've had to viscerally clamp down on in my writing because it easily gets old if overused. but it's cool it worked out this time! give me ten more years and a miracle and I might get it to work out in texts that are longer than 500 words
(and a hug and boxing gloves sounds about right! honestly this was mainly very aggressive projection on my part. obviously my home hasn't burnt down yet, but resenting things for moving on when I'm still not over them is unfortunately a very big mood for me)

@croccin-champagne

grief is always handled way differently and i think a common stage is that anger. mine is usually aimed at myself, for how quickly i move on or how lackluster my expression of that grief is(boy have i had problems…) but you showed it so well and i loved it!! also yes everyone should invest in a punching bag if they can

@croccin-champagne

fat writer mood, not being able to write about your own established characters but being able to completely invent two new ones for a drabble. and by two i mean arrolyn and ithenia heads up

imagine getting so inspired by two latin phrases that you suddenly bust out actual writing lmao

@ninja_violinist

oh haha a very fat writer mood

(I'm starting to wonder if my hate for those pretentious scholars who bust out unnecessary Latin phrases ad absurdum in their academic writing isn't the tiniest bit hypocritical. because if I knew Latin I would probably definitely sprinkle that in everywhere all the time)

@ninja_violinist

why are there 92 of you I thought there were like 12??????????

(on a real note though, happy one year anniversary of the creation of this thread! I've had a lot of fun and learned a lot from you guys!)

@saor_illust school

Original and Longer version of apparentally anactual drabble (which is a short story in exactly 100 words, no more no less)

Original: Sara Patterson was the perfect bouncer, for she knew exactly who to turn away and who to let in, and who was faking their age, and who wasn't. As she stood by the door of the Lost Soul, several young adults approached her, laughing as if they were friends. The strange thing was, the tallest had the number 5283 hovering above his head, barely visible against the dark skies. Her eyes narrowed, pausing the group to talk to him, but his answer surprised her. "You humans are so weak," he laughed softly as he pushed pass her into the bar.

Longer: Sara Patterson seemed to be the perfect bouncer, for she could always tell who to let in, and who to turn away. It was because of her ability to see everyone's ages in a number displayed above their head, faintly visible. As she stood by the door of the bar she worked at, the Lost Soul, she spied what appeared to be several young adults headed their way. A quick examination of their ages showed 23, 21, 24, and… 5,283??? In her entire life, she'd never seen anyone quite so old. The number barely visible against the dark sky, Sara narrowed her eyes slightly, pulling him aside. "You three go on in, I won't keep him for too long, promise," she said, flashing a smile at the other three. "Now, who are you, and how come you're over five thousand years old, huh? I find that just a little bit suspicious…" she growled at him, her voice low.

"And why should I tell you?" he inquired, giving her a small smile. "And to who am I answering?"

Sara closed her eyes briefly, trying to recompose herself. "There is a reason they call me the perfect bouncer, you know. You're exactly 5,283 years old, and I think I must inform you that the average human lifespan is far below that," she answered. "And for your reference, I'm well over two centuries old," Sara added, leaning back, a small smile on her face while she stared at the man.

He didn't say anything for what seemed the longest time. "…Patterson," he breathed, finally realising who she was. "It's really you! I- I'm sorry miss," he stammered, lowering his head.

"No need to be ashamed, now go on in, I'm sure your human friends are waiting for you," Sara said smoothly. "You've already answered my question."

@ElderGod-kirky group

So I wrote a rough of the first chapter of my project. It's all dialogue, not even tags or names.

@saor_illust school

ehe, look at the inspiration not for any of my rps come and go
anyways, found an unintentional prompt on a youtube video
(TW!! Read at your own risk, mentions of suicide {first part spoilered so you can choose to read before anything else, even tho first part has nothing about the tw})
~

"…sorry El, I really truly couldn't keep it in any longer. I hurt you, and I'm sorry. Can we please just talk one more time? I know what you're planning, please don't do it. Please don't, I found a small piece of paper detailing a small part of your plan. I swear to the moon and back, to God, for life that I didn't mean it. So… hoping that you'll take me back, as the pathetic person I am, I've composed a whole album for you. I… won't say who or what or when it was inspired, but I hope that even if we never talk again, even if you try your best to forget all about me, that maybe someday you'll find this album again and listen to it, and remember all our good memories. I hate to be a hypocrite, but please don't blame yourself. Nothing that happened was your fault. Nothing that will happen is your fault. …and I wish I'd told you sooner, but Ella dear, I love you. I suppose one could call this a love letter of sorts, but it really isn't. I hope this reaches you, and I'm so, so sorry for everything, past, present, and future. May you find someone who treats you better in the future.

Goodbye,
-L"

Ella clutched the yellowed piece of paper in her hands, eyes tightly closed. The letter didn't need to be signed with his full name for her to know who it was. She hated herself for letting her emotions take control, now look what had happened? Five years. It had been five years since he'd died. Five years since he'd killed himself. And now, and only now she was finding out why he did so. And it was only now that she'd found the letter. "I'm so sorry Lee…" she whispered to the letter, to him, to anyone who would listen. "I'm so, so, sorry… I loved you too, Lee. And I'm sorry for letting my anger blind my senses, I'm sorry for pushing you away," Ella continued, silent tears starting to form in her eyes. She bit her lip, reaching out a shaky hand to pull the CD from the envelope and insert it into a nearby CD player. All the memories came flooding back as the first note played. All the fun times they'd had, all the good memories they'd shared together. And then there were their silly less-than-a-hour fights, over the silliest thing and never serious. "I should have died in your place, Lee. I'm sorry you took your life so early. I'm so fucking sorry," Ella whispered once more. As the tears fell, wetting her cheeks, her small body trembled, wracked with guilt. "Sorry again…"

@ninja_violinist

hey y'all, sorry for the delay! I just finished a six week research project and celebrated by wallowing in anxiety about the reception of said project, so I entirely forgot about this

feedback!

@crocs-to-a-knife-fight
alright so this is, once again, excellent. the writing has a certain ~vibe~ about it, which I think has to do with the tense and the more distant, elegant narration which I am absolutely here for. "wearing courage like a badge and truth like a crown"? legendary.
one thing I had to look up is the past tense of drag which is, in fact, dragged and not drug, unless you live in some very specific parts of the US where it's apparently a dialect thing. other than that, there are just some constructions that made me pause - "bloody, shattering end", "the man was a breaker", "pick up both the pieces of herself, and of the children", "relief was not what held itself in her heart", "returned to a space belonging to him", "a comforting powerful", "the put-out fire of betrayal", and the "her kindness was not situational" sentence. that sounds like a lot but it really isn't considering how long the piece is overall! there's nothing wrong with any of them as such, they just feel slightly odd or unusual to me. so this is entirely up to your discretion.
but yes, thanks so much for sharing!! a very fun read (the effect of ominous Latin phrases in comic sans is hard to define but I'm vaguely uncomfortable.)

@izzy-the-vampire-ghost
hey, I learned something new about the true meaning of drabble. That's really cool!
As someone who is unnecessarily verbose in everything always, I have mad respect for people who can write such short things. it's definitely a puzzle game of "what information do I need to reveal so the reader can piece the rest together", and generally you have a really good grasp of how much to withhold to keep the reader intrigued! definitely love the concept of someone employing a skill like that for something as innocent (or is it?) as being a bouncer.
One thing I'd note in both the drabble and the longer version is that your sentence structure tends to be quite similar, or at least of similar length. using more variation can really help with narrative focus and emphasis even in relatively short pieces like this.
as for the other one, I feel like you're always coming straight for my heart with these things haha. again, super heavy topic which I appreciate you adding a trigger warning for. you're probably tired of hearing me say this, but you have a really good grasp on characterisation, especially when you're writing letters or journals - characters have really distinct voices which is fun to read!
and you're probably also tired of hearing me say this, but I'd really recommend adding a few more paragraphs! it's easier on the eyes, gives a clearer structure, and also helps with focus and emphasis.
but yeah. thanks so much for sharing!! may your inspiration come to you in the ways you need it most

@strangebird
so this is a really cool way of getting the rough out there! I'm honestly impressed that I have any idea what's going on - your characters have very distinct voices which is crucial for me to be able to follow in a setting like this. and they seem pretty fabulous already. "Don't be a hero?" what a line. top tier.
I'm a bit conflicted because usually I'm wary of getting a lot of exposition through dialogue (having characters tell each other stuff that both of them already know feels a bit more invasive than having a narrator sprinkle in things I don't know, idk, it's mostly a personal preference) but if there wasn't exposition I'd be horribly confused? so I'm fine with it here because it's crucial, but if you end up fleshing it out there might be merit to taking out some of the exposition from the dialogue.
idk, I don't quite know how much to say since it's still under construction, but I'm very intrigued and I think it raises enough stakes and tension for it to make a pretty good sequence for a first chapter! it definitely sets a very mysterious and disturbing stage
thanks so much for sharing!

@ninja_violinist

and prompt time!

music: To Each His Own by Talos

image: "stick man" by John Park

word prompt: from "Fire Gotten Brighter" by Christopher Gilbert

Remember that memory.
In this dimness when the sounds I make
are foreign, my home is not my own.
when I think of another winter
and the distant whiteness of its walls–
when even the sun seems set
outside the world.

Bonus anniversary challenge (I've decided that that's a thing now because why not):
find a prompt on a different thread on notebook. that can be a dedicated thread in the writing prompts board (this one has some really cool ones, for example), or another one that just happens to inspire you (there can be some really fun ideas and dynamics in the incorrect character quotes).
if you find something good, please link the thread so the rest of us can check it out! If it's a dead thread, revive it! there's a lot of really cool and helpful stuff tumbling around notebook and I'd love to be acquainted with more of it.