How could I have messed things up so badly? not once but twice! He picked his head up and glanced to the door, debating whether to let Jackson go or to call him back. So many questions ran through his head, so many hesitations and so many more regrets.
Please say something… please… His hand hesitated over the knob to the front door, bracing himself for the extreme cold and hoping Logan would say something before he left.
When he didn't here anything, Logan stood, wrapped the blanket around himself and slowly unlocked the door. He silently walked out of the bedroom and peeked around the corner out to the living room, watching Jackson near the door.
He was only wearing what he had when he'd gotten there which was not suitable for the weather outside. You'll be fine, you'll be fine… He sighed softly and opened the door, instantly shivering at the dead cold wind that whipped across his face. He stepped out and closed he door before the snow could get in which was up to his knees.
Logan's eyes widened when he realized jackson was leaving in nothing more than a shirt and jeans. He walki=ed up to the door, ready to lock it and leave Jackson outside when he stopped. He rested his head against the door and shut his eyes momentarily. H eopened the door and looked up at Jackson "was it true?" he called, wrapping the blanket around himself as the strong chill hit him "back at the arena, were you actually sad or were you faking it?"
He turned when he heard Logan's voice. He couldn't help the relieved smile that crossed his lips. "It was true. The way I died…it gave me a lot of problems with my self esteem and confidence. It…triggered my PTSD. I was genuinely having a breakdown."
logan looked down at the floor, not being able to meet Jackson's eyes in fear of seeing the purple haze. He's a demon, he wants you to feel bad for him. He doesn't care. He gasped in a sob and leaned his head against the door jam, finding comfort in the cool air. "How do I know you're not lying to me? How do I know to trust you?"
"Logan, you know me. Well, somewhat. The person I've shown you is who I genuinely am. Do I seem like the person that would lie to you? To deceive you?" He took a tentative step towards him. "I know getting you to trust me is an uphill battle but I'm willing to fight it if you're willing to let me."
"are you the type to deceive and lie? you tell me, at this point I don't know what to believe." he glanced up when Jackson stepped towards him, watching him for what seemed like an eternity before he nodded to the apartment "get inside, you'll freeze out here." he said, walking back inside, not looking back.
"Don't have to tell me twice." He stepped inside, closing the door and trying to ignore the cold that ached him. He stayed by the door though, in case Logan changed his mind.
He put a pot of milk on the stove and pulled out a small slab of chocolate to begin to make hot chocolate. "tell me everything from the beginning." he said, looking over his shoulder at Jackson.
"Well, I was a pretty normal kid. Grew up with my mom, dad took my sister when I was born and left. Never met him. Never will. When I was 16, I came out to my mom as gay. That was my big mistake. She…" He swallowed slowly, trying to keep it together. "She cut me up with a kitchen knife, screaming insults and homophobic comments. After about 5 minutes, I finally dropped and she simply gathered her things and left me on the floor as she walked out. I laid there for hours, slowly bleeding out. It was the worst physical and mental pain you could possibly imagine. When I finally did get the sweet release of death from my torment, I spent 5 years in training to become a demon and learned that I have a distain for watching or causing human suffering so they made me a contractor. I met Jay in training and we became close friends. Training finished and we were released to the surface and the rest is history."
Logan slowly worked in the kitchen as he listened to Jackson's story, flinching when he recounted how he had died. Logan himself had had a hard time coming out as gay to his family but it was no where near close to what Jackson had described. He wished that no one ever again would have to go through what Jackson did. He was relieved to hear that Jackson and Jay didn't torture anyone, but he was still wary of the contracts. "So you don't hurt any one or anything." he nodded and went back to stirring in the chunks of chocolate he had broken up into small pieces, occasionally sneaking in a bite or two
"Yeah. Raz was Jay's first contract and they just so happened to fall in love. Nothing really changes when you get a contract other than when you die, you're stuck with that demon in hell for eternity. And depending on who it is, that could be wonderful or awful. But Jay promised Raz that he wouldn't let you end up in hell and I promised Jay that I wouldn't make a contract with you because of it."
He nodded in understanding "I wouldn't want to make a contract either way. I don't think I'm qualifies to change anything in the world to that power, no matter how small the request." he scooted up on the counter to grab cinnamon from the top shelf and sat back down on the counter to stirr the chocolate, making sure it didn't burn on the bottom. "So what's up with the glowing eyes and talking inside people's head? is that something all of you can do?"
"Yeah, pretty much every demon can do it. Jay and Raz actually have a mental link. They talk to each other mentally a lot. It's not exactly a complicated concept. As for the eyes, that's just part of the uniform. Jay's are red, mine are purple. Everyone has a different color."
"ah, that explains why they stare at nothing or at each other for a long time and then suddenly burst into laughter." he laughed softly and rested his hands in his lap as he waited for the chocolate to fully melt into the milk. "i get that but what about the different voice? it both sounded and didn't sould like you in my head." he asked, hoping he was describing it well enough
"Oh, that. Well, when I use my power, it kind of seeps into my whole body. That's how I'm able to use it. And because of that, it sinks into my vocal chords and changes how I sound."
Logan shook his head "that's not what mean. It's like you were a different person when talking. Something…beyond what I've seen from you." he glanced up, eyes furrowed in slight confusion. "It's like all the cute and love were balanced off by something more…"
"Dark? Sinister? I get that a lot. Demons are naturally mean and scary creatures and sometimes that shows through. I'm sweet and kind like this because this is who I am. I'm not so much when I'm like that because that's more of my demonic side. It's less me, more of who I'm supposed to be but choose not to."
He ducked his head sheepishly and nodding slightly. "I think I like the sweet and loving side of you more than uhm, the more demonic side." he said softly, blushing softly and looking away. He was getting used to the fact that Jackson was a demon, more used to the fact that there were other beings out there that aren't entirely human. If he could relive the whole scenario again, he still wouldn't have believed Jackson and would probably have done similar actions afterwards. He hopped down from the counter and walked over to Jackson, hugging him around the waist and pressing his head against his chest "I'm sorry if I freaked out before."
"Nah, I get it. I probably would have done the same thing if I was in your shoes. Honestly, I find it endearing that you're so cautious. Most people would've been a bit more, well, fangirlish." He hugged him tight, not wanting to let go of him.
He looked up at him and tilted his head. "Fangirling? like when people went crazy over vampires when Twilight came out? hold on, vampires aren't real right?" he asked, tugging Jackson to the kitchen so he could have him close while making sure the chocolate was burning
He couldn't help but laugh. "Yes, like that and no, vampires don't actually exist. Women love to mess with things they don't understand. And their seduction attempts, while endearing, are useless seeing as I'm gay."
He laughed softly "Aw, I don't know who I feel worse for, you for having to deal with that or the women who got their hearts broken." He smiled at Jackson, and lowered the temperature for the chocolate.
"There were some guys but they mostly summonsed me as a joke and my poor gay heart couldn't handle it. I swear, I've been turned down by more guys than I've turned down girls."
Logan's features softly and gently took his hand, using his thumb to draw circles o the back of it. "That won't happen again." he promised, pressing his hand to his cheek and placing a small kiss to it.
"I certainly hope not. And especially not with you." He smiled a little, glad that Logan was relaxing around him.
He bit his lip gently and squeezed his hand gently, letting go to carefully pour the chocolate into the mugs he had gotten. He then found the cinnamon and sprinkled a bit over the top before handing off a mug to Jackson
He took the mug, not realizing how cold he still was until the warmth touched his fingers. He stared into the dark liquid, thinking.